BBB - Ballad of Borrowed Bedsheets

 

Took a trip for a couple of hours

Hotel room, scared to take a shower

There’s no room for souvenirs

Packed too much to escape my fears

 

Like Thelma and Louise

Not allowed to sneeze

Here’s the real cliffhanger

Dust bunny is a strangler

 

Take along Charmin TP

Generic one-ply is killing me

Need my own soap and Kleenex

Special shampoo and Tampax

 

Need a pillow and fresh bed sheets

Black light detector so I can sleep

Plastic gloves for the telephone

Just leave the ice bucket alone

 

Can’t deal with spit and hairballs

Or ashtrays full of menthols

Need super bleach to kill shit streaks

Have to stab you if your shoes squeak

 

Keep a knife in the car

To attack you if you fart

Hotel rooms are full of bedwetters

Stay at home where things are better

 

This song was written for a friend who was a very adventurous person that hates to travel, an active germophobe. As the song hints at this certain fact, she must pack an entire drug store to survive a short trip.

The exaggerations were proudly written by yours truly.