Brown Ferns, Black Feet (BFBF)

Revised version, written 1/7/06

 

 

Proud to be a glorified redneck today

Drinking beer while the house rots away

Mark down the NASCAR winners

Too distracted to fix a family dinner

 

Chorus:

Brown ferns and black feet

And green spots on your bed sheets

Blue fungus in the casserole

Gray spots on all of your clothes

 

Wrestling marathons, too pathetic to mention

Or early morning deer hunting expeditions

Repairing cars that should be replaced

Trespassing to fish in a forbidden place

 

Wal-Mart has the supplies that you need

So take a bath and save your teeth

Continue to buy video games and cigarettes

Soap is for losers, scare everyone you ever met

 

Fix your leaky roof with duct tape

so Bibles and crystal meth are dry and safe

The buckets everywhere must be a clue

So face the truth, the joke’s on you

 

Coda:

Meet you at the watering hole for a drink

No one shows up, because you stink

Southern by the grace of God

Bathe in your ignorance …

 

A tribute to rednecks everywhere. One of my best friends said that this is such a great song title. This was originally about my mother-in-law, because she would neglect the rest of her house, just to feed cats and water ferns (even though they were already dead.)

However, I decided to change the lyrics and share my experiences from my pizza delivery days. It was so frustrating to deliver pizzas to poor folks that couldn't tip me, even if they wanted to. They should have been buying cheap food, soap, toothpaste, and clothes, as well as a Beware of Dog sign.