I know some of the fonts on this page are hard to read, but they are in different colors as a symbol. The black background represents the dark side, the colors represent hope. I hope that you find this page useful and comforting, remember it is NOT your fault.

Rape and Domestic Violence

Today another woman died
and not on a foreign field
and not with a rifle strapped to her back,
and not with a large defense of tanks
rumbling and rolling behind her.

She died without CNN covering her war.
She died without talk of intelligent bombs
and strategic targets
The target was simply her face, her back
her pregnant belly.

The target was her precious flesh
that was once composed like music
in her mother’s body and sung
in the anthem of birth.

The target was this life
that had lived its own dear wildness,
had been loved and not loved,
had danced and not danced.

A life like yours or mine
that had stumbled up
from a beginning
and had learned to walk
and had learned to read.
and had learned to sing.

Another woman died today.
not far from where you live;
Just there, next door where the tall light
falls across the pavement.

Just there, a few steps away
where you’ve often heard shouting,
Another woman died today.

She was the same girl
her mother used to kiss;
the same child you dreamed
beside in school.
The same baby her parents
walked in the night with
and listened and listened and listened
For her cries even while they slept.

And someone has confused his rage
with this woman’s only life.

- Carol Geneya Kaplan

"Annie's Got Her Gun"

by Ann Coulter, from George Magazine

About a year ago, a mugger just waltzed right up to me on a bridge here in Washington,D.C. It was early evening, and I was a stone's throw from my apartment in what is considered a nice neighborhood, as neighborhoods go in the Murder Capital -- the richly deserved nickname for the nation's capital.

I won't belabor my cunning and completely fortuitous escape, except to say that for the few minutes I was standing there waiting to be mugged, I was fuming. I knew he knew that I didn't have a gun.

It's illegal to carry a handgun here in the Murder Capital. Not merely illegal but a
felony that carries up to a five-year maximum sentence.

Just as I could look at my prospective mugger and see that he was not the kind of fellow who would be a fanatic about property rights and bodily integrity, he could see from 50 yards that I was not the type to be committing felonies.

I wanted a gun, but more than that I wanted him to think I might possibly have a gun. I wanted him to at least accord me the respect I get from criminals in other cities, where they have to exercise a little creativity, lying in wait, sneaking up from behind, hiding in bushes and dark alleyways -- that sort of thing. No, in D.C. muggers just walk right up to you on a brightly lit street. As an apparently law-abiding citizen, I am ostentatiously defenseless.

But let's forget about completely defenseless me on the bridge for a moment.

The framers' primary reason for including the right to bear arms in the Bill of Rights was to allow people to protect themselves from tyrannical government -- just like the vastly overrated First Amendment. As Alexander Hamilton observed cheerily in Federalist 29,
if the government were to "form an army of any magnitude that army can never be formidable to the liberties of the people while there is a large body of citizens, little, if at all, inferior to them in discipline and the use of arms, who stand ready to defend their rights and those of their fellow citizens."

Some may be willing to rely on withering editorials in the New York Times to preserve
their liberty. I'm counting on a sleek and tasteful SIG-Sauer. If the courts started
interpreting the Second Amendment the way they interpret the First, we'd have a right to bear nuclear arms by now.

Interestingly, the Supreme Court is incessantly having to remind Americans of their First Amendment rights, issuing more than 100 decisions in the past half century alone. The
Court has ruled on the Second Amendment in only a handful of cases, the last time in 1939.

But still, about half the citizenry deeply, passionately believe that they have a right to bear arms. Give the First Amendment no support from the courts for over half a century and see if anyone remembers why we're supposed to let Nazis march in Skokie.

But the half of the country that intuitively assumes the right to bear arms doesn't live in
my neighborhood. That's why I'm getting exasperated with the constitutional argument.
Too few people -- girl people in particular -- appreciate the central point: Guns are our friends.

When it comes to the First Amendment, everyone gets warm patriotic feelings, tearing up
over John Stuart Mill's marketplace of ideas. They think immediately of our right to engage in political speech, scientific research, avant-garde art, and to burn politicians in effigy (or maybe that's just me). Speech on the fringe, like Aryan Nation propaganda or Hustler magazine is understood to be an unpleasant, if inevitable, by-product of a freedom we cherish.

But with the Second Amendment, it's all Hustler magazine. No upside, just school shootings and all those apocryphal "gun accidents." (In 1945, for every million Americans there were 350,000 firearms and 18 fatal gun accidents. By 1995, there were 850,000 firearms per million, and fatal gun accidents had fallen to six.)

Guns are our friends, because in a world without guns I'm what is known as prey. Almost all females are. Any male -- even the sickliest 98-pound weakling -- could overpower me in a contest of brute force against brute force. For some reason, I'm always asked whether I wouldn't prefer a world without guns. No, I'd prefer a world in which everyone is armed, even the criminals who mean to cause me harm. Then I'd at least have a fighting chance.

What the arms-control faithful really want is a world without violence, not a world without weapons. These are the ideological descendants of the authors of the Kellogg-Briand Pact, which purported to outlaw war. But we can't have a world without violence, because the world is half male and testosterone causes homicide. A world with violence -- that is to say, with men -- but without weapons is the worst of all possible worlds for women. As the saying goes, God made man and woman; Colonel Colt made them equal.

Prey like me use guns against predators about a million times a year. Fifteen different studies (including those sponsored by gun control advocates) have arrived at the following estimates: at the low end, several hundred thousand times per year; at the high end, several million.

I especially want potential assailants to have to worry that I might be carrying. In
numerous surveys, criminals have confirmed the blindingly obvious point that they are
disinclined to attack a victim who might be armed. Countries with those fabulously low
crime rates and fabulously fascistic gun control laws -- such as Canada, the Netherlands,
and Britain --- have more burglaries of occupied homes per capita than we do. Canada's
burglary rate of occupied homes is more than three times that of the armed-to-the-teeth
U.S. Although the murder rate is lower in Britain, rape, robbery, burglary, and assault are all substantially higher there than in the U.S.

It must be said, the framers were not insensate to the crime-prevention qualities of firearms. In the late eighteenth century, standing armies had become nothing more than roving bands of criminals. The Second Amendment was, in part, a response to those early cases of police brutality. (Why is it that the same people who have the least confidence in the police and the military are the most willing to allow only the police and the military to have guns?)

Thomas Jefferson, for example, copied into his book of favorite quotes an observation by
Cesare Beccaria, the founder of the science of criminology: "Laws that forbid the carrying of arms . . . disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes . . . . Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man."

That night in Washington, by the way, I was rescued by a man. I'm all for men; I like
to have them around all the time. But sometimes they can't be. Sometimes they have to go buy things for us. More pertinently, sometimes they're ex-husbands coming after us with
machetes. We live in a world in which men are supposed to freeze when we say no, our bodily integrity is sacrosanct, we are autonomous beings, I am woman, hear me roar -- but
we're not allowed to defend ourselves from a physical attack with the only effective means possible. Just stand waiting on the bridge and hope for a nice man to come along.

                  Must see websites                                       

          AWARE

          Women's Firearm Network

          Women Against Gun Control

          Mothers Arms

Last year, approximately 173,000 rapes  were reported among women 12 years and older. Research has shown that taking self-defense measures significantly  reduces the chance of a completed rape.

Dating violence and acquaintance assault happens more frequently than most people think. Up to

one-third of young adults between the ages of 16 and 24 have reported being involved in at least

one abusive dating situation. Date rapes, which account for 60 percent of all rapes, are not

usually committed by a stranger late at night. More than 80 percent of all sexual assaults1 occur

between people who know each other. These assaults happen on dates, in people's homes, at

parties and in the daylight hours as well as at night. The assailant may be a friend, lover,

boyfriend, classmate, coworker or even a family member.

Sexual assault by an acquaintance can be more traumatizing than assault by a stranger. First of

all, it represents a violation of trust. Secondly, victims may not get the social support they need

and deserve. While people are likely to believe victims of stranger assault, they may refuse to

believe an account of an assault by an acquaintance. Friends may say the victim is to blame.

Friends may not be there for the victim, or worse, they may take sides with the assailant.

The reason this happens is complicated. To friends, acquaintance sexual assault may be more

threatening than assault by a stranger. It suggests to them that they are too vulnerable, and that

this could happen to them. By suggesting that the victim, not the assailant is to blame, they

protect themselves from sharing the victim's vulnerability.

Because acquaintance sexual assault shatters trust and can lead to alienation from support

systems, victims often turn to substance abuse and attempts at suicide, or become chronically

depressed, angry or anxious. Victims may also develop eating disorders and other self-abusive

behaviors.

         Domestic abuse

*Personal note: I have decided to add this onto my web page because it is a personal issue with me. While I was not your typical battered housewife I have experienced abuse. I know what it is like to be scared and afraid to tell anyone. I know what it is like to have people say "Why do you stay with him?". It is a difficult choice especially when there are kids involved. Each woman that has experienced domestic violence has their own views on what to do. I suggest going to meet with a counselor, I did and  finally made progress. While the following is not meant to be hypocritical, I hope that it will help someone out there that may be in a potentially life threatening situation. Be strong and don't let other's   views confuse you, do what is best for you. If you answer YES to two or more of the following please seek some help, I was able to answer YES to all of the questions below.

Recognizing A Potential Abuser

Here are some warning signs that might signal potential verbal,

physical or sexual abuse:

Does he lose his temper frequently and more easily than seems necessary?

Does he abuse alcohol or other drugs?

Does he commit acts of violence against objects and things rather than  people? 

Does he show extreme jealousy?

Does he become enraged when you won't listen to his opinion or advice?

Does he expect you to spend all your time with him or inform him of  your  whereabouts?

Does he tell you how to dress, how to wear your hair and/or makeup?

Does he follow you, is he always watching you to see where you are, what  you are doing, who you are talking to? 

Has he ever slapped you, pulled your hair, twisted your wrist, arm or          fingers, jabbed you in the ribs, pushed or shoved you, slapped, hit or  knocked you around?  

Is he being physically or verbally abused at home, or is his parents'  relationship physically violent?

What appears as harmless behavior may be identified as the early warning signs of future abuse.

If you feel a twinge of uneasiness, stop, look, and listen! If you have an idea that your love for

each other, and or marriage, will solve the problem, forget it! Physical abuse during courtship is

usually a guarantee of further abuse after marriage.

Be aware of individuals who:

X        ignore your wishes

X       attempt to make you feel guilty or accuse you of being "uptight"

X       act excessively jealous or possessive

X       ignore your personal boundaries

X       do not listen, or disregard what you are saying

X       are under the influence of alcohol or other drugs

X     get hostile when you say, "No"

Trust your intuition. Pay attention to behavior that doesn't seem right. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If you find yourself in a vulnerable or uncomfortable situation, take action.

If You Have Been a Rape Victim

~ Tell someone. Go to a friend's house or any place where people can give you emotional support.

~ Go to a hospital. See a doctor immediately for treatment of any injuries and for other tests which can provide important medical evidence. In the case of sexual assault, don't douche, bathe, shower or change clothes before you go.

~ Report the assault. Just like any form of assault, dating violence and acquaintance rape are serious crimes. You should report an incident to law enforcement. Reporting an assault does not mean you must press charges, but it may prevent yourself and others from further abuse.

~ Seek counseling. A professional can help you regain the trust, support, and faith in your own judgment that the incident has damaged.

~ Confront your assailant. This often helps regain the control you may feel you've lost. This may mean writing an angry letter that you do not mail, or it may mean going to court. Unfortunately, the court system's judgment may not be very satisfying.

~ Try the civil court rather than the criminal court. Civil court is more likely to decide in the victim's favor. Consider suing a third party, such as the company, organization or group that failed to provide adequate security, for pain and suffering damages and for the cost of therapy.

~ Take a firearms training course, it will not only teach you how to safely handle a gun but will teach you what to do in different situations.

~ Remember you are not alone. Acquaintance assault is far too common in dating and cohabitation situations. Nationally, it happens to one in four women. Get help. Your local rape crisis center, hospital, attorney or therapist can put you in touch with a peer group. Talking to others in similar situations can be a tremendous support.

  Be smart!  Be safe!  Be alert!  Protect yourself, do not rely on others to do it for you. :-)

Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Nickleback. If you are/were in a situation as I was, you will relate to this song....

"Never Again"

He's drunk again, it's time to fight
She must have done something wrong tonight
The living room becomes a boxing ring
It's time to run when you see him
Clenching his hands
She's just a woman
Never Again

I hear her scream, from down the hall
Amazing she can even talk at all
She cries to me, Go back to bed
I'm terrified that she'll wind up
Dead in his hands, She's just a woman
Never Again

Been there before, but not like this
Seen it before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again

Just tell the nurse, you slipped and fell
It starts to sting as it starts to swell
She looks at you, she wants the truth
It's right out there in the waiting room
With those hands
Lookin just as sweet as he can
Never Again

Seen it before, but not like this
Been there before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again

Father's a name you haven't earned yet
You're just a child with a temper
Haven't you heard "Don't hit a lady"?
Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure

He's drunk again, it's time to fight
Same old shit, just on a different night
She grabs the gun, she's had enough
Tonight she'll find out how fucking
Tough is this man
Pulls the trigger just as fast as she can
Never Again

Seen it before, but not like this
Been there before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again

A few links for some information on abuse:

1.  LIFESPAN

2.  EDVP

3.  SAFE house

4.  Domestic violence survival kit

5.  Domestic violence prevention

6.  Domestic violence 911

7.  Lifetime TV

If you know of someone that is being abused, you can help! Listen to what she is telling you, do not invalidate her feelings, assure her she isn't crazy and that abuse is not right. Take her to an abuse shelter or counselor, help her seek more information on Domestic Violence so she knows she is not alone. It is very hard for women to get the nerve to leave, they need help and a gentle push in the right direction. Be consistent and persistent with her, don't give up on her. Women do leave with the proper encouragement. Remember, they are afraid and confused don't hold that against them.