Tue, Feb. 25th, 2003, 06:12 pm
oh yeah....
for those of you that think my live journal is boring...*cough**example:meagan**cough*...dont read it! :) have a nice day! :P
thanks sara...thanks a lot
what do you know? i do get mentioned in ppls live journals...thats what i get for not reading it i guess. dont remember ever having said that it was boring...oh well. i am a frigid bitch after all its not outside the realm of possibility.
so yeah always fun to skim through a friends live journal and find that theyre saying not nice things about yoy...even if it is pretty minor.
hmm "mike's" daughter doesnt have Lukemia and thats good. im really happy for both of them.
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i hate everything today. today was a total waste of my life...not that im doing anything real special with it. i dont know why i bother caring about stuff...i hate Bush, i hate this damn war, i hate the partial birth abortion ban...but who cares? no one thats who
i care and im not enough
im so tired of never being enough for anything...im always falling short and dissapointing ppl
cant you bastards ever just be happy with me for once? cant i ever just feel proud of something? would be so bad if i could hold my head up high for just one day?
im trying to make everyone happy and no one is happy and maybe its my fault and maybe its not but it doesnt matter cause everyone seems to derive some kinf od perverse pleasure from making me think its all my fault. or maybe its jsut me. maybe im just a victim of my own head...what kind of fucking nut plays head games with themself? great a whole other kinda crazy to add to the list.
i hate you david i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you
so much has happened and i want so badly to go back to being blind and thinking that i actually do love you but i cant cause youre a horrible horrible bastard and you dont really want me anyway...you only wanted me cause lisa didnt want you and you still want her
it doesnt matter how much i give you or how much ive given you in the past...it never matters. it didnt matter before, and it doesnt matter now. why doesnt it matter?
how dare you complain to me about how much you put into lisa? cant you see me on my knees before you begging for the smallest acknowledgment? cant you see that everytime you say something, you rip my heart out and step on it? cant you see me crying and screaming? cant you? no you cant in order to see it youd have to think of someone besides you first...but its really my fault for always letting you put yourself first and caring too much.
im so tired of caring about everyone and not getting anything back...i know i get -something- back but its damn hard to see it.
someday im going to give up and no one is going to miss me until they need me to do something for them or need me to listen to them bitch.
im so tired of feeling like this. i never have a good day. i had a good day today but i got home today and david wouldnt shut up about his fucking braces and about lisa not wanting him (if hes with me then what does it matter what she does? see my emotions are invisible. just call me mrs. cellophane)
i wonder if anyone actually reads these rants...if someone out there is reading...im sorry....something about this makes me just wanna say it all cause i cant see that look on your face.
i guess i just want someone to think of me first...hi meagan, how was your day? oh it was bad? im sorry. is there anything i can do? please let me help...
if i can do it for oother ppl even on those days when my soul is an abyss, why cant anyone do it for me ever?
eh im done
bye