One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven
- You Need To Test And Demonstrate Your Courage
'Take care' is advice commonly offered. It can be good advice, but it can be a bit weak.
Sometimes the best advice is to 'take risks'.
'Taking risks' doesn't mean driving down the wrong side of the road at 140ks an hour. It doesn't mean train-surfing. It doesn't mean doing something that will degrade someone else, like a sexual assault. It doesn't mean doing something that will degrade you, like doing drugs and alcohol big time. Not only are these things destructive, and self-destructive, they're lacking in creativity. They are activities without soul, without spirit, engaged in by young men struggling to find meaning in their lives.
In Australia one way you can test yourself is by going out into the natural environment. With the bush, the mountains, the coast, there are unique opportunities to test yourself against real challenges. Hiking, abseiling, rock climbing, yachting, surfing, windsurfing, canoeing, white water rafting, skiing: all require genuine courage.
To do these things without proper preparation is however no different to driving down the wrong side of the road at 140ks and hour. They are genuinely dangerous activities: all of them have killed many people over the years. Becoming an adult means having the sense to equip yourself mentally and physically with the right gear and the right learning.
Playing sport is still the most popular way for young Australians to test their strength, but it sometimes doesn't seem enough, judging by the number of successful young sports players who get in trouble for assaults and other self-destructive activities.
If you can't or don't want to take the options of sport or outdoor activities, how else can you test your courage in a world where there is little left to explore, where wars are - we hope -becoming less frequent, where young people are more and more supervised and controlled.
Some young men turn to second-hand adventures, playing computer games or fantasy games, reading fantasy books or going to adventure movies. The trouble is that these will never have the meaning of real experiences, and so ultimately are unsatisfying.
Testing courage is a relative thing, entirely. It is relative to your fears. If you have absolutely no fear of heights, parachuting or bungee-jumping might be fun for you, but probably won't have any other meaning. On the other hand if you're terrified of heights, diving off the high tower at the local pool is an achievement of great significance.
So the first thing to do to test your courage is to work out what your fears are. An American survey of people's fears came up with the surprising conclusion that speaking in public was people's greatest fear. If that's one of your fears, then go for it. The next time a teacher asks for a volunteer to give a sports report to the school assembly, put your hand up.
You may cause shock waves in the class, if you're not known for volunteering for stuff like that.
If you are picked, then give yourself every possible chance to succeed, by preparing your speech properly, and rehearsing it, preferably in the venue you're going to be using, and with the microphone on. That way you're less likely to be taken by surprise (and put off) if during your speech the microphone comes loose, or the lectern wobbles, or the air-conditioner blows your notes away. The audience may crack up, but if the speaker stays calm and dignified the audience quickly comes back to attention.
Your fears might include darkness, snakes, sex, being mocked, death, being fat, your father, your grandfather, being hurt, tests and exams, girls, dirt, failure, spiders...
You might be able to think of imaginative ways you can find the courage to gradually (or quickly) overcome any of these fears. For example, if you have a fear of spiders, try becoming an expert on them. Do a science project on them, collect some spiders and put on a display in your school library or science lab.
If your fear is of girls, join a group where girls and boys mix in a friendly, easy way and relationships are not an issue.
If you're afraid of falling (which is a major reason some boys don't do well at sport) start a course in gym, where you'll be taught to roll and tumble on safe mats. That might give you the confidence to work up to throwing yourself around more. Tell the coach you're nervous, so he doesn't push you too hard, too fast. If he doesn't treat your fear with respect, change coaches.
'It's all in your head. You're not born with it, you don't learn it in school, you don't get it out of a book. It's a way of thinking, that's what it is. It's something you train your mind to do. I've just started to realise that. When something happens, something that could be dangerous, your mind can go crazy with fear. It starts galloping into wild territory, into the bush. It sees snakes and crocodiles and men with machine guns. That's your imagination. And your imagination's not doing you any favours when it pulls those stunts. What you have to do is to put a bridle on it, rein it in. It's a mind game. You've got to be strict with your own head. Being brave is a choice you make. you've got to say to yourself: "I'm going to think brave. I refuse to think fear or panic..."
'Every time we panic, we weaken ourselves. Every time we think brave, we make ourselves stronger.'
One of the topics I sometimes give students in my writing workshops is: Think of your worst fear, then write a humorous piece about it.
The point of this exercise, in writing terms, is that fear and comedy are closely related. One way we deal with our fears is by laughing at them. Take for example the common situation of a male being accidentally hit in the testicles (the balls) by a tennis ball. Spectators laugh long and loud at this sight and the commentators make jokes. Why? On the face of it there's no logical reason. A blow to the testicles is painful - sometimes extremely so - and sometimes very dangerous, causing permanent damage. The reason for the laughter then must surely be illogical, to do with the unconscious.
I suggest that it is because men have a strong unconscious fear of their penis or testicles being hurt, or worse, cut off. Freud explained this fear by saying that boys when very young notice that girls have no penis. They wonder if girls may once have had a penis, but lost it. They then fear that this might happen to them. Hence the jokes about castration, and the nervous laughter when someone's penis or testicles are hurt.
The writing exercise above is another way you can help yourself overcome your fears. Try it.
Not all our fears can be overcome simply by showing courage. Some can become phobias- extreme fears - like the fear of being fat, which in male and females can lead to eating disorders like anorexia. If you're suffering from a phobia, it is an extremely serious problem and you will need professional help - from a psychologist or someone similar.
One last thing: make sure you celebrate your achievements. If you have demonstrated your courage in a truly important and meaningful way, celebrate it. It is a wonderful thing you have done. Take pride in this great success. You are a strong; more mature person as a result of it. Congratulations.
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