A Perfect Moment – part 5
It is interesting that at the sight of Earth my first thoughts are not of my human family and any relatives I might find here, not of my colleagues and their homecoming – but of the Borg. It’s such a small Planet, insignificant compared to some I have seen and yet it was at the heart of the defence of this Quadrant. I can’t help wondering how it is possible that they failed in their objective.
The Borg were unused to encountering such opposition, such ingenuity; their curiosity was aroused when resistance proved to be not quite futile. Without that curiosity I might never have been here. I still find it difficult to think about fate and other random aspects of existence. As a Borg drone I was never required to consider such esoteric questions, I do not find it easy to be confused.
I am confused now. My feelings at returning to Earth are not the same as other members of the crew. I do not consider this Planet to be my home and while I know that I am not alone in that, I do not think the others have the same fears that they might not belong anywhere and that their past might yet prevent them building a future. Standing here before the image of Earth I can only ask myself what will happen to me if I can not find a place where I can be at home in this Quadrant.
Uncertainty overwhelms my reaction to our journey’s end. Captain Janeway has promised me a safe harbour with her family for as long as I need it, and I am extremely grateful for her kindness. She told me, when I thanked her, that her mother would be only too pleased to have someone else to fuss over. I do not think I fully understand what it means to be the recipient of this fussing. No doubt I will learn in the weeks to come.
The idea that I am somehow part of the Voyager family is one that I find reassuring. I do not have to fear their reaction to the fact that I was once Borg. I know that they will protect and defend me as I would protect and defend them. That is unconditional, based on what we have all been through together. In some respect this is similar to the way the Borg behave; except that it is all the more remarkable because this crew has maintained it’s individual identities in pursuit of a common goal.
It seems that the Captain has been with me for most of my worst moments; and for a few of my best. I still do not understand why she has risked so much for me at times; but understanding is not the same as acceptance. Once I accepted that her concern for me was genuine it did not matter so much that I could not explain the reason for it.
I am hardly the best judge of behaviour; it is still a new skill for me and although I can interpret the more overt displays there are still times when I do not observe what appears to be obvious to others. Now, however, I can confidently state that the Captain is moved by this moment. She is unnaturally quiet and still; gazing at the image of Earth as though it were a rare stellar phenomena she might never encounter again.
Commander Chakotay; by her side, has remained more of an enigma to me. I do not understand his humour, or his subtlety; although his concern for others and his kindness seem to have been important to the crew throughout this journey. I have observed that he is someone people wish to talk to, watched colleagues who seem troubled gravitate to him and then talk through their difficulties.
He has been remarkably kind to me, helping me settle into my own quarters instead of cargo bay one, lending me holoprogrammes of places in the Alpha Quadrant so I could experience a little of what I am returning to and encouraging me to participate in shipboard activities. It was the Commander who suggested I sing at talent night, something I have now done on several occasions, with a fair degree of success.
This does not alther the fact that I do not understand their relationship – and my attempts to engage them in conversation on this matter have been politely but firmly rebuffed. Watching them in this moment, the Commander’s touch, the Captain’s lingering look in his direction, it should be obvious to them how they lend support and comfort to each other. But it is not and the way they feel about each other has remained one of the Universe’s imponderables for as long as I have known them – like fate.
TBC – part 6 coming soon.