I know that we have had many obstacles come between us to try and keep us apart, but I think that I can safely say that no matter how rough things got we always found a way to find one another.  Even though most times it was only over the computer or the phone, I cherish every moment ever spent with you.  All the memories I have of the late night netmeetings, chit chats, and voice messages still bring a smile to my face each and every night as I lie my head on my pillow and snuggle down under the blankets with my teddy bear.  Sometimes I fall asleep immediately and yet other times I can lie and think about you for hours before fading into the quiet darkness of sleep which welcomes me.

That day back in July, when my heart was pounding the whole time I was driving down to Kentucky, is still as clear as daylight in my memory.  I remember the whole weekend as if it were just yesterday.  Do you know how nervous I was at the idea of meeting you poolside in my swimsuit?!  Then I figured that I wasn't there to impress you because you already knew me on the inside and if you were going to be anybody to me then looks wouldn't matter.  I got over my fear of my poogie tummy.  I saw you walking through the pool gate.  I purposely didn't look.  I was too nervous.  For there, walking towards me was the one person I'd loved more than anyone in my life...although it wasn't quite as apparent to me then as it is now.  As you walked up to me I got nervous all over again and I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say.  You took care of that though.  You always know the right things to say at all the right times.  Seeing your smile, I couldn't help but smile.  Even though you had your sunglasses on and I couldn't see your eyes just yet, I knew they were twinkling.

As we wandered back to the hotel room and chit chatted along the way, there were no lulls in the conversation and I wasn't nervous anymore.  I felt right at home with you, just as I'd always had.  Then you had to go and shock the shit out of me.  I should've known that you called my name for a specific reason, but I guess I was too worried about what I was going to wear because I never even thought for a moment that you would actually kiss me after meeting me just 15 minutes earlier.  I know we had joked about it on the phone in previous nights, but even I'M not bold enough to kiss someone like you can.  Don't get me wrong sweetheart, I'm not complaining one bit, for had you not kissed me first, our whole weekend may have changed in an instant.  Or would it have?  You were always so gentle with me, never forcing me to do more than I wanted.  So afraid that that one innocent kiss was a mistake.  Now that you think back upon it...was it?

So we drive around town and you show me what all there is to see and take me to Subway for dinner (Mmmm) and we head back to the hotel.  I loved curling right up next to you,lying my head on your chest, throwing my left leg over your left leg and wrapping my arm around your tummy.  You held me close, just as I wished you would and we talked until who knows what time about anything and everything.  It was the simplest thing and yet it was so perfect.  As we lay there, everything just happend on its own. Nothing was planned for how can you plan on anything intimate when you've never even met the person before?  As you slowly crept down to the bottom edge of the bed, my stomach twisted in knots.  Not so much as nervousness, but....I don't know.  I can't even explain for I had at least a million and one things running through my mind at that point.  As you teased my clit with your tongue and slowly slid your tongue inside me, I more or less got over my initial shock and was overcome with a whole new wave of shock and pleasure.  The good kind of shock mind you.  You teased me and then gave me what was promised, and when I finally reached that breaking point, you licked it all up and never missed a single drop.  There was so much I wanted to do for you and with you, but my shyness overcame me and things never went as far as they should have...for the night.  I kept you awake all night if I do recall.  Maybe we slept for 2 or 3 hours, but not much longer than that.  Then my little craving for ice kicked in and there we were, walking to the ice machine, hand in hand in our jammas to fill the ice bucket.  Silly weren't we?

I don't know how you put up with me that morning.  I think I begged you for an hour on end to get up and take me fishing...at 3am.  What was I thinking?!  I know you tried to think of every excuse and reason from "the fish aren't awake" to "I'm not getting up" to keep me in bed.  Nice job by the way...you managed to hold me in the hotel room until 5am.  *laughs*  So there we are, fishing and such, and wouldn't you know, neiher of us caught anything except a bunch of bugs all over ourselves.  *smiles*  By that time I was still trying to figure out why in the world I wanted to get up and go fishing so damn bad.  I think it was because I just wanted to wear my hat!  After we showered and such you took me driving around town and showed me all of the big fancy houses way up in the hills.  They were beautiful.  And you took me across the bridge to look across the river at the city in all of its peacefulness.  All quiet because who else but me and you would be up and about at 7:30am?

What was next on the day's agenda?  Ahhh yes, the zoo!  Besides going to the zoo, you know the best part of that whole day was...well, everything was the best...but holding hands and playing with fingers while you were driving.  You can't deny it.  I saw you smiling the whole time with that same twinkle in your eyes.  Even though it rained and you had to hold the yellow umbrella (*grins*) we still had a great time looking at all the animals.  Although, my butt DID get wet while we sat and watched the elephants perform.  And after the zoo we ventured to where else but the Olive Garden!  Yum!  My most favorite place to eat and I know I wasn't in the best of moods because I wasn't feeling well, but I still loved every delicious piece of food I ate.  Mmm, the breadsticks!  You were such a doll and got us a piece of Black Tie Mousse to take with us and eat later.  We never got to eat it though, and I've still to this day never had a piece.

Do you know how much I adore and love you for taking care of me that night?  I've never had anyone do that for me, not one single person.  I felt so horrible and was in so much pain.  At 8:30pm you made me take those Tylenol PM, snuggled under the blankets and held me tight, and I don't think you ever let go.  Not even in the morning when we woke up.  I wish you never would've let me go.  It felt so perfect and so peaceful to wake up in your arms and I'd give anything to have that again, even just once.  It's amazing the small things you remember when everything is exactly how you want it to be.  I don't know how anything started that morning, but I'm thinking it was probably me rolling over when I woke up and kissing your neck and shoulder.  Everything just went on from there and we, not just you and not just I, but we made love.  We shared with each other something deep and special.  No one can ever take that away from us no matter how much they try and hurt us.  We shared our hearts and our souls with one another and no one can ever replace that.  I'll never forget it, I don't want to forget it.  It's a memory I hold deep in my heart that I cherish every day.  For I've never felt anything like I felt that morning.  I could always say I've made love before or what not, but until you, I know now that I never really had.  I'd never felt anything with anyone else like how I felt with you.  If someone ever asked me to describe it, I wouldn't be able to.  How do you describe something perfect?  Now you know that you're the one who holds the key to unlock my heart.  You, just you.
                                                  
 Ok Pokey, this is where your nickname comes into play.  *smiles*  I think that if I had to rollerblade around the lake all day, just to keep from going home, I would have.  But it was inevitable.  The time went by too fast and being the worrier that you are, you were making me leave WAY earlier than I wanted to.  So we went and filled my tank with gas and said our goodbyes.  I don't think I've ever felt as heartbroken as I did at that time.  I dreaded leaving.  I just wanted to stay and be with you forever.  Forget coming back home.  You were there and that's exactly where I wanted to be.  I tried not to cry, you know I did.  I couldn't help it.  I just felt so awful and helpless and I was leaving and letting everything go.  Inside my heart was aching and you knew it.  You tried not to cry, at least not in front of me.  Did you ever cry?  Then, after a few minutes, I left.  Just, drove away.  Tears in my eyes, an aching heart and a long 7 hour drive to do nothing but think of you and the past weekend and all that was shared.  I never dreamed that when I left that day everything between us would change as drastically as it has.

 
 

Sweetheart, I could never think of just the right words to explain
         how much I love and care for you.  You are my inspiration, my shoulder to cry on, the one who cheers me up when it seems as though everything in my life is going wrong.  You've mended my broken heart when I never thought that there would be anyone who could, and overall you are my best friend.  You know all of my deep dark secrets that no one else knows.  When I have a problem or when I'm frightened, I come to you.  You lend me your ear when no on else will.  You've earned my trust and my confidence.  You've stolen my heart and soul.  I love you more than I'll ever be able to show you using words or material objects.  Even if I were to see you every day for the rest of my life I know that that would still not be enough time to express my deepest and truest love for you.  Know all of this and keep it tucked away in the safety of your heart.  Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise and if they try to, you have the proof of my love.  Just show them this page, tell them of all we've shared.  Make them see.  If they still can't see my love for you, then they're blind and I pity them.  My heart still waits for the day it will be happy once again.  No one has ever been able to change the way I feel, no matter what they try and say about you.  My heart is stronger than you've ever imagined, and by now you know that I don't just go away.  Remember that.  I love you and I always will.

Love Always, Tracy LeAnne Hollandsworth