God help you, you've come to the horoscopes page. Entry is strictly limited to those who are too bored to do anything else. However, all is not lost. These are not real horoscopes, but attempted humour. One or two may actually be called funny.
On then, with the horoscopes. But remember that I am usually pretty busy so it might be a while before they're all up. There are some more at my old horoscopes page which you can visit by clicking here. That page is more themed around the whole "taking the piss out of astrology" idea and looks pretty good although it's dated and the colours clash. You have been warned.
Pisces :
Something that seems like a good idea in the morning soon turns into a bad idea (say, by the afternoon) when you discover that you've burnt down your best friends house. And he was in it. Fixing your TV. And in another bizarre twist, he comes back to haunt you, and, being slightly stupid, decides to smash your head in with a big stick.
Lucky Eoin's Website phrase : "Have fun."
Aires :
Your neck will twist around 180° and you will have to walk around looking backwards, or walk backwards and look strange. It's up to you. And a computer accident will ensure that there's no chance of medical treatment because your records have been wiped off government computers and a madman has destroyed all the paper records of your existance. That means you technically no longer exist.
Lucky Eoin's Website phrase : "Oh yes."
Taurus :
Hey man, I'm a Taurus. Nothing but good stuff happening here. I predict a major windfall of cash, which you will no doubt put to good use, using your incredible intelligence. This is your/my day/week/month or whatever. Just remember to have fun. Oh yes.
Lucky Eoin's Website phrase : "IGOR BRING ME BRAINS!"
Gemini :
A piano will fall on your head. Dammit, I don't really care if it does or not. It would be nice to see if it was still in tune. I don't know how far it's going to fall from, or where it's going to fall from, or how big it is, or it's colour, or shape. It will, however, smell of lavender. Yes. A lavender-scented piano will at some stage fall on your head, because you were born on a certain day, making you a Gemini. Ha.
Lucky Eoin's Website phrase : "Cows - stupid or what?"
OK, so I'm getting bored now and I'll do some more later. Note :
if any of this stuff actually happens, it's not my fault and you
can't blame me. In fact, I will expect a large payment because
of the early warning I gave you. If however, something good I
said happens, then that's my fault and I expect money for making
it happen. OK? Also,
1) I don't care that the horoscopes are in a crap order. I can't remember the order dammit.
2) Updates will be erratic at best. My old horoscopes were never updated. These ones will be, but not often.
Therefore, the time period they take into account is from whenever they were written to
whenever they were replaced.
3) APR 4.2%. Loans subject to status. Your house is at risk if
you do not keep up repayments.
Bye now.
My God - there appear to be links here.
Front Page.
Music front page + good/bad lyrics.
Music news.
Games front page.
Games news.
Games reviews.
Trivia.
Stuff.
The all new better than ever links page.
News.
An empty chat room I "run".
My poll. Look out, it's scary.
My search engine - looking for you.
Art page. Takes a week to load.
MIDI downloads. Many great songs. You must go here.
Derek the Glob.
Tekken.net - for Tekken lovers only.
Altavista.
Yahoo.
KALWORLD - fun for all the family from the man who overuses capitals.
A fantasy Formula 1 game. Free entry. Prizes. Fun.
Blur's website. Good, not great.
Go get a free homepage from here - Expage.
Or (if you know HTML) from here - Angelfire.
