Heart and Shoulder
	Part 1/1
	By Elisabeth James
	squall_no_megami@ameritech.net

	This is just a short fic inspired by the song Heart and
Shoulder by Heather Nova.  Her music is just incredible, in fact
she has also inspired me to write two other fics somehow involving
her music.  If you have never listened to her before, definitely
check her out :)

	Disclaimer: I don’t own Sailor Moon or the song ‘Heart and
Shoulder’ 

	Warning: This is a little dark, not my normal style.  BUT
I’m seriously depressed right now so this seemed right...  I would probably
classify this as TAFF with a WAFFy ending, let me know...



	“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” the scream echoed throughout
the clearing, startling everyone how heard it.
	Time seemed to freeze in place, terror frozen forever in her
mind.  The nauseating smell of blood invaded Sailor Moon’s
senses, it flowed down her arms, staining the pristine white bodice
of her uniform.  She gawked at the young woman cradled in her
arms, lifeless brown eyes captured the young super heroine in their
gaze.
	“Oh God...” she whispered the words but they seemed to
carry throughout the park, making her failure known to everyone.
	She stared down at the girl that was not much older than
she. A look of dazed horror was pasted on the girl’s face.  Sailor
Moon could feel the bile rise in the back of her throat, threatening
to come up at any moment.  
	She heard footfalls as a tall male figure landed next to her,
a look of dismay splayed across his handsome features.  “Sailor
Moon...” he trailed off and knelt down next to the shaking girl still
clinging to the one she couldn’t protect.
	“Don’t look at me!” her voice was hard but shaking
slightly.  Guilt coursed through her, making her feel sick once
more.  She could feel Tuxedo Mask’s navy eyes burning into her,
scolding her silently.  She had finally done it, she had let someone
die on her watch.  
	She was too slow, too klutzy and now someone had been
killed- because of her inability to pull herself together in battle. 
She knew the other senshi were hidden in the shadows watching
with disapproving eyes.  She could hear the ambulance coming up
the street, sirens blazing.  The sky was fading to an inky black
above her head and she wished she could have faded along with
the colors into darkness.
	“Sailor Moon, there was nothing any of us could do.  The
youma was too fast-” she cut him off not wanting to hear his
excuses or to take the blame off her shoulders.
	“Don’t make excuses for me.” she whispered vehemently,
barely glancing at his taken aback face when she spoke.  The
ambulance pulled up and two men jumped out of the vehicle. 
They ran toward the victim snatching her from Sailor Moon’s
shaking arms.
	She looked down at herself, covered in a stranger’s blood
and she blinked back the tears.  No matter how cool or adult she
tried to act, she was still a child.  A child who didn’t know death or
how to handle it.  With a choked sob she took off running from the
clearing, leaving Tuxedo Mask and the other senshi staring silently
at her back.  A cold steady rain was starting to fall.

*~*
Wanna cry for you
Would it do any good?
If I rained for you
It would just be water
And the night's with you
And the storm's in your hand
And you're down and you're down
And I can't lift you
*~*

	A stiff, brisk wind swept over Tokyo, it was early spring
but the air still had the startling chill of winter.  A heavy icy rain
rained down upon the Japanese city, keeping it’s inhabitants
locked up tight inside their warm houses.
	All it’s inhabitants except for Tsukino Usagi.
	The petite odangoed girl walked the streets of Tokyo alone,
there was no one around that could understand what she was going
through.  She shivered slightly but didn’t really notice the cold. 
Her body had gone numb long before she had decided to brave the
elements.  
	Streetlights cast dim pools of light onto the saturated
ground and lit her way down main street.  She splashed through
puddle after puddle soaking her shoes and bare legs.  She hadn’t
gone home yet to change since the attack, and her school uniform
was soaked through.  Her long blond hair was stained with crimson
blood, slowly being washed away.
	She glanced toward the park, the scene of the “incident” as
the news had referred to it.  She could still hear the scream the
woman had let out when the energy had crashed into her, she could
still smell the blood.  With an anguished cry Usagi fell to the
slippery pavement, hands clutching her face.  The sounds of the
ambulance that had arrived too late echoed perfectly in her ears,
mocking her, driving into her brain what she had hoped to forget. 
But there was no salvation there, God would not let her forgot, nor
would he let her die.
	She knew she was crying but couldn’t feel the tears that
streamed down her cheeks.  Rain had plastered her long blond hair
to her back and arms, her odangos remained half undone and
falling limply forward.  Her skin had taken on a ghost-like ashen
appearance.  
	She ripped the henshin from her dripping wet bow and held
it tightly in her hand.  She looked at it with a hatred the girl didn’t
even seem to have in her frail frame.  Unable to just throw the
damned thing to the ground and leave it she slipped it into her
jacket pocket so at least she wouldn’t have to look at it anymore.
	She brushed a raindrop from her nose and sat up.  She
closed her eyes briefly, reliving the events over and over again in
her mind.  
	“Odango?” the voice sounded startled and she craned her
neck backwards to see who it was.
	“Mamoru-san!” 

*~*
I'm powerless to change your world
I'm powerless to stop the hurt
*~*

	He held the umbrella over her head to stop the rain from
soaking her further, it really did no good however.  “What are you
doing out here in this storm?”
	She pulled her eyes from his and cast her stare back down
to the ground.  “I needed to get away.” she told him quietly.
	His brow furrowed, his mind was already racing from
today’s earlier events.  After Sailor Moon took off, he had
searched for her, hoping to speak to her, try to offer her some
comfort.  But to no avail she was gone, into the inky blackness. 
He knelt down next to the girl, trying to get a feel for the erratic
tremors that seemed to radiate from her shaking body.
	“Away from what Odango?” his voice was soft, even the
nickname didn’t seem that threatening.  She turned her sad eyes
toward him and shook her head.  “Ah not going to tell me I see?”
she stared blankly at him, fighting not to betray her feelings. 
“How about we go back to my place, it’s right around the corner
and you can get warmed up.”  He straightened and held a
welcomed hand out to her.  She took it gratefully and he hoisted
her up to her feet.
	She felt his warmth, his hidden beauty poured into her.  Here
she thought Chiba Mamoru was a cold heartless jerk but really
underneath that facade he was a nice guy.  She was caught in his
eyes, and his arms seemed so inviting at that moment-
	“What’s that?” the trace was broken as she watched him
bend over and pick up her broach.  Usagi’s eyes widened, a short
gasp escaped her lips as she reached for the small object clutched
tightly in Mamoru’s hand.  He turned disbelieving toward her, a
questioning look glancing across his face.
	“Odango, where did you get this?” she shook her head, still
reaching for it, he kept pulling away from her grasp.  She froze in
mid grab and pulled her hand back.  “You’re Sail-” she cut him off
by breaking away from him.  She abandoned the broach, not caring
about it anymore.
	It was a futile course of action.  The ground was slippery
from the icy rain and she promptly fell to the cold ground.  She felt
her pride slip another crucial notch as the young man once again
approached.
	“Usagi!  Are you all right?” he touched a large gash along
her forehead and she recoiled back.  Tears of shame poured down
her cold cheeks.
	“Just go away, I don’t need or want your help.” but he
didn’t leave.  Solemn eyes watched painfully as she struggled to
her feet under own power.

*~*
I'll give you my heart give you my shoulder
I'll give you my heart give you my shoulder
*~*

	The smell of blood danced with her nose once more, the
feelings of nausea returned full force.  She took a deep breath
trying to make the feeling disappear.  She felt a strong arm wrap
around her delicate shoulder.  She collapsed into his arms,
savoring his warm body and his comforting words.
	“It was all my fault Mamoru-san, I was so close and I
didn’t do anything...” Usagi whispered, knowing he would know
what she meant for some reason.
	“Shh, we can talk about that later, let’s get you warmed
up.” she nodded slightly, not willing to fight him anymore.  She
allowed herself to be lead to his apartment building.

*~*
Wanna run for you
Would it do any good?
If I flew for you
You would still be standing
And it's hard watching 
Cause I'm part of you
And it's hard not to 
Not to know what I can do
*~*

	The keys slid easily into the lock and the door opened
gently to reveal a spotless apartment.  Mamoru led the shaking girl
inside, shooting worried glances at her back.  His thoughts were
clarified when he saw the locket that had fallen from her pocket,
everything made perfect sense.  He rested the umbrella by the door
and followed her into the living room.
	“Here let me take your jacket.” he slid the soaked nylon
coat from her shoulders and hung it up to dry.  His voice and
action were unsure, betraying a completely new Chiba Mamoru to
the junior high girl.  She watched him fascinated as he couldn’t
seem to hold her gaze for more than a few seconds, wondering
what could be troubling the young man before her.  She sat down
on his couch, not sure of what to say or what was going to happen
next.  She touched the gash on her forehead and felt the blood still
running from it.  Mamoru grabbed a clean cloth from the kitchen
and brought it to her to help stop the bleeding.
	He pulled the small broach from his own pocket and set it
on the coffee table in front of her.  
	“How-” he fumbled over the words, “How are you Sailor
Moon?” her eyes grew wide, she shrugged slightly.  
	“I just am, I can’t explain it.” the answer had sounded
much better in her head than when it came from her mouth.  She
flinched but he only nodded and sat down next to her.  “You’re
disappointed.”
	He narrowed his navy eyes at her, wondering what could
make her consider that.  “What makes you think that?”
	She glanced at him disgusted, “I would be, I just assumed
the same of you.  Look at me, do I look like I’m suited to be a
warrior?  You of all people should know that Mamoru-san.”
	“I’m not disappointed, surprised yes, but never
disappointed.  I- I admire you Usagi, even if I do make fun of you a
lot.  There’s something about you that just makes people become
drawn to you.” he smiled and wrung his hands together nervously.
	She looked at him, “I let someone die today, there’s
nothing about me to admire.  I’m weak, I’m a complete failure.”
she couldn’t stop the tears, even though it hurt to cry.
	“There was nothing you could have done Usagi.” he
whispered, replaying the battle in his head, seeing every moment
clearly.
	“Don’t say that!  There’s always something that can be
done!  I could have saved her, I could have if only...” she trailed
off uncertain of what to say, what to think of telling him this. 
“Someone is dead because I’m too clumsy and slow in battle. 
Everyone must hate me now, how can I face the senshi again, or
Tuxedo Mask.  He must hate me worst of all, I know he thought
lowly of me before.”
	He grabbed her by her shoulder, looking her straight in her
sparkling azure eyes, “He doesn’t hate you.”
	“How can you sit here and tell me that?  You don’t know
him.” she told him softly, glaring at him intensely.
	“I am him.” her eyes filled with silent recognition, before
she pulled sharply from his grasp.

*~*
I'm powerless to change your world
I'm powerless to stop the hurt
I'm trying hard to be your tower of strength
I'm trying hard to bring you back to joy
*~*

	“Oh Gods, I have to get out of here.” she stood up and ran
for the door, she couldn’t stay here and face him anymore.
	“Are you so upset, so disappointed that it’s me, Usagi?” his
startlingly calm words made her stop and face him.  He had turned
the table on her.  She shook her head, not saying a word in reply.
	“It’s not you Mamoru-san, not disappointment.  I can’t face
you anymore, not like this, not after today.” she stood utterly still
as he walked toward her and took her in his arms.
	“I’m not letting you leave Usagi, not in weather like this,
not when you feel so horrible about what happened.  I was there, I
saw everything.  It wasn’t your fault Usagi, please believe me.  I
would share the blame, if there was blame to give.  God works in
mysterious ways, I- we can’t change the past.” she let her head fall
to his shoulder and her hands tightened around his back.
	“I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again.  I
would have chosen my own death instead of someone elses.” he
nodded as he ran his fingers through her damp hair.
	“Don’t say that, no one can be perfect all the time.  You
can’t expect to save everyone, it’s impossible, even for the
invincible Sailor Moon.”
	She fell silent, mulling over his words in her head. “Thank
you.” she whispered into his wet blue shirt, a smile playing across
her lips.
	“For what?”
	“For everything Mamoru-san.  Just for everything.” he
nodded, knowing what she meant.  

*~*
I'll give you my heart give you my shoulder
I'll give you my heart give you my shoulder
*~*

	She glanced over his shoulder for brief second and saw that
the rain had stopped.
	“I should probably be getting home, my mother is probably
wondering what happened to me.” she told him absently, while
pulling away from his grasp slowly.  He looked back and saw a
clear starry night starting to form as the clouds rolled eastward. 
She walked to the table and picked up her henshin and pinned it to
her bow.
	“I’ll walk you home.” he grabbed her jacket near the door
and they walked out together.

	“You don’t need to take me all the way home,
Mamoru-san.  It’s kind of a far walk.” she watched the sidewalk,
avoiding puddles as they walked slowly toward her house across
town.
	“I take my job as your protector, in either form, seriously, I
wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.” she grinned at him.
	“I can take care of myself don’t forget.”
	“And when you can’t I’ll always be there for you.” he said
gently, taking her hand swiftly in his.  She stopped walking,
pausing underneath a dripping awning.
	“Promise?” her eyes were hopeful, lit with the light of her
soul.
	“Promise.” he leaned forward and kissed her lightly on her
rosebud lips.  He pulled back, smiling at her slightly dazed face.
	“Don’t stop.” she whispered, claiming his lips for her own.
	Chiba Mamoru wasn’t one to say no to a beautiful woman.

*~*
When the night just cuts you through
And the dream is lost to you
When you're worried and confused
I will, give you my heart give you my shoulder
*~*

	~* Fin. *~

	What did you all think?  Please send me feedback,
Forbidden Hearts has gotten such poor feedback on the last two
chapters I don’t even like to write it anymore.  I need validation as
writer so please send me anything: comments, flames,
compliments, I’ll take anything right now!

	Special thanks to: Clare-chan for helping me through the
point in my life.  Hope is a thing with feathers...  Adrianne and
Kelly even though I barely speak to either of them anymore, lets
try to keep in touch more often!  

Liz-chan