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sunday, january 04, 2004 /// new sea change
A NEW PHASE OF MY LIFE IS COME! and I can leave behind the doubts and pains of the previous month, and embrace the love infusion which is coming my way! It's amazing how sometimes you can literally "meet your match", and your entire life is forced to change. I mean "meet your match" in a number of different ways, a constellation of different ways. For example, there is the "soulmate" level, finding your true love -- not that I think there is one particular person for you and that only they can make you happy, but rather there is class of people who can satisfy you can meld with you -- the design fits, you match each other! But there are many different meanings to the phrase "meet your match"!

Let me put it this way: I was starting to think like I could be a playboy, with girls all over the place -- it is the standard masculine fantasy. And there was one particular girl, who I used to work with about 8 months ago or so, with whom I used to exchange emails. For me it was just casual flirtation. But for the first time since March, we met up again on the weekend, and I suddenly realised that far from being the "casual fling on the side" that I used to picture her in my fantasies, she was actually the center of my life. Instead of me conquering her (as another notch, another thing on the side), she had conquered me. I guess it is the paradox of romantic love -- it is always the woman who does the conquering, contrary to appearances. And after meeting her, I realised my life would never be the same again -- could not be the same again. So, the old me met my match, and was forced to surrender.

monday, january 05, 2004 /// immortality
I WAS THINKING RECENTLY ABOUT THAT CHRISTIAN EXPRESSION: "For God so loved the world that he was willing to sacrafice his only son". I suddenly realised a new interpretation of that expression: that we, as spirits, were so in love with "reality" (The Earth) that we were willing to give up our immortality, and accept a short life here. Kind of like Arwyn in LORD OF THE RINGS. Just an idea! But if it is true, it means there is no Afterlife for us, because we gave that up for the pleasure of being here.

My Japanese word of the day was taught to me by Masumi, after I told her about my psychic dreams -- it is "masayume" 正夢 or "true dream". I'm sure it will come in handy in the future.

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