Fuel My Fire
Well surely we've all felt this way before...right?? Driving down the road today listening to this song suddenly I was like yeah man...that's it...that's exactly it! I shall share....

I've got word of thanks
that I'd like to say
for the way that I feel
the way that I feel today.
Got stacks, got stacks
stacks of chips on my shoulder
in everything I do
cause I made, I made
I made the mistake
the mistake of trusting you

Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire
Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire
Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire
Yeah, people like you just do
You liar
You liar
You liaaaaar
You liaaaaar

Yeah, my layers are thick
and I've got a bad attitude.
Yeah that knife in my back
has fingerprints that belong to you.
Got a grudge, got a grudge
got a grudge that I'm holding
for as long as I like
cause you lied, you lied
you lied to my face
and that's something that I can't forgive.

Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire
Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire
Yeah, people like you just fuel my fire
People like you just burn
You liar
You liar
You liaaaaar
You liaaaaar

The Prodigy's cover of L7's "Fuel my Fire"
from...the Fat of the Land..released in 97'

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Misunderstood farewells,
Parting souls with displaced hearts,
Failed love drowned in foolishness.

***********************************

What a weird freaking day!

I went to my girlfriend's house and had a few....met a boy/friend of her's......we won't go there....

Came home a few minute's to late to get the other kid from the bus stop but all was good.....realized we had a dr.'s appointment to be to in 3 mins.....made record time and had to wait like an hour.....saw doctor everything was fine....

took kids to dinner....sat next to fat man who kept sucking the food out of his disgusting teeth!!! finally after having to listen to this nastiness i got the bill and left b/c i'm going to go throw up now!

going to bed....good-bye!

people are sooo gross....i mean come on......

Patiently elsewhere,
I desire his calm touch.
Hot like fire,
Beyond shocks,
Still tingling,
and in need from the wait.

"I who bleed,
am the very emptiness forever you,"
Sorrow's eye's drifted down....
"I alway's remembered your dark love."

Why is indulgence inconceivable?
I ask this question to remember
weakness was made for self-entrapment,
not love.

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Yes..hello again.

I did some updating to the website which you can get to by clicking the link over there under cool site's ya dig. Nothing huge...just a couple of poem's. Also I am in the process of having "some" of my poetry copyrighted so if you want to check it out go to poetry.com or click the link to your right that say's poetry and then search by author {angel mcnamara} I entered The Underground into contest {finger's crossed} It's a really cool site for those of you who like to write....it is great help and a lot of fun things you can do.....so anywho that's it for now.......I am officially going to go get motivated....

Mental Freeze
Happy Freakin' Tuesday!

My brain is officially in some form of a frozen haze. I can't think, I can't put feelings into words, I can't seem to motivate myself to get my lazy ass off the computer and take a shower and do something productive........but somehow I will...I always do even though.....

Looking over this "blog" and some off my scribble it has come to me that I have some serious trust issue's. I can only think of one place this might stem from and that would be my Bio-Father and my early relation's with the opposite sex. Combine that with continuos failed attempts to have a meaningful relationship with the same sex and I'm left to feel that folks can't be trusted.

Could it be that people unintentionally have hidden motive's. If so, what do you do...what position are you left to be in. Are you sympathetic to that....do you just continue to make excuse's for folks.

I don't know. I do look at life as some sort of a test for a bigger purpose. We are not here for no reason. Everything has reason and meaning. I guess all I can do for now is continue to rack up them good Karma points and wait for my moment to be blessed ten fold.

Yeah!
I just have to state I have the coolest husband ever! Instead of buying in to the normal Valentine's day crap....rose's that will die, chocolate's that will disappear, teddy bear's that get forgotten, he got me a system for my car! Yes boy's and girl's an amp and speaker's for my kidmobile. Finally I can drown out the sound of screaming kids in the backseat. Finally I have something to make long road trips a little more enjoyable. Thank's Patrick....I love you for being so thoughtful!

Valentine's Day - Love Note's
Valentine's Day may be overrated, but it is a time to remember why we love and are loved....I found some cool love note's I wanted to share....

*Love is a canvas pattern furnished by Nature, and embroidered by imagination...... ~Voltaire

*To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will recieve untold peace and happiness......~Robert Muller

*Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade....~Leo Buscaglia

*Your happiness should never be subject to outside influence.....~Paramahansa Yogananda

*Don't worry. Be happy....~Bobby McFarrin

*The only way to have a friend is to be one....~Ralph Waldo Emerson

*What you take for granted disappears...~Larry James

*In jealousy there is more self-love than love....~Chinese Fortune Cookie

*Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition...~Alexander Smith

*It is believing in roses that one brings them to bloom......~French Proverb

*All you need is love. Love is all you need....~The Beetles

Happy "Love" day to all my friends and family. I truly value and honor your trust, honesty, and commitment but most of all your love.

So all you hot Kat's and Kitten's get crazy on this sexellent holiday ya dig!

~Kool Mama Kat

Finally!!!
Well finally it's Friday! Yeah - Finally I get to post to this ridiculous thing that no one probably reads anyway but oh well - it's medicinal for me.
It's hard to get to this thing when your sharing a computer with other family members and your working, doing the kid thing, and sleeping every free chance you get.

I miss my home state...I miss my family. I need to get away from sunny florida {imagine that} to where my heart truly lies in Tennessee. I need to see the mountains and converse with friendly southern people. I need to be reminded that people are nice and good at heart....It's so easy to find that in the Appalachians. Good food, good people, good music, good scenery, good feeling all around. Soon enough.

My family is going through a bit of a crisis right now and I'm not there....I won't get into details but let's just say a close family member of mine may have a life long disease with no cure....Damn Disease!

This week has been full of many different emotions. Between worrying about disease, finding my self caught up in secrets between "trusted friends" trying to do a friend a favor that couldn't be fullfilled and in turn that friend coming down on me for no reason at all, death, money troubles, again questioning my judgement, my husband being let down so to speak by a friend. Maybe there is something in the water this week. Whatever it is I'm glad this God awful week is over...it is Friday {the 13th}. Tomorrow is Valentine's day....more Commercialism at play if I don't say so myself. But anyway I will acknowledge it b/c I am married and I do have kids and it's just the thing to do.....oh more money to spend!!! It never ends....this downward spiral of the almighty Benjamin's baby-yeah!

But for today I shall stay commited to those I hold dear to my heart. I won't get caught up in drama and life's games. I will focus on the good and be thankful for my husband and my kids, family and trusted friends, good health, and the love I am given every day!

Oh to be a MILF....????......
Well on a happier note today.....I was think about my dear husband......and some of the name's he has called me in the past....and I think by far the most off the wall pet name he has used for me to date would have to be MILF! A.K.A. Mom I'd Like To Fuck! For those of you who haven't seen American Pie, that's where that come's from. I guess i've been called worse things in life...hehehaha....but haven't we all.

I was thinking to- being a mom at the raw age of 23 my kids are going to be out of the house before I'm 40! So I'll still have the whole MILF thing going on when I'm a grandma....right????......well I don't know, but I hope my husband will still think so! Hey I do know I won't be like Stifler's mom screwing my son's friends! EEWWW!!!

This is to all you MILF'S out there!

Trust and Fine China
Trust is like fine china. We only take it out on special occasion's. We handle it with the care of a newborn baby. If we break a plate from our "fine china" collection we feel it's irreplacable, because it is.

We trust people to loosely. We fall in love and assume this person COULD never hurt us. Trust take's year's to build. Not day's, week's, or month's. Trust is one of the most important human feeling's we have. It is not to be taken for granted or taken to lightly.

We should value what trust we have. I mean how many people can you say you really trust? When I say trust I mean confide in, open up to, be there no matter what, confess murder to! Well I'm no murderer, but can honestly say I only trust one person. That person is myself. I may not alway's be honest with myself but I trust myself. That's not to say I don't have people in my life that I can "trust", I do. Ultimately however, I can only depend on myself.

But back to fine china.....I think I shall go out and buy some fine china, and each time I use it I will be reminded of just how fragile trust is and should be!

~Kool Mama Kat

Oops I did it again!
Well I threw myself out there again. Perhaps I'm just to damn nice! I will always give people the benefit of the doubt. Always! That's just who I am. We've all been burned and have burned other people. I shall mantain my boundaries. I shall stay behind my walls and peak over them from a safe range. I shall be that trusted friend but keep my trust to myself. I shall be true to Angel~Kool Mama Kat!

Life's Lesson's Learned Again.....!!!!!
Well once again I find myself questioning my judgement! I lease myself out, I wear my heart on my sleave. I have been burned so many time by so many people so why I haven't I learned. Perhaps it's just another test. Perhaps it's karma finally coming around to show me it's ugly side. I fancy myself to be a good person, to be a trusted friend. So what is this lesson I am to learn by being somewhat of a doormat? Maybe it makes me stronger...????.....well I don't know, but it does make me smarter. I will not trust you...and I don't look up to you or admire you for that matter. No I don't want to be like you and nobody else does either. You are not unique, you are just like everybody else starving for attention. Go out and buy in to the latest trend and keep on telling yourself it makes you more compelling. If that does you some good. Go ahead and keep filling the emtiness will alcohol or whatever else you can get, but don't expect me to go down with you. I have more important things to do. You lied about me, you told lies about me. What the fuck is that!?!? Don't burn me! You tainted my thoughts, you tainted my trust in people, you tainted my security. Damn you!

Ode to Barbara
Patient and Strong,
You've waited so long,
Free at last,
Free from your past.

New chapters in your life,
Pulling you further away from strife.

Your beautiful soul,
The kindness in your heart,
This is your fresh start,
And I'm happy to be a part.

So hold your head high,
And let go of your past,
Spread your wings and fly,
And may this feeling forever last!

I love you so much girlie! Be strong and move straight ahead...it's your life!

Hola!
Hey again.Thanks to those who have visited my blog. I know it seems a little depressing, but I like to write when I need to get things off my chest. I am a happy person to be around...really! Anyway I've been working on the site which is coming along very slowly considering I don't know what the hell I'm doing! I just wanted to put a link to it on here for future reference. There is also a link to my blog on it. Love and Hugs! ~Kool Mama Kat

https://www.angelfire.com/ill/angelmcnamara

Girl Lost
Oh my she sighs,
Shaking and questionable,
She gazes down,
and everything goes black.
Head spinning,
and no longer smiling,
Her feet give way,
and she's down for the count.
Counting seconds,
and placing bets,
Woa, this isn't me,
and who the hell are you,

O.K. back to reality,
she remembers somewhere
between then and now,
but doesn't remember the how.

It's ironic how we must commit to the now,
Holding on to the truth and security of the future,
Moving along, without a sound,
A new sense of belonging,
Checking out and she's gone.
No holding on, it's not hers,
Give yourself a bit,
However it's no cure.

Idle, standing by,
she let's out another sigh,
Staring up, she is hit,
and yet she doesn't even glance.

The Underground

Underground in the depths of darkness,
My thoughts forever haunt,
Awaiting the moment to step out of the
norm,
I take a look and I'm caught.
Pulling, tugging, ripping and I'm torn.

I cannot hide, I feel no shame.
It hurts so good,
I love this kind of pain.

I'm flyin' high in the underground,
My head is spinning round and round,
Where will I land,
Take my hand,
To the underground.....