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Paul Jay's

Welcome guests, distinguished visitors, and slobs sitting at the computer eating nachos and spilling soda on the floor. This is my webpage where I get to let off steam, express views on things, and otherwise voice my opinion. If you don't like it, too bad. It was your fault that you came here to begin with. Enough said.

Firefox Rocks

Tired of freaking Explorer getting hijacked? Sick of popups? Dunno what else is being hacked and exploited on your computer. Feel like you're computer is parked with its registry keys in the ignition and the doors left unlocked? Well the answer is to ditch the Explorer, and say hello to Mozilla Firefox. It's a Netscape Navigator based OpenSource program. Not too big of a download, compatable with PC's (98, Me, NT, XP) and does the job nicely. Also has client plugins for IRC chat and other services. Best of all it's free. Gotta love that.
Say no to the bug
If you want to know what your local weather is, don't be tempted to use weatherbug. It seems that with every update it offers less and less functionality and more ads. Ech! Instead, put your tax dollars to work. Here in the states, this government of ours put a decent amount of money into something called NOAA & NWS (National Oceanographic Atmospheric Administration and the National Weather Service.) So if you feel compelled to see your forcast, local radar, etc. go to It's pretty damn good, and besides you're probably paying for it already.
Stupid email threat law in Illinois
I wonder what the retarded lawyers who came up with this one were thinking. Saw it recently and some schmoe is getting convicted for sending threatening emails. And it's a crime for which one can end up in the slammer for three to five years. And you may wonder, "we'll what's so stupid about that?" The way I see it, schmucks are gonna start reasoning this way... "Either I can do time for saying s*** and really get nothing out of it which is a big waste... Or... I could just bottle up my fustration to the point where I actually go and beat the f*** out of somebody. At least that way I get something out of it if I get caught and do the time." The way I see it was that flames or other emails of threatening nature were a way for shmoes to let off steam without resorting to action. Well, they've gotten rid of that outlet. So expect to see more severe assault and battery cases in Illinois in the future. Yey retarded lawyers, yey!

Software with inadequate support

Sometimes I just don't get why companies do this. They make a program which is sufficiently decent and reasonably priced so that people buy it. The program is good enough so people like it. (Hey, I can render this widget with funny lighting and atmospherics for around $90. What are the pro's thinking spending mad money?) Then the company guards the code for such a program more fiercely than crusaders around the Ark of the Covenant. Then when people want to develop new things to improve the program, it can't happen. Which is kinda contrary to the software company's goal of getting more people to buy the program. I don't understand it.

Porn-Bots (a.k.a. Fem-bots)

When I go to an internet chat site, the reason I go there is to chat. So why are all these stupid @$$ script running bots trying to get me to go to some freakin' nasty porn site? NOT TO MENTION I HATE POPUPS AND SPAM DAMMIT! If I wanted to find the porn, I'd run a search and go there directly. I don't need a freakin' bot trying to bait and direct me there. Whoever came up with this concept should be shot. And it should be a bot holding the gun.

Stuff getting in your way? Need help with diminishing resources?

Well if you're feeling encroached... Then I know of places with some answers. AnalogX has some nifty stuff. I've recently got a tool there that keeps garbage from cluttering one's view. "It's like POW! and I can see what I'm looking at!"
PcPitstop isn't bad either for finding those annoying things that drag on ones resources. They have resources and stuff that's akin to pulling the junk out a car if you don't have a bigger motor in order to go faster. Well, that's how I can explain it.

Radio stations playing the same thing
What's up with two different radio stations covering the same area playing the exact same music? Understandable if the signals normally aren't supposed to cross. But when it's two competing radio stations, that's what gets me. Shouldn't the broadcast managers know whats going on elsewhere and switch the playlist around? It's bad enough that it happens with commercials. But when I change stations I do it for a reason, c'mon people know your market for crying out loud! Frickin' lazy @$$ station managers... Pay attention!

No respect...

Here I go, posting diatribes for the general public to mull over. And for the effort I get no recognition. And then someone else does the same exact thing and they get a TV show. A TV SHOW FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD! Man, sometimes it just doesn't make any sense. But thats the world for ya. It loves eye-candy. Something solid just doesn't make it anymore.

Web hosts that don't allow cross linking
I admit, I have to suffer and put up this site on one of the guilty parties under this subject. I remember when it didn't used to be that way though. It was good back then, and I was happy. I could have one picture, sitting in a happy spot and no matter where I posted an image tag online people could see it. Then somebody went and F'D up a good thing. Probably some fruity IT (Inept Twit) analyst who said, "Hey guys, you could be saving bandwidth by turning off image hits." Which totally blows. It ruined a lot of good pages and resulted in dead image tags on websites (which were est. pre-2001.) I don't know of any free web hosts with the old fashioned cross linking. It's a frickin' shame.
If I were to have an organization consiting of concerned people, it would be known as People Against Dumb Drivers. Frankly put, this organization would make it possible to effectively make it legal to forcibly remove morons from the roadways. First of all, it would be necessary to start from the beginning. Making driver's education required in all 50 states. Violating states loose any federal assistance for education. Standardized national drivers education tests would also be much more strict. If you failed more than twice it would cost $100 to take it again after that. So to speak, you'd better know what you're doing in order to have a licence to begin with. Secondly, any use of a phone while driving would be illegal. Period. Shut the hell up and drive. If you even want to carry a phone in a car, it would be required that the number for that phone be posted visible to the public on the back of that car. Speeding would be made legal, but would have certain stipulations. Five seconds of reaction time between the speeder and the vehicle in front of him would be required. It would also be the responsibility of the slower traffic to move out of the way ASAP. Frankly put, the idea is to end tailgating (I consider it assbiting, but that's me I suppose) and weaving - while allowing for fast travel. The move out of the way part would help insure that trafic flow is not restricted. Another thing this organization would push for is minimum required highway ramp speed. Make it a legal offense to restrict traffic flow onto the highway. This would fix problems involving people who merge too slowly and cause problems. People against dumb drivers would be all for these higway laws. Also they'd be promoting: a requirement for traffic lights to be green when there is no crossing traffic, right turn green arrows when cross traffic is getting their green (only on no U-turn intersections, for obvious reasons), and a non-SUV driver law that makes buisnesses accountable for vehicle damage caused by their driveways. These would reduce the hesitation caused by slow brained people enough to help the driving situation in the urban environment. Also PADD would be for increasing enforcement on proper turn signal use, eliminating erratic cyclists from streets if they're weaving or running intersections by on the spot impounding of the bicycle (making them walk instead, which helps the reputation of normal cyclists.) Another thing to consider would be limiting the hours of trailer transport to certain hours of the day in order to prevent rush hour traffic problems caused by trucks. Fines against such violations would then be levied against the companies who employ the drivers. Thus a truck driver who makes his employer loose money by violating the traffic law will soon have a hard time finding a job. These are the things that PADD would lobby for with whatever pennies they could scrounge up.

You go to a place, sit around complaining about how much you hate being there, and you get paid for it. (That's not a movie quote, is it?)

With the right timing, the consumption of chilli, burritos, and a glass of milk can be deadly. It has been known to clear a room of 20 or more people in less than 5 minutes.

Starcraft: Why do I always get teamed with the newbs? I feel that it must be a Battlenet conspiracy. It sucks when you're the only good player against 3 other good players. But it's still all in fun I suppose.

The weather
It's never what you need half the time. You'll be sitting at work and it's nice and sunny outside. By the time you get out, it gets cold and rainy. Then on the weekend it's foggy and drizzly. The next monday you go to work and it's beautiful outside. If you wash your car, within two days it'll either rain or be really dry and windy - if not the rainy the fist day after and then the dry and windy the next. Then if the weather's perfect, the whole biting insect population wants to be with you when you're outside.

Don't worry if you're not all that smart when you're a kid. If you know the right people, you can still get to be president when you grow up.

My anti-drug
Who needs drugs?
  Nobody's around...
    The right magazine...
      Alone in the bathroom...
        My right hand...

          That's my anti-drug.

Military Terminology
Collateral damage: dead civilians
Operational interdiction training accident: special operations unit casualties
Special operations unit casualties: our best trained insane people dying (usually while on covert missions)
covert mission: if I told you, it wouldn't be so covert now - would it?
And what did you think it was when you heard the news?

Expensive bicycles
If it costs more than $500, it'd better have a motor.
If it costs more than $1000, it oughta have an electric starter.
If it costs more than $2000, it should have 2 more wheels and a roof.

If NASCAR really was stock cars instead of specialty cars, I think we'd see Corvettes instead of Monte Carlos, Mustangs instead of Tauruses, and Vipers instead of Intrepids...
Hey wait a moment, that's called GT series racing! What was I thinking?

NASCAR really stands for: Non Available Specialty CAR
Which shows why the ones at the dealership have nothing in common.

A race that I'd like to see:
15 drivers/teams picked by lottery. $10,000 overall budget cap per team - or disqualified. Used cars acceptable, but no more than 10 years old.
Make it 20 laps (not too long or short.) And have a prize worth racing for... ($1mil)
That would be a much more interesting race than one would normally see on TV.
Heck, that would be a much more interesting contest show than millionaire.

Store bought pizzas
The pizzas that are worth buying in the store are no cheaper overall than the one you can get from the pizza place down the road. It's not much quicker if you consider the time it takes to cook. I think the only good reason for store bought pizzas is so you don't have to feel guilty about not paying the pizza guy a tip.

People in other countries
Stop looking at me like that. Just because I'm American doesn't mean I'm going to do something to you. Geez, I even bought that breakable thing at the trinket shop down the alley to help your local economy. Heck, there are even some things that I don't like about what Americans do either. By the way, is that your car? Heheh... Why is it so small? Do you wind it up? And why do you all drive funny, don't you guys have traffic laws? Well, I guess I've gotta go and catch my flight home. Ciao, umm... Aufwiedersehen, no, uhh... Bonjour... Later whatever!

Oil kings
You know what's messed up about some of these people... That they want your money, invite you over to keep an eye on things... And then when you finally buy their oil, they give that money to people who want to kill you for being at the place you were invited to. Personally I think everyone will be better off if cars just ran on ethanol. I doubt that farmer Bob's friends would kill me for keeping the crows away from his field after I bought some of his whiskey.

After a while it seems to me that some people need to be smacked. Now if only I could do this legally and via telepresence, then I would be all for it. :P

Left out?
Man, I think I'm being left out. You know why? Because when are they going to have slightly overweight guy with a nervous twitch, who talks to himself occasionally (at least that's what I've been telling me), and has a bad attitude about everything history month?


No I did not say lobotomy, mind you. I said laboratory. I would concentrate research efforts on making something cool. Not some cheesy looking two wheeled thingy thats real expensive and serves the same purpose as a much cheaper kick scooter. I think building an anti-gravity device would be worth while. Yes, it will need a lot of funding. (Send me cashiers check payable to... heheh...) But it will be worth it. It will allow for real flying cars. Not some airplane thats slightly larger than a car, but a real flying car! It would be made available as a kit for retrofit into existing models. This would be great for impressing the Joneses while they're stuck in traffic. Definitely makes spotting empty parking spaces easier. Not to mention being able to avoid speeding tickets. LOL!
Online Dating
Hey ladies? Hello? You out there? Ok... So what's the deal with online dating? They want you to pay money for email addresses. But they have no guarantee that the girl who's profile I dig is still available. So why bother spending the cash? So, I try to make my profile there as transparent as possible to how I can be spotted in person or contacted via email (without giving the info directly.) Still, no response from the ladies. And people wonder why I look pissed off all the time. No lovin'... Anyhow, I'm still waiting. I guess I'll have to take a picture of myself counting a wad of $20's. Heh... That's the only good thing I suppose. Because the women out there either don't acknowlege me or hate me, I have cash at my disposal. Nobody but me to spend it on, and I consider myself cheap to take care of. So if this keeps up, I'll be like a miser or something. Oh well...

The Peacemaker
If I had nukes, people would hate me.  "Why is that?" you may ask. Well it's quite simple from my perspective really.  People who keep fighting and refusing to get along for whatever reason would be wiped off the map.  The idea behind this is to make people learn tolerance really quick.  If they don't make a true effort for peaceful existance, then nobody wins.  Fighting over land, appearance, religion, ideology, etc. would end really quick.  Better to get along than face oblivion.  But I guess that's why they don't let me have nukes.  It would hurt the arms industry.

Number of people influenenced
in some way by a crazy person: