The memory of what had taken place in the living room earlier that evening replayed once more to her mind, and a single tear fell from to her cheek. As unbelievable and as quick as it had happened, The Monkees were going back to 1967, and as much as she cared about each of the guys as friends, she was also loosing one of them who had begun to be a little more to her. And she would never have the nerve, nor the time, to even get to tell him how she felt.
Tossing and turning in her bed, Adriana suddenly felt a pressing urge to go outside. She knew it would be cold, but she had to get out there. Out on the deck, in the quiet darkness of the night was the only place she could ever find solace, if it was even possible for her to find any.
She put on a pair of black sporty pants with white stripes on the sides, a long sleeved, black shirt, her black boots, and her dark green snow jacket that matched her eyes. Grabbing her small, battery radio off her dresser, she glanced in the mirror before she left her room seeing that her hair was a tousled mess, but she didn’t care. Outside, there would nobody to impress.
Adriana then opened the door and tiptoed into the living room, and careful not to wake Micky on the couch, slid open the door to the deck and walked out into the almost frigid December air.
Shutting the door quietly behind her, Adriana walked over to the edge of the deck and looked up at the stars, remembering when she had brought Peter out and explained to him how she felt.
“Maybe they’re all like the stars,” Adriana whispered to herself, leaning on the rail of the deck, setting the radio down and turning it on quietly to her favorite station where commercials currently droned on. “Maybe they just don’t belong here.”
So many thoughts circled around in her mind as she stood there on that cold, early Christmas Eve morning. She shut her eyes and thought back to all of the fun times she had with Mike, Peter, Micky, and Davy.
One in particular was last weekend when, at the urging of Jessie, they all decided to try snow skiing. None of them had ever skied before, so it was quite an adventure. Surprisingly, both Micky and Mike had caught on rather quickly. While the two of them screamed down the slopes, with Jessie and Link, the rest were just happy to watch them.
After awhile, Micky and Mike had convinced the others to get up and try again. For a moment, Adriana thought she actually might have had her footing, if it wasn't for a baby bunny crossing her path, causing her to swerve and fall.
Adriana shut her eyes tighter and wrapped her arms around herself, as she reminisced. Sighing, she remembered looking up from the ground and into the concerned eyes of the one Monkee that she had most wanted to see before her.
He had looked at her and asked if she was okay. Adriana could hardly breathe. The sun was shining behind him and he looked like an answer to prayer. She told him she was all right, and with a smile, he grasped her hand in his and pulled her up.
She had thanked him, and now they were face to face. She realized how tall he was, and how for once she didn't feel like the giant. Adriana had always been self-conscious about being tall, but looking at him, she could not have been happier about the height she was. She was about eye level with his nose, and just by tilting her head back a little, she could look straight into his eyes.
The two of them stood like that for what seemed like minutes, but in reality, it probably wasn't too long. Soon the wind began to blow and a soft snow began to fall. She felt his left hand grasping hers tighter, and him releasing her right hand. Slowly, he brought it up to her face. He touched her cheek, and smiling, looked into her eyes.
All of a sudden, Davy's figure had come bounding down the hill, crashing into the two, breaking them out of their moment.
He had never approached her again after that day. Once and awhile she would catch him looking at her, but as soon as their eyes met, he would look away.
Adriana opened her eyes again and stared into the sky. Clouds began to slowly appear, covering up the stars. "Just like when they have to leave," she thought to herself, tears welling up in her eyes, "I'm going to miss them so much, but I can't be so stupid and so selfish. They don't belong here. I never should have gotten so close. How naïve."
Once again, the way he looked at her that day recalled itself to her mind.
“This is WPVX, with your nightly night man, Allen E,” the radio announcer said. “Next up, we’ve got a request from a sleepy listener in Chi-town, wanting to hear that old, 80’s ballad from Crowded House. Here’s ‘Been In Love Before’.”
Adriana inwardly groaned as the song started to play and she continued to deliberate her situation. She didn’t know if she was in love or not. One thing was for sure, if this is what it felt like, it surely wasn’t what she expected.
Sure, she had dated guys in the past, but it never was anything serious. There was one that she thought might have been, but she was just left feeling like she had been wrong from the beginning. Adriana always felt like she had so much time, that when the right person came along, she’d just know and that would be it. She didn’t have any idea that it would be this hard.
"Great song, huh," came a voice from behind her.
She knew that voice. Even before she met him, she would know it anywhere. Slowly turning around, there stood Micky Dolenz in a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt, and a pair of tennis shoes.
“How long have you been standing there,” Adriana asked, almost put out by the invasion of her quiet time.
“Long enough,” Micky said.
"Uh, aren’t you cold," Adriana asked, trying to hide the fact she was startled by his sudden appearance.
"Yeah," he said, rubbing his exposed arms, "but, I saw you go by, and I had to talk to you, and if it means standing out here in the cold, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
Adriana couldn't help but laugh at his false bravado. Her smile faded as she noticed the look on his face. He didn’t even force a grin.
"I didn't mean to wake you," she said, trying to change the subject, turning back to the edge of the deck. "I just needed to come out here and clear my head."
"You don't know how many times I've done that while everybody else was in bed," Micky said, stepping beside her. "It's so peaceful out here."
"Yeah," she agreed, looking up. She felt her face redden as she thought of what she must have looked like, standing outside, lamenting to the night.
The two stood there for a moment in an awkward silence until Micky spoke up.
“I need to know if you were thinking about what I think you were thinking about out here,” he asked, turning to face her.
"Micky, I…," Adriana began, her nerves beginning to get the best of her as she twisted her hands.
“You don't need to say anything,” he said, placing a hand over both of hers. “I remember that day on the slopes. Man, your face right then has been frozen in my mind ever since. I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful."
"Oh, geez, Micky, please don't say stuff like that," Adriana groaned, turning from him.
"Why," asked Micky.
"Because," she said with her back to him, "I have to protect myself. If I don’t, nobody else will. Besides, you have to go."
"I don't have to go," Micky said indignantly.
"Micky, you have to go,” she repeated. “Like I said, I couldn’t live with myself for destroying you guys.”
“Destroying us,” Micky asked.
“Yeah, destroying you,” Adriana said harshly, a lump rising in her throat. “I won’t be responsible for ruining your life."
"Adrian," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders, "you could never ruin my life. I know I’d risk being thrown in jail or some mental institution just to stay here…with you."
“Oh, please,” she continued harshly, “you sound so melodramatic. I bet the writers probably made you this way to react like this to girls you liked.”
“What,” Micky exclaimed, tossing his arms out in frustration.
"You know, all this time I’ve been trying to deny what I was beginning to feel for you. At first, it was just because I didn't want to hurt Peter. Then, when we worked things out there really was nothing standing in my way. I thought that maybe there might be a way. Now that all this has happened, I feel hopeless. You've got to back tomorrow. You’ve got to go back to a place where, to me, you’re not even real," she continued with a harsher tone. "Who knows, maybe this has been some weird dream. Maybe you're not even real right now."
Suddenly Micky grabbed her shoulders and whirled her around to face him. He placed his left hand on the side of her face and looked into her eyes. "Look at me," he demanded. "Look at me."
Adriana looked up at his dark brown eyes. There was a look of seriousness and determination that she had never seen before. "Now," he began, "you tell me if this feels fake."
He kissed her for what seemed like minutes, but then again, it was probably for just a moment. If it had been in the Monkees television dimension, there probably would have been some stock footage of fireworks, but as much as this was reality, time did seem to stop for Adriana and Micky, but suddenly, Adriana pulled away.
"Micky…" she began.
"What," he asked breathlessly, resting his forehead against hers.
"Micky, I just can't…" she continued, looking down at his socked feet.
"Can't what," he asked, starring at her, wondering why she couldn’t look at him.
She broke away from him more and stood back. "I guess that was pretty real, huh? But, people kiss on TV too, ya know. Like those ridiculous movie kisses that never happen in real life…”
“Please, don’t start on that again,” Micky groaned, folding his arms across his chest. “What do I have to do to convince you this is real?”
“I can't do this Micky,” Adriana said, moving towards the door. “I just don’t see how this would work. It’s crazy.”
"But, Adrian…," Micky protested, stepping towards her again.
"I just can't, okay," she said, feeling her throat begin to ache with un-cried tears. "If you really cared about me you'd understand why I have to send you guys back. This is hard enough for me as it is."
Then, she turned on her heal and dashed back into the apartment, leaving Micky alone on the deck, staring up at the cloudy sky.
"Merry Christmas Micky," he said quietly to himself.
The next morning Adriana dressed and ready for work in a hurry. She didn’t expect to be too busy that day, but she knew she would be the only one in the office. In fact, she really didn’t have to work. She just knew she couldn’t be there to take them back. Putting her hair up into a clip, she grabbed her purse and walked out of her room.
Stepping out of her room and into the kitchen, she was faced with a familiar sight. Just like they had been months earlier, the guys were lined up before her.
"Well, guys," Adriana said, trying to put on a smile and a brave face, "it's been an adventure."
"Davy," she said, stepping in front of him, looking down at the young man who had changed so much, "I'm going to miss you.”
"I'm going to miss you too Adrian," Davy said. "Can you come down 'ere and give me a hug?"
Adriana chuckled softly. "No problem," she said, hugging his small frame.
"Save some for me," Mike said next to Davy.
"Oh, Mike," Adriana said, wrapping her arms around him, a single tear escaping from her eyes, "you are such a good friend. Thanks for your shoulder.”
"Literally," he said, pointing at the mark the tear left after she pulled away. He smiled at her and placed his hand on her arm. "You be good, now, you hear?"
"I will, Mike," she said, placing her hand on his.
When Adriana stepped in front of Peter, he held out a small box to her. "This is from all of us," he said with a dimpled grin.
"What could it be," she mused, taking the package, and opening it to reveal a CD.
"We had Jimmy put this together the other night," Peter explained. "It's the first and only copy of the 'Past Lives' album."
She pressed it close to her and sighed, "Thank you so much."
"Hey," Peter protested, opening his arms and laughing warmly, "where's mine?"
"Oh, you'll get yours," Adriana joked, smiling and giving Peter a long hug and kiss on the cheek.
"You are a great person," Peter whispered in her ear, reminding her of a quote from a movie the two had watched together a couple of weeks ago.
“No, I’m a good person,” she whispered back, continuing the quote from the movie, “Say Anything”. “You are a great person.”
Closing her eyes, she savored hearing Peter’s wonderful laugh once more as she let go and moved next to Micky.
"Goodbye Micky," she said quickly, hugging him fast, never looking him in the eye, and reaching for the door.
His friends noticed the pained look on Micky’s face and looked at Adriana, puzzled.
"Jessie and Link will be here in a little bit to take you guys home," she continued quickly. A horn honked from outside. "And there's my taxi to work."
She looked at each of the guys, like she had done so many times before, but for the last time.
"I'm going to miss you guys so much," she said, biting her lip.
"We're going to miss you too, kid," Mike said, looking up at the ceiling. Davy was looking at his hands, squinting and Peter was already crying. Micky, however, just starred at her the whole time, his sad eyes boring holes into her.
"Goodbye," she said quietly, and shut the door behind her.
"Boy, it sure is quiet around here," Adriana thought to herself as she stepped into her empty, dark apartment Christmas Eve afternoon.
She had managed to find enough random things to keep herself busy at work for about five hours. Tackling the reorganizing of the main filing cabinet at the office still had not been able to totally take her mind off of all that had happened the last few months.
Shutting the door behind her, Adriana walked into the pitch dark living room. Reaching behind a chair, she picked up a plug and placed it into a light socket. The Christmas tree that they had decorated nights before shone brilliantly. Adriana sighed and crossing her arms, she stood and starred at the tree.
"Pretty amazing, huh," a voice suddenly came from the couch.
"Micky," she shouted, nearly jumping out of her skin with the sudden shock, turning to look where he was seated. There he was, in her living room, on her couch wearing a black turtleneck sweater and a pair of faded jeans.
"Pretty amazing," he said again.
"I know," she said, bewildered, "the tree looks great. But, why are you here? Where's everyone else?"
"I wasn't talking about the tree," he grinned impishly.
"You didn't answer my question," Adriana said, folding her arms again and leaning back. She never took complements well, especially from somebody she liked.
"Well," he said, getting off the couch and walking towards her, "We started to head back, but when we got there, the guys saw how upset I was. They convinced me to come back here. They're home now, and Link and Jessie took the time machine to Jessie's parents’ vacation house in Lena, so we can always see them again. It’s not here, so no one will be able to find it. Most of all, I realized that I don't want to be without you. Adrian…I love you."
For a moment, Adriana just stood there. He had said it. The dreaded “L” word. Looking over at him, the words seemed to just hang in the air and, finally, settle over her. Why had she been so afraid of that word before? He had just said it, unafraid and unashamed, and guess what? The world was still turning, and she didn’t spontaneously combust. A smile slowly spread across her face as she recalled the lyrics from the song the night before, “It hits you in a minute. Then you know you’re in it .” This was it. All semblance of reason flew out the window as she ran across the room and into his waiting arms.
"Guess what," he said, breaking the embrace, "I have something for you."
"Ah, you do know the way to a girl’s heart,” she joked, “What is it?"
"Here," Micky said after he had retrieved a medium sized box from the couch.
She took the box from him, and after glancing at him quickly, she opened it.
What she found inside made her nearly loose her balance.
"Whoa," Micky said, steadying her. “Are you okay?”
"Shamoo," she said softly, picking the black and white stuffed animal out of the box. "You remembered," Adriana said, looking at Micky, who was smiling at her.
"How in the world did you find one of these," she asked, stroking the familiar toy. “I can't believe you remembered."
"It's amazing what you can do with a little extra time in your hands,” he said, raising an eyebrow in a silly grin. “Besides, I try to remember most of the things you say."
"There's just one more thing," he said after another hug, pulling back and looking at her. "Grab your coat and come on."
Moments later she was standing outside with Micky's gloved hands covering her eyes.
"Micky, it's freezing out here," she giggled. "What's going on…,"
Micky lifted his hands and Adriana took a deep breath as she looked all around her. The early moon shone dimly on the lawn that was blanketed with a thin coat of Illinois snow. Micky had strung Christmas lights all over the deck and the trees on the lawn below. And a soft, drifting snow began to fall.
"What do you think," Micky asked, putting his arms around her from behind.
"It's picture perfect," Adriana answered, tilting her head back to look at him. The two of them just stood there and watched the lights twinkle for awhile.
After a little bit, Micky stepped back into the house and brought out a CD player.
"What are you doing," Adriana asked with a curious grin.
"A little moonlit music," he said in his radio voice. Adriana chuckled to herself.
“I do have neighbors, you know,” she said with a laugh, looking over at the apartment across the way as Micky waved to an old woman who had been watching them through her deck windows.
Adriana laughed at the lady who turned the lights off and disappeared from the window. Suddenly, a disco-y beat resounded from the CD player.
“Ugh,” Adriana groaned, rolling her eyes, “didn’t I tell you how much I hate disco?”
“Hey, disco is totally new to me,” Micky said with a laugh, standing up and taking her hand. “Just give it a minute. You might like it.”
Micky danced her around a bit as the music continued and finally the unmistakable voice of Paul McCartney joined in.
“Paul,” Adriana asked incredulously as Micky chuckled and hummed along. “I can’t believe this is Paul!”
“Hey,” Micky said, jokingly accusing, “I found it in your CD collection.”
“Yeah, but I guess I always skipped over this track,” she said, musing that an admiration of Mr. McCartney must be a shared trait in this Micky and the real one.
The music continued and Micky dipped her as she nearly doubled over with laughter.
“What’s the point of all this,” Adriana giggled as Micky spun her in a circle and sang the voice synthesizer parts funnily.
“Why does there have to be a point to anything,” he asked, strutting around. “I think I was brought into your life to loosen you up a bit.”
“Hey,” Adriana kidded, stopping and putting her hands on her hips, “I am one groovy chick.”
“Ah, that I must agree, my dear,” Micky said, grabbing her hand and twirling her once more. “But, you need to stop questioning things so much, and just live.”
Adriana wrapped an arm around Micky and swayed to the music a bit as she thought of what he had said. Maybe there was a plan to all this. Maybe she did go though all of this for a reason. Life had been so up and down for her the past few years, maybe she just needed to let go for awhile.
“What are we going to do now,” Adriana asked, her mind suddenly flooded with thoughts about Micky and the Monkees, the Time Machine and the F.B.I.
“This,” Micky said simply, motioning to the music and continued dancing. “Dance like nobody is watching!”
Adriana laughed as he lifted her up a bit, “Uh, but Micky, I think there is somebody watching.”
“You know what,” Adriana said, leaning against Micky.
“What,” he asked.
“I think I just might love you too,” she confessed quietly.
“You think,” Micky asked, chuckling. “I guess that will have to do…for now!” Adriana shrieked with laughter as he turned her around again, and wrapping his arms around her, kissed her once more.
That night, before Adriana Wilson went to bed, she kneeled on the floor and thanked God for giving her the best Christmas present she could have gotten. Where it would all end up, she didn’t know. All she knew was that wherever she was at right now was okay with her.
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