DQ's Utena Shrine

Characters    Fanfics    SimUtena    Miscellany

Jury Arisugawa's Diary
Chapter Three: Why Can't I Remember Any of This?

Week 13, Friday
Toucés: 10 (getting back on track), Times Stared at Locket: 3

Touga has taken to brooding by himself in his room. Poor baby. Just because his master plan failed, just because one girl finally had the guts to give it right back to him, just because all of a sudden doing "favors" for End of the World hasn't gotten him anywhere. Just because his dreams seem impossible.

Or perhaps he's just been having a bad hair week. With him, it's hard to tell, exactly.

Since End communicates through him, wonder what Student Council is going to do?

Wonder if Student Council might actually get to do normal things for once.

Week 14, Monday
Touchés: 12, Times Stared at Locket: 2 (v.g.)

Never mind what I said about normal. Little Kiryuu's proxying for her brother.

In other news, that weird genius Souji Mikage has started to accept entrants for his seminar again. "Building Strength out of Youth" or some such nonsense. "Express your dreams, tap into your deepest talents to turn your potential into reality..." sounds like the kind of thing that would be a front for a youth brainwashing scheme in a bad anime or something. I'll develop my potential on my own, thank you.

Maybe it could help people–who knows? I saw that little waif Ohtori (I can't believe she's two years older than me) wandering up to the Deputy Trustee Chairman's phallic tower the other day... she could maybe use some potential-building tips... or at least a spine. I've heard rumors that her fiancé is less than faithful... from what I understand, he and Touga could start a fuckwit bastard male club.

Week 14, Tuesday
Touchés: 16, Times Stared at Locket: 4


What the hell has been with him lately?

Week 14, Thursday
Touchés: 17, Times Stared at Locket: 3 (had to get good look as had to take it off for party), Number of Outfits to Choose From for Party: 5

At the beginning, I had no idea why Little Kiryuu has decided to throw a party, but figured it's to show something ridiculous off. As acting council president, she needs to start planning more important things than random parties. So I decided to teach her a tiny little lesson.

Besides, must remind myself am only sixteen years old and therefore entitled to occasional pettiness.

And the necklace was sooo pretty, and I do have fun at that little modeling gig sis set up for me. There's just not enough opportunities to look fabulous at this school, and besides if I did it too often, I would ruin my carefully-built Ice Queen reputation.

So there I went, looking fabulous, and if I may be permitted to say so, everyone noticed, including that little scheming blonde.

But then did something slightly too petty. But couldn't resist. Surely, everyone would see through it quickly. Had forgotten Little Kiryuu has actually managed to generate a healthy amount of fear in her peers.

So when I (with help of useful cohort Miki) "mistook" some sort of strange mock designer logo for the stamp of Sebastian Dior, Nanami and the rest of the world took us seriously. Or at least Nanami did.

Could understand their gullibility more if item in question were not a cowbell. And aren't cowbells used for...?

Week 14, Friday
Touchés: 15, Times Stared at Locket: 1 (v.g.)

Must remember Little Kiryuu does not need help looking ridiculous.

Week 15, Monday
Touchés: 10, Times Stared at Locket: 0 (too busy laughing at Nanami)

3:30 p.m.
No. I can't even talk about it. It's just too ridiculous.

Heard Tenjou makes an excellent toreador, however. Would have loved to see her in action.

Must stop parading own jewelry collection around. Miki is laughing at me.

4:30 p.m.
Nanami showed up to council meeting. Not even talking about what she was wearing. Miki and I (mostly I) have pummeled her silly. Will not happen again. Ever.

Week 15, Wednesday
Touchés: 12 (left practice early), Times Stared At Locket: 3,328, approximately

4 p.m.

4:30 p.m.
Feel slightly better after shower. Or at least slightly more coherent.

How... why...

People just don't transfer schools halfway through the middle of the school year! People just don't show up in the middle of MY fencing practice giving me how-do-you-do smiles! People don't wander off afterward with Tenjou to tell her god-knows-what! People just aren't supposed to wander back into your life after they've ripped out your heart! Does she have any damn idea whatsoever what that feels like?

And that smile... why'd she have to smile... she looked so... hopeful...

She has no damn idea. And it's going to stay that way.

Week 15, Thursday
Touchés: 15 (will fight, will forget), Times Stared at Locket: 7,432 (but no more ever!!!!)

2:30 p.m.
Oh my poor Miki. I really, really want to worry about him and this weird thing with his sister and a black rose thingymawhatsit or whatever, but all I can think about is Shiori. Why did she have to come back? Why?

3:00 p.m.

Is she the absolute Queen of Fucking Obliviousness? Of course, if I told her, there'd be no hope anyway. Like there was no hope for that bird that rather disturbingly and metaphorically threw itself headlong into a window right in front of me.

And Tenjou.... Grrrrr.......... I was wrong. I'm sorry, Shiori, for that. Tenjou is the absolute Queen of Fucking Obliviousness. If it weren't for those shorts showing off that cute little ass, I'd...

Why can't she just leave me alone?

3:30 p.m.
Ha! Yes! YES! I did it! It's gone! In the lake! Can't get it back! I'll be free! She can move on with her life and be free and I'll move on with mine. I will be strong, sensible, fearsome fabulous Ice Queen with nothing weighing me down!

Week 15, Friday
Touchés: 14, Lockets Inexplicably Retrieved: 1

I am calm. I have been listening to "I Will Survive" at full volume for the last two hours, and I am calm. Am rational, sensible, fabulous Ice Queen. I shall calmly, rationally, and sensibly recount the lessons we have learned for the day:

  1. Do not throw things away in shallow lake
  2. When Miki talks about someone close to him wearing black rose signet rings and taking a sword out of his chest, stop feeling sorry for self and listen
  3. Do not let Shiori talk to me when she has that look in her eye
  4. Do not–

Oh, fuck it. I want to die.

Except I feel oddly aroused.

Scratch that. I want to die.

Week 16, Monday
Touchés: 16, Times Stared At Locket: 12 (back to the drawing board)

You know, Nanami's just making more and more of a joke out of the Council everyday. Today she lets her elementary school henchman follow her to our meeting?

And right as I'm... sharing that I've... witnessed this growing crisis the Council is experiencing.

Wait a minute.

If it's happened to Miki, and it's happened to me, then...


Week 16, Tuesday
Touchés: 16, Times Stared At Locket: 7

"You know," Miki said to me, "If our... if those close to us..." he glanced at me warily, "or whatever, are wearing signet rings and pulling swords out of our chests, and we haven't heard from End of the World lately, that he's perhaps chosen the others to Duel in our place?"

I slapped my forehead. We are definitive proof that teen angst is the number one cause of sheer idiocy.

"Miki, in our long bout of self-pity, has it occurred to us to ask Tenjou if she knows anything about this weirdness?"

He shook his head, and after a few moments, he mused, "Well, it makes sense... but on the other hand, if she doesn't know, it'll be awfully embarrassing trying to explain."

Before perhaps exposing ourselves to our still-yet-potential-future-adversary, we agreed we should at least talk to Nanami about it.

Where the hell is Little Kiryuu, anyway?

Week 16, Friday
Touchés: 18 (keep on going...), Times Stared At Locket: 6

Well, I don't know what happened, but Tenjou sure as hell looks pissed about something.

Perhaps it has something to do with our VP's mysterious pardon. Saionji's back, and there's gonna be trouble, hey la, hey la.

Week 17, Monday
Touchés: 18, Times Stared At Locket: 6

Nanami has got to stop throwing these damn parties. Her henches are sharing mutinous looks when she turns her back.

And now, what the hell is this about the council approving something to do with kicking someone out of student activities? Whatever. We'll turn around the decision when she calms down. She's just feeling sorry for big bro.

Speaking of whom, at the party I told Smug Bastard Kiryuu his brooding was starting to make his hair look flat. I'm sure we'll see his return soon enough.

Week 17, Wednesday
Touchés: 18, Times Stared at Locket: 4 (g.)

Well, the Student Council doesn't get cussed out by gym-short-wearing tomboys everyday. I didn't even know Tenjou knew half those words (tho it was fun trying to explain to Nanami what they meant later). She's been kept quite busy, apparently.

We promised her we'd look into it–and that of course, we absolutely knew nothing about it (because the truth is, we don't know why it's happening anyway). We're the Student Council, we're very busy worrying about other student matters (namely, our own).

Nanami wants an alliance with Tenjou, which is all very well and noble–and really, commendable that Nanami wants to look at anyone as a real ally (and not servant)–but I'm not sure what we could do to help her, especially since she's that pissed off and doesn't really trust us. In the situation we are in, anyone, even someone we consider a friend, could become, ultimately, our adversary. We are, as we told her, Duellists.

Best not to get close to anyone, really.

Besides, this means Utena duelled Shiori with my... sword... and... that just makes me feel... all...


So we'll research and see what we can come up with about the Black Rose Circle. And in the meantime–Utena seems to be preparing to invoke her Miraculous Powers of Meddlesomeness. Perhaps she'll solve the problem herself.

Week 18, Saturday
Times Stared at Locket: 5 (didn't I throw this thing away?)

Oh my god–I still have a history paper to turn in on Monday, and I've got nothing. I know I've been in the library with Miki almost every night this past week, but I feel like I haven't done any research at all. Between this and special seminars and Shiori coming back... god, these past couple weeks have been just a blur.

And Miki's going on about losing Council minutes. "It can't be that important, Miki," I said, although I know it's not much comfort to a perfectionist like him. "Look, it's not like we've had much to do lately anyway. Touga's only just come back." I don't know if I really believe myself.

And when did I get my locket back again? I'll have to read the older entries in here...

Some other time. I've got a lot of catching up to do.


Go to
Chapter 1: Mystery Letters, Student Councils, and Smug Bastards

Chapter 2: The New Girl

Chapter 4: Never Trust a Man in a Sportscar

Chapter 5: It's the End of the World (and I Feel Almost Mildly Optimistic)


Death Quaker's Realm All original materials © 2003 R. Pickard. Revolutionary Girl Utena and all related concepts belong to Chiho Saito, Be-Papas, Shogakukan, Shokaku, TV Tokyo
Contact: mistress@deathquaker.org