Baka Senshi Sailor Moo
*Baka Senshi SailorMoo*
Episode One: The Senshi Menance
By: Hotaru-chan, Goddess of Saturn
Edited and put into html format: David Burns, CoolYoshi
Sailormoon is (C) 199? by Takeuchi Naoko
"I just don't get it!" Alita J. complained. She and her friends sat in Leah's basement.
"Don't get what?" Camilla D. asked.
"You forgot already?" Leah M. shrieked. "You must really be a doofus, Camilla!"
"Like, chill, Leah," said Turkina S. [who was from Turkey], I'll, like, explain it to
Cammy (agaiiiin!)."
"Woo bonts thom pofkoin?" Amanda Z. asked. Technically, she was saying, 'who wants some
popcorn?', but since she was stuffing her face with it, like she always does, it came out that
way. Ignoring Amanda, Turkina went on:
"Kaay... so remember, like, the Senshi? They're like, really, like, popular, so, like,
Aleta, like, doesn't get, like, how they're like, so popular." Eliza N. stared at her book of
physics.
"All right! Enough with the 'likes'!" yelled Leah.
"So what's your point?" Camilla asked. Everyone sighed, and developed sweatdrops. Eliza
looked up from her book.
"She means that we have to concoct something to make us as popular as the Senshi."
"Like, exactly."Turkina remarked.
"Well, we could dress up as the Senshi and---" Alita started to say, but was cut off by
Leah.
"Awesome idea! We could conc--whateverrr something to make us Senshi too! Then we can
beat the stuffing out of those brats!" Everyone's eyes lit up, and all eyes strayed toward Eliza.
"Oh, no, no, you guys!" Eliza moaned.
"Yees, Liz, I'll give you--er uh, a whole pack of Fiddle Faddle!" Alita suggested. At
the mention of Fiddle Faddle, Eliza replied,
"OK! No problem!" everyone else developed sweatdrops.
"Water."
"Water."
"Banana peel."
"Banana peel."
"Kitchen cleaner."
"Kitchen cleaner."
"Lysol spray."
"Lysol spray."
"Ketchup and mustard."
"*chomp on pickle* Ketchup and mustard."
"Milk."
"Milk."
"Kraft Cheese."
"Kraft Cheese."
"Ceramic jar."
"Ceramic jar?"
"Ceramic jar!"
"Ceramic jar."
"Ice cream."
"Ice cream."
"Cottage cheese."
"Cottage cheese."
"Hanson soundtrack."
"*sigh* Hanson soundtrack."
"Spice Girls poster."
"*sigh* Spice Girls poster."
"Slug."
"*eww* Slug."
"Ok. Wait for it to simmer." Eliza and Turkina had gathered some things and put them
into a pot, concoting the Senshi solution. The rest of the girls had gone off to buy some more
'ingredients' for the concotion.
"Are you, like, positive, that, like, this is, like, going to work?" Turkina asked.
"Affirmative."
"Could you like, talk regular?"
"You just don't have a rife vocabulary like me."
"Yeah, like, whateverrrrrrr."
"Pass me the spoon, would you, Turki?" Turkina passed her the wooden spoon.
"Heeeeey! We're back!" Alita yelled, as the other girls burst into the room. Amanda was
chomping on a pickle.
"I don't see why I had to go." Leah complained.
"Because you had to?" Camilla pondered. More sweatdrops.
"Did you get the chicle?" Eliza asked. "The WHAT?"
"Chicle; chewing gum, bubble gum..."
"Oh yeah, we got the Trident kind." Camilla nodded enthusiasticlly/idioticlly.
"Ok, then break them up into minute shreds and drop them into the pot." Eliza ordered.
*********************
A few hours later...
"Are you sure the concoction is still raw?" moaned Alita.
"Affirmative. It needs some more cooking time." Eliza answered.
"What's this?" Camilla asked, holding up a jar clearly labeled: "METHANE, LACTIC ACID,
AND NITROGYLCERIN: DO NOT TOUCH!" Eliza grabbed the bottle away
from her and set it on a shelf. "Don't touch that!" she said sharply.
"Why not? It smells lemonly freeeesh." Camilla giggled, and hiccuped.
"It contains an explosive!" Camilla hopped up on the counter, and absentmindedly lay her
arm down on the shelf. "Watch out!" Leah screamed.
"Aah! Aah! Aah!" Turkina freaked out. The methane, lactic acid, and nitrogylcerin-filled
jar, which Camilla knocked down, spilled into the pot of their concoction.
**********!BOOM!**********
The girls were blown to one side of the basement.
"Great!" Leah snarled.
"Yer mom's not gonna like this..." Alita said.
They stared at the bright orange light
coming from the cauldron. Six plastic-like sticks floated in front of the pot.
"Yesssss!!!" Eliza whooped, and snatched up one of the pens.
"This one's mine!" she cried. "Sailormilkery! Milkery Dairy Power...make-up!"
Leah also grabbed another stick.
"Sailormeanus! Meanus Monster Power...make-up!"
Alita cautiously held another one up.
"Sailorjars!" Jars Ceramic Power...make-up!"
Camilla also held one up:
"Sailorstupider! Stupider Baboon Power...make-up!"
Turkina skipped to the pot and waved another around.
"Sailorcheesymoo! Cheesy Parmesan Power...make-up!"
Finally, Amanda finished her pickle, and grabbed the last one.
"Sailormoo! Moo Cow Power...make-up!"
The six girls henshined into the Baka Senshi! Translation: Silly Soldiers.
"Ok, we have to pick a leader, let's draw tiaras!" said Sailorjars, who had a terra
cotta jar on her head. They put their tiaras into the middle, and Sailorjars picked one
(because, she couldn't peek) out. She bashed two holes in the jar, and saw that she picked out a
tiara with a small jewel-like object in the middle, shaped like a glass of milk.
"Sailormoo." she sighed.
"Amandaaaaa!" everyone moaned. Sailormoo skipped around happily.
They ran outside to find the Outer Senshi finish off a monster.
"I bet you guys couldn't beat us!" Sailormeanus yelled.
"Fine!" said Sailoruranus.
"Yeah, you're on!" Sailorneptune said. Sailorsaturn and Sailorpluto agreed by swinging
their Time Staff and Silence Glaive around.
"Cheesymoo Swiss Attack!" Sailorcheesymoo cried, and a huge block of Swiss Cheese came
down from the sky, getting ready to bash the Outer Senshi. Sailorsaturn swung her Glaive, and
quickly chopped the block of cheese into four sections. Sailoruranus cried,
"Space Sword Blaster!", and chopped the sections into littler pieces of cheese. The
Outers nibbled on the Swiss, and nodded their heads.
"This--is--pretty good!" Sailorsaturn said. The Baka Senshi developed sweatdrops.
"Milkery Calcium Blast!"
"Silence Wall!" Sailorsaturn blocked the wave of milk.
"Yuck! I hate milk!" she said.
"Ok, show's over, Baka Senshi!" Sailorpluto said.
"Death Scream!"
"World Shaking!"
"Deep Submerge!"
the Baka Senshi barely dodged the attacks.
"Let's get outta here!" said Sailorjars.
"Not yet. Meanus Green Goo!"
"Venus! Love and Beauty Shock!" the green stuff was shot to pieces as the Inners came to
help.
"We didn't really need help, you guys..." complained Sailorneptune.
"That's ok!" said Sailorjupiter.
"We came to tell you about the picnic we're having at noon, but then we found these
creeps!"
"Ok." Uranus nodded.
"Let's show these girls who are the real champions of justice." said Sailormars.
"Me first!" Sailormoon jumped up and down. The Senshi rolled their eyes, but let Usa
attack.
"Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!" "Mars! Flame Sniper!"
"Mercury! Aqua Rhapsody!"
"Jupiter! Oak Revolution!"
"Moon Gorgeous Meditation." Chibimoon glared at Cheesymoo.
The Baka Senshi ran for their
little lives. "Whose stupid idea was this anyway?" Sailormeanus yelled.
"Yours!" said Sailorjars.
"Oh, well, in that case...RUN!" The real Senshi shook their heads.
"What a Senshi menance." said Sailoruranus.
"I have a feeling that this is only the beginning." said Sailorvenus. They de-henshined
and went off to the park to have their picnic, supplied with---Swiss cheese, courtesy of
Sailorcheesy moo.
TO BE CONTINUED.......
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