Title: Drunkendisorderly II
Author: Dan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters from the television series ‘Stargate SG-1’ belong to Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I’m only borrowing them for my personal entertainment, and I promise I’ll put them back all nice and proper. I didn’t profit from writing this piece, though if someone wants to pay me huge wads of cash for the copyright, I won't argue. All original characters and situations belong to me, but you can use them if you really want to - just mail me first. Also mail me first if you want to archive this somewhere else. Thank you kindly.
Summary: What is with those two and booze??

Drunkendisorderly II

"You look different."

"How do you mean?"

"You know, from your usual geeky norm".

"Gee, thanks Jack."

"You're welcome. You get a haircut or something?"

"No, I'm still trying to grow the last one out."

"Different glasses?"

"Nope."

"Um, lost weight?"

"Not that I've noticed... Hey, would mind not circling me like some kind of vulture? It's kinda off-putting."

"Sorry... Hang on, I'm espying something attached to your left earlobe."

"Most people would call it an earring Jack."

"Well, whaddaya know? So do I! You didn't have one yesterday."

"That would be because I got it last night."

"I've gotta ask - but what on Earth possessed you to go and get your ear pierced?"

"Not what - who. And she had help."

"Okay, now I'm assuming by the 'who' you mean that Rhya was the one who put you up to it. Why did you follow through?"

"Let's just say I wasn't exactly in my right mind. Or my left one either. Pass me that file."

"Sure. Why weren't you in either of your minds, just out of idle curiosity?"

"Rhya decided she wanted to visit the bar a couple of blocks away."

"I see. You got totally shitfaced."

"No I didn't! I was only slightly... inebriated."

"Uh-huh. Please excuse me if I don't believe you."

"That's your choice. Here, put that on top of the filing cabinet."

"I think I can manage that. You realise that now women are likely to find you even more attractive than before? I mean, that earring shows you've got real style."

*Groan* " Just what the doctor ordered - more lingering stares is my direction. Ugh."

"It's your fault."

"Well, she double-dared me!"

"Oh, and in that case you just had to do it?"

"Humph. If it'll make you feel any better, although that's probably a long shot, Rhya is now trying to creatively get out of sitting on anything harder than air."

"I think I'm following you, but you wanna elaborate anyway?"

*Sigh* "Only because you're my friend. The reason she dared me to get an earring is because I dared her to get a tattoo. Happy?"

"Ecstatic. You must've been out of it. I gather she went through with it?"

"In a big way. Nice, big, stylised red rose right on her left... cheek."

"Sounds lovely. You think she'd let me have a look some time?"

"Right after you do ten laps of the mountain completely naked with your underwear on your head."

"Damn, I'll have to go and buy some just so I can."

"Too much information... Way too much information."

"Don't doubt that for a second. Did you choose the design?"

"You're awfully interested in this."

"I'm your CO, I'm meant to know. So, did you?"

"The pair of us did, as a matter of fact. For a while there we were tossing up between it, a white teddy bear that looked like Pooky from 'Garfield' and a dolphin."

"I would've gone for the dolphin personally. I gather she had the final say on the spot?"

"Actually, she kinda collapsed face-down onto that bed thing they've got there, so the 'artist' didn't have too much of a choice. Besides, she was too drunk to really care at that point... Five full-strength beers, two rum and cokes, three Fire Engines, and then there were all these wierd-coloured cocktails."

"You lot didn't drive home did you?"

"Lord no. I fortunately had the presence of mind before she dragged me bodily out of my apartment to write my address on a piece of paper so I could just hand it over to a cabby. *Pause* Damn, I think I paid him with a fifty!"

"How much did you drink?"

"Erm, the same as Rhya I think."

"You think?"

"Well, I kinda lost count after the first rum."

"You're such a cheap drunk, you know that? Besides, I never took you to be that kind of guy."

"You know what? Neither did I."

"Okay, just to round up this game of twenty million questions - how sick was she this morning?"

"She wasn't, the annoying twerp she is. Said something about being used to copious quantities of alcohol because of the parties they have back on her planet."

"And you?"

"Let's not go there. My stomach's churning at the memories."

"Told you you should stick to beer, and only in small amounts."

"Don't rub it in. I woke up this morning lying just inside the door to my apartment with an earring and someone's phone number written on my shirt in bright, pink lipstick."

"Did you call it?"

"No!! I was too busy talking on the porcelain telephone."

"Why the hell are you here then? We're still on stand down until the day after tormorrow."

"This report was due in last Wednesday and I've only just started. Besides, Rhya objected to slobbing around in a pair of sweats I've had since high school."

"I don't blame her, I'd object to being in the same room as something that out of date."

"You're funny Jack. A real Lenny Henry."

"I try my best. *Pause* I've got an idea that'll speed up your report-writing process."

"I'm listening."

"Why don't you just recycle one of your old ones - one of the ones with half-a-tonne of anthroplogical jargon - and just change the date and planet code? It's not like any of the upper echelons of power actually read them - no offence."

"None taken, I can't help it if they don't have PhDs. And besides, what about my proffesional integrity?"

"What about it?"

*Sigh* "I guess you're right. I do need to clean up my apartment."

"How come?"

"Rhya must've gotten hot last night, in a temperature sense. Half of her clothes are still strewn around my lounge room, and then there's the stuff that's fallen on the floor."

"Huh? You've lost me."

"She fell asleep on my coffee table. I think I'm going to be picking up marbles until the cows come home."

"Poor thing... You sure she wasn't horribly and violently ill on the sly?"

"Positive. When she's sick I've had my neighbours ring up and ask if I'm murdering someone."

"Nearly done with your report?"

"Just about."

"Which one did you use?"

"The one from P3X 595. Like you suggested, it's one you're going to need a degree to understand."

"Sounds good to me. Hey, after your done acting the cleaning lady, why don't you come over to my place and watch a nice, relaxing game of football. I've got beer..."

"Jack!!!"