SHE’S A LIAR AND A SLUT! - Todd

Todd is starting divorce proceedings, he just found out Blair is pregnant with Patrick’s child. Any thought of reconciliation is negated now. In order to help his case, his yuppy lawyer has given him a small tape recorder to record his memory on all the times Blair has lied to him. This monologue shows just how RH can hold the scene all on his own, talking to no one, and still capture the viewers undivided attention. Later the writers use the same device, equally well if not better, with the use of Todd’s parrot. It is a way for the character to delve into his thoughts and feelings out loud, that he is not willing to share with any human, and also a way to let this talented performer shine completely on his own.

TODD: (at his office door, in mid sentence) An indication of every time Blair tried to yank my chain? (looking at tape recorder) I only hope I have enough tape. (briefly holds recorder up by his head before plunging in)

It all started when Blair tried to get me to marry her the first time by pretending that she was pregnant, only she wasn’t pregnant. But this time she is knocked up. As a matter of fact, I saw her and Thornhart MAKING their little bundle of joy myself. And when...when I asked her about it, point blank, if she had been faithful, she said; (he imitates Blair’s innocent act) “Yes, I have been. Thornhart and I are just BUDDIES.” She lied.

(pause, crosses around to his chair) And they kept seeing each other too. I...I heard the two of them talking on the phone a few days after I had gotten back. And I saw the two of them together at the stables. You have to understand, that....that the whole time this is going on, Blair is...is busting her butt trying to LURE me back in the sack so that she can pawn this Irish love child off as mine.

(he describes her as he is visualizing it) And every night, she...she comes floating down these stairs wearing this...this thing that looks like....(describing a vision) liquid light. And she puts her hand on my arm and says, “Come to bed, Todd” and.....(he can’t finish his thought and loudly moans/sighs at the feelings, she stirred in him, he then sits on the edge of his desk)

And I remember this time, when I was lying in bed and I was playing with Starr, and she came in and she lied down next to us, and there we are, the three of us, like a family, like a REAL family. And she looks at me with those big green eyes all smiling and soft and says, (his voice is tense, with much feeling) “You are a wonderful father,”(with deep emotional hurt) and I thought that she meant it with everything in her. (pause, stands up, snapping out of it and his eyes grow cold)

Only, Thornhart was the only thing that was in HER. (through his teeth, seething) I never went near her, I never laid a hand on her, so her little game isn’t going to play out. She’s a liar....she’s a LIAR, and she’s a (stretching out slut several syllables) SLUT!