Devin In Heaven
This is the story of a true warrior.....a brave young soul who touched not only my life but many. Devin was my only child, born to me just two hours after my own birthday. He was due to enter this earth on July 11, 1986, but decided he was going to be a Taurus, just like me, his mommy. On May 2, 1986, after 35 days in neonatal ICU, he came home to become a perfect, fat, bouncing baby boy.
My name is Lindie, and by no coincidence, I was lent an angel who became my son, on May 2, 1986, 2 months early. He was perfect, except for his brain, which simply was not mature enough to remind him to breathe. After several weeks, he was fine. He came into this world fighting and left the same way 11 years later. To all those who knew him, he was truly a privilege to know.
The lessons he taught us were far more than we could ever have imagined. I still cannot believe that he is now in a greater place, just like that. I will NEVER, EVER let him forgotten.
My world will never again be the same, but has been so greatly enriched. This page is to tell the world about Devin, and to pass on his memory. Please stay with me and continue on in learning about a very special little angel.
The laugh that warmed my heart
has now been taken away.
And the light that twinkled in your eyes
must shine in another place.
But life must have it's mysteries
and I know this to be true.
But I've still asked myself a thousand times
why God had to take you.
Maybe God could not resist
the smile that lights your face.
Or perhaps you had to feel
the love in the Lord's embrace.
But for now I lie here waiting
with unanswered questions for above.
But isn't it enough to know
that all you feel now is love?
And I know you're smiling down on me
as I take this very breath.
And I know that love can survive the pain
that is caused by even death.
And I know the bond between us
has stayed true and has stayed strong.
And I know the love between us
remains even though you're gone.
But the tears they keep on falling,
falling down, like rain,
But I take comfort just in knowing
that God has eased all your pain.
Ariel Palanca, 15
Devin's 1st cousin
Written and sang by at Devin's funeral
on Nov. 24, 1997
Looking into Devin's golden brown eyes one would see a certain wisdom that is not quite explainable. Behind those laughing eyes was a very OLD SOUL. He always exhibited that soul even as a toddler. It was in those eyes. There was always a certain joy, a zest for life that was unfailing, no matter what the circumstances, no matter how great the physical or mental pain. Always a certain gentleness, the kind that drew babies and all animals right to him like a magnet. The only time you would see those eyes dim slightly, were in the last several months of his earthly life, when he would have a few moments or hours where the reality of his impending passing seemed to be insistent. Because you see, there was never a little boy who want to LIVE more than Devin Davies. But somehow the unthinkable happened when on March 21, 19995 he was diaginoised with ACCUTE LYMPHOCYTIC LEUKEMIA. This was something that only happened to "other folks" or in the movies.....certianly NOT to my only child, the love of my life. At this time of course we started out militant quest of trying to find the sense in it...a tangiable way to CURE him. They told us he had a 75 - 80% chance of a cure. But, after 21 months, the cancer lurked it's ugly head and his white count once again showed he was out of remission. I almost think this relapse was more devestating than the original diagnosis because by now, hid Dad and I knew WAY MORE than we ever dreamed of knowing about this killer. We opted for a bone marrow transplant. Out of 3 million registered donors, (we had to go to the International pool because there were no perfect U.S. matches) a perfect antigen donor was located in Europe, a 38 year old man whom I still want to thank for giving four more precious months of life, love and memories for us to cherish. It is STILL very surreal to me, I still cannot believe he is gone from this earth. I still have no idea where I mustered up the strength to sit with him in his last hours and to help guied him to the golden gates. Up until the very end, he listened to me and obeyed me when I told him to look for the "White Light", and go to it. At the very moment he took his two tiny last breathes of life, and was gone. I literally felt the life pass through his soft hands through mine into the Heavens. I would have to say that this moment was even more intense and significant than his birth.
Devin loved the simple things in life, yet LOVED all kinds of lights, gadgets, lamps, and neons.
He loved anything unusual to add to his "collections", some of which included 110 Beanie Babies (quiet a few retired, and must be in MINT condition and have not a line in the tag or he wanted a "new one"....)
He had many Nintendo 64 cartridges, (he was a master at it, especially WWF, Mortal Combat, and James Bond), a movie collection (he preferred those plastic "clamshell" cases and wanted nothing to do with those cardboard ones.
Devin LOVED music. He had a large CD collection. NOT the usual music an 11 year old boy might like. Devin preferred music that spoke to the listeners SOUL. He often used it as medicine. There were times when, as he was going through very tough times, not able to eat for days because of open sores in his mouth and down his throat from the chemo, or weak from low blood counts, or sad because he couldn't "jump" anymore, or run like the other kids because of the toll the treatment and a coma took on his once thick, muscular, chubby body. Yes, sometimes I would hear Devin behind the closed door to his room, sniffing the tears away while he played "Missing You" by Babyface, or "Under The Boardwalk" by Bette Middler." He knew he needed to purge the pain that was building up in a small boy's brain, which was NOT intended to be equipped to handle this sort of reality. All of a sudden life would take on a whole new meaning and he would become a man much too soon. It wouldn't be unusual to see Devin comforting his crying Mom and dad, because they could not STAND to watch their little boy suffer so much. He would have made a wonderful parent. He was all these things to me...a son, a soulmate, bestfriend, movie partner, laughing buddy, back rubber, and actually took on the role of spouse at times, even though this was unfair to him. He never seemed too mind. He was just so GOOD. He didn't lie, cheat, swear or become violent. The only times that happened were after he found out his bone marrow transplant was unsuccessful, I gave him FULL permission to say, shout, or break anything he wanted to, or if he suffered from the nasty side effects of prednisone. Still even in the midst of his worst pain, he was able to feel sadness and compassion for other who may be hurting. He, like the other AMAZING children stricken with cancer, will ALWAYS be true HEROES to me.
Today, I try to live my life with him always in my conscience. I continue to spread his spirit as far as I possibly can. If I see a dog he would have liked, I stop and ask to pet it, hug it, as Devin would have. If I see something, like the lights on a pier at dusk, I think of the time he and I were looking down from the shore from a cliff on Lake Michigan, when suddenly those pier lights began to twinkle. We both gasped at it's beauty, and from then on, whenever things got especially rough, he would look at me dreamily and say, Mom?....Remember the pier lights????" Yes, my sweet precious son and angel....I remember......I remember.......
Leukemia Info and Links
Other Angel's Webpage
Death By Inhalants
Nicolette Voikin - Forever Loved and Remembered
NEW YEAR'S TRIBUTE TO OUR ANGELS
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