Year 2002: The most horrible thing that you can imagine has just happened:*N SYNC broke up!!! Do you wanna hear the scoop? Here we go!
Since it is 4 years later, the boys are now men! Justin is of legal age (barely!), JC is almost 26, Chris has just reached his mid-life crisis at age 30, Joey’s still pimpin’ it up at 25, and Mama Bass’s son, Lancie, has reached 23. *N SYNC is in the studios recording their fifth album, “Old Men on the Block.”
Just as Little Lancie has sung his one line of the entire album, their manager Abs burst into the studio. “ What the hell is this?” as he slammed the newspaper on the table. There on the front page of ‘The Orlando Times’ read the headline *N SYNC MEMBER ARRESTED! All of the guys turned to Pimp-dog Fatone. By now they had all heard the story from last night, when Joey had hired an underaged prostitute, slept with her in a dumpster, and had been caught when the local police dog sniffed his marijuana in his pocket of his leather pants.
Abs kicked Joey’s beer belly and as he doubled over in pain, Chris burst out laughing. “Fatone, I told you to stay away from the ghetto booty!” In the corner, Justin and JC, the most serious about the group, are deep in conversation. They turn to Joey and Abs and announce “ We have reached a decision; either Fatone’s out of the group or we’re quiting.” Without any hesitation, Abs throws Joey his Superman cape and points him to the door.
Lance, Justin, JC, and Chris all decide that they are hungry after a long day and head to the Max. In a corner booth, the guys order 2 hamburgers, chocolate shakes, and a large order of fries each, except for Lance who orders the garden salad with Low-cal dressing. JC turns to Justin with a huge grin on his face and says “Ya know, I hear that Viagra stuff works great...what do you think, Chris?” Chris’s face turns a bright red and he self-consciously touches his receding hairline. “What are you talking about, man?” Justin snickers, sticks out his tongue, waves Chris’s bottle of Viagra, and says “So, ya can’t get it up, huh buddy?” Lance turns to Chris and quietly mumbles “ Ya know, ever since you got arthritis, you haven’t been able to do the flips as well...maybe you should leave.” JC and Justin say in sync “Lance, that’s the only good idea that you’ve ever had!” Chris, in a mad rage, picks up his shake, dumps it on Lance’s head, and says “Fine, I’ll just go suck on my football then!” and storms out of the Max.
“By the way Lance, you’re out too,“ JC happily announces. “We heard that you came out of the closet on ‘Jerry Springer’ and one of our rules to be in the group is to either be staight, or at least pretend.” Justin hands Lance all of his face masks, makeup, hair products, tutus, high heels, nylons, nail files, and other feminine products and tells him that he heard that the BSB were looking for a new member to replace Howie D., who was mysteriously murdered by two *N SYNC fans from Idaho.
As JC and Justin are finishing up their meals, Justin recieves a phone call on his cell phone. “Hi Justin! This is David Hasselhoff from ‘Baywatch’ and I’m finally retiring. I need someone to fill my spot and I hear that you are almost as goodlooking as I am!!” Justin’s lifelong dream had finally come true-he would be able to become a Baywatch boy! “Mr. Hasselhoff, I’m on my way!” Justin turned off his phone, turned to JC(who was humming a new song), and told him the news. Before JC could protest, Justin was outside in his limo on the way to the airport.
JC, only momentarily upset that his band had all broken up in one day, realized that he too could make his lifelong dream a reality. He could now compose, sing, and perform “jazz versions” full-time, without any interruptions.
So now you know the story before it happens... and remember you heard it here first! Shh!
