THE SCOTT BARTLETT COLLECTION
By Scott Bartlett
Darkness deep inside me Got to get it out Can't deal with all this Got to get it out What is causing this Got to get it out Hate myself extremely Got to get it out Why am I a coward Got to get it out Let me please just end it Got to get it out Why must it always be me Got to get it out Where does the hate come from Got to get it out How do I get rid of it Got to get it out How do I just deal with it Got to get it out How do I keep living now Got to get it out How do I stop this Got to get it out How do I get this out Got to get it out
Inside me there is darkness There is evil beyond belief There is sarcasm and more Much potential for hurt Unleash all this instead of repressing And end all friendships If they could see my inside They wouldn't be around Got to act happy for them Make the world a better place While ignoring all of the sad That lives in me eternally Where can I go now To get rid of all this Where can I go now To make myself clean I tried out your God I went to your church I felt it leave for a while But it always comes back No way for it to exit No way to be whole No way for me to be good No way for me to live
Rage, I see it everywhere Uncontrollable anguish Everlasting torment Bane of my existence Blocking my life Ending my chances for normalcy Thwarting my love Killing me slowly Instilling in me the desire to die Taking me out of this game But keeping me in this pain Continuing my eternal damnation
Living online In an online world Can't survive without my fix I don't put it into my body I put my mind into it Addiction's don't have to be physical They can be mental as well And this internet is mine Trying to pull myself away I can't, I just can't I need the screen in front of me Day and night, sun and moonlight Here I sit staring I will try to leave soon But I know I will be back I always come back For more of a fix For my internet addiction
Sinking deep down With the pressures of life Dealing with trouble And dealing with strife It seems life can't get any worse Yet better it doesn't get You wish you weren't here That you could end it Then you think of your problems And decide they aren't worth the thought You think of your happiness And the friends that you've got Why dwell on the bad When you know that there's good Stop thinking of hard times Think about what you should The happiness you could have If the pain you'd forget It makes you realize that simply living Can be worth all of it
The anger has come now It won't go away Why can't I get rid of it? Why does it have to stay I need a release For all of this hate How do I make it leave? How do I open the gate? Why must I feel this way? Why can't I go back to how I was before? I feel like I'm drowning And can't find the shore Should I just say goodbye To the person I used to be? If I can only see anger Then why should I even see? How do I get it to pass? How do I release it for good? How do I get things back to normal? Make them be like they should? Alienate all my friends With my hurt and my blame Just for temporary release Do I have no shame? Searching for answers With none anywhere in view When based on such anger My world's all askew Now I go forth to find ends To the problems that are here And try to release all this anger And calm all of this fear
Infinite trust Put in the wrong place "My promises are never broken" A lie to my face I promise, I promise But the promise is no good To her promises are worthless To be fulfilled when she could If it's not inconvenient Then my word is my bond But it is not convenient I feel I've been conned Put my trust in the wrong place Open myself up to hurt Never again do I do it And for her no more "Hey Bert" Crushed and defeated In the battle of life I resign I am all out of patience Tired of pain only being mine
I wake up to buzzing And pounding on the door Who pulled the alarm Who is the dirty whore What type of pleasure Do they get from my pain In waking me up What do they have to gain Someone pulled the alarm Please deliver them to me My sleep loss was painful But true pain they shall see So let's have a big party For this girl or guy The had to pull the alarm So now they have to die
His face to the board The back of his head to me I could pull out the gun He wouldn't even see His bald spot a target A perfect little bulls-eye Make sure the shot hits it And then watch him die It would end this math lesson No more numbers to teach I could end all our boredom Salvation's in reach Envision this plan to its end I imagine the white board turns red The math torture is over The math demon is dead
Tick, tick, tick Goes the clock of my life Tick during my troubles Tick during my strife No matter how much I hurt The clock ticks through my pain Ticks through my existence Even though I have nothing to gain The tick drives me crazy The tick drives me mad Ticks softly when I'm happy But loudly when I'm sad I search for the ticking From this clock I can't find If I can't stop this ticking Then I'll lose my mind
My days are sad and lonely Since I don't have you near Often, I find myself wishing That you could just be here I'm sad to find you angry You think that I ignore But I just try to make life bearable Since I can't see you more So forgive my lack of attention Forgive my seeming lack of care If you really want the truth Without you my life is bare
Looking down from my perch The world swims up Trying to judge the distance I first drop my cup Its image I lose Before it hits the ground My body won't be recognized Whenever it's found I lean from the edge And feel the wind on my face Blowing me to and fro Trying to take me out of this place It's time to close my eyes And decide what to do Should I stay alive Or with this jump go through An easy solution A simple escape Just lean forward a little And wait to be surrounded by police tape No more worries No more problems to solve Go with the wind And let my life dissolve Then I think of those living Those that actually care To end it right now Towards them it wouldn't be fair My mind is made up now I will live another day Putting one foot on the windowsill The second one strays A lone patch of ice Is what my foot hit But despite all this terror I still have my wit A billowing curtain I grab and I pray Please let my other hand find something To help my body stay But what is that I am hearing Is that my rustling hair It almost sounds like something is ripping Curtain cloth trying to tear The curtain is ripping I feel a little more slack This is the last thing I feel Before I feel the wind at my back As I fall through the air I grin at this twist of fate And realize my life was worth living Even though it wasn't great Knowing my short time I pray for my soul And pray for my family And hope my death won't have a great toll The ground rushes toward me I wish it was a trick But acknowleding my future I just hope my death will be quick
Dark, disturbed and dreary It's the story of my life My life started long ago Now I end it with a knife Life just isn't worth living Unless I am with you I told you that I was sincere And that my love was true You've ruined my life, it's wasted now For this you are to blame At one time my feelings toward you were loving Instead you made me feel great shame So now I rid you of your nuisance With me you'll never have to deal I loved you and you just dismissed me I wish that you could feel
Beautiful outside Matched with beauty within A combination like that is A situation win-win Some people are pretty They look good in the face But inside they're disgusting A disgrace to their race They think they're so better They think they are so cool Telling others they're losers And to get out of "their" school Others are beautiful too You just must look inside But they're always told no one loves them And they must take it in stride Thinking they'll never be happy Or find a love that is true They settle for less And just try to make due Now I've got someone for inspiration And inspires works to no end She's not only my love But also my best friend And now I've found someone With the good qualities of the two Someone who is beautiful On the outside and inside too.
In the past I never struggled To say those three words: I love you But now I've found their ease came From the fact that they weren't true I think I now know what true love is I'm joyful when you are near And almost nothing seems to harm me Except your absence, that I fear Whenever people kiss Whenever there's a warm embrace I think of our time together And how I miss your beautiful face Time with you is magical Sadly it goes too fast Once I'm settled in It seems all my time has passed So now you know my feelings And what I say is true My words aren't empty husks When I say that I love you
There's so much to do I barely feel alive Really swamped down Wonder will I survive A constant struggle Just to keep my life going Always against me The river is flowing I am left confused And feeling despair Just wanting to get these things Out of my hair I've fallen in quicksand Just barely grab a vine Struggling to get out Don't think I'll be fine Pretty sure that I'm drowning I can't get out alive It seems I now have the answer When I wonder will I survive.
Whenever I think of you A smile plays on my lips I get a joyous feeling From all of our trips I can't get enough of you I can't get you off my mind If I were to be without you I don't know what I'd find As a reason to live Since you're my everything I'm now always pleasant My happiness you bring Simply your presence Can cause my spirits to rise Looking back to without you I can't believe I was alive I now have something to look forward to A reason for another day If only I could see you "I Love You" is what I would say
Love unrequitted Given but never returned Always wanting to touch the flame But instead just getting burned I have an empty space That none seem to fill Keep feeling this empty And my soul it will kill Extremely strong feelings They don't feel anything back If this keeps up for long Then a heart I will lack I can't take much more of this It must come to an end If love doesn't come soon My heart will break, it won't bend
Going there fast Nowhere is the place Lost in dead-endsville With too many things to face I'd rather be elsewhere Or just back in time Being forced into this life Surely must be a crime Must find an escape An easy way out No more confrontations Just a simple escape route Forced to live in fantasy A place that isn't here If I must stay I'll go crazy I fear
Someone get rid of him I can't listen anymore I think I will go crazy This guy is such a bore Really, very happy Or just really gay Either way he's annoying Wearing down my nerves in the largest way Arsenic in an apple Or poison in his glass Just cut his vocal cords So he can't bore another class Babbling endlessly Why can he shut up this year If he keeps talking I will go nuts I fear Please let the time come When I don't have to come here The day I leave this place forever I'll give a hellacious cheer
Lost beyond finding Failing, can't be saved Screwed beyond comprehension Forced to walk down the path that I've paved Problem can't be fixed It seems all is lost Can't ever catch up Out of here I'll be tossed Give up and quit This or life as well Either living or dying I think I'll be in hell
Wonderful candy In small block-like shape Sugary sweet and tasty Orange, lemon and grape They come from a head A cartoon character of fame And except for a bare few None of them are lame Garfield and Peanuts Or funny dinosaurs Even Looney Tunes And you know there are more Mutant Ninja Turtles And Disney's like Mickey Mouse They make great decorations For any apartment or house You can eat them wearing a helmet A ball cap or a fez Just so long as you try This ambrosia we call PEZ
Inside there is nothing Filled with an empty space Since I don't have a heart What have I got in its place I possess a great void Blackness, darkness and hate You have pushed the wrong button Opened this black floodgate You have just fueled my fury You have just fed my fire I now want to kill you It is my great desire So go ahead call me nuts Call me psycho or crazy You can try to protect yourself But soon you will be lazy A window left open Or the back door unlocked Your life will be ended And my freezer stocked
Leaving, without you Making my heart split I never will love again A new heart I won't get No more soft kisses No more passion now You finally left me I want you back but don't know how I need you, I want you Without you I cannot live What will it take for you Anything I will give The train pulls away My words touched you not Love always gets you something A broken heart's what I got
My mind creates beauty, To go with your beautiful words, I know I've never seen you, But I know I have heard, Enough to know that, You're a goddess on earth, Surpassing us all here, With your infinite worth, No one could ever come near you, You are greater than us all, Without your sweet words, I fear my spirits would fall, I cannot survive without you, Please don't leave me again, I fear nothing more than your absence, Your loss would be worse than a sin.
No way out I need an escape From the replay in my mind Of this terrible rape Power said yes I couldn't say no Couldn't protest Had to create a show Lost my pureness And my will to live All this because I was forced to give Now there will be a kid And I don't know what to do Suicide wouldn't take one life Now it would take two Death seems like an escape From this hell that I'm in A shame to my friends A shame to my kin I just hope he had fun I hope it made up for the pain to me Instead of just killing two I think I'll kill three
Too big to be thin Too fat to be cool Made fun of at home Made fun of at school A loser to blood Not cool enough for friends A loner by trade Up until his end He went to the pool And unfortunately He saw his reflection What a tragedy Then the other kids saw him And started to scoff They told him to go home And feed at his trough He went home that day And started to cry Was tired of trying And ready to die He picked up the bottle He took all the pills Passed out in a heap Quite a nasty spill His parents, they found him And called 911 Their boy stopped his life He ended his "fun" The ambulance arrived They pumped his stomach He partially came to Thought it was a trick He fully awoke Later on that day "Why did you save me?" Is what he did say His parents condoled him Said they loved him so They didn't want him to leave Didn't want him to go Although he was touched He was not convinced His attitude has changed He hasn't been the same since He is always withdrawn With suicide on his mind Sought an easy answer A hard one he did find He went to the desk drawer And left them a note "Thanks so much for caring" He sarcastically wrote He took the revolver Spun the chamber around His hand squeezed the trigger And he slumped to the ground They all attended the funeral They acted like they cared There was much feigned sadness As fake as they did dare Inside they felt guilty It was their secret shame They were never the same again Always hiding their blame.