About Sex-Appeal

Joan Marques - MBA, Doctoral Student
Burbank, California - September 2002

If ever I felt as if I was skating on thin ice while writing about a topic, it's this time. Sex appeal is not something you can easily converse, because it's such a delicate subject.
Actually, I had been dubbing whether to title this article: "about desire," "about sensuality," or "about sex appeal." The choice for the last was mainly based on the fact that it entails both of the earlier considered headings.

So, sex appeal, huh. Do you realize that it gets enhanced when you are sexually involved? In fact, the more intense your sex life, the more sex appeal you have. It's like an aura. I'm sure you've heard that before. If you are sexually active or excited, you transmit invisible, but oh so sensible signals of sexuality to the people around you. And guess what? The ones that are sexually active as well will respond to it: they will see you in a different light, and feel attracted to you, while the ones that have a sexually non-existent life will frown upon you and maybe even start disliking you for reasons they cannot explain.

What's even more striking: you only radiate sex appeal when you are sexually vibrant. You loose some or most of it when you become sexually inactive or uninterested.

So here's my consequential dilemma: how hard is it actually for sexually vibrant people to remain true to one partner? For let's be honest here: among the ones that prove to be sensitive to your sex appeal, there must be a few that you find attractive as well, no? And isn't it a fact, then, that the more sexually active you are, the more interested you become in the act, and hence, the more tempted you will be to explore the presented opportunities?

Having given this some thought, I came to the -maybe- ridiculous seeming conclusion that we are all still very much animals, who are forcing ourselves into a pattern that doesn't really fit us well. We have learned that it is "honorable" and "just" to be true to one partner. However, here's exactly where I have a hard time agreeing. For I believe that you can deeply love someone, and still have trouble being physically true all the time. Not that you jump in bed with every potential partner that presents him- or herself, but after years and years of happy marriage, isn't it almost logical that curiosity toward a sexually attractive person in your surroundings will overwhelm you at one time or another, although it might not affect your deeper feelings of love and affection toward your steady partner at all?

Whew...I can almost feel the tension and aggravation of some of my readers here. But, really, like Daniel Quinn stated in "Ishmael," we, humans, are not any better, and definitely not any more sophisticated than our other contemporaneous species on this earth. But since we have created our "taker" culture with its squeezing rules and regulations, we look down on our "leaver" brothers and sisters, who live freely, desire and mate uninhibitedly, yet at the same time, we secretly envy their simple and uncomplicated way of living, because they seem to have less stress, less emotional distortion, and less addictions than we do...probably because they haven't decided to cage their spirits as we have!

So, concluding on sex appeal: it is apparent that a person, who has sex appeal, is one who is sexually active. And it is very likely, although not absolute, that this person is not entirely faithful to his/her partner: for being faithful means closing the emotional gate toward attracting others and closing the emotional gate toward attracting others means, killing off your sex appeal. And, like it or not, this makes perfect sense: if you want to be true to one person, you will have to work on reducing your attraction toward others, so that you won't be led into temptation. Yet, we all know how much further we come in our dealings with others by simply throwing in a tiny snuffle of sex appeal, right? It may affect a decision-making procedure as sharp as the difference between day and night. And don't we all want things to run smoothly for our loved ones and ourselves? So, how bad is it, then, to unleash our sex appeal on others, thereby constantly balancing between becoming unfaithful or remaining true...

Life is difficult.