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Kool Mama Kat - This Kat is on a Hot Tin Roof!
Sunday, 11 July 2004
Sex Blog


This is a "research" type sex blog that my best friend Tristan writes about every so often. She is a student of Psychology and a very smart and beautiful women. I thought I might share her latest entry...enjoy!

It is long overdue for me to post another sex blog. Sorry for all of you who have been waiting patiently. Since it has been so long, I may in fact touch on material which I have already mentioned in last letters. Bare with me and let me know what you think.

I have mentioned the Coolidge Effect, right? To refresh everyone's memory, this is the occurrence where males and some times females will become more aroused by a new partner than by a familiar one. Introducing another potential partner will illicit excitement and thus one of the partner's is capable or rather desires arousal with the new person.

The Coolidge Effect was named after the president when he and his wife toured a farm and were taken by a chicken coop. The First Lady "noticed a single large rooster roaming the area in a confident manner, all alone among the females"...... she asked the farmer whether the rooster was able to perform sexually more than once per day. The man replied that yes, the rooster was in fact able to copulate dozens of times each day. "The first lady responded, 'Please point that out to Mr. Coolidge.' When the president came by, the farmer told him about the rooster. Mr. Coolidge then asked, "Same hen every time? The farmer replied that no, the rooster would actually copulate with dozens of different females each day." With this, the president asked the farmer to tell that to the first lady.

When thinking about this, I often wonder if I ever get married, would the coolidge effect be an issue? I mean, IF after time the person you are with becomes familiar ...when you think about it... every woman would have an advantage over me, right? Wow... that sucks!

Some stats:(NHSLS) The book refers to young couples, but does not specify what ages. Some state couples of all ages, even elderly, which could give reasoning to these stats.

- Couples who have been married for an average of 17 yrs. The mean frequency of intercourse was once or twice a week.
- Only 7% of all married couples in the US have sex 4+ times/week (1994)
-14% of married couples reported that they had sex only a few times or not at all in an entire yr.

In Baumeister's book, he states that marriage is the death of passion. There are both intrinsic and extrinsic constraints to sex. Intrinsic factors are those who do something for the benefit or pure enjoyment, or b/c you simple like doing it. Extrinsic motivations are doing things to gain a reward. Like doing something because you have to or because you get paid to do it.

"Marriage is an extrinsic constraint that undermines intrinsic enjoyment of sex. Sex is part of the contract of marriage, and married people are expected to have sex. Hence when they are married they may start to perceive sex as a duty or obligation rather than as something they want to do for the sheer enjoyment of it." As a result and obviously, one would stop wanting to do it. This could be an indicator why the frequency of sex declines as a couple "jumps off the plank!"

So, if the facts point toward a dwindled sex life after marriage, why get hitched? I'm not here to answer that question, because relationships of any kind are too complicated. But, is there a way to save the sex lives of my cohabiting and married friends? Yes!!!!!! Glad to be of some use to you all.

First of all, it is best to keep some things secret! Create novelty into your lives. Remember that long ago, men were aroused by the sight of a woman's ankles! If only the women in this lifetime covered up their bodies (except ankles of course), we'd be turning heads at every corner. Another example is in ancient China, women (upper-class) wore their feet bounded until they were married. On their wedding night, the man would unwrap his wife's feet, and for the first time, revealing her bare feet. Many men would have spontaneous orgasms from this experience. So, even feet were once a novelty. Since we show these parts daily, we must find other ways to keep our men aroused, and interested and add mystery in the bedroom.
So, what is novelty? What are examples that we can use? Glad you asked. Novelty is what occurs when you kiss someone for the first time or it even occurs the first few times you kiss that person. Sex is another example, and all of the foreplay in between; and if it's your thing: anal sex, oral sex, etc. (I was trying to keep this as clean as possible so I could send it to family members, but might not be able to do so.) When or rather after you engage in the act a few times, it also becomes familiar and the interest wears off. My advice would be to keep things under control. Do one thing until it becomes routine, and then introduce another act until it produces the same affect. Even erotic films or for you adventurists out there, introduce pornography. This will illicit excitement and stimulate an increase in sex. (Or so Baumeister states.) Although pornography is more appealing to men than to women, yet some report that there is no gender difference. I guess it just depends on your own interests.
*Novelty,if this is in fact a way to keep the heat going in the bedroom, it is a bitch. Conserving novelty means that one must sacrifice immediate pleasure. :( Sorry!!! Yet, I guess if you try novelty and after a while end up copulating, that's exciting too.
On the other hand, when novelty becomes familiar, this and the coolidge effect are both indicators which cause people to not only cheat, but perhaps desire S&M, threesomes, swinging, an audience, etc.

Who falls in love faster? I have read many times in the course of the last few months that men fall in love faster than women. It has taken much effort to find data to support this claim, and even though I have yet to find convincing support, I am going to share this with all of you anyway. At first, I casted my doubt on this statement, unsure if it were true.... In my own opinion, if the man falls in love faster than the woman, perhaps it is the love or strong desires for sex which illicit these deep feeling and not a longing for a monogamous, unconditional and emotional attachment. (Although, I could be wrong.)
Here's what the text states:
-"men are ready for an exclusive "couple" relationship instead of merely dating after an average of 2.5 months, whereas for women the interval is closer to 6 months, and men are also quicker to reach the point of expecting the relationship to lead to marriage" I'm having to read this sentence more than once, because I don't think it's correct. I always thought men tried their best to avert a long, committed relationship. And all of the girls I know are out there everyday in attempts to find their mate. I'm still trying to think of examples that support this fact. The only one I can think of is that many of the guys I've dated who I am not interested in fall for me faster, and unfortunately, the guys I fall for are restless and fickle and disinterested in me. Maybe it's a matter of attractiveness....willingness.....or time spent uncommitted. Tell me what you think?

Ever wonder why many women or some men enjoy face-to-face sex? Face-to-face allows the couple to exchange gazes which actually increases passion and intimacy. (Kissing also increases feelings, of passion and intimacy, that's why many prostitutes do not kiss their clients.) In 1989, Kellerman et.al. did an experimental study in which male and female pairs were randomly assigned to look into each others eyes for a period of 2 minutes at close range. After the duration, the results indicated that these people ended up having stronger feelings toward each other: feelings of interest, warmth, attraction, and romantic love!! So, there you go... if you have your eye on someone out there, just walk up and grab him or her, and gaze into each others eyes for a minute or two.... they will be smittin' before you know it... well, in 2 minutes according to Kellerman.
Yet, I have to cast my doubts on this one too. A funny story comes to mind.... I was always taught that it is proper to make eye contact when speaking with someone in conversation. Last year, I was at the grocery store and I saw a guy from my past, who I had not seen since elementary school. We spoke for a while and ended up exchanging numbers/e-mail addresses to keep in touch. A week or two went by and I received an e-mail from this guy professing his desires to see me. The point of my story is that he also stated (many times) that "he knew that I had *deep feelings* for him because of the way I LOOKED IN HIS EYES while we were talking!!" Shocked and confused, I took it as a red flag and discouraged the idea of ever corresponding again. So, the moral of this story is that even friendly mannerisms can or could produce increased feelings in ones that you desire or don't desire for that matter. (Be careful who's eyes you look into!!)

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their summer!
Love you all!
Tristan

Scribbled by Kool Mama Kat at 10:40 AM EDT
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Sunday, 11 July 2004 - 2:06 PM EDT

Name: BratCat
Home Page: http://undeads.blogspot.com

wow-great reading! thanks for sharing Tristan's entry. what's the blog address?

B.C.

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