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Lost Youth Beta

Hi, thanks again for agreeing to beta my fic.

The lowdown: my muse forced me to write a story with a lot of action in it, from the POV of a somewhat emotionally detached special agent. I've never quite done anything like this, so it's been a challenge. Of course the more detailed you can be in your criticisms, the more helpful to me, but I also know you only have so much time, so do what you can.

Generally, I'm looking for feedback on-

- The protagonists, especially the narrator (Hunter). Likeable enough? Too generic? Too obvious?
- General flow and pacing.
- Places that need cutting; places that are repetitive or have too much exposition (or on the other hand, places that need exposition)
- In particular, the prologue--does it provide useful background info on Hunter, or is it just fluff that goes nowhere?
- Chapter IV, "Crash and Burn" -- does the action here make sense. Should I have more action and less dialogue (is Hunter getting too repetitive in talking to her team?)

Thanks very much for your help. Right click to download:

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Death Quaker's Realm All original creative materials © 2005-8 R. Pickard. Read or Die, R.O.D. the TV and all related concepts were created by Hideyuki Kurata and are ©2003 Aniplex/Studio Orphee.
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