That gooey_feeling_thing
Women have always got something to hide, that’s why they wear so much make-up.
When I first met her, I thought she was an alien. I don’t mean she physically resembled an alien, in the Alien film sense. She didn’t slobber at the mouth or anything. It was the opposite. She was so beautiful. So perfect that I thought she couldn’t be from this planet. Yes, I do realise that sounds a little silly now but maybe you know what I mean. Love always gives the impression it arrives out of nowhere and trying to be a rational person, and always trying to find scientific explanations for spiritual happenings, I simply deduced my love probably came from Galaxy Andromeda G453. It wouldn’t have surprised me in the least. As galaxies go, Galaxy Andromeda G453 is a very nice galaxy indeed. I would have been very proud to be associated with Galaxy Andromeda G453. Nevertheless I have to confess it’s probably more true to say my love just came out of nowhere.
So anyway, as I was saying I thought I’d fallen head over heels in love with an alien. Perhaps an angel would be a more appropriate word actually. She was definitely extra-terrestrial. Unearthly. She certainly wasn’t human. What mortal could ever have so many incredible attributes as my chosen one. What mortal could ever love myself.
Most of all what mortal could give me this feeling every time I saw her. Every time I thought of her. This gooey feeling thing. You know that gooey feeling thing. That little lovely shiver thing. The sort of shiver which runs up your back when you get in a nice warm bath on a cold day. The sort of shiver which makes you want to giggle like a baby. An electric tickle. You know what I mean. That gooey feeling thing. You know that gooey feeling thing.
Well, O.K. I knew she wasn’t really from outer space of course but the thought crossed my mind from time to time. I got to quite like the idea. Trips abroad etc. The fact is, though, I met her and I loved her the minute I did so. She seemed so wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring, thoughtful. And she seemed to love me as much as I loved her. A bit of luck that, I thought. Within a week of meeting we were inseparable. We did everything together. It was the height of summer. Life seemed perfect. This was the one I thought. This was it. This was love.
Then things started to go a little bit askew. She would say some things which completely contradicted things she had said before. Now and then she would dash off somewhere unexpectedly for no apparent reason.. I seemed to be dating a ghost. She would start phoning up explaining she couldn’t meet as arranged. When we were actually together it was wonderful, though. All my doubts disappeared the moment I saw her again. But I seemed to be spending time with her in little spurts. Usually she would arrive at my flat and be gone in an hour. I seemed to be having an affair. I was having an affair.
It turned out, as you’ve probably guessed, she was with, actually engaged, to someone else. Her childhood sweetheart. Little by little I realised that the truths I took for granted were nothing but illusions of love. She wanted to marry the other bloke and sort of keep me on the side. I didn’t really want to be on the side. I wanted to be in the middle. I tried to persuade her. But it wasn’t to be. Even though she was having a relationship with me, she was determined to go through with the marriage to her long-standing boyfriend. She did. Not that I was there. By that time I had said the word goodbye to her. Well actually, I didn’t say the word goodbye, all dramatic like, I just said bye, but it’s the same thing, only less corny.
It was hard to say Goodbye, or bye, of course, but I knew I had to. So that was that. Never again I said. Never get involved I said. I re-started my life. I re-gathered my sanity from the grips of complete over whelming love. That complete love which makes you blind to reality. That love which makes you believe only what you want to believe. That feeling which makes you see only what you want to see. That gooey feeling thing. You know that gooey feeling thing.
I believe that every love is greater than the one before.
I’ve just met someone else now. Someone who like before seems so wonderful, so magical, that every time the thought of her runs through my mind I get that gooey feeling thing. You know that gooey feeling thing.. The thing is though, I’m a little scared I might be falling for something which isn’t really there again. Deja vu, deja done. So much so that it’s now got to the stage where I can’t even talk to her. Because I would hate this love I feel to be another illusion.
She works in the same place I do. We hit it off immediately. It was wonderful. I have never felt such complete joy just to be with someone. Then I was with her one night. We were just watching T. V. On the couch. Happily doing nothing together. Then I looked across at her. I realised I felt that gooey feeling thing. You know that gooey feeling thing. But not like before. This time it was a million times more powerful. It was incredible. Whoooosh! And I got scared, so scared.
The next day at work I started to keep my distance from her. After work I started making excuses not to see her. If she said anything to me I‘d be short to her in reply. Then I simply stopped talking to her altogether. Trust me, I’m not mad, I just act a little crazy sometimes. So I clammed up. I passed her one day at work and completely ignored her. I didn’t just not talk to her. I stopped looking at her. I tried to refuse that she existed. And I continued to ignore her. So of course, she started to ignore me. So we continued to ignore each other. Great.
We never really have any cause to come in contact at work if we try and we do try. So now there’s this great silence between us. It’s getting ridiculous. I miss her. She’s two foot away from me and I really miss her. We sometimes stand beside each other from a distance of a few centimetres like we were on other sides of an ocean. We may as well be on different sides of an ocean. This person who has created so much wonderful emotion inside me, I now never acknowledge. Because I’m not going to get stung again.
I can’t stop thinking though. About her. From time to time I think maybe she really is different. Maybe she’s as good as she seems. Maybe this love isn’t an illusion. Maybe I’ll start talking again. I know I’ll have to do something because this silence is killing me. So I’ll just tell her. It’s that gooey feeling thing I’ll say. You know that gooey feeling thing. All casual, oh by the way kind of thing. It’s no big deal but well you know, just on the off chance you feel the same, I thought maybe we could spend the rest of our lives together. If you‘re not doing anything. If you’ve nothing planned.
I’m determined now I should stop this insanity and just tell her. That’s why I’m writing this. Before I used to say women have always got something to hide, that’s why they wear so much make-up. Now, well, I guess you just have to take a chance sometimes. Maybe her feelings aren’t made up. Maybe she’s the real thing. I just wish I could tell her. Stop this silence. Tell her that I’ve got this gooey feeling thing. You know that gooey feeling thing. In the hope that maybe she’ll whisper back to me she’s got the gooey feeling thing too. You know that gooey feeling thing she’ll say and I’ll say yeah, I know that gooey feeling thing. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be love.