The Bomb has Dropped.
And for anyone who still doesn't believe, let the wisdom of this sacred hymn engulf you.
Aspiring guitarists, throw your hands up and rejoice. The official Custom Bike tab is HERE. You heard me baby, that shit has been TABULATED. Baby.
Welcome to the Center of the Earth:Hot! 20 Questions with Jehovah. God talks Sex, favorite food (bacon)
This just in: Dancing is the lowest form of communication!
This is a recent fotatsa of myself wearing one of those spiffy throwback jerseys.
Ay, Chihuahua! Damn thats sassy.
Some people are so desperate to get people to visit their site... How Gauche.
FREE XXX PARIS HILTON SEX VIDEO FULL VIDEO SEX PARIS HILTON XXX FREE
Turtle wears turtleneck, smothers
Red Text
Click Here for free low-brow Anti-Semitic jokes! It doesn't get any better than this! (NSFJ)
"They're funny because they're true."
So's anyways, let me get to the real meat and potatoes. There's this site out there which- and I'm not gonna name names- is offering a product which it is describing as an "all natural"- bear with me now, it gets a little off-color - it claims to be an "all natural 'Handjob' lotion". Now I went to public health to find out if the aforementioned "Handjob" was what I thought it was.
Like dead links? Oh baby, I do.
So by-the-by, short story long, I feel that it has become my duty to destroy this site regardless of how many ships it was responsible for launching. In fact, I once met the culprit behind this thing... we were in a field- myself wearing the red costume and him wearing the gray costume. We charged at each other, swords drawn, and leapt into the air. With a mighty blow i was dispatched. Thus my son's quest for vengeance began.....
Anyways, I know you've been caught in the whirlwind of excitement this site offers and probably haven't gotten around to wondering what this site offers. What exactly are we trying to sell? Christian Values. Oh, and the handjob-lube company sends me a nickel every time you click on the sponsor. It's kind of like the legendary swordsman said one time,
Everyone thinks that Jeff Foxworthy and his Blue Collar Comedy Tour is hilarious. His razor-sharp wit and vast repertoire of material have won over critics and audiences alike. Also, if you watched the Blue Collar Comedy Tour special and were given a bout of "the chuckles", somebody needs to break into your house and murder you. I've decided to follow the Jeff Foxworthy success formula and start my own comedy tour. However, instead of finding out that you just might be a redneck, in my act you find out if you just might be a Goob. Well actually there's only one joke in my act:
Ah Curlers, The only professional athletes that are less athletic than me. Also, they are probably the only professional athletes whose position makes them less appealing to women than usual.
Fact: winning the Brier is less commendable than winning a staring contest, drinking contest, intermediate-level arm wrestling match or even walking all the way home without stepping on a crack.
Here's the third installment of the site's ongoing letter-a-week wacky word unveiling Bonanza:
So, that means that the unveiled letters now add up to: C-U-N-?
Make sure to check back soon for the exciting conclusion! Also, don't forget to check out today's "hilarious word for a not so hilarious object or concept". Today's word is... Defibrillator. Oh baby! The 'Defibrill' part is outstanding while the 'ator' serves as a solid yet unspectacular finish. I know I'm laughing so hard, I might have to go get one! HA HA HA. And by the way, I mean that this is literally TODAY(march 17)'s funny word. I'm not doing this often.
Children keep walking up to me and gently tugging on my fine, fine corduroys until I bend down to give them an ear. I bring my ear so close to their mouths that I can smell the fruit punch off of their breath as they gently whisper. They keep telling me that nobody understands my site and that what I've made is a webpage that appears to offer some kind of insight but in fact offers only cryptic statements that appeal to me, and me alone. So's anyways, I've made this site that makes the inexplicable... explicable. Also thanks to my good friend James "The Bear" Honeycutt for designing the banner.
Recently, a publication came out that offered "tips on how to have a healthy baby". At first the publication was quite controversial, but then upon a second reading was unanimously accepted as is the case with everything in life. Anyways it appears that if you eat a whole lot of carrots, the baby WILL be able to see through buildings. Also it is recommended to try to rub the baby's brain while he/she is in the womb. Rubbing the brain stimulates growth and can also help to promote "sweet release" for the baby. If you are not physically capable of massaging the brain, or just aren't sure that you're in the right place have one of your drunken know-it-all friends do it. But watch out ladies, you always want to avoid the bad touch. Grabby hands make copper lambs! Am i right people? Am i right?
BUT WHO WILL POLICE THE POLICE?
PEOPLE NOT TO ACCEPT PERSONAL CHEQUES FROM:
This photo has not been altered. Those are his real eyes. He's kind of like Jordi LaForge!
Actually, I'm kidding. For the first time on this website I wasn't being serious. That's just my good friend Evander Pentecost, send him an e-greeting card at (e-mail address removed), or you can talk to him personally on Interactive Male. In fact, here's a picture of his real eyes. Just click on the eyes and drag them onto the other picture to complete the puzzle. You could win a TV set!
The kids keep demanding content. But, it's hard to keep the internet's #1 family website fresh and entertaining after 7 years, so... we're going porn. It will still be suitable for families by using a series of disclaimers. For instance, pictures of cocks are only for mommies and daddies. Also, the word "cocks" is only for mommies and daddies. Hmmm... I probably should have had a disclaimer before I used the word "Cocks". Oh well, just forget I said it children. Also, access to the site will now require an account for each family member and a credit card number. The card will be charged a variable amount on sporadic dates - completely arbitrarily - whether you have been using the site or not. A couple dollars here, a couple dollars there keeps my pockets fat if you's know what I am SAYING. But seriously, what's a couple dollars between consumer and service provider? Friends even. Yeah, that's kind of nice. I'd call us friends. So register today for our hot new services!
One of our new services appeals specifically to "the 'tweens". Noting the considerable economic influence these little fucks (not YOU valued 'tween customer, Never YOU) possess, we've designed a service that, according to recent surveys, should appeal to you. (Check out that out of control sentence! Hilarious!). It's called "Unscreened Hook-Upz" and it's got plenty of 'tude, dawgz! Is it a 14 year old cutie? Is it a 30 year old man? You don't know, you don't know! They're all the same in text. Wanna "Hook Up" in a public park? Behind that school that closed down? In a 'friend's' basement? Hey, we're not looking, we're not looking. Completely discreet! And in case of death (that we facilitated), we've never heard of you so FUCK the bereft!
Warning: The following is not clever...
Important resource for DUDES:
Top 2 ways to be gay:
1. Wear Sandals
2. Wear Sandals
I apologize for teh quaality and quanity of my corispondins.
So.
How's it been going lately?
We hardly ever talk anymore.
Me? I'm so thrilled to talk about myself!
Things are going splendidly as always.
Great.
That's JUST GREAT.
JUST FUCKING GREAT
