By Scott Bartlett





Darkness deep inside me
Got to get it out
Can't deal with all this
Got to get it out
What is causing this
Got to get it out
Hate myself extremely
Got to get it out
Why am I a coward
Got to get it out
Let me please just end it
Got to get it out
Why must it always be me
Got to get it out
Where does the hate come from
Got to get it out
How do I get rid of it
Got to get it out
How do I just deal with it
Got to get it out
How do I keep living now
Got to get it out
How do I stop this
Got to get it out
How do I get this out
Got to get it out


Inside me there is darkness
There is evil beyond belief
There is sarcasm and more
Much potential for hurt
Unleash all this instead of repressing
And end all friendships
If they could see my inside
They wouldn't be around
Got to act happy for them
Make the world a better place
While ignoring all of the sad
That lives in me eternally
Where can I go now
To get rid of all this
Where can I go now
To make myself clean
I tried out your God
I went to your church
I felt it leave for a while
But it always comes back
No way for it to exit
No way to be whole
No way for me to be good
No way for me to live


Rage, I see it everywhere
Uncontrollable anguish
Everlasting torment
Bane of my existence
Blocking my life
Ending my chances for normalcy
Thwarting my love
Killing me slowly
Instilling in me the desire to die
Taking me out of this game
But keeping me in this pain
Continuing my eternal damnation

The Fix

Living online
In an online world
Can't survive without my fix
I don't put it into my body
I put my mind into it
Addiction's don't have to be physical
They can be mental as well
And this internet is mine
Trying to pull myself away
I can't, I just can't
I need the screen in front of me
Day and night, sun and moonlight
Here I sit staring
I will try to leave soon
But I know I will be back
I always come back
For more of a fix
For my internet addiction


Sinking deep down
With the pressures of life
Dealing with trouble
And dealing with strife
It seems life can't get any worse
Yet better it doesn't get
You wish you weren't here
That you could end it
Then you think of your problems
And decide they aren't worth the thought
You think of your happiness
And the friends that you've got
Why dwell on the bad
When you know that there's good
Stop thinking of hard times
Think about what you should
The happiness you could have
If the pain you'd forget
It makes you realize that simply living
Can be worth all of it


The anger has come now
It won't go away
Why can't I get rid of it?
Why does it have to stay
I need a release
For all of this hate
How do I make it leave?
How do I open the gate?
Why must I feel this way?
Why can't I go back to how I was before?
I feel like I'm drowning
And can't find the shore
Should I just say goodbye
To the person I used to be?
If I can only see anger
Then why should I even see?
How do I get it to pass?
How do I release it for good?
How do I get things back to normal?
Make them be like they should?
Alienate all my friends
With my hurt and my blame
Just for temporary release
Do I have no shame?
Searching for answers
With none anywhere in view
When based on such anger
My world's all askew
Now I go forth to find ends
To the problems that are here
And try to release all this anger
And calm all of this fear

Unsuspected Betrayal

Infinite trust
Put in the wrong place
"My promises are never broken"
A lie to my face
I promise, I promise
But the promise is no good
To her promises are worthless
To be fulfilled when she could
If it's not inconvenient
Then my word is my bond
But it is not convenient
I feel I've been conned
Put my trust in the wrong place
Open myself up to hurt
Never again do I do it
And for her no more "Hey Bert"
Crushed and defeated
In the battle of life I resign
I am all out of patience
Tired of pain only being mine

Fire Alarm

I wake up to buzzing
And pounding on the door
Who pulled the alarm
Who is the dirty whore
What type of pleasure
Do they get from my pain
In waking me up
What do they have to gain
Someone pulled the alarm
Please deliver them to me
My sleep loss was painful
But true pain they shall see
So let's have a big party
For this girl or guy
The had to pull the alarm
So now they have to die



His face to the board
The back of his head to me
I could pull out the gun
He wouldn't even see
His bald spot a target
A perfect little bulls-eye
Make sure the shot hits it
And then watch him die
It would end this math lesson
No more numbers to teach
I could end all our boredom
Salvation's in reach
Envision this plan to its end
I imagine the white board turns red
The math torture is over
The math demon is dead


Tick, tick, tick
Goes the clock of my life
Tick during my troubles
Tick during my strife
No matter how much I hurt
The clock ticks through my pain
Ticks through my existence
Even though I have nothing to gain
The tick drives me crazy
The tick drives me mad
Ticks softly when I'm happy
But loudly when I'm sad
I search for the ticking
From this clock I can't find
If I can't stop this ticking
Then I'll lose my mind


My days are sad and lonely
Since I don't have you near
Often, I find myself wishing
That you could just be here
I'm sad to find you angry
You think that I ignore
But I just try to make life bearable
Since I can't see you more
So forgive my lack of attention
Forgive my seeming lack of care
If you really want the truth
Without you my life is bare


Looking down from my perch
The world swims up
Trying to judge the distance
I first drop my cup
Its image I lose
Before it hits the ground
My body won't be recognized
Whenever it's found
I lean from the edge
And feel the wind on my face
Blowing me to and fro
Trying to take me out of this place
It's time to close my eyes
And decide what to do
Should I stay alive
Or with this jump go through
An easy solution
A simple escape
Just lean forward a little
And wait to be surrounded by police tape
No more worries
No more problems to solve
Go with the wind
And let my life dissolve
Then I think of those living
Those that actually care
To end it right now
Towards them it wouldn't be fair
My mind is made up now 
I will live another day
Putting one foot on the windowsill
The second one strays
A lone patch of ice
Is what my foot hit
But despite all this terror
I still have my wit
A billowing curtain
I grab and I pray
Please let my other hand find something
To help my body stay
But what is that I am hearing
Is that my rustling hair
It almost sounds like something is ripping
Curtain cloth trying to tear
The curtain is ripping
I feel a little more slack
This is the last thing I feel 
Before I feel the wind at my back
As I fall through the air
I grin at this twist of fate
And realize my life was worth living
Even though it wasn't great
Knowing my short time
I pray for my soul
And pray for my family
And hope my death won't have a great toll
The ground rushes toward me
I wish it was a trick
But acknowleding my future
I just hope my death will be quick


Dark, disturbed and dreary
It's the story of my life
My life started long ago
Now I end it with a knife
Life just isn't worth living
Unless I am with you
I told you that I was sincere
And that my love was true
You've ruined my life, it's wasted now
For this you are to blame
At one time my feelings toward you were loving
Instead you made me feel great shame
So now I rid you of your nuisance
With me you'll never have to deal
I loved you and you just dismissed me
I wish that you could feel

Wonderful Combination

Beautiful outside
Matched with beauty within
A combination like that is 
A situation win-win
Some people are pretty
They look good in the face
But inside they're disgusting
A disgrace to their race
They think they're so better
They think they are so cool
Telling others they're losers
And to get out of "their" school
Others are beautiful too
You just must look inside
But they're always told no one loves them
And they must take it in stride
Thinking they'll never be happy
Or find a love that is true
They settle for less
And just try to make due
Now I've got someone for inspiration
And inspires works to no end
She's not only my love
But also my best friend
And now I've found someone
With the good qualities of the two
Someone who is beautiful
On the outside and inside too.


In the past I never struggled
To say those three words:  I love you
But now I've found their ease came
From the fact that they weren't true
I think I now know what true love is
I'm joyful when you are near
And almost nothing seems to harm me
Except your absence, that I fear
Whenever people kiss
Whenever there's a warm embrace
I think of our time together
And how I miss your beautiful face
Time with you is magical
Sadly it goes too fast
Once I'm settled in
It seems all my time has passed
So now you know my feelings
And what I say is true
My words aren't empty husks
When I say that I love you

Will I Survive

There's so much to do
I barely feel alive
Really swamped down
Wonder will I survive
A constant struggle
Just to keep my life going
Always against me 
The river is flowing
I am left confused
And feeling despair
Just wanting to get these things
Out of my hair
I've fallen in quicksand
Just barely grab a vine
Struggling to get out
Don't think I'll be fine
Pretty sure that I'm drowning
I can't get out alive
It seems I now have the answer
When I wonder will I survive.


Whenever I think of you
A smile plays on my lips
I get a joyous feeling
From all of our trips
I can't get enough of you
I can't get you off my mind
If I were to be without you
I don't know what I'd find
As a reason to live
Since you're my everything
I'm now always pleasant
My happiness you bring
Simply your presence 
Can cause my spirits to rise
Looking back to without you
I can't believe I was alive
I now have something to look forward to
A reason for another day
If only I could see you
"I Love You" is what I would say


Love unrequitted
Given but never returned
Always wanting to touch the flame
But instead just getting burned
I have an empty space 
That none seem to fill
Keep feeling this empty
And my soul it will kill
Extremely strong feelings
They don't feel anything back
If this keeps up for long
Then a heart I will lack
I can't take much more of this 
It must come to an end
If love doesn't come soon
My heart will break, it won't bend


Going there fast
Nowhere is the place
Lost in dead-endsville
With too many things to face
I'd rather be elsewhere
Or just back in time
Being forced into this life
Surely must be a crime
Must find an escape
An easy way out
No more confrontations
Just a simple escape route
Forced to live in fantasy
A place that isn't here
If I must stay
I'll go crazy I fear


Someone get rid of him
I can't listen anymore
I think I will go crazy
This guy is such a bore
Really, very happy
Or just really gay
Either way he's annoying
Wearing down my nerves in the largest way
Arsenic in an apple
Or poison in his glass
Just cut his vocal cords
So he can't bore another class
Babbling endlessly
Why can he shut up this year
If he keeps talking
I will go nuts I fear
Please let the time come
When I don't have to come here
The day I leave this place forever
I'll give a hellacious cheer


Lost beyond finding
Failing, can't be saved
Screwed beyond comprehension
Forced to walk down the path that I've paved
Problem can't be fixed
It seems all is lost
Can't ever catch up
Out of here I'll be tossed
Give up and quit
This or life as well
Either living or dying 
I think I'll be in hell


Wonderful candy
In small block-like shape
Sugary sweet and tasty
Orange, lemon and grape
They come from a head
A cartoon character of fame
And except for a bare few
None of them are lame
Garfield and Peanuts
Or funny dinosaurs
Even Looney Tunes
And you know there are more
Mutant Ninja Turtles
And Disney's like Mickey Mouse
They make great decorations
For any apartment or house
You can eat them wearing a helmet
A ball cap or a fez
Just so long as you try
This ambrosia we call PEZ


Inside there is nothing
Filled with an empty space
Since I don't have a heart
What have I got in its place
I possess a great void
Blackness, darkness and hate
You have pushed the wrong button
Opened this black floodgate
You have just fueled my fury
You have just fed my fire
I now want to kill you 
It is my great desire
So go ahead call me nuts
Call me psycho or crazy
You can try to protect yourself
But soon you will be lazy
A window left open
Or the back door unlocked
Your life will be ended
And my freezer stocked


Leaving, without you
Making my heart split
I never will love again
A new heart I won't get
No more soft kisses 
No more passion now
You finally left me
I want you back but don't know how
I need you, I want you
Without you I cannot live
What will it take for you
Anything I will give
The train pulls away
My words touched you not
Love always gets you something
A broken heart's what I got


My mind creates beauty,
To go with your beautiful words,
I know I've never seen you,
But I know I have heard,
Enough to know that,
You're a goddess on earth,
Surpassing us all here,
With your infinite worth,
No one could ever come near you,
You are greater than us all,
Without your sweet words, 
I fear my spirits would fall,
I cannot survive without you,
Please don't leave me again,
I fear nothing more than your absence,
Your loss would be worse than a sin.


No way out
I need an escape
From the replay in my mind
Of this terrible rape
Power said yes
I couldn't say no
Couldn't protest
Had to create a show
Lost my pureness
And my will to live
All this because
I was forced to give
Now there will be a kid
And I don't know what to do
Suicide wouldn't take one life
Now it would take two
Death seems like an escape
From this hell that I'm in
A shame to my friends 
A shame to my kin
I just hope he had fun
I hope it made up for the pain to me
Instead of just killing two
I think I'll kill three

Too Much

Too big to be thin
Too fat to be cool
Made fun of at home
Made fun of at school
A loser to blood
Not cool enough for friends
A loner by trade
Up until his end

He went to the pool
And unfortunately
He saw his reflection
What a tragedy
Then the other kids saw him
And started to scoff
They told him to go home
And feed at his trough

He went home that day
And started to cry
Was tired of trying
And ready to die
He picked up the bottle
He took all the pills
Passed out in a heap
Quite a nasty spill

His parents, they found him
And called 911
Their boy stopped his life
He ended his "fun"
The ambulance arrived
They pumped his stomach
He partially came to
Thought it was a trick

He fully awoke
Later on that day
"Why did you save me?"
Is what he did say
His parents condoled him
Said they loved him so
They didn't want him to leave
Didn't want him to go

Although he was touched
He was not convinced
His attitude has changed
He hasn't been the same since
He is always withdrawn
With suicide on his mind
Sought an easy answer
A hard one he did find

He went to the desk drawer
And left them a note
"Thanks so much for caring"
He sarcastically wrote
He took the revolver
Spun the chamber around
His hand squeezed the trigger
And he slumped to the ground

They all attended the funeral
They acted like they cared
There was much feigned sadness
As fake as they did dare
Inside they felt guilty
It was their secret shame
They were never the same again
Always hiding their blame.