How to Watch a Movie
I've spent many years trying to find the perfect setting for movie viewing.
I've tried everything; every possible position, every possible lighting arrangement,
every possible snack, and every possible chair, sofa or floor.
I have finally suceeded in finding the ultimate in movie viewing arangements.
The following are the results of my years of dedication and study, not something
I just came up with five minutes ago. The Commandments of Movie
Watching if you will. It would be wise to follow them.
I.
First, the lighting. To view a movie correctly, the only light you can see must
be emmited from the television screen. This means it must be night, and no other
light in the house can be on. The only acceptable external lighting are those
nifty glow in the dark stars you can put on the ceiling. A very special
acception is the candle. Candles must be used sparingly and only during
horror films. These are the only
acceptions.
II.
Next is seating arrangements. Chairs won't do. Much to restrictive. To view a movie
properly, a nice comfy sofa and/or a floor covered with large pillows
(bean bag chairs OK)
and thick, soft balnkets is necessary. The 'slumber party' vibe is the goal.
Have a small table nearby. The use of the table will be discussed in the next
section.
III.
Snacks are a must. This is perhaps the most essential of all the movie watching
rules. This cannot be ignored. Snacks must be plentiful, accessable (see above), and above
all, tasty. Snacks must be foods that are served at room temperature, and that
can be eaten by the handfull. Drinks must be in cans or bottles (no glasses) and must
be cold. Warm drinks are not to be tolerated.
IV.
Another element of movie watching is company. Watch a movie with someone who's
company you enjoy. Do not watch movies with someone who's seen it already; no
matter how hard they try not to tell you what's coming up, they always slip.
The only acception to the latter is if the movie is a classic everyone's seen.
Do not be overly obnoxious during a movie. Sometimes comments enhance a movie,
but only when those comments are not in excess and if they are funny.
V.
Keep the use of the "pause button" to a bare minimum. Take an intermission somewhere
in the middle of the movie. Not during a climactic scene, and preferably during
a nudie scene. This is the time to use the bathroom.
Another button issue is "rewind." Keep away from it. Seeing something once
is far more special and memorable than seeing it twice. Why? Because you are
left unsatified and wanting more.
VI.
Never choose a bad movie. Try to stay away from the PG rating, and NEVER EVER
rent anything rated G. They do not make for
enjoyable movie viewing. Remember these rules are meant for an audience of
multiple persons, and kiddie movies just aren't fun when you're in a group.
If you follow these rules, it will make for a much more enjoyable movie watching
experience than if you do not. Trust me.
Click Here to go back to 'Movies.'
Email: pianoplus@hotmail.com
