• Only 31% of rapes are reported to the police.
• Approximately 28% of victims are raped by husbands or boyfriends, 35% by acquaintances, and 5% by other relatives.
• 67.5% of victims know their perpetrator.
• Over a 20 year period, 12 million women have been raped.
• In America, a woman is raped every two minutes.
A few hours later, Alexandra sat in the livingroom of Taylor's house. She was aching all over. Not only her body ached, but she felt numb with disbelief. She heard voices all around her, but she couldn't concentrate hard enough to understand what they were saying. Alexandra folded her arms around herself and rocked back and forth on the couch.
"We have to go to the police now!" Mrs. Cassel, Alexandra's mother ordered.
Slowly, Alexandra seemed to come out of her trance. She stood up and began walking upstairs, dragging her feet. "Where are you going?" Taylor asked.
She turned her head cautiously, startled at his voice. She looked at him vaguely. "Upstairs.....to take a shower.....I'm so dirty.....I have to.....I have to get this off....I want to wipe it away...."
"Alexandra, you can't take a shower. If we're going to report this, you have to have the evidence still on you so that the police can take hair and semen samples," Mr. Hanson told her.
"No! I want to take shower! I don't care about the police, I'm not going to tell anyone!"
Alexandra's father said from his chair, "Honey, we need to report this."
"Please, no! It's my fault, I led him on, and I told him it was okay after he kissed me....all I want to do now is get rid of this feeling....I want to clean it off..."
Taylor looked at her with sadness in his eyes. He tried to keep his voice steady. "It's not your fault. You did nothing to make this happen. Ryan is a sick person to do this to you, and he has no excuse for what he did. But if we don't report it, it will happen again. Think about how he made you feel. Small, scared, helpless. He'll make more girls feel that way if we don't stop him by telling the police."
Alexandra thought about it. Suddenly she closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip. Her fists were clenched.
"What...."
"I just remembered what it felt like. I could never wish that kind of pain on anyone. I....I think we should report it."
Taylor nodded supportively. "I think that would be a good idea." He walked over to where she was standing. She was slightly hunched over. He lifted his arms to hug her.
She moved away from him with scared eyes.
Everyone in the room saw this, and gasped lightly. The expression on Taylor's face was a mix of both hurt and surprise. "Why....why did you move away from me?"
Alexandra took a few more steps back, until she was up against the wall in the corner. She slid to the ground and hugged her knees to her chest. Her eyes were wide with fright. "I don't want to be near you, or any man right now. I'm so sorry Taylor, I....I just can't. Please understand."
Taylor swallowed hard. "It's all right, if that's what you want." He pursed his lips together tightly.
Alexandra's mother went over to her and knelt down. She patted her daughter's hair and told her softly, "sweetie, we have to go to the police now. Can you stand up and come out to the car?"
Alexandra nodded and stood up, reaching for her mother's hand to hold. They walked out the door, and Taylor quickly followed. Alexandra saw him coming and she grew uneasy. Noticing this, Mrs. Cassel turned to him and said gently, "Taylor, I think it would be best if you stayed here."
Taylor looked from Mrs. Cassel to his girlfriend. Her mother wore an apologetic look, but Alexandra looked frightened. She looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry Taylor. Please don't be mad," she whispered.
Taylor fought back the tears that threatened to spill. He walked back towards the house, and turned after a few steps. "Alex, I'm not mad. I love you. I'll be waiting here for you to come and tell me you love me too. I don't care how long it takes, because I know this will take a while to heal, and I'm willing to wait. If you need anything, I'll always be here."
Alexandra looked up and into his eyes. Her eyes weren't filled so much with fright anymore, but with sadness. "I know."
She and her mother climbed into the car and drove off.
Taylor knew that she didn't see him as the guy she loved, or as her friend, but just as a man. A male. She had lost any sense of trust that she had. It could take years to earn back her trust, when he hadn't even done anything himself to lose it. How could Ryan violate her like that? How could anyone? That's a really shitty thing to do, he thought. Damn you Ryan!
Ryan had been like all the other rapists that exist. He took away something that can never be replaced. He took a part of Alexandra that Taylor loved. He made her become a scared little girl, afraid of everyone. He hurt her in any way a person can be hurt.
He destroyed her.
********************************************************
~*6 hours later*~
Alexandra came home completely exhausted. She had been inspected, probed, and interviewed until she wanted to pass out. She just hoped that reporting it would prevent another rape from happening. Ryan did it once, and there was no stopping him from doing it again. And how many people had he raped before her? Maybe they were just too scared to tell anyone.
Her mother had said that what she was doing was right. She still felt embarrassed and guilty. The police told her to go home and sleep. But every time she closed her eyes, she'd see his shadow lunging over her, feeling him penetrate hurtfully into her body, trying to scream but not being able to, and passing out quietly from the drugs he had slipped into her drink.
Alexandra gave up on trying to sleep, since the horrible memories kept coming back, each time seeming more and more real. She sat down at her desk to think. She loved Taylor more than anything, but she just wanted to be alone. Her trust in men had been smothered then completely removed from her each time Ryan had hit her, each time he swore at her and called her dirty names, and each time he fucked her.
She switched on the desk lamp and picked up a pencil. After a moment of thought, she began to write.
He said
He said he'd be gentle
He said that he cared.
He said "I love you"
But still I was scared.
He said "tell me when to stop"
He said I could just say no
He said it wouldn't hurt
Why he didn't stop, I still do not know.
He held me down
I was frozen with fear
Then I screamed "please no!"
Was my refusal not clear?
When he hit me,
I knew I had no choice
As much as I screamed
To him I had no voice.
Now I have no dignity
He stole my pride
When he left me alone
I sat and I cried.
Now I feel no self-worth
There was nothing I could do
Some days I can go on
But those days are few.
I have scars on the outside
Inside there are more
Though my body no longer aches
My broken heart is still sore.
I know it wasn't my fault,
Yet the fear is still visible on my face
What he took from me
You can never replace.
Then I realize what he did was not right
For the first time, I stand up tall
Maybe this time I can stop him,
I won't go down without a fight.
I tell him what he did was wrong
I tell him how it made me feel
Rape hurts in so many ways,
And sadly, it's very real.
The fear still lurks within me,
I can't instill my trust,
But I have to push forward.
Go on with my life.
I do because I must.
Remembering that moment
When I wished I was dead
That moment I was less than human
When I heard those words
He said.*
Like so many others that suffer quietly and live wrenched in their own fear,
I was raped.
