Took off Male Chastity: The Womanís Pictorial Guide to a Blissful Relationship
Author: Dr. Tanya Larisse
Girlfriends of mine have long been envious of my wonderful husband, Ron. Never have they seen such a well-mannered, sensitive and caring man. What they donít realize is that their own boyfriends or husbands could be turned into the same. Iíve written this primer on male chastity to give all you ladies out there the opportunity to turn your toad into the prince youíve been dreaming about.
Step 1: Purchase
This is often the most difficult step. Your goal is to convince your man to purchase and wear a chastity device. Explain to him that doing so would make your relationship stronger, happier, more fun, and intimate. Itís not that you donít trust him, but youíd feel very special being the one and only one that has control of his sex. Reassure him that by making you his key holder, heís taking a step towards long term happiness for you both. The Internet is the best source for chastity devices. Seek one out online and order it together.
Step 2: The Arrival
Ensure the device contains all pieces (refer to accompanying instructions). Practice locking and unlocking the device until youíre comfortable doing so. Have your man affix the chastity device to his genitals in the manner prescribed. If itís placed on correctly, the device should be comfortable, allow for urination, yet restrict his erections and not allow him any direct contact with his penis.
Step 3: The Locking
Ask that he allow you to lock the chastity device in place. Most devices are locked with a simple padlock. Simply affix it as directed in the instructions and snap it shut.
Congratulations! With the closing of the lock, your relationship has taken a great leap.
Step 4: Changes
Having a chastity device locked around his genitals usually means some simple physical changes for your man. First, heíll likely have to sit while urinating. Secondly, heíll have to get used to sleeping on his back or sides as sleeping on his stomach may be uncomfortable. Neither of these are very severe and he should be adapted within days.
Step 5: Accepting Your New Role
By holding the keys to your manís chastity device, you now have the power to ensure he remains loving, loyal, and respectful to you always.
Women throughout history have long known that most men are driven almost entirely by their penises. Because of this fact, men can be very charming, caring, and considerate to a woman in order to gain her assistance in achieving an orgasm. Once the orgasm has occurred, however, men tend to put those wonderful qualities on the backburner until the urge for sexual relief comes back. Whatís more, if you refuse to assist him in achieving that relief, heíll resort to masturbating and take care of the problem on his own.
Do you see the power of those keys now? As long as you hold them, your manís days of masturbating are over. Furthermore, you now have the power to limit his orgasms, providing them sparingly, only when he has earned the privilege by pleasing you. Youíve become the sole proprietor of his manhood and, as such, have paved the way to making him the man youíve always wanted.
When he looks at you now, he not only sees his girlfriend or wife, but also the only person capable of providing him with sexual relief. You, the woman, have complete control of your manís sex Ė this is the way it should be. In no time flat, youíll find him getting very huggy and kissy, buying you gifts, and offering to take you to dinner or give you a long and wonderful massage after a long day at work. Sound nice? It is.
Step 6: Establishing the Rules
The first thing youíll need to do is decide on a schedule for his relief. For men new to chastity, I recommend you begin with a weekly schedule. This doesnít mean that once a week, every week, heíll be let out of the chastity device for some action. It means that if, during that week, heís made you happy, heíll be given a release. If not, his wait will be extended for a period that you determine. Very quickly, heíll learn that if youíre unhappy with him, a lack of sexual release for him will be the consequence. Whatís more, as heís only given the opportunity to have one orgasm per week at best, heíll appreciate them so much more. Soon heíll understand the importance of always making you happy and equate your happiness with his own.
Another important rule youíll want to establish is that he will no longer be allowed to play with himself Ė at all. You and only you will have the power to fondle, caress, or stroke his manhood. In doing so, you reinforce your autonomy as the sole provider of his sexual pleasure. If he wishes to be let out of the device for any reason, allow it, with the stipulation that his hands be tied behind him with a scarf, rope, or pair of handcuffs.
When the time comes for his release, allow it in a manner you choose. If that means a passionate bout of love making, so be it. If it means you giving him oral sex or a hand job, those work too. Once heís had his orgasm, place him back in the device immediately.
Step 7: The Chores
Be assertive in having him help with the housework. Very soon it could be you laying on the couch and watching TV while he does the dishes as opposed to the all to common reversal of those activities.
This isnít a license to abuse your power. By all means, you should also share in those chores. However, youíll likely find that heíll be offering, on his own accord, to do just about all of them.
Step 8: Your Sexual Pleasure
Just because heís prevented from achieving sexual relief doesnít mean that you are! This it he perfect opportunity for him to perfect his tongue technique. Multiple times daily if you wish it! Heíll be very happy to do so as keeping you happy sexually will not only feel like an accomplishment for him, but also serve to ensure his own sexual relief when the time comes.
Last but not least, have fun with it! Donít be afraid to put on the goddess routine. Make him ask politely to be allowed to give you oral sex, or a massage, or that foot rub. Tease him. The voracious sexual energy youíll generate in him by doing so can be channeled into pleasing you. Use your imagination.
Soon, youíll grow to adore keeping your man in a chastity device and wonder why you didnít do it right from day one. Your man will grow to adore you like heís never adored any woman before.
Frequently Asked Questions
"I'd like to give the chastity thing a try with my boyfriend. Can you recommend a good chastity belt?"
- Miranda, California, USA, Age 22
There are two main types of chastity devices for men: the belt variety (Tollyboy, Access Denied, etc.) and the cage variety (CB-2000, Birdcage, etc). Because of their lower cost, general ease of you, and comfort, I generally recommend one of the cage varieties to couple wanting to begin incorporating male chastity into their relationship. The CB-2000 is hard to beat as it is generally just as secure as a belt variety chastity
device. I've also had my fiance invest in a Tollyboy variety belt. We use the CB-2000 for the most part, but I do like the way he looks in Tolly boy metal underwear. ;-)
Check out www.altairboy.com. It's a great site that contains reviews of all major brands of male chastity device. Pick one that you both like.
"I bought a CB-2000 for my guy two weeks ago. I've already noticed positive changes in his attitude. :) My question is, how should I give him his weekly release? Is there a special way?
- Freija, Chicago, Illinois, Age 29
In short, there is no special way to achieve this. You can have sexual intercourse with him, you can give him oral sex, or you can bring him to ejaculation with your hand. If he's behaved very well, bring him to orgasm in the way he likes best. If there are black marks on his record that week, do it in what way you enjoy most. There are, however, three things you should keep in mind:
a) Don't allow him access to his penis with his hands. If you plan on teasing for awhile, or leaving him
unattanded for even a few seconds, tie his hands. If you are there to supervise, explain to him that if he touches himself, you'll tie his hands. We want you to be the only one with the power to pleasure his penis.
b) It's best to leave him locked up until you're ready to give him the orgasm. He doesn't need to be freed to get worked up.
c) Replace the chastity device immediately after giving him an orgasm.
"My wife really wants to keep me locked in a chastity belt. So a couple of months ago, after making all
the proper measurements, we ordered a Goethal male belt. For the first couple of days, everything was alright. After that, I began to experience various pains as the belt began to aggravate/rub my skin in various places and some chafing occurred. I'm open to the idea of wearing a chastity belt, but this experience has made it lose some of its attractiveness. Can you suggest anything?"
- Gregg, Location Unknown, Age Unknown
Belt varieties of male chastity devices often require much 'twinking' to get them to feel comfortable for long term use. Consult with the manufacturer of the belt and seek their advice. Also, check out www.altairboy.com as it contains many forums on how to correct such problems.
If you're still unable to find a solution, consider investing in a cage variety chastity device.
"I've tried to get my girlfriend interested in keeping me locked up. Everytime I bring up the subject she shys away. She tells me she thinks its too weird and doesn't want to do it. Help!"
- Stephen, Sydney, Australia, Age 24
First of all, don't force the issue with her, it'll just make her feel more uncomfortable. She feels this way because she hasn't been exposed to the idea before and thinks it to be and odd and weird request from you. What can you do? Gently encourage her to read this guide. Also, show her some of the variety of male chastity resources on the net. Once she sees just how many thousands of couples are using male chastity devices as a way to enhance their relationships, she might change her mind. Explain to her that she has nothing to lose by giving it a try and ask if she would be willing to try for a trial period (one month might be a good duration).
A recent article in the New York Times (March 4 , 2000 edition - see website) stated that male chastity device sales have shot up dramatically over the last two years. In 1999, an estimated half million male chastity devices were sold. Clearly, the idea is catching on.
"I bought my boyfriend a CB-2000 for his birthday two months ago. So far, we both love using it (me more than him I think .. hehe)! What I am still unsure about is in what behaviour I should feel justified in punishing by increasing his wait. He says its very challenging for him to wait an entire week for an orgasm. I don't want to make it tougher for him than I have to and he has gotten so much more responsive and caring towards me since we started using it. But he really makes me mad sometimes when he 'forgets' to call me, or spends his time playing computer games instead of with me. What do you think?
- Tina, Toronto, Ontario, Age 26
Well, Tina, throw any guilt you're feeling out the door! :-) As your man's keyholder, you have every right to use your authority to curb the behaviours in him that make you unhappy. Just a few extra days added to his wait will have a huge impact on him - he'll learn that although he can forget phone calls and spend free time playing computer games when you feel neglected, they'll come at a cost. Let his penis argue with him and you'll soon find those behaviours coming to an end.
When he's behaving improperly, approach him with something like this:
"I'm not happy with the fact that you didn't call me when you said you would. I've decided to make you wait an extra two days for every missed phone call. I really like to talk to you on the phone ... do you think you can be more dependable in returning calls?"
"You know how much I like spending time with you. And I'm getting a little bit irritated at all the time you spend playing computer games when you could be with me. I'd appreciate it if you could limit your playing time to one day a week. I'm going to have you wait an extra week without being unlocked for every day more than one that you play games when you could be spending time with me. Can you do this for me?"
If he's at all resistant to accepting your decisions, tell him that although you'll be very disappointed, you will give him the keys to his belt and not accept them back for good.
He'll come around. ;-)
"Hi Tanya! Thank you ever so much for introducing my fiance and I to this wonderful relationship tool! My man has never been so loving and caring and I've never been so sexually satisfied. I get more oral sex in a day than many women do in a month and I've even taught him how exactly to use a dildo on me. :) And he seems to love it just as much as I do. He says his orgasms are so much better after having to wait for them and having to earn them and he says it drives him insane with frustration (which he loves) that I don't let him touch his own penis. One thing I have noticed, though, is that his behaviour kind of hits bottom again for the first few days after I give him an orgasm. What I'd like to try is to increase his wait to more than a week. How long is too long?"
-Mindy, Location Unknown, Age 28
Good idea, Mindy. :-)
The best way to determine the answer to this is by trial and error. The trick is to increase his wait time slowly. Make it ten days. If he asks why, simply explain to him that you love the way he behaves under lock and key and want to maximize your happiness. Do this for a couple of months, then increase it to two weeks. See how this goes and continue to increase it as long as he doesn't start getting snappy or irritable with it. Over the last three years, I've worked my fiance up to a three week schedule (though I still occasionally unlock him after two weeks if his behaviour has been exemplary). I've also heard from many ladies that have their men on monthly (or longer) schedules. Really, the only upper limit is what you find works best.
"I've been keeping my boyfriend in a CB-2000 for a little over a year now. Everything has gone great with it to date. I take off the CB once a week and he's ready for a good time. Two days ago, I caught him surfing pornographic websites on the net. This is after I've told him repeatedly that I didn't want him looking at porn. I told him that I would make him wait a month from that day for his next orgasm. He says that making him wait that long could cause damage to his testicles or prostrate. Is this true?"
- Debbie, England, Age 20
No, Debbie, this is not true. The male's body has its own way of dealing with an over abundance of stored up semen. After a certain point, the male will experience a wet dream which will alleviate any build up and keep his ejaculatory system functioning properly. Keep to your pledge of making him wait a month. I doubt you'll find him surfing porn again. :-)
"My girlfriend agreed to give chastity for me a try in our relationship about two months ago. The problem is, she show's little interest in regulating my orgasms. She pretty much lets me out whenever I ask it and lets me do what I like while I'm out. I very much want her to control this aspect of me and make me a better boyfriend for her. What should I do?"
- Ivan, Vancouver, BC, Age 25
I would suggest that you help her realize the impact that keeping you on a schedule has. Go a full week without asking her for release. Near the end of the week, make extra effort to coddle her - treat her like a princess. Keep this up until she recognizes the pattern and decides that it'll make both of you happier if she's more restrictive about your releases. Good luck!
"Hi Tanya. I'm really excited about the idea of keeping my boyfriend in a chastity belt. The problem is, I don't want to hurt his feelings by suggesting that I want him kept in one. He's already more kind, sweet, caring, and attentive than any other guy I've been with. How can I convince him to try it without making him feel like he needs to improve?"
- Lisa, Location Unknown, Age Unknown
Here's what I would do, Lisa. Talk to him about the benefits of chastity. Tell him that you love the way he treats you and don't want it to ever change so you'd like to try keeping him locked. Make it seem fun and exciting. If he is indeed the sweet man you've described, he'll have no trouble giving it a try.
"I've been holding the keys to my fiance's CB-2000 for six months now. For the most part, I love it .. it's turned him into a regular Romeo. The problem is, once in awhile, after I've gotten him very excited and not allowed him release, he'll make a comment like "it's pretty selfish of you to get all that pleasure and give me any" or "why should you get to cum so many times and me so little". I'm pretty sure he's just trying to guilt me into giving him early release, but it still makes me feel kind of selfish, you know? What do you think?"
- Tara, Ohio, Age 26
Don't feel selfish at all, Tara. Look at it this way. You can continue to be happy with your 'Romeo' and, in turn, be a solid, supportive, loving mate in return - making him happy for the long term. Or, you can give in to your man's boyish need for the short term comfort of his orgasm and lose all the benefits that his chastity has brought you. Which is better for you? Obviously, keeping your Romeo. Which is better for him? Short term relief? Or long term happiness? You've given him the greatest gift a woman could give a man - you've ensured that he'll keep you happy and in doing so, guaranteed a long, happy relationship.
What to do about the comments? Say something like this, and speak firmly but sympathetically: "I'm sorry you feel that way, honey. You've made me so happy while I've kept you locked up. I know how guys can get and I don't ever want to risk that you could get that way. I'm so proud of you - you've been doing so well. But, if it will make you happy, you no longer have to lick me or play with me."
Chances are, he'll melt right there and apologize for saying what he did. :-)
If the comments resurface again after that, explain to him that you've already talked to him about it and are prepared to start giving him extra days without relief for saying such hurtful things.
"I'm being torn here. I love keeping my Tony in a chastity belt. But I also love penetrative sex! It feels like I'm keeping myself chaste by keeping him chaste! What should I do?"
- Sally, Venice, Italy, Age 30
Most women will admit that a properly used dildo/vibrator is better than the real deal. This is the perfect opportunity for you to teach him precisely how to please you using one. If it's the action of sexual intercourse itself that you love, buy Tony a strap-on dildo to use on you. :-)
Have you taught him to properly bring you to orgasms with his tongue? If not, you can give that a try too. Good luck!
"I've been keeping my boyfriend's penis under lock and key for 2 months. I must admit, I love it! And despite the misgivings I had about it actually pissing him off, he's expressed to me that he likes it too. I'm going to keep him like this forever. =) One question. He keeps asking me to remove the belt and stroke him. He says he misses having contact with his penis. And he also promises that he won't cum. Should I do this for him? Maybe as a reward for good behaviour in between his scheduled orgasms?"
- Tammy, Calgary, Alberta, Age 19
This is a great idea for a short term reward, Tammy. My own fiance, Todd, has expressed to me that he so much more appreciates having his penis touched now that its kept under lock and key - even if he isn't allowed to ejaculate. It's also a great opportunity to talk to him about any issues you have. What I normally do is cuff Todd's hands behind him, and have him go down on me until I'm satisfied. When he's finished, I'll remove his chastity device and have him sit next to me (usually on the couch). I'll reach over and slowly and gently start pumping his penis (after warning him that he'd better not ejaculate). At this point, he's truly like putty in your hands. :-) Talk to him about issues. Ask him for something. If his responses please you, then pump his a little bit faster, if they don't, slow down. You'll be amazed how wonderfully agreeable he will be. When he starts getting too worked up, I'll let go and let him cool down for awhile, then ask him if he'd like some more. Usually he says yes, and I'll go through another cycle. I limit it to two cycles.
A word of caution, however. Make sure his hands are restrained during these sessions. Once he gets worked up, he'll grab his penis and finish the job no matter what you say.
About the Author: Tanya is a licensed, practicing sex therapist in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. The opinions expressed in this guide are solely her own and not meant to be taken as professional advice.