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SIXTY BLISSES FOR THE MISSES
Not too long ago I embarked on a new journey in my married life. My wife and I were - how shall I put this - we were not in the most blissful time of our relationship together and I sensed that something needed to change. And yes, of course, I thought that what needed to change - was her. But we were not, at that present time, in a place where I could simply say to her "honey, you need to change!" (Actually, I don't think that it is ever a very good idea for me to say that to her;-) After many hours of great contemplation I had a vision, an epiphany - I saw very clearly exactly what I needed to do to make things "better." I needed to tell my wife two things: I needed to tell her every day how very much I love her and I needed to tell her every day how beautiful I think she is.
There was only one problem. In my life, I have become keenly aware that one of the things that I am the strongest at is intention - I have great intention - I have also become equally aware that I am profoundly weak at "follow through." I don't often do what I know I should do. I concluded that with my given weakness, in order to make my vision work, I would need to have a plan of action.
I decided that I take the next two months - sixty days - and each and every day I would tell my wife, out loud, how very much I loved her and each day I would find some new way to tell her how beautiful or cute or stunning I thought she looked. And so that I would not fudge or fail I decided to keep a daily log in my personal calender of whether or not I had followed through with my plan. Yes, I am aware that this kind of process of logging down ones "little love gestures" does not sound very natural or spontaneous nor does it sound particularly romantic - but these kinds of "I love you" and "you look so beautiful honey" phrases do not roll off of my lips either naturally or spontaneously. I fall more into that non-romantic category of "sheesh, honey, I'm still with ya - what's the problem - isn't that enough of an I love you." (You can all feel free to send my wife "Dean stinks at romance" condolence cards)
Sixty days - two months - mark it down on the calender - she'll never know that I am being so calculating. Truth be told, I was not doing this for completely "pure" reasons. I had an agenda. A selfish agenda. I wasn't just trying to make mama happy. No, I was trying to make mama happy for a specific reason, for a purpose. I cannot tell you what my motive was - this is a family story - let's just say I was thinking way more about my own "needs" and desires than about hers;-)
Nevertheless - I proceeded with my plan. Every day for sixty days I found a new way to say the words "I love you" to my wife and every day for sixty days I found some new way to tell her at least one time how beautiful I though she was. I was crafty, I was creative, sometimes even brilliant, I was subtle - she never caught on. One thing I started to notice right away was the amazing power of the spoken words "I love you" and I was astounded, flabbergasted by the power of the words "wow, you look really cute in that outfit that you're wearing." Whatever negativity might have been in her mood would instantaneously melt away when I would say, "you know, you are truly a stunning woman - whew, I am the luckiest guy." (Just so you don't think I'm a complete jerk - I really do feel these things about my wife - I'm just not very good at actually saying them)
Now, as I said, I had an agenda, but a funny thing stated happening as I became involved in my new daily process. Week one passed, week two, then week three. Incredibly, I began to forget what my selfish purpose was. Little by little, what started to happen was that I began to change. Me, mawah. I started getting caught up in how wonderful these words were making my wife feel and how good it made me feel to bring a smile to her face by saying them. There was a peace and joy that filled me as I was serving her in this new way - it was awesome.
That crafty God of mine was up to something. It started dawning on me that God was not interested in changing my wife - what He was interested in was changing and transforming my heart. God did not want to teach my wife a lesson - He wanted to teach me a lesson. It was me and my selfish attitude that God wanted to change. It reminded me of an old Bible verse that goes something like this - "don't pull a speck out of your spouses eye when there's a plank in your own" - doh! And do you know what the amazing thing is - it felt good and right to serve my wife in this new way - with no selfish motives or expectations.
God had begun transforming my heart - in less that sixty days. I had heard, I had seen, I had learned.
But then..., then came the hard part. God said to me in essence, "Dean, I give you this vision - now come follow Me, continue to do this - serve your wife in this new way - not just for sixty days, but for every day for the rest of your life!" Whew....
That's the hard part isn't it. After the good feelings begin to fade. The walking part, the doing part - it's as if "the doing is our un-doing." We see, we hear, we experience, we even know the Truth and it's wonderful - but we are called to so much more - we are called to go far beyond just knowing - we are called to come down off those glorious mountain tops of realization and walk with Jesus down the each and every difficult road.
I confess, like you, the doing is my undoing. And we're not alone
In the Bible Paul says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do - I do not do, but what I hate I do."
And so my prayer continues, "Lord, I repent. Lord I believe. Lord make me a better 'doer' of these things that You have shown me and placed in my heart and Lord do in me and through me what I cannot. Most of all Jesus, thank you for Your patience, Your forgiveness and for Your Grace."
Romans 7:15
John 21:17
Mark 8:34
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