This is in response to your letter that we recently received.

The impression your letter gives is that you think we told Heather R. to write to you. First of all, we could care less who writes to you. Secondly, it is quite obvious that you and your companion are not going to break up. It is really quite pathetic that you think we would have your ex-friends write to you- why would we want them to write to you and incur the wrath of your companion? You asked us not to give your address or phone number to anyone and we haven't.

The reason that your mail was mailed from Lancaster is that we received it in the mail the day before we left to go to Pennsylvania for the holidays. We took it with us because we assumed the Post Office didn't have your current address and couldn't forward it to you; consequently, it was mailed from PA when we remembered to mail it. We do not have the right to throw your mail away; that is your decision, not ours. We don't know who writes you, we just send it on along. We apologize if you didn't receive it in time for the holidays.

With regard to the pregnancy remarks, all we can offer is that we relayed what we were told (I've missed two periods.). If someone drew the wrong impression or had further clarifying questions about it, then that is where the lie (as you refer to it as) came from- yourselves.

You have asked to be left alone. FINE. We will leave you alone.

We do not know or what you are doing with your life or where you are going with it. We are going to offer some advice to you and hopefully you will give it some serious consideration.

With regard to you going ahead and getting married, please wait on that until your lives are more stable. You are not in a position to go to school, get a good paying job, and start a family. It would cause a lot of unnecessary heartache and financial problems to jump into something like that at this point in your life. If things are truly OK in your lives, then waiting until you are out of school and having more order in your lives won't hurt, it can only help you. If you do decide to marry, we will believe you. You do not need to send photos or any other type of proof as it will be wasteful of your money. Your money can be put to better use on other things (like paying off your debts).

We are not being hard on you son, and we like this situation less even less than you do. We just do not want you to make mistakes that you may be paying for the rest of your life.

Guess we will close and you may write us when you are ready, as we said- we will leave you alone. Please do not call us except in an emergency. Write to us instead, it is much cheaper.

OK, here is my reply. There was indeed harassment when Heather was given the name and phone number of Catherine's father, someone whom she never met and had no business stirring up shit in the first place. So, Heather wrote a letter and it was taken to PA, it somehow managed to get to me. Post office had no problem with finding the address either. But I will concede that this entire deal was blown way out of proportion. I mean, it was simple, Heather persisted in contacting us and after she charged psychic phone calls to our phone she officially crossed the naughty line. I don't know what planet you live on but some things in life entitle us to be pissed off. This was one of them.

I was not happy about the repeated onslaught of phone calls either. We assumed that you were merely avoiding us and this was a situation that needed to be resolved quickly. The ironic thing is that none of this would have ever been necessary if there were never separate camps (us and them). You still know that you were not nice first and that the Christmas card incident on December 6, 1996 was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was not the fact that Catherine was not directly mentioned, but the way that I was told to visit alone. And had things been peachy from day one, this is a request that I would have been more than happy to accommodate.

Now, on with the pregnancy comments. Catherine had said to you in a conversation that she did not have a period in two months, due to the stress of this situation. The context was very plain given the fact that it was in response to Mom saying that her health was bad, the TMJ was acting up, and the world will never have enough to eat because of the stress that is brought on by dealing with Catherine. And since family members got your viewpoint and not mine (this is still the case), they thought the very worst about us and it is simply not true. But I am not allowed to defend myself so I have now stooped to this route on the internet. I did not realize things back then, but it seems that I was doomed and falsely labeled a black sheep from day one.

And I have paid off all of my debts, but quite honestly, since I was outcast for this and already disowned, why bother? I won't launch into a tirade about how I would never expect my children to repay me, as it is a responsibility of a parent to provide college assistance. Of which I am pleased to have the college degree and the nice job that comes with it. Not only do I know where I am going in life, I know where I have been. And I have learned several meanings of life too. I will share one of them with you now: cherish your family, the good and the bad, no one is perfect. You have made the decision to reject all of us, I hope you do not do this to anyone else, life is too short and no one deserves this.

And you think I believe you when you say that you like this situation even less than I do? You enjoy it, you disapproved of Catherine so much that you continue to punish me and the children for it. I tried to keep the family from tearing apart but each time created a larger schism. When you both declared that we were not allowed to have children to use them as bait, I knew that you will never see the big picture. I would like to know your meaning of life and the things that matter to you, because it is not family!!!

I only had wanted to be left alone because each point of contact became an escalating disaster. Furthermore, I was tired of hearing second hand information that we were pregnant or Houdini con artists or any of the other lies that got spread out of control. You were unwilling to let me speak to my family members then, and your news and views were biased, so I gave up back then. I was hoping that I would not be left alone for so long, and that things would improve with time. I was sadly mistaken.

We did take your advice and waited to get married, but not for the reasons that you mentioned above. Damn it, I wanted a real wedding, I wanted all of you guys there. I always was willing to overlook this stuff and move on, as the past is only a stop along the journey, the fork in the road. I have been the only one that has been willing to compromise and truly forgive and forget. I must learn to stop being so gullible.