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Jury Arisugawa's Diary
By Death Quaker

[Author's Notes: First of all, before you even start, be warned there is a fair amount of the use of expletives (f-word, etc.) and an excessive use of the quasi-expletive "bastard."

Now, as to the story: I have no claims on originality here, seeing as there are already a few "secret diaries" and whatnot floating around in the world of Utena fanfic. All I can claim is that I was reading Bridget Jones's Diary when suddenly I was imagining out in my head a running monologue by Jury, ranting about the fuckwit bastards of Ohtori Academy. Not that I think Jury and Bridget are much alike (although oddly, they do have a couple things in common). But my Fanfic Muse would not be still, so here is this fanfic for Her satisfaction, my amusement, and hopefully your enjoyment. Do note this is a parody of sorts, so don't take my characterization too too seriously.

Familiarity with Bridget Jones's Diary (book or movie) is not required to understand this fanfic, although fans of said book or movie will get more of the jokes. Knowledge of the Revolutionary Girl Utena TV series is, however, relatively essential, as many events are only alluded to and it's assumed you know what the narrator is talking about. There are series spoilers within, as this covers the whole of the events of the Utena story. Each chapter covers roughly a story arc in the Utena series; Chapter 1 is an all-original "prequel" speculating on how Jury got into the Council, etc. Chapter 4 ends actually before the Akio Ohtori arc as it ends on a note slightly more suitable for Jury, so Chapter 5 will cover the end of the Akio arc and the Revolution arc, plus expands upon what happens afterward.

Those of you re-reading or looking for new chapters will note I've altered the "calendar" a little bit, just making it sort of a generic week-by-week 30 week school calendar. I don't know the intimacies of how the Japanese school year works, and Ohtori being a private academy may run even differently to that (safe to assume, for the purposes of this story, that it does if you find it doesn't match a Japanese school year well). When the final chapters are published, a sweep will be made through the whole story to clean up the calendar and anything else needing revision.

Disclaimers: Revolutionary Girl Utena and all related concepts and characters belong to Chiho Saito, Be-Papas, Shonen Linkai, Shogaku-kan Ltd, and TV Tokyo. Bridget Jones's Diary and possibly the word "fuckwit" belongs to Helen Fielding. I'm just a silly and very poor fanfic writer who doesn't own much of anything, and am writing this for amusement, not profit.]

Resolutions for Sophomore Year
Score 30 touches per practice session
Be a firm, strong fencing captain
Get into other leadership positions at school–maybe Student Council?
Be a good friend to Miki
Be a good coach to Miki (but also encourage his music, which is more important for him)
Perfect Ice Queen demeanor toward all who annoy me
Look fabulous
Call sister more often
Write to Ruka at least once
Get rid of Locket

Obsess over Shiori
Let annoying people get to me
Let Smug Bastard Kiryuu get to me
Lose my temper. As often.

Go to
Chapter 1: Mystery Letters, Student Councils, and Smug Bastards

Chapter 2: The New Girl

Chapter 3: Why Can't I Remember Any of This?

Chapter 4: Never Trust a Man in a Sportscar

Chapter 5: It's the End of the World (and I Feel Almost Mildly Optimistic)


Death Quaker's Realm All original materials © 2003 R. Pickard. Revolutionary Girl Utena and all related concepts belong to Chiho Saito, Be-Papas, Shogakukan, Shokaku, TV Tokyo
Contact: mistress@deathquaker.org