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Rearing Children
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Silent Night
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Southern Man
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10 Commandments
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Ponderings 2
The Three Truths
Whales
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Have you had your laugh today?
A Catholic Glossary
- AMEN
- The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
- BULLETIN
- 1. Parish information read only during the homily.
- 2. Catholic air conditioning.
- 3. Your receipt for attending mass.
- CHOIR
- A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to
lip-sync.
- HOLY WATER
- A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
- HYMN
- A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of
the congregation's range.
- RECESSIONAL HYMN
- The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the
people have already left.
- INCENSE
- Holy smoke!
- JESUITS
- An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good
basketball teams.
- JONAH
- The original "Jaws" story.
- JUSTICE
- When kids have kids of their own.
- KYRIE ELEISON
- The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and
baklava.
- MAGI
- The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
- MANGER
- 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
- 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
- PEW
- A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
- PROCESSION
- The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar
servers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.
- RECESSIONAL
- The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners
trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
- RELICS
- People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to
sit, kneel and stand.
- TEN COMMANDMENTS
- The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
- USHERS
- The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
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