Title: The Sale
Author: Danielle
Rating: PG (One swear word)
Disclaimer: All characters from the television series ‘Stargate SG-1’ belong to Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I’m only borrowing them for my personal entertainment, and I promise I’ll put them back all nice and proper. I didn’t profit from writing this piece, though if someone wants to pay me huge wads of cash for the copyright, I won't argue. All original characters and situations belong to me, but you can use them if you really want to - just mail me first. Also mail me first if you want to archive this somewhere else. Thank you kindly.
Summary: The humans of SG-1 take their alien friends out for the day...

“Wow, look at all the people. Are there normally so many?”

“Sometimes. Jumble sales are pretty popular in some places.”

“Why are they called jumble sales, Captain Carter?”

“I guess because there’s literally a jumble of things for sale Teal’c.”

“Yeah, and most of it’s total crap!”

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure Jack.”

“Maybe for you Jackson. But for me, trash is trash.”

“Whatever you say. Can I go and look now?”

“Yeah, just don’t break anything.”

“I will!”

“Did I hear that correctly Sam?”

“Let’s hope not.”

*****

“What is this Daniel Jackson?”

“Uh, it’s a record Teal’c.”

“What does one do with a record?”

“One throws it like a frisbee! Here, I’ll show you.”

“Rhya!”

“Whoops, I nearly took that guy's head off!”

“That wasn’t just any guy's head - it was Jack’s!”

“I do believe it’s time to beat a hasty retreat.”

“Retreat from what Rhya?”

“From the ‘Ire of Jack’, that’s what! Bye!”

“Is Rhya afraid of O’Neill, Daniel Jackson?”

“Only of what he’s going to do to her...”

“Okay, where’d she go?”

“I have no idea of who you’re talking about Jack.”

“Yes, you do Daniel Jackson. Rhya is the one O’Neill is referring to.”

“Got it in one Teal’c. I’ve got a bone to pick with her about a certain projectile.”

“A bone? Why would you want to pick Rhya’s bones?”

“I don’t... Oh never mind. Where did she run off to?”

“I believe she ran as far from you as possible O’Neill.”

“I ask her not to touch anything and what does she do? Lob an LP right at my head! After everything I’ve done for her...”

“After all you’ve done for me? For me?!?”

“Come here you little-”

“Jack! I’m ashamed of you! How could you think such words?”

“Why I oughtta...”

*Giggle* “Somehow I doubt that’s physically possible Colonel.”

“What is not physically possible Rhya?”

“What Jack’s thinking. Let’s just say it involves a windowless room, me and a tube of toothpaste.”

“Toothpaste?”

*Giggle* “I’m more worried about the windowless room. I mean, he might have his evil way with me!”

“Oh, that’s it! It’s war you little hussy!”

“You gotta catch me first old man!”

“Ggggrrrrr!!! Let the hunt begin!”

“Hey guys, why is the Colonel chasing Rhya?”

“She threw something called an El-Pee at him.”

“LP, Teal’c, and I saw that one. She’s got quite an arm on her, doesn’t she?”

“You could say that. I’d call it good aim.”

“Help me Daniel! Jack’s gonna kill me!”

“Oh, you’ll be happy to be dead once I’m finished with you!”

“Come now Sir, think of what the public would say.”

“They’d probably give me a medal.”

“Not for beating me to death with a chocolate-coated pilchard, they won’t”

“I really wish you wouldn’t read my mind.”

“Who says I am? *Giggle* But that doesn't mean I haven't... Scared I’ll let it slip that you think Sergeant Harris has a great set of-”

“Enough!”

“Oooohhhh... Tetchy!”

“Don’t call me tetchy!!”

“But you are! Tetchy, that is.”

“I’m opting more for crabby personally.”

“You said it girlfriend! Definitely grumpy. And foul-tempered too.”

“And often quite disagreeable.”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough. I’m now going to have to bludgeon you all to death with a bunch of grapes.”

“Woohoo... whip me, spank me, I’ve been good!”

“Oh God, what did I ever do to deserve this?”

THE END

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