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WEDGIE TALES
Before I can begin this story I need to make the following disclaimer: “If you are offended by mild bathroom humor stop reading here.” For the rest of us - let the wedgie tales begin.
I was recently in Chicago visiting some old friends - we’ll call them Dick and Ruth (for identity protection sake ;-) and their two sons, Jimmy and Tommy. I think that Jimmy and Tommy are now about eight and ten years old.
They had moved to Chicago from the Seattle area and it was my first trip to check out their new home. The boys, Jimmy and Tommy, who I have know since they were born, were extremely excited to show me what they liked about living in their brand new house. I hadn’t been through the front door more than a minute when I was dragged upstairs by them to see their every cool, new toy, their bedroom “pads” with the groovin’ boom-boxes, and all of the other stuff that an eight and ten year old feels is important. It was great!
Jimmy and Tommy also wanted to introduce me to all of their new neighborhood friends and like all boys their age, they wanted my full time attention for hanging out, playing games and just doing all kinds of “boy stuff."
After the brief blitzkrieg upstairs I was on to the full house tour with their dad, Dick. Dick proceeded to give me the first time visitor walk-through. As we rounded the kitchen corner and came into his living room I had to stop for a moment and catch my breath. A tiny tinge of envy came over me as I stood there gazing upon a beautiful brand new baby grand piano. As a musician I have always wanted a baby grand piano in my house but even if I could afford the luxury - it wouldn’t fit into my modest living space.
It was a brand new Yamaha Baby Grand and it looked much cooler than the beat up, old upright that I currently own.
The two boys were now tugging on my shirt, trying to gain my attention again so that I would come outside and play with them but it was of no use. I was fully engaged in finding out about this magnificant musical instrument. As I sat on the padded piano throne I noticed that on the lower right side of the keyboard was a small black box - about the size of an external CD drive for a computer. When I asked what it was, Dick simply said, "watch this.” He then proceeded to pull out a CD (compact disc) and load it into the box.
Just like magic the piano began playing all by itself. As it turns out this was not just a Yamaha baby grand piano, it was a genuine digital player-piano. How cool!
The boys were still trying to get me to play but I wasn't paying much attention to them at all. I was too intrigued by this “big kids” toy. Being a bit of a gadget guy I wanted to know exactly how this digital piano worked so pretty soon I found myself down on all fours - right there in the middle of Dick's living room - looking up underneath the piano and trying to figure it all out.
What I saw was what looked to be a row of tiny brass cylinders just beneath the hammers that strike each piano string. I bent my body down and stretched my neck as far as it would go and I could see that there was a cylinder for almost every string on the piano. I reasoned that some kind of electrical charge must come up out of these brass cylinders and trigger the hammers of the piano striking the strings and making the sound. I was completely engrossed, lost in thought there beneath that baby grand piano and totally oblivious to my surroundings and the fate that would soon be my own.
Suddenly, without any warning, I felt something strange. In the blink of an eye I started to experience something that I had not known since I was in middle school. Something was grabbing me there on the soft carpet of the livingroom floor. It was coming from behind. As quick as lightening I forgot all about the piano as I felt a powerful tug and yank. The only way I can describe the next moment of my life is to say that I experienced what felt like my underwear being pulled up to my throat.
Do you know what a "wedgie" is? I had just been given a stark reminder.
What I had forgotten about because I was so intrigued with the digital baby grand player piano - was that there were a couple of eight and ten year old boys in the house that desperately wanted the attention of their old friend - and by getting down on all fours, looking underneath the piano, I had not only totally ignored them but I had left myself exposed with a big ole target on my backside that said “to get his attention please pull here.”
As bad as I must have looked at that moment I am happy to report that even in the midst of my "brief" crisis I haven’t lost any of my early-adolescent, boyhood skills. In one swift and smooth motion I spun my long left arm around and tacked young Tommy and then used the perfect follow-though with my right arm and pin point accurate right hand to return the wedgie favor to my ten year old friend. He now had my full attention.
Well, so much for setting a good adult example. But I got him back - big time!
If I had been paying attention to my young friend Tommy - do you think he would have or could have given me a wedgie? Or if I had even been watching him - keeping my eyes on him - could he have blind-sided me like he did?
Take a close look at what Jesus says to us in the following excerpts from Matthew.
In Matthew 26:38 Jesus says, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter.
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy.
"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."
So what happens if I don't stay spiritually awake you ask? The Good News is that your salvation and mine is complete - by believing in Jesus Christ it is a “done deal.” But we must always strive to stay awake and watch with Jesus because if we fall asleep to Him - when we least expect it to - this world may sneak up on us and give us a giant wedgie!
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