Fading Hope
	Part 2/?
	By: Elisabeth James
	
	Another depressing part, please read and send me feedback :)

	Usagi tried not to breath, she hated the smell of hospitals, it 
made her sick to her stomach in more ways than one.  The reek of medicine
combined with the essence of death made her insides twist into knots.  
She took her brother’s small hand and led him down the bright white 
corridors toward the cancer wing.  Shingo was silent, sucking in 
the sights around him.  His eyes were wide with fear, Usagi 
squeezed his hand gently to try and calm him down.
	“Usagi?” his soft voice floated up to her ears and she turned 
her face down to look at him.
	“Yes?” She knew what he was going to ask, she wasn’t going to 
be able to answer him truthfully without breaking down into tears.  
	“Is mom going to die?” the words stung even after she knew they
were coming, they cut right through her as she predicted they would.  
	“Everyone dies someday Shingo.” she proceeded after a few 
moments of silence between the two.
	“I know that, I mean right now, like soon.” more silence as 
Usagi searched for the words she couldn’t say.  “I don’t know, I really
don’t know.”
	He nodded, not truly content with the answer.  His eyes studied 
her for while as they continued to keep walking, probing hers for some 
sign of what was to come.  All that he could see was her fear.
	They were nearing the room which keep her mother.  Her heart 
felt torn in two, as much as she loved and missed her mother, she 
couldn’t bear to look at her like this.
	“Usagi?” the child spoke again, another question on the tip of 
his tongue.  She sighed softly and answered him, “Yes Shingo?”
	“Why are the hallways here so bright?” she choked back a giggle
and smiled at him, “I think it’s because when really sick people are 
brought here, that it’s meant to make them think that this place is 
heaven.”
	“Does heaven smell like this?” he asked innocently, she burst 
out into blithe laughter.  It felt so good to let go, everything 
escaped her when she laughed.
	The childlike laughter quickly caught in her throat as she 
turned the corner into her mother’s room.  A hand flew up to her mouth
to hold back a gasp.
	Ikuko lay still in her bed, cruppled up like a thrown away 
blanket or pillow.  Her shallow breathing was the only sound that could
be heard in the room.  It seemed to echo off the walls and back into 
Usagi’s ears.  Her father watched them from a darkened corner, raising 
a finger to his lips to tell him to be quiet.
	She fought to regain her lost composure and pushed her brother 
forward, toward their father.
	“How is she?” Usagi whispered.  Kenji looked at her, sadness 
filled his thin face.  He simply shook her head. 
	Her heart went cold in her chest, it seemed to cease beating in
her chest.  She clutched Shingo’s hand as tightly as she could, trying 
to just get some sort of control on the entire situation.
	“You’re hurting me!” he exclaimed softly, she let his hand drop
and took a few steps back, ready to flee the small room.  A hacking 
cough turned her attention back to the woman in the bed.  Ikuko’s eyes 
were open and staring at her.  The tears sprung to Usagi’s eyes, she 
felt so guilty.  She was ready to run from her mother, in the time she
was needed the most.
	“Usagi, Shingo?  Is that you?” the siblings exchanged quick 
glances with one another and stepped forward slowly.
	“Hi mom, it’s us.” she tried her hardest to at least keep the 
tears from showing in her voice, but it wavered none the less.
	“Why are you crying?” the raspy voice asked her softly, every 
word seemed to cause her mother even more pain.
	“Something happened at school today, but that’s not important 
now.” she lied through her teeth, she couldn’t very well tell her 
mother the real reason she was in tears. 
	She felt a strong hand place itself on her shoulder, she looked
back and her dad motioned for her to follow him.  
	“Mom, I’ll be right back, I need to talk to dad for a few 
minutes okay?” Ikuko nodded slowly and  closed her eyes once more.  
With one more glance over her shoulder Usagi and Shingo followed 
Kenji into the hallway.
	“Maybe you two should go back home.  Your mother is not in 
any condition right now to have a lot of visitors.”
	“But we’re her children, certainly she wants to see us.” 
Usagi fought, as much as she hated being here, and seeing her 
mother look like she did, she was not about to be tossed out 
of the room.
	“I’m telling you Usagi, she’ll be home tomorrow.  That’s 
what the doctors have been saying.  The have a few more tests to 
run.  I’m sorry guys but you’ll just be in the way.”
	She remained speechless, her own father was turning her away,
calling her a nuisance.  She could only manage a nod as she gracefully
took Shingo’s hand and walked quickly down the corridor with him in 
tow.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

	“Mom isn’t getting better, is she Usagi?” Shingo asked her that
night as she tucked him safely into bed.  Her father was still at the 
hospital, he had called only moments before to relay the message to 
them.  She then took it upon herself to get Shingo ready for bed 
and get his school stuff together for the next day.
	She closed her eyes for a brief second before deciding to be 
completely honest with her ten year old brother.  “No, she’s not.  
If the cancer keeps spreading throughout her body, the doctors can’t 
stop it.”
	He gulped, he may have been ten but he wasn’t as naive about 
the world as his sister and dad thought he was.  He knew the way the 
world worked and he knew, even though no one would say it, that his 
mother was dying.
	“She is going to die isn’t she?  If there’s nothing anyone 
can do then it’s over right?” his eyes grew so wide and scared.  
Usagi’s heart seemed to explode in her chest at the expression on 
the young boy’s face.  It was so terrified and betrayed every emotion
that twisted through her body all the time.
	She nodded shakily, perhaps finally accepting that her mother 
wasn’t going to get better.  She never wanted it to sink in, but 
the thought was always there, lingering behind something else in her 
mind.  Tears started streaming down her cheeks before she could halt 
them.  A pair of arms embraced her tightly around her neck.
	“Is there cancer in heaven Usagi?” he whispered in her ear 
and she smiled sadly at him.
	“No there’s no cancer in heaven, there’s no suffering at all.  
It’s just a beautiful place where angels live, and everyone is happy.”
	“I bet mom will love it there.”
	“I bet she will too.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

	Usagi sat stiff and unmoving in an uncomfortable plastic 
hospital chair.  Shingo sat just to her left, silent tears leaving 
salty streaks down his cheeks.  Her father had gotten up and left 
only a few moments after the doctor had told them all.
	The cancer had spread.  Worse than originally thought.
	It had taken over all of her body.  There was nothing left to 
do, except let her mother live out her remaining days at home where 
she would be most comfortable.
	There were no tears left to cry, her eyes were dry.  All of her
tears had been used up the night before in Shingo’s room.  All that 
remained was cold shock, the nasty dead feeling that possessed her 
body the second it heard the news.
	She looked at her little brother, he was so pale, his skin a 
ghastly white.  A nurse was trying to comfort the little boy, she 
decided he would be fine with her for a few seconds.  She shot to 
her feet and down the halls, racing toward the cancer unit.
	Every step she told herself that the doctors must be wrong, 
she couldn’t be as bad as they say.  She was too strong, too young 
to just leave now, they had to be wrong.
	<They must be... They have to be...  I can’t go on without 
her...> thoughts raced through her mind as fast as she was running.  
She didn’t stop at the desk guarding the cancer unit hallway, she 
charged forward to her mother.
	She hunched up against the room’s doorway.  Even in the dark 
Usagi knew that there was no mistake.  Ikuko resembled more of a rag 
doll than a real person, the bed seemed to swallow her frail body.  
The blankets wrapped themselves around her shiftless form.  She 
listened to her father weeping in the corner, horrible sound 
that it was, she couldn’t turn away.
	“Mom...” she trailed off into the tears that she thought didn’t
exist.  A part of her was in that bed dying with her mom, the part 
that would never let go not even after the separation of death.

	To be continued...

	Yes I realize how depressing this is, but I’m a tad depressed 
myself lately.  Daily highs and lows, the same the everyone goes 
through :)  But please I really want feedback on this piece of work.  
I want to know what people think about it.  Even if you find it to
be incredibly depressing and stupid, tell me!
	Special thanks to: Clare-chan ( remember I’m here if you need 
me) Kelly, Adrianne, Sarah Beth, Meredith, my great editor :)

Liz-chan