Dear old dad it's father's day
and I just want you to know
you're the best there ever was
at the things I'll list below:

Stinking up a bathroom
Snoring like a beast
Teaching me to mow the lawn
before I had front teeth.

Showing how to hide your feelings
Over-emphasizing winning
Teaching me the birds and bees
at a Cub game between innings.

Turning off our cartoons for
news and "Meet The Press".
Picking a vacation spot
where clowns could get depressed

Never taking out the dog.
Forgetting my friends names

Picking at your nose while coaching
all my baseball games.

I guess as I grow older,
I'm supposed to get like you,
and in some ways I must admit
I think that this is true.

When I yell my veins pop out
I've yet to touch a broom
I chuckle in my Lazy Boy
when gas clears out a room.

But one thing you won't catch me do
as long as I can breathe...
That's wearing shorts around the yard
with dress-socks to my knee.