Part 1: 1996-1997

1996 was the beginning of the new life I have made, and the one I was forced to leave behind. I took Catherine home to meet my parents on Valentine’s Day 1996. My mother quickly told me that she did not like Catherine. By the time the month of May came along, she said “Jason, you must choose: your family or Catherine! And if you choose to be with her, you will miss out on everything here, I will see to that!” And during the remaining months of 1996, Catherine knew the truth but kept her mouth shut, hoping that things would change for the better. For Christmas, Catherine spent a lot of money on presents for them, and my mother had the nerve to send a card with a note that said “Happy Holidays, come see us alone sometime Jason”. No mention of Catherine or the two of us. Catherine had decided that was the last straw. She called my ex-mother and said “thank you for the merry f—k you Christmas card, Mrs. Brantley”. From that moment forward, the entire clan had a reason to hate us. No one understands that we were treated poorly for eleven months before our first act of disrespect. I should have given up on things right away, but still I tried to appease them on rare occasions with surprise visits home, or apologies, but nothing seemed to matter.

1996 also presented another earth shattering crisis for me: my favorite place on earth was Pennsylvania, and my ex-family members there decided that they did not want to give me the time of day either. I found out that the reason for this was because my father told them all “we don’t like her, but form your own opinion!” When I confronted my folks about this, they told me to just give things time, and all would be well again. And do you know something: it took me ten years to realize that the thing my folks were waiting for was Catherine and I to break up. Once again, I disappointed them profusely. I bet that they still believe that this brings me a deep sense of satisfaction, as if I was the one who wanted to tear the family apart.

 

Part 2: 1998-1999

We moved to Chattanooga in Jan 1998, and things quieted down. I actually spoke with my grandmother in Pennsylvania (G’ma Maggie) and she has always been my most favorite person to visit with. She made every day special, and I still cannot believe that she is gone. It was during this time that she told me her opinion on this matter: she hoped that we could mend things but that it may take her own death to make this happen. I mention this because my folks claim that she said to sever all ties with me from the beginning. Hmmm …..

Christmas Eve of 1998 brought a new surprise. My mother enlisted an old friend to write me a letter and card saying how much she missed me and wanted to get back together, etc, in the hopes that I would break up with Catherine, or vice versa. The ironic thing here is that my mother did not like that girl originally either, even though we were only friends. We were very upset by this, and the accusations of harassment came next. My mother gave the ex-friend help and comfort during the harassment proceedings, even telling her the name and phone number of Catherine’s father. My father-in-law is someone I respect very much and he did not deserve to be messed up in this. As luck would have it, the dumb ass called him and was chewed out, royally. The issue was dead from that day on. In May 1999, we moved to Illinois, and in the process, I went to my folks’ house to get a few items and I took a police officer with me to avoid a conflict. That is the third incident which my parents used to have me ex-communicated from the family. Unfortunately, G’ma Maggie was visiting when this occurred, and we never made amends. She died on December 14, 1999, and my inheritance went to my father for the college loan. I assume it was applied, to this day I have seen no evidence of this. The worst part is, her prophesy was wrong. I was not informed of her death until a month later, long after the funeral and stuff had settled down. Things only got worse.

 

Part 3: 2001-2005

We were married in Illinois at the courthouse on Jan 19, 2001. By summer, we discovered that we were expecting our first child. Quickly I called my father to arrange a truce, and things actually started on a clean slate. However, nothing had really changed. They even knew a month in advance of Allison’s birth, as it was a scheduled C-section. My parents still did not come up to visit; they instead went to Pennsylvania for reasons unknown. I can only suppose that they were not that excited to be grandparents. We came last, as usual. We corresponded very little and then the issues from the past gradually came up again. We wanted to know why we were outcasts and why were we not allowed to be upset about it. In a nutshell, we wanted to know what exactly went wrong, so we could fix it or apologize or whatever. Keep in mind now that we did absolutely nothing to anybody in Pennsylvania at all, and they apparently hated us. During Allison’s first birthday, my mother had a gift from my aunt, saying that it was the only time she would receive a gift from her, just because she was turning one. It sounded rude to me and I flatly refused it. I later regretted this; what if the statement was not really true? I had no way to contact my aunt to ask her directly. This is when I began my letter writing campaign. I would hear nothing from her, so I declared that I would go there face to face unless I got a phone call or a letter from folks in Pennsylvania.

Due to my determination to resolve things, we saw very little of my family again, even after Thomas was born in April 2004. I also had missed out on my sister’s wedding, because my mother did not want us to meet the in-laws. I patched things up with my sister but still feel like I am just a pest when I talk to her once every six months. Meanwhile, I kept asking for folks in Pennsylvania to tell me if they wanted to see me, and why or why not. My mother kept saying that they do not want to hear from me, but I got tired of hearing this from her and so I asked her to tell them to contact me; otherwise, I was going to make a road trip and no one would know when. I had to hear it from them, I would respect their wishes, etc. Instead, my mother writes a letter to me saying that if I wrote to them or went up there, that all ties would be broken. This made me think that she had something to hide, so I contacted them and now no one talks to me, except for my grandparents. I still have not heard from everyone in the Keystone State, so for all I know they are in shock over the situation, or they don’t want to be mean to me, or they have to respect my mother’s opinions over my own. At this point, I could care less.

 

Conclusion

I have decided that I would leave a few pictures online and letters from 2005, to honor the memories that I have had with them and to try and tell my side of the story. I feel as though I have been unnecessarily silenced and I am pissed off about it. I want people to see that I was raised in a happy family, and to share the sense of betrayal over my decision to be with Catherine. I only hope that this situation does not happen to anyone else, friend or foe. It is with the darkest sense of relief that I can now close this chapter of my life. I am blessed that my in-laws love me and have tried to compensate for the void left behind by my ex-family.

Final words of wisdom: enjoy the family you currently have, because anything can change and you may be all alone. Also, never doubt the power of dark deeds, as people are not perfect, and they can be nasty at times!

Update: Feb 2007

I received a package from my parents, and it was my baby book, graduation video from high school, and a stack full of pictures. Most of these pictures are the ones that I was cut out of. It makes me feel good to know that I was right about this all along, my suspicions are confirmed.
I wish the news could be better, but this is a sad close to the final chapter of my wasted efforts.
They haven't even seen this page yet ...

 

Update: Jan 3, 2009!!!

Don't ask me how, but my aunt is talking to me again. This means two things: enough time has passed, or my parents were lying to me in order to keep me away from everybody. Regardless, I am pleasantly surprised about this change of events, and now I have the will to keep trying, change things for the better, and get some answers.