The editors of Cigar Afficionado scored a coup today in announcing President Bill Clinton will be featured on their upcoming October issue. 
 
     While they admit the "score" will surely boost their readership they are hesitant to fuel the controversery over the Monica Lewinsky scandal.  Said the editor-in-chief, "We thought of scrapping the whole issue until we finally came to the conclusion, hey, fuck it!"  The issue will be on newstand late September in a plain brown paper wrapper. 
 
   The President's interview in the issue follows his lead of late of apologizing for his actions for the embarrassment caused to his family, friends and supporters. 

BC: "Sometimes, I don't know myself. But when things get too heavy, I find solice in the gentle fumes of a fresh El Producto." 
 
CA: "Mr. President, the news is buzzing about bizarre sex with Ms. Lewinsky involving a cigar.  Is there any truth that you violated Ms. Lewinsky's womanhood with a cigar?" 
 
BC: "Yes, it's true." 
 
CA: "Are you nuts? 
 
BC: "Should've used the whole damn box" 
 
CA: "Sacriledge! We're talking about a cigar." 
 
BC: "Could've used the whole damn box" 

CA: "Nature in a leaf. It's an abomination" 
 
BC: "Wish I used the lit end" 
 
CA: "Shame on you.  We are talking about something that should be nurtured, gently rolled between the lips. Slowly drawn in deep, holding in the warmth then carefully blown. Don't you understand that?" 

BC: "Hell yeah. I have a damn good understanding about that." 
 
CA: "What does Hillary think about this?" 

BC: "She doesn't like cigars." 

CA: "What do you think this scandal will do to Gore's presidential bid?" 
 
BC: "Nothing. In fact, once the angered public learns he wears a chastity belt he's a shoe-in" 
 
CA: "May we light that up for you, Mr. President?" 

BC: "Thanks you yes." 

CA: "Okay, it's a  - umm - excuse me -  Hey! what are you - whaoh - mmmmm mmmm ..." 

finis