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ED WOOD

Edward D. Wood, Jr.: This story's gonna grab people! It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl, but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her!? Should he not tell her!? He's torn, Georgie! This is drama!

Kathy O'Hara: Eddie doesn't pass judgement on people.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: That's right. If I did I'd have no friends.

Orson Welles: Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dream?

Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Movie

Dr. Forrester: Oh, who doesn't own an interositer these days?

Tom Servo: Crow you big dope, you can't tunnel through space!

(Everyone is being sucked into the vacuum of space.)
Crow T. Robot: Hey Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull-All Die." Even had it underlined."

(After Breaching the hull in an escape attempt)
Crow T. Robot: Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid...and I went ahead anyway.

Mike: Let's slip away under the cover of the biggest car in the country.

Servo: Self cleaning mutant. Leaves only the fresh scent of pine.

Mike: Washingtonland, the new Disney theme park.

A Clockwork Orange

Alex: Appy-polly-loggies. I had something of a pain in my gulliver so I had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for awakening.

Alex: Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?

Alex: What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashing of the old ultraviolence.

Alex: Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

Alex: There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim. And we sat in the Korova Milkbar, trying to make up our razudoks what to do with the evening. The Korova Milkbar sold milk-plus; milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and get you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

Alex: Hi, hi, hi, Mr. Deltoid!

Alex: Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now.

Alex: No time for the old in-out, love, I've just come to read the meter.

Alex: I was cured all right.

Swingers

Mike: You shouldn't be sorry. You're the winner. I'm the one who should be sorry, I'm the freakin' loser.
Trent: Don't talk that way.
Mike: Can we just go?
Trent: Let me tell you something, Mike. You're money, and you know what else? You're a big winner. I'm gonna ask you a simple question: who's the big winner tonight in the casino? Mikey, that's who. Mikey's the big winner.

[Playing a hockey video game] Trent: I wish they still had fights in this game so i could slap Wayne.
Mike: What? They don't have fighting anymore?
Trent: Doesn't that suck?
Mike: Why'd they get rid of the fighting? It was the best part of the old version.
Sue: I think kids were hittin' each other or somethin', man.
Trent: Yeah but you know what, Mike? You can make their heads bleed in this one.
Mike: Make somebody's head bleed.
Sue: No man, were in the playoffs.

Sue: Pause the game.
Trent: Wait I'm gonna do my thing with the thing.

Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and fangs...
Sue:...big freakin teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah...big freakin teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda...you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these freaking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these freaking claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With *this* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what i mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just like messing with me?
Trent: No, I'm not messing with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.

Trent: There's nothing wrong with letting the ladies know that you're money and you wanna party.

Trent: Hey! What're you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I'll ask! Ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?

Trent: You're so money and you don't even know it!


Brain Candy

(Looking into a microscope)
Alice: This urine is great!

Cabbie: When I was a little boy, my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this, "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over."

Raymond Hurdicure: Sorry we're a few hours late, there, Ma but you know how the kids....hate, uh, old people.

Raymond Hurdicure: So, I hear Dad's dead. Hey, is that egg nog?

Wally's wife: Were the handcuffs totally necessary, officer?
Cop: Well, actually, that was your husbands idea.


*Please keep in mind that SOME of these quotes are edited :)