4/02/04 Hola rumorfeebleminds, and welcome to another installment of "A day in the life of". This week we are bringing to you the inside story of William Moody, known to his legions of fans as Paul Bearer. 1/31/04-Paul wakes up and snarfs 2 pizzas and takes a number 2 on his custom made bearskin toilet. He then masturbates to pictures of trees and wildlife for about 3 hours. 2/28-04-Paul shows up at the venue for the taping, only to be informed they are holding off his re-re-redebut until Wrestlemania. He then tinkles on Vince's jockstrap and leaves in disgust. We will be back later for another inside look at your favorite superstars. In other news, there is a new wrestler on the horizon. His name is Cubicle Curly from the office. His finisher is the watercooler whip off the top of the titantron. Look for and expect him to be drafted onto Velocity. 3/22/04 Well look who is back with a vengeance. YOUR Rumorjobbers, Jeff and Dave. We received over a trillion emails regarding our long sabbatical from the rumor world. We went through 14 secretaries in that time span, because they all killed themselves trying to answer our barrage of hate mail and death threats. Poor Gladys Gladdenhoffer was subjected to an extreme dose of anthrax from one of you silly goose fans. Also, my personal favorite secretary, Doris Dododropper was killed instantly when she opened a package addressed to your Rumorjobbers. Inside the package was a balloon which contained lye and exploded upon opening. RIP ladies! Onto better news...your Rumorjobbers were gone for so long because we were scouting every nook and cranny of the solar system finding new talent for RSU. We have come up with our prodigy, none other than Boris "Bad Breath" Bofferstoller. He comes straight from the prison camps in Siberia. He was known to sleep outside in his undies in the dead of winter. His bad breath came from having to eat raw mongoose carcasses to sustain life. Look out! He debuts on Smackdown this Thursday. His finisher is the Siberian undie Sniffer, off the announce table. We are out! Beunos Dias rumoridiots. Your rumorjobbers are going to be at Wrestlemania this weekend, in the front row tv side. We got these tickets after threatening to blow the roof off of Vince's emu smuggling. We are also going to meet Brock Lesnar at Safeway in Federal Way, look for and expect a takedown by Dave on Brock. In other news, look for a new wrestler to debut at Wrestlemania, "paper shredder Pat Shredshinheiser" from Berlin. His finishing move is the "document drop" from the top of the hell in the cell. Rock will job clean to him in the opening bout. 212/03 Hello rumorlosers and fans alike. Sadness has fallen over us again, as another wrestler has tragically passed. Your Rumorjobbers are the first to report that Lance Storm has passed away today. He was involved in an altercation with a moose outside his home, and was mangled. However, Storm will get a title shot this Monday on Raw, as his casket will be wheeled down to the ring to face Austin in his return. Spoiler: Storm caputres gold! Look for Storm to be buried with the title belt, forcing the suits to exhume his body and reclaim the belt. In other news, Rumorjobbers Scriptrobbers University has hired a new head trainer. He is "Foul Mouth" Frank Murphy. Look for him to really whip our future stars into shape. On an unrelated note, we hope you have a rumorfilled day. 2/11/03 Happy New Year to all you rumorslugs out there! As many of you already know, Curt Henning was found mummified in his hotel room recently. Mizark was overheard as saying he died the "Perfect Death". Some information you may not know is as follows. Curt was said to be quite gassy and was dropping tums along with his acid. He even let loose with a toot that cleared an entire halfway house. Please send us all your money so we can give it to the Henning funeral fund. On a lighter note, there is a new wrestler straight out of Trax Alaska. His name is Eskimo Earl, from the tundra. His finishing move is the Igloo Ichabod Crane off the Spanish announce table. Spoiler: Stone Cold will job to him at No Way Out. 12/25/02 Merry Christmas Rumorfanatics! This is our Annual Christmas Edition of our update. We are also handing out our infamous Rumorjobber Superstar Awards. Who will win an RSA Trophy this year? Well first off, we would like to award one to our trusty secretary, Phyllis Falkurberg. She suffered a severed hand at the expense of our paper shredder, which happened to be on the fritz one afternoon. Congrats Phyllis! Our other RSA Trophy goes to our greatest field reporter, Henry Happenploffer. While driving west to cover a story, he ran over two young children. Although they died, he tried really hard to revive them. RIP kids. Congrats to Henry! That's it for this year's awards. If you want to nominate someone for next year, email us or sign our guestbook! We are OUT. 10/23/02 It seems as if the Ben Weber/Shane Helms main event will take place at Wrestlemania 19 in Seattle. It appears as if Weber yanked his nootsack off when he was warming up for a pitch, his noots ended up on the rosin bag. The batboy had to pick them up. In other huge news, Kane was caught raping a dead boy.Rumor has it he was a Kanannite. Have mercy! Spoiler for Smackdown: Nidia wins the women's title in a stick it up your ass match. 10/22/02 Ho there, rumorpunkasses and fairies. The rumorjobbers are back on the scene after a 4 month hiatus. We have been busy covering many stories for you, the fans. First it seems that the wrestlers were marking out big time for the HHH dead bod copulation. Look for and expect this to be a new feature weekly on Raw. However, Kane was not too happy, in fact, he was so distraught that he threw his mask down the toilet in disgust. He then put it back on and ran around screaming and we quote " I am not going to cater to the Kanenites anymore, this is a shoot" In more news, look for and expect San Francisco to job hard to Ben Weber's pump handle pitch. The WWE has already expressed interest in having a Weber/Sugar Shane Helms main event at Survivor Series. 6/8/02 Hello fellow rumorlovers and fanatics alike. Seems tragedy has once again struck the rumorjobber family. Our building security specialist, "Quick Draw" Dean Letterhoffer, was shot down by a rabid fan. The fan was trying to enter the Rumors Central area of our rumors compound. Quick Draw wasn't quick on the draw this time, as it were. Letterhoffer is survived by 2 wives and 14 children. RIP. In other news, look for DX to be reformed again soon. RAW Spoiler: Kurt Angle rips many tendons in his elbow in a botched manuever. We are out! 5/4/02 We here at rumorjobbers central would like to thank all the fans for the flowers, cards, and money you have sent to us to forward to the family of Pearl Perlywhitey. She was 99 years young, and the sailors down by the docks will truly miss her. It seems there is more bad news for WWFE. It seems that the titantron fell on a local worker last monday named "Flo 'The Fop' Fillharmonic. Look for and expect his casket to be lowered during Heat tomorrow, where Andre the Giant's ashes will make a surprise run in. 5/2/02 After months and months of research, it's time for another installment of "Day in the life of..." Today we will delve into the career and personal life of one Andrew Martin, AKA Test(icle). Martin lives in Salinas, Kansas. He has no friends, and lives with a pet guppy and also a manatee in his backyard. None of his neighbors like him, and all report enjoying the time he spends on the road. Martin has no girlfriend, and some speculate he is a homo. thats a work. There you go! In other sad news, longtime Rumorjobber receptionist and letter screener, Pearl Perlywhitey has perished, due to a bomb that was sent to the rumors camp. Pearl Pearlywhitey RIP 1903-2002. 4/20/02 Well folks, it only seems to get worse for Vince and the shareholders of WWFE. It seems that Albert fell off his treadmill at his mansion in Nepal, and suffered a stinger and death. However, Vince has told us that Albert will still participate in matches, albeit on a limited basis. Now he will be attachted to ropes ala a puppet. Any move he makes will be the result of the ropes. Vince tells us that we may not be able to see the ropes on the tv because they will be translucent, but they will be there none the less. Please send us all your money and we will give it to Mrs. Albert to make her feel better. 4/15/02 Welcome to another update of the infamous Rumojobbers central. This is our tax update if you will. Unfortunately, we have to report that Mark Henry has been paralyzed. When he was in the limo, one of his dread locks got caught under a wheel and his cranium was squashed. Fortunately, the doctors have given him a clean bill of health because of recondtructive surgery on his noggin. Look for him on the smackdown brnad this week. Looks like Howard Finke's house was robbed this weekend. His 96'' tv was thieved from his apartment. Look for it on special at liquidation world. Vince seems irate over a couple of issues. First of all, seems a few of the 7-11 bobbleheads of Kurt Angle have been thieved from stores around the country. Secondly, Linda McMahon was involved in a car accident this weekend. She ran over and killed a fledgling squirrel. rest his soul. I am pleased to announce that there is a new rumorjobber on the horizon. Ethyn Jeff is here to stay. take that for what you will. we are out!!! 3/2/02 Hello rumorqueefs and flunk-outs. This weekend is a special installment of "Day in the Life of..." We will look at the life and times of Billy. The One started out in the Fed with Bart Gunn as part of the Smokin' Gunns. His real name is Monty "Kip" Sopp. The Sopper, as he is known in inner circles, is tag team champion now. On a daily basis, Monty works out, drinks power shakes, and looks at himself and Chuck in the mirror. "I am f*ckin tired of the rumorjobbers hanging out with me all f*ckin day. leave me alone!" with those words, he gave our field reporter, Jimmy Smathers, a fameasser. we are out!! 2/23/02 Hi rumorjobber fanatics! Today is another installment of "Day in the life of..." Today we will be looking at the life and trials of one Scott Hall. We caught up with the Hallish one yesterday, and let us tell you what happened. He woke up at 1 p.m. and polished off a 36 pack of brew. He then went to the venue where the wwf was holding their event and he picked a fight with none other than Stu Hart, who was visiting backstage. Stu tried to take him down, but Hall Outsider Edge'd him and Stu Hart is now in the hospital being treated for a stinger and anthrax. Hall told us that he usually dishes out a stinger to someone daily, and just last week he gave one to a girl scout. He also transmits anthrax to his victim by hiding it in his toothpick and then scraping them with it. What a shoot! Look for more later losers! 2/22/02 Greetings rumorlosers and downtrodden ones. We will finally be starting our "Day in the life of..." feature. Our field reporters have been busy gathering data, interviews, and quips from stars and their close friends. Today we take a close look at none other than the Undertaker. His real name being Mark Calloway, the Dark One, the Phenom, the Man from the Darkside, the Mean one if you will. He started out as a jobber. He wakes up next to Sara and works out every day. He then usually swims in his gargantuan pool. That's about it. Look for more exciting stories to surface soon. In rumors news, look for Hogan to shatter his already crumbling hip in the upcoming ppv. Scott Hall WILL be drunk, and scotty 2 hotty will job out to all comers. Later jobouts! 2/03/02 Hello to all you rumorjobber fans and losers. Today is of course the super bowl, and we have the inside scoop as to what will transpire. First, He Hate Me will make an appearance as the lone setback in the St. Louis offense, replacing an aging Marshall Faulk. Mr. Hate will run for an unprecedented -33 yards net. Also, look for and expect Drew Bledsoe to be throwing fits along the sideline all day, and there is a strong rumor that he has laced the gatorade with anthrax and ebola. As for tommorow's Raw, look for Hulk Hogan to make his return, where he will break his hip after falling down the ramp. 12/29/01 Well, as you all know, HHH is making his much ballyhooed return on the 7. What you don't know is that he has lost part of his neck and left glute in a wood chipping accident. Vince has assured us that it shouldn t hamper his return, and that he will basically look the same. Look for a new feature here on rumorjobbers in the next few weeks called "3 days in the life of". The first installment will focus on the times and tribulations of one Perry Satullo. Look for and expect major revelations from the ringed one. 12/08/01 Greetings rumorfreaks and crazed fans. Word is that Vince spent the night at the Chicago General Hospital Thursday night after Smackdown. Looks like he broke his nose on Rikishi's tailbone and also got some fresh poo in his nostril. He might have hepatitis but that is just a weak rumor at best. In other news, Saturn will be returning on Jakked tonight under his new moniker, You're not Welcome. It's a heel turn from his old gimmick. Look for his 'stume to be a dark sheet over his bald cranium. He will be managed by Heywood Jablowmey. What a shoot! 11/28/01 Well folks it seems that there has been a falling out after the disgraceful RAW that took place on Monday. First JR has been overheard backstage complaining of the segment. Look for and expect Vince to fire JR soon, and replace him with none other than Yokozuna's ashes. Vince assures us that this will indeed spike the ratings. Also, look for a match between Stone Cold and Funaki to take place tomorrow on smackdown Spoiler: Stone Cold jobs clean after taking a stinger. It also seems that Mans man Steven Regal is checking in to the Betty Ford clinic after testing positive for leaves. He was caught after Big Show pointed out that Regal's urine was in fact green. 11/14/01 In an effort to appease our worldwide fans and rumor wolverines out there, we have decided to make this page multi-languages for our many non englsh speaking readers. We just expanded to Mandarin, Russian, Isreali, and the tribal language native to the country Eritrea. So a big "Fleeretshzrxxzuwq" to our new African fans! In wrestling news, the Rock and Satullo battled hot and heavy over that bag of Ruffles. Rock likes the ridgs, while the moppy one prefers the taste. Also, look for Dean Malenko to return on Smackdown Thursday night. Our Titan insider has some news on his return. Malenko will not only job out to (spoiler) Maven the crip, but will get a good kicking by Droz. thats a shoot!! In other news, look for Ichiro to win the MVP award this year, only to then have it dedicated to a big plate of sushi. the award will be wrapped in a california roll and shared with his countryman, Sasaki. sayonara! 11/14/01 A happy Wednesday to all you rumorjobber nuts out there. It seems that Eddie Guerrero has been killed in a hang gliding accident off the coast of Zaire. However, the WWF is trying to keep this under wraps for now, as they claim he has been fired for drunk driving. We asked Vince about this blatant lie, to which he replied that the WWF fans need not know the truth. Next on the chopping block for the WWF? Perry Satullo. It is well known that the planetary one has had many problems backstage, and they finally came to a head on Monday night. Apparently Perry shoved The Rock over a dispute of potato chips. The rocky one is said to have broken spine and stinger, though he will still be on smackdown. 11/6/01 Greetings fellow rumorfreaks and fanatics. Looks like Farooq's new valet has been fired already. Rumor has it she burst a sewer pipe and leaked raw pis and poo all over backstage at RAW last night. Hurricane Helms even slipped and contracted anthrax from the poo. Spoilers for tomorrow include Tajiri jobbing to Steve Blackman and also the Dudley Boyz doing a clean job to the team of Rowdy Roddy Piper and Smart Bart, who looks like Bart Simpson. Also, the debut of a new wrestler, he is none other than Stripes Smitty Germanheistermanhauser. He is not from Germany however, but from Parts Unknown. more later! 11/05/01 Tonight will surely mark the most memorable RAW ever! Why, rumorjobbers, why? you may ask. Well, it seems that Maven will make his big RAW debut jobbing to Tiger Ali Singh in a turban leaves town match. Also, there is word that Stone Cold will be doing the job to DDP, but not before taking a stinger that will put the stonish one on the shelf for about 12 months. There is also a new valet for Farooq, Beverly. She will be there after her recent firing by Dave for stealing money. Vince has already reputedly boned her. 10/29/01 This is our second update of the day, since there is a HUGE raw tonight. Don't, however, look for and expect Maven to be in attendance. He is still in the hospital, and has now contracted an unknown disease following his paralysis. Look for us to bring you the latest in this tragic story as it unfolds. Vince has asked Droz to roll to Maven's hospital and keep him company. Spoilers for tonight: Angle does the JOB to the recently engorged Sgt. Slaughter. Austin jobs out to Mecca Meat. Lastly, Sid comes back to wrestle the tag team of Razor Ramon and Brian Pillman. They wrestled to a DQ, after guest ref Owen Hart interference on Andre the Giant's ashes. More later fans... 10/29/01 This is a sad day here at rumorjobber central, as it seems that Maven has now contracted the ebola virus. Look for and expect Maven to have a 50-50 chance of survival. Please send us all your money so we can give it to him. As long as we're talking about money, we here at rumorjobbers are having trouble maintaining the cost of this site. From paying our secretaries to paying off Vince McMahon for top info, we are having trouble making ends meet. Please send us money in the form of a paypal to help us keep this site running indefinitely. On tonight's Raw, look for Andre the Giant's body to be wheeled out on a gurney by Stone Cold. Steve will then stun Andre in order to help solidify his status as a heel within the company. Also, look for Jeff Hardy to fall onto a table and take a stinger. Apparently Vince thinks Jeff has gotten soft and has asked him to take a stinger in order to toughen up. 10/21/01 Greetings rumorwannabes. Poor Maven has been infected with Anthrax also. It seems when he was in the hospital, Droz visited him and when they shook hands, Droz slipped him some powder and it got him. We wish the paralyzed one the best of luck. Onto other news. The big news is that Stone Cold won the triple threat match at No Mercy tonight. Congrats to the Cold one. The Doc, seeeeeeeeph.d was in attendance tonight, and he told us that Droz did a roll-in during a datk match. This could be the start of a huge comeback for him! bye jobbers!! 10/20/01 Well, even more bad news for Maven. As most of you saw on Thursday, Maven made a big comeback from his spine shattering car accident for a match with Tazz. What you didn't see was after he made his way backstage after the match he was accosted by Ray Traylor, who told him that he was horrible. He then hit Maven on the glute with his nightstick, paralyzing Maven from his nose down. JR informs us that Maven's only form of communication now comes in the form of blinks and movements with his eyeballs. We here at Rumorjobbers are starting a "Maven fund" in order to help him, so send all your money to us and we will give it to him to make him feel better. Look for Mick Foley to make his appearance on "Who wants to be a millionaire" soon. Spoiler: Mick misses the 100 dollar question and is booed out of the chair. 10/15/01 Sorry to break the news to you rumor lovers and fans, but Maven was in a bad auto accident on the way to the RAW tapings today. His pelvis was cracked, and his spine was shattered in 6 places. Look for him to feud with Droz soon for the "special" title. Also, Kurt Angle's medals were found earlier tonight, strangled around the neck of a poor and unsuspecting perch fish. The ASPCA is investigating. When asked about the incident, Angle replied with a simple Puff Puff HOOOOOOOO, and attributed that to his mentor and soon to be manager, the Doc Joel Seeeeeeeph.D. later! 9/20/01 Well seems that the Tough Enough crew is down one person. The dolly grip, Larry DiStefani, fell on the Trax and perished yesterday. Our condolences go out to the family. In non-related news, a new wrestler will be debuting on Excess this weekend. He will be the special guest. He is the rookie to legend known as Hairy Harry Hairballer. His entrance theme will be "Welcome to the Jungle." Those in the know will really come to love this future title holder. Look for him this weekend. Spoiler: Maven eventually wins Tough Enough only to get his contract in the WWF. It's a one match contract which will feature him in a heated battle with Essa Rios on Jakked in which Maven will job out, and most likely be paralyzed. good day.. 9/15/01 Hello to all the rumorjobber's rabid fans. On this Monday's RAW look for and expect Kane to be back in action after losing the battle with the arm eating infection he had. He is said to be quite happy with the prosthetic arm he now has, though it's not quite as good seeing as he can't move it and it falls off at inopportune times. Taker has been said to be supportive, though as you may have heard, Sara is on the verge of leaving him for Jerry Lawler. It seems that Calloway can no longer get it up and must resort to other devices with Sara. Lawler is said to have played no small part in the Undertakers embarrasing problem, as he was seen putting salt peter in Taker's juice last week. Christian is also said to be unhappy with his new entrance music, though Derringer cannot be too faulted as he was working overtime trying to put together new music for the rumorjobbers 1st album. Look for more on that later! 7/21/01 On the heels of the Invasion PPV, the Rumorjobbers are here to give you the inside script of tomorrow's event. Looks like Bad News Brown will be reintroduced into the WWF, with his new gimmick being a disgruntled UPS worker who was recently laid off. He will wear a UPS 'stume and carry a box of weapons. Look for him to win the hardcore title from Mike Awesome. Also, Andre the Giant will be exhumed, that's right, brought back from the dead to have a 3-way dance with Freddie Blassie and Brian Pillman. Look for that dandy and more tomorrow night. On a side note, DDP was injured in a car accident on his way to a house show. He will be ok, just look for him to be not as limber, as he lost his right leg. legit! 5/04/01 Hey, this is Clinton Nowlin here, and Jeffy Jeff and Dave let me update, so let me catch you all up on the latest rumors. You all saw the wrasslin last night, and I think it was pretty good. When I become a wrestler, I have the perfect way to always wear a shirt. I'll tell Vince that I'll do the job if he lets me keep my shirt on. Also, Jeff Hardy needs to stop trying to win the IC title. I mean geez, GET OFF IT! 5/03/01 Hey Whuzzzzzup? This is Loren. You can email me at unaboon@yahoo.com if you like my update. I would also love to thank those Rumajobbas for lettin' me give dis here update. Well I think Jowel is way off base here with da rumors he is spreadin'. First off, Undataka doesn't deserbe no title shot. Kane is one tuff biatch. I think he shuud get it. Now, let me turn ma attention to the "Mystery opponent" on smackdown. Everyone knowz its Rikishi. His fat ass will smoke da Taker!! Well I gotsta get some chops and pop, so I am outta here! 5/03/01 Hey rumorjobber fans, this is Joel Seeph, otherwise known as eatglass@hotmail.com. The rumorjobbers have been gracious enough to allow me to update today. First, I think on Smackdown HHH and Stone Cold will probably continue their dominance over everyone, and I think that Undertaker, whos music I love, raise your hand if youre with me, might take them out. However, with Kane's arm hurt, Undertaker will definitely have to step it up, because HHH and Stone Cold always cheat, and I hate that. I would also like to thank the WWF for giving me Judgement Day for free this month, thanks in no small part to my ordering the past 26 ppv's in a row. I can't pay my phone bill, but I will order every pay per view. I love the Hardy Boys, those guys are amazing! i think that they will win the wwf tag titles soon because no one else can keep up with them, and they will tire out the competition. FUCK! 4/28/01 Greetings and happy Saturday to you jobbers. Seems like Rich McBob was served his walking papers today by Rumorjobber Interim Commissioner, Slick. The "Jive Sould Bro" really laid into McBob this afternoon for lambasting Dave and his rumor skills. Slick also demoted Jeff to mailbag letter opener. Congrats Jeff on your new job. That was the late-breaking update out of the Rumorjobbers camp. More tomorrow!! 4/28/01 Well, we want to thank Raven for writing in to tell us what he thinks of the rumorjobbers, but some of the suits here at rumorjobber headquarters feel that Raven may have been hit in the head with too many baking pans. Regarding Mr. Levy's last letter, Rich McBob, President of Rumorjobbers central, was overheard as saying "Raven seems to have let his old age and baking pans get the best of his judgment. It has been well documented that Jeff is in fact the heart and soul behind rumorjobbers, always posting true facts and no second hand rumors. Dave, on the other hand, seems content to write 'on the fly' and post true and untrue rumors." Take that for what you will folks. As far as this Sunday at Backlash, it seems that the script is calling for Stone Cold to take a stiff piledriver from Undertaker, which will result in a stinger and another surgery for Austin. Stone Cold is said to be not particularly happy with this event taking place, but he will nevertheless "take one for the team" 4/27/01 Looks like Scott Levy, AKA Raven, has been a loyal fan of the Rumorjobber camp. He checks out our site on a regualr basis, and has already given us backstage passes and locker room permits to the San Jose RAW on May 21st. He even wrote us this letter: "Greetings Jeff and Dave! I love the Rumorjobbers site, it's bookmarked among some of my other favorite sites. I do, however, think that Dave has the inside scoop on rumors. Jeff seems to have been busy making Malenko and Saturn signs for RAW, and the marker aroma has leaked into his cranium. Thanks Rumorjobbers for making my day better. What about me? Quote the Raven nevermore!" In other news, Kurt Angle was mobbed my some rabid fans in the Portland Airport. He was arriving for his main event PCW match with Greg Valentine. Spoiler: Angle wins the match, but Valentine keeps his heat. 4/25/01 Well, the rumorjobbers have been very busy lately making signs to take to the San Jose RAW. Look for and expect many signs that root for Malenko and Saturn. We are sure you all know that WCW may not be run as a separate entity now, but we have insiders knowledge that Vince went to Portland this past weekend and talked to Sleazy Jeff, the owner of PCW. Vince bought him out for 1 billion dollars, and will now run that as the ECW of the west coast. His main headliner will be Smart Bart, and he may send Stone Cold, Undertaker, Kane, HHH, and Kurt Angle to job out to some of the PCW wrestlers at the Honda shop in Greshem to make them look good. So if you're in the area, check it out! 4/14/01 Big news out of the Rumorjobbers Headquarters. Looks like Jeff and Dave, the Rumorjobbers, will be in attendance at the May 21st RAW is WAR in San Jose. Look for us in the 11th row, to the left of the ramp. We encourage all fans to make signs in suppopt of the Rumorjobbers. You will be rewarded for your efforts by getting a mention here on our world-famous site. Email us if you are attending the San Jose RAW event. In other news, looks like the only wrestler to get a push in WCW will be Elix Skipper. He was seen wining and dining with Pat Patterson. Kind of makes you wonder. More updates to come fans. Look for us in San Jose!! 4/08/01 Beunos Dias Rumoramigos! Before we delve into the wwf rumors, we have some hot Survivor spoilers for you. On next weeks installment, Kentucky Joe will be caught having sex with Tina, which will lead to him being thrown out. Elisabeth will become very upset at what happened, and Kentucky Joe will then proceed to whip out his shriveled schlong and expose himself to Elisabeth, after which she will kick him in the glute. This all took place during the tapings, but we have heard that some of this may be edited. As for the WWF, it seems that Ross received a stinger at the hands of Stone Cold at the smackdown tapings, and he may be hospitalized until September 3rd, 2003. However, he hopes to be back Monday night. Vince has informed us that this Monday's Raw will raise the bar of sports entertainment when he brings back an old but familiar face, that being Lou Thesz. Thesz will confront Stone Cold about his bad behavior, and the Cold one will attack him from behind with a makeshift dildo that Howard Finkel has in his pocket. Vince assures the rumorjobbers that the ratings will soar after this spectacle! 4/04/01 Greeting and hola rumorobsessors. The Rumorjobbers were at the Smackdown tapings last night, and we were seated in the first rown behind Cole and Tazz. What great seats! Look for us. We also counted 23 "Rumorjobbers Rule" signs at WM17 in Houston, so thanks to all our loyal supporters for promoting us. Look for a great edition of Smackdown. Everyone is still in shock over the apparent heel turn of Steve.... Blackman. Why Steve Why? He told us backstage that, "I am turning heel so that I can ask Greg The Hammer Valentine to become my tag team partner." That makes sense. We are on the fly today folks, so check us out tomorrow! peace out. 4/03/01 Well, the rumorjobbers have just returned from Wrestlemania in Houston, and let us just say, it was pretty wild. We were able to snare some backstage passes thanks to Dave's mother calling in and saying that we were members of the North Idaho College Sentinel. We were able to meet all of the wrestlers, and we have some interesting tidbits for you. First, it seems that HHH and Sho Funaki have legit heat. While we were meandering around backstage, we saw HHH calling Sho a "no good, gooky wooky talentless zipperhead." We watched the exchange a little bit, and then we ran into Vince McMahon himself. He asked to see our credentials, and we told him we were with NIC, so he turned face on us and began hamming it up. It seemed that Vince was a little drunk, and he claimed to have drank a whole case of Buckhorn earlier in the night. We then walked around some more, and we ran into Greg Valentine, who was getting his tights on and rearing to go out for the battle royal. Well, Vince followed us, and because he was drunk, tells The Hammer that he neednt put on his stume because he lost to Smart Bart this summer in Portland. The Hammer begins crying, and then says he is going to kill himself. We just let him go, because we wanted to see some more people. We'll tell you more about what happened next time. 3/28/01 Hey markouts, we have some hot news for you. First, as you all probably know by now, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine will be participating in the gimmick battle royal at Wrestlemania. Spoiler: He is booked to win, and will receive a title shot at the Rock later on that night. He attributes his newfound success to none other than the rumorjobbers. He was overheard this past weekend as saying "Well, those guys that I met in Portland were really nice, and they made me hungry for the title again." We here at rumorjobber central are happy to have helped Valentine on his new mission to become the best WWF champion EVER! Next on our list of giant pushes in the WWF is Billy Two Eyes. We have spoken to Vince, and he says that he may book Two Eyes to pin Big Show clean after a Brainbuster off the top of a Hell in the Cell. Look for and expect this. As far as tomorrows Smackdown taping, it seems that Shawn Michaels walked out after learning that he would be in the gimmick battle royal and would be thrown out first by Andre the Giant. It seems that Vince has exhumed the Giant's body, and he will indeed be a participant. More later! 3/27/01 What an update folks! If you haven't heard the big news yet, Vince has purchased his competition. Yes that's right, Mr. McMahon has bought WCW. Looks like the only wrestlers from WCW that will have a job after last night are Kwee Wee and Ernest Miller. Look for the Kweester to battle The Rock at Wrestlemania. Stone Cold was quoted backstage at RAW last night saying, "I want to skin The Cat at Wrestlemania." That's the only match change to report at X-Seven. Shane McMahon will job out to Vince also. In other news, Jeff Jarrett was spotted in the unemployment line this morning. Adios! 3/11/01 Shnell Verboten! In other words, 'allo to you rumorloyalists. Seems that Vince is outraged at the PCW invasion of the WWF at the Worley Smackdown from past Thursday. Look for Sleezy Jeff to broadcast tomorrow night on RAW, and try to put over NEW starts like Billy Two Eyes, Smart Bart, and The Playa. Spoiler: Player jobs cleanly to Mens Teioh, Billy Two Eyes does the job to Al Snow, and The Playa jobs out to Steve Blackman. Look for all that and more Monday night, when RAW will emanate from The Christianson Gym on the campus of North Idaho College. Jeff will be ring crew. We wish him luck. 3/08/01 Hello everloyal rumorjobber fans. We know that this page is not updated every day, but that is no reason to send us death threats constantly. We try our best to give you the full scoop on what is happening on the wrestling front, and you don't need to resort to threatening violence against us to make us update. Smackdown will come to the country tonight from Worley, Idaho. Greg Valentine will make his triumphant return to the wwf ring when he defeats the Rock cleanly for the title. The Hammer is said to be happy to win, and he may use his massive influence to bring in an influx of stars from PCW, including Player, Smart Bart, and Billy Two Eyes. The WWF roster is said to be unhappy that they will be jobbing to these new wrestlers, but it may have to do with Dave becoming part time booker. 3/1/01 Happy March Rumorqueefs. HUGE news today! The rumorjobbers are pleased to be major players in the firing of Stacy Carter. It seems that when The Rumorjobbers were backstage at Monday's RAW in Phoenix, we witnessed The Kat pouring a mixture of cyanide and Sprite into the janitor's bucket. Rumor is she was looking to off Stephanie and become the "Alpha female" in the WWF. Jeff and Dave caught her in the act, on tape of course, and immediately went to Vince. He saw our videotape of the whole incident. He was outraged and called for her termination immediately. Look for Raven's masked assassin, Tori, to reveal herself and her mammaries to the world on Smackdown tonight, thus earning her a spot in RTC. In other news, Kurt Angle, the fallen hero, will job cleanly to Steve Lombardi. HHH will return and job once again to Hawk. Hegstrand will put HHH out of action for a few months this time however. Tune in for the gruesome details. The Hardy Boyz will do the J-O-B to Al Snow and Pepper tonight. Pepper will pee on Jeff Hardy's nostrils and secure the victory for Snow. Look for all that and more tonight! Later Rumormongrels! 2/27/01 Welcome rumorqueerbaits to another installment of rumorjobbers. We are sure you all saw RAW last night, we have some news straight out of the WWF locker room about it. First, it seems that the interaction between Vince, Stephanie, Regal, and Trish was all a shoot and none of it was planned at all. Trish and Steph legit hate each other and Trish thought that the mop bucket was meant for Steph's head. Well, Vince threw Trish a slurve and as we all saw dropped the bucket full of donkey dung and chimpanzee urine on her instead. WHen they got backstage, Trish is said to have kicked Vince in the testicles, after which she was heard to remark that "McMahons testes are the size of grapes, not grapefruits!" Vince is said to have been humbled by this experience. Also, during a dark match HHH jobbed clean to Michal Hegstrand, also known as Hawk. It seems that ever since HHH made light of Hawks "Derby", Hegstrand has been looking to exact some revenge. Well, apparently he has Vince in his back pocket and was thus put over HHH. Vince will now continue to push Hawk as a top face and assures the rumorjobbers that Hawk will enjoy a meteoric rise to the top of the WWF. Look out everyone! 2/25/01 Hello rumordorks. The big news this weekend that came out of the Rumorjobbers Headquarters is that there is yet another graduate of the Rumorjobbers Scriptrobbers University. He is none other than "Jazzy Jizz" James Jenson. He will be main eventing RAW tomorrow night against Al Snow. spoiler" Jizz Jobs. In other news, the Rumorjobbers have been asked to help cure the ratings woes of the fledgling XFL. We have decided to make random appearances at selected XFL games, and strip during halftime shows. Look for Jeff and Dave soon! Sign our guestbook too! Legit! 2/21/01 Schnell, verbotenstein to all the rumorlovers! It seems the usher that was injured at the smackdown tapings was none other than the r&b singer Usher. He has not been doing too well as of late, as he is hooked on a combination of cocaine and heroin that he calls heroaine. Apparently he was under the effect of heroaine and he fell, causing a broken neck and a stinger. Send your money to us and we will forward it to Usher. As far as the smackdown tapings, it seems that Justin Credible will make his wrestling debut jobbing out to the dead body of Barry Darsow. It has been reported in various internet circles that the next time Dave goes into a body of water the corpse of Mr. Darsow will come up next to him, thus fulfilling Dave's gravest fears. Look for and expect Vince McMahon to receive a concussion on smackdown as well from a stray fire extinguisher spray in his face. Vince is said to be irate about this and has fired most of the suits at Titan headquarters as a result. 2/20/01 Hello to you! Looks like the Smackdown tapings last night proved to be prety successful for some superstars, but tragic for others. First off, the good news. We have a new WWF champion coming out of last night's taping. Congratulations to Bobby no Balls Bakandaloo, who won the title from Kurt Angle. No Balls had just made his debut at the February 5th RAW, as your Rumorjobbers reported. In the sad news, an usher working at the area suffered a broken neck while assisting someone to their seat. We hope that he will be okay. In other news, the Rumorjobbers will be having a conference with Vince to discuss possible ideas for increasing XFL ratings. Any ideas can be submitted to us, and we will pass that onto Vince himself. Don't forget to sign our new guestbook, as we would like to see who frequents our site. Thanks rumorfans. 2/19/01 Hey rumorbastards, we attended Superbrawl last night and it was horrible. However, we can relay to you a little bit of info that was only seen by those in attendance. It seems that Michael Modest wrestled a dark match against Hulk Hogan and the Hulkster went for his patented leg drop when he caught the Modest one across the throat, permantely destoying his vocal cords. Send us your donations and we will forward it to the "Modest voice box" charity. As for RAW, look for and expect big changes tonight, with many of the main stars jobbing out to XFL players in the hopes of making them look tough to give the fledgling league a ratings boost. The Rock and Stone Cold are booked to put over He Hate Me clean, and Tommy Maddox is said to be wrestling and winning tonight against Kurt Angle for the strap. He will then wear the title while calling plays for the Xtreme, thus bringing some exposure to the WWF. 2/18/01 Happy late Valentine's Day rumor lovers. Looks like a BIG RAW is planned for this Monday in St. Louis. Along with the body viewing, there will be a casket match following the viewing. It will pit Undertaker against a newcomer and highly touted recruit from the Rumorjobbers Scriptrobbers University (RSU). His name is "Skeleton Stealer" Solomon Sandstone, and was originally discovered in the graveyards snooping around. He stands at 7'4'' and weighs in at 859. Dr. Seeeeeeph.d has given him clearance to wrestle. Look for the doc to be in the corner of the Skeleton Stealer. Legit! spoiler: Skeleton Stealer leaves with Darsow's body. Count out. In other news, Linda McMahon was committed to a "real" sanitarium this weekend, rather than the fake one used on Smackdown this past week. She was enraged that Stephanie turned lesbian and is now involved in a relationship with Jacqueline. That sent her over the edge. Well that's all for today. Check back tomorrow for more cutting edge, truer than life rumors. 2/16/01 Buenos Dias, it seems that the information we received from the WWF on the outcome of smackdown was a little inaccurate. All of those things did happen, but they were dark matches with the sole purpose of testing the audiences reaction. Vince doesn't always tell us the whole truth so as to add some suspense to the millions who read our page. It seems the death of the repo man will in fact become an angle to further the idea of Vince as a cold hearted man. The body of Barry Darsow had been flown to the Joe Louis Arena in St. Louis for this monday's raw, where it will be shown to the nation by Vince. He hopes that this will solidify his place as a heel within the company. Look for this to happen on RAW. 2/15/01 This is Dave here updating for the second time today, trying to keep up with the fans demands. There are a few hot, noteworthy rumors floating around the Rumorjobber Headquarters. Some Smackdown notes first off: He Hate Me will be in the main event against Stone Cold. spoiler: Stone Cold jobs clean once again. Also, Kurt Angle puts his title up against Meat AKA Stan Stasiak. You may remember that Stasiak was fired for taping locker room conversations a couple years ago. Well G-TV has contacted the RJ's and confirmed that it was Men's Teioh who implanted the tape recorder in Stasiak's gear bag. Welcome back Stasiak! Spoiler: Angle does the J-O-B. Al Snow will continue to get a push as he faces WWF Tag Team champs The Dudley Boys tonight in a handicap match. Spoiler: Al Snow wins the tag team titles. Look for Snow to appear on WWF TV next week with his dog Pepper. They will form a new tag team called "Snow and Yellow Snow." A new wrestler will be debuting on Smackdown tonight as well. He comes from Tahiti and his name is Grecian Tahitian. His finisher is the Prelim Slam Sam Sham Blamm. It is executed off the top rope. Look for the Grecian Tahitian to job out to Raven tonight in a hardcore battle. Also in this match, we will be exposed to Raven's female counterpart. It's none other than Linda! She is together with Raven now following Vince's divorce papers. Look for all this and more tonight on Smackdown! 2/15/01 Aloha to all of our fans, we are here on the sunny beach of Waikiki in Hawaii. The WWF has sent us here for some R&R because of our hectic schedule of reporting the latest news to you. Some more bad news for the Repo Man, it seems he has kicked the bucket. Doctors had hoped to save his life after his accident with Vince, but it was not to be. Send your money to us and we will forward it to his funeral. Smackdown Spoiler for tonight: D-Lo's turban gets lit up by an awry pyro. He is at the local burn center, where he assures the rumorjobbers he will make a full recovery and make another run at Kurt Angle's wwf title. Good luck D-Lo! 2/14/01 Greetings to all our adored fans from every corner of the globe. We come to you today with some tragic news. Apparently, while going for a Valentine's Day jaunt with his new girlfriend Trish Stratus, Vince accidentally ran over a pedestrian with his limo. The stricken victim was none other than The Repo Man from the WWF yesteryear. Our (conversation) hearts go out to the Repo Man. In other news, WWF No Way Out spoilers are going to be published at rumorjobbers.com as soon as we get ahold of the script from JR. Legit! 2/13/01 Hello to the trillions of rj fans universe wide. Apparently last night on a dark match before RAW a shoot fight broke out between Funaki and Taka. It seems that Taka miscued a jump and kicked Funaki in the nards, which Funaki did not take to well. Funaki then pulled out an ancient samurai sword he kept hidden in his anal region and attempted to slice off Taka's wiener. The locker room cleared out, and they were able to relay some English to the two crazy Asians, and eventually order was restored. Vince has assured the rumorjobbers that action will be taken regarding this latest incident. It has been well documented that Taka and Funaki are notorious troublemakers behind the scenes, but they also have a lot of say in all of the current angles. Vince is in fact intimidated by these two behemoths, but he may have to put his foot down on this incident. Check back for more on this story later on. 2-8-01 Thanks to all the fans who voted for Rumorjobbers as the best overall site at the annual "Best Web Site" awards in LA, hosted by Tom Hanks. That makes 3 years and counting, and we couldn't do it without the support of all the fans, especially the rabid ones in Venezuala and India. Dave is sick from a nasty tapeworm in his stomach he contracted while dining out with the wild aborigines and bushmen in Australia. Please send your money donations to us to help him get better. Smackdown will emanate tonight from Spokane, WA, and we are told a new wrestler will debut that will leave his stamp on the business, literally. His name is Postal PussyPod, from the post office on main street. His signature move will be the letter lunge off the second rope. He will be put into a feud with Stone Cold tonight. Spoiler: Stone Cold jobs clean. 2-7-01 Hello rumormongers and folks alike. Seems that Vince is starting up a new XFL team. It will be called none other than "Rumorjobbers" and the city which has been chosen to host the new team will be Rochester. The Rochester Rumorjobbers will debut this Saturday infact. Look for QB Fow Poe and tight end Straight Bill Phil to sign pre-game autographs. Also, it's reported that Raven will be providing halftime entertainment. Legit! Thanks to all the millions of votes that the Rumorjobbers received in our annual Wrestler of the Year report. Looks like Mens Teioh will be squeaking out this year with his second Wrestler of the Year award. Congrats Teioh! Talk to you soon rumorjobouts! 2-6-01 Hi rumordorks and jobberfools, we have some hot news right off the press. It seems that Vince McMahon has decided to hire on as his creative advisor none other than the incredible duo of Fingers Floyd and Fow Poe. You may remember these two from 1997-98 when Fingers would always know everything and Poe was skipping class on a regular basis. Look for them to start jobbing out HHH to a new wrestler by the name of Toupee Tolbert. His gimmick will include using his hairpiece as a foreign object whilst the ref has his back turned. Also, we are told by Shane McMahon that the toupee will have a high tech microchip that will release toxic fumes into the air whenever he pushes a button that will be in his tights. This will in effect create a smokescreen for the toupeeded one to unleash the mayhem contained within the incredible hair. Check WWF.com for more information. HHH is said to be happy to put over new talent such as this. What a class act! 2-5-01 Hello to the billions of rumorjobber fans worldwide! We took a little lay off to finish the filming of survivor 2, where at the then end Jeff did a last minute heel turn and cast Dave off a cliff, thus winning the million dollars by default. The wwf has already approached the rumorjobbers about headlining wrestlemania, so look out for us. As far as the the latest rumors, we are sure that all of you have heard about Mideon being killed last week in a freak hot air balloon accident off the coast of Zimbabwe. The rumorjobbers send their deepest condolenses to the family of Dennis Knight. Also, their is a new wrestler about to debut tonight on RAW, his moniker will be Bobby no Balls Bakandaloo. His gimmick will be that of a young man born without out the baby making genitalia common to most men. He will then proceed to take low blows without it hurting him, and will even invite fans into the ring to boot him down low. VInce McMahon assures the Rumorjobbers that the ratings will skyrocket after his debut. Look out! 10/3/00 Hello to you! We are back at you with more news and the most reliable rumors in the biz. Both rumorjobbers Jeff and Dave were part of filming Survivor 2. Dave was a competitor, and Jeff was the behind-the-scenes cameraman and dolly grip. Good job! Well there of course is a new wrestler coming on the horizon. He is fresh out of the Olympics off his underdog victory. It's none other than Bulgarian heavyweight Grabber Greg. His finisher is the infamous Greg Grabber PP Snapper, off the first rope. Check it out! Who ran over Stone Cold? The Answer is.......Salvatore Sincere!!! we are out!
