Ola.

Welcome to the Back Nine, a backwards veiw of life coming from the very bowels of the back nine holes of the awesome and mighty Golf Course of Hell - colloquially known as 'the state of Illinois'. In order to explain this paradigm, I'm going to tell you a couple things about Illinois - our three major export products are corn, disenfranchised smart people with too much talent and no place to use it, and assholes. Our three major internal products are disenfranchised smart people with too much talent and no place to use it, assholes, and golf courses. We also use a lot of the corn, but that's besides the point. The point is - if Hell had a golf course, this is where it would be. Where i live would be roughly just off hole fifteen - the rest of the area in the midstate comprises the majority of the other nine holes. Now that you are aware of this, we can begin.

Just... try not to step in the sandtraps. The worms are hungry. And very very large.

-EviL.

Explanations -- OR -- Where the Hell am I?

Okay. This is very simple, and it won't take long at all. Up at the top and left of this funky html thingy is this funny little button .jpg calling itself Back Nine. That's why I keep doing html - that's my 'thought repository', as it were. Take a look at it... I want to know what you think, if i'm right or if i'm not... That's all I ask.

The page you are currently staring at is Home in the links section. It's where you land at when you arrive here, and it's why you're staring at my words right now. I'm the manager, as it were. Though I preffer the term 'maitre'd'. Nyeh. Or something like that.

The next section we'll cover is New Digs. This is basically the 'What's New' section of the site, and can be very helpful if you're lost, confused, or simply not paying very much attention. I update that section of the site the most (I've done so twice so far tonight alone) so it's probably going to be the most helpful, we think.

This brings us to that section called The List. This section of the site is basically my holdover from the first site, and the reason why I started doing HTML in the first place. It's a 'teacher's edition' list of fifty things to do at Wal Mart when you're bored. Have fun making bail.

Then there's Audio X, for those in our broadcast range who find an interest in listening to me talk about what I find an interest in listening to. It serves a dual role as a links page to some of my more "choice" bands. It's also severely under the process of being molded from the ether, a process due to begin roughly the next time I am sober for more than a straight two hours, which might take a while.

Which leaves us with EviL, which is the section of the site roughly equivalent to 'more about me'. It's not very helpful, because it usually takes a lot of observation to be able to truly learn how and why a human is. But if you want to know what i can tell you in about three minutes, go there.

Oh, and that Email thing? It actually IS my email, if you need to reach me for some bizarre and unexplainable reason.

Anyways, that's all for site navigation, just click on the appropriate link in the table to your left, and you'll be well on your way. Have fun here. I sure as hell did!

The "hero", as it were... -

Ola. Mi llamo 'EviL'. Soy loco cannibale. I'm the master of ceremonies here, a skilled Ninja Assassin and Butler of extremely high rank. But enough about me. The site is pretty much 100% notepad constructed, meaning that every little letter, every line, every frameset, and every error are all my fault. So, if you find something that is broken, let me know so I can either fix it or start cussing at it and hitting it with a hammer (you'd be surprised how well HTML responds to low-brow threats and thug tactics). Now that we've established this, be warned of some things.

A.) This isn't my just primary site. It's my ONLY site. If you see anything here that's somewhere else, and it's clear that it's not something I ganked to make a point (it's really easy to know what I copied - i give credit where it's due) then please, for fuck's sake, let me know so I can find/hurt/maim the theif. I don't like plagerists, and I have a relatively low 'angering bullshit' tolerance.

B.) Until further notice, this site is still EXTREMELY under construction, so please, check back with us whenever you can. The 'New Digs' section of the site should help you with any questions you have about the site's progress and current state of incarnation, or lack thereof, so if you absolutely must know more, go there. It probably won't be of any real or outstanding use to you, but it's there to make you feel better about not knowing what's going on here at the Back Nine, and I'd really hate to see it lay completely unused.

C.) The rate at which this site gets built is inversely proportionate to how crappy my work week is going, so if you want it up faster, band together and boycott ..... whoever i'm currently working for. Thanks.

-EviL types away madly, searching for an easier way to do HTML.

Drop a Line -

UAAAHHH!! Check it out, boys and girls, you too can become a member of the EviL the Kat fan club! Either that or you can send him junk mail and sign him up for bills. But if you do that, he'll have to hunt you down and beat you severly with a pool noodle until you are soundly pummelized for making such silly errors in judgement. Muahahaha.... Heh. Anyways. Love ya lots, kids! Yer pal - EviL.

Drop the Kat a Line at: impressario_x@hotmail.com

The email addy is provided sheerly as an amusement/affectation. If you send something, it may or may not be answered on the following criteria.

1.) Whether or not you include a return addy. This one isn't so much of a problem, but, well, you never really do know, now do you?

2.) Whether or not what you had to say merits a response. Please don't waste the time typing hate mail to me, or cussing out my site, or it's content, or anything even remotely falling into the category of 'negative social interaction', because I'm simply not going to waste the time to care.

3.) Whether or not I am sober and feel up to writing you something.

See ya later.

-EviL is the choice of a new generation.