WISHFUL THINKING
I knew the day would come
when I would have to face you
ill prepared for my response
my tongue was stilled
my heart was sad
do you know how precious the love we had?
I find it difficult to believe
you're happier now that you did leave
You lost more weight I'm sad to see
You look much sadder now, at least to me
Why does it hurt so two months gone past?
I've got to give you up at last
But in my mind I still see
What could have been, but will never be
FINAL LAMENT
At night I lay in my bed
Alone again, save these voices in my head
Time rolls past it does not wait
And empty arms they do not sate
I struggle to let the past go free
and try to coax the best from me
I pretend to be a man so hale
but to myself I still feel frail
What is this thing that won't abate
I am so angry at loves cruel fate
It pains me to see young loves embrace
for in my heart an empty space
Do I enjoy to feel such pain?
or is it the love I gave in vain
In this place I am so mired
I can not sleep though I am tired
If one were to read this, they might find
I do not talk and only whine
Have you ever felt so low
or been struck such a savage blow?
I am still here, I have not gone
Yet my lips can sing but this sad song
I must stop now for it is night
and hope for better in mornings light
THANK YOU
I suppose in all of this I have only been sad
in truth I have many reasons to be glad
You have been a catalyst
even though you drove me to an analyst
The changes have been of such magnitude
Have I expressed my gratitude
Discarding my previous vices
has not precipitated any new crisis
rather, it sparked my mind and ignited my heart
writing more, seeing more, feeling more Art
It's a process, this I know
as I hurt and learn and grow
I was devastated, this is true
and yes it was because of you
But now I'm healing
no longer kneeling
I suppose, my love, I just want to say
thank you for pushing me away
warm, and soft, and safely dreaming
the tears in my eyes, they see not streaming
nor do they hear my silent screaming
I'm a father now
it is a heavy burden to pull this plow
But like a farmer knows
once planted, the harvest grows
and once a child, now an adult goes
always remember, you reap what you sow
The seeds for the next crop are already here
just look at your children laying near
Be careful in how you tend them
be gentle in your way
and know their spirit you can not stay
In due time they will go
and as they age they will know
In fact you did your best
and had to trust in all the rest
Their own seeds they will plant
and will understand what made you rant
But for now, kiss your angels while they are sleeping
and hide from them your joyful weeping
SPECIMEN
She said he said she was a collector of souls
and I thought about that today
as I put my cd's away
She does have quite the collection of drones
swarming about her, yet she's still alone
to collect them she has a thirst
as long as she gets them first
For a while I was in her grasp
and her heart I tried to clasp
I wept when I did not make the cut
and for a time i loved her but
did she hold me to the light
and decide this one is too bright?
Did I escape, or did she release me?
does it matter? The jar is empty
PRESUMPTION
I noticed her at the station
a vision amongst the grit
tall, blonde and cool
I should have known I'd be the fool
we sat in the same car
and I stole furtive glances
I thought I caught her looking back at
me
Why would she look at me? Dream of me?
What she saw I didn't
Off the train, down the platform
all the sheep rushing to pens of
carpet and vinyl
down the steps to the street
she turned to me smiling
I smiled back and
he
pushed past
hugging her as he lifted her off her feet
LAUNDROMAT
Dirty green linoleum tiles
peeling back under the washers
One on her hip, another at her hem,
she gets change for the machine
Ceiling fans barely moving
Television droning in spanish
Another pushes a wobbly wheeled cart overflowing
with clean damp rags to the dryers
Stopping, I read the sign lit
by flickering flourescent lamps
Lint collector must be cleaned after each load
BETTER THAN TV
In the morning the stream of eager fuelers starts
lean and taut roofers, painters, gutter guys gas up their 150's
sipping coffee and flicking their butts
ignoring the safety signs
these guys are RAM TOUGH
Harried commuters with their cell phones and six dollar a pair hose
nervously check their watches
and adjust their skirts while waiting at the pump
I've seen pregnant Mexican women dismount
from white and teal minivans
while their fat and happy men sit
and watch
in air conditioned comfort
content in the knowledge that all is right in the world
Drawn to the window by ball thumping
bass
pumping viscous rhythms, I've watched the latina's
pay the cashier while
handsome young roosters strut and pose
with their brightly painted chrome and steel penis extensions
Late summer afternoons, watch the rollerbladers and the skateboarders,
fueled by Marlboro reds and Gatorade
half heartedly chased from the premises
by middle age minimum wage alcoholics
proudly wearing the company logo
above their pocket
They close at nine, and
I've seen angry people trying to gas up
"The lights are on! What do you mean you're closed?"
Even after close there is no late night test pattern
The flow just changes to dealers moving product
Human, powder, smoke and smack
The police run them off
but they'll be back
The show never stops,
only the days change.
