This is my anti-packer page. Everything on this page has to do with not liking the Packers. If you can't read some of the words, just highlight them with your mouse and you will be able to see them better.
Packer Computer Definitions:
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time
PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside
SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's blak fly season
BYTE: Whut dem dang skeeters do
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM: Whacha did to the hay fields
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn ruf
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, C'Mon in y'all
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks
MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
When God Created Earth...
A long time ago in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, see what I've made..." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a place. "What's that?" "Ah," said God. "That's Minnesota, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite shore-line along the Great Lakes. The people from Minnesota are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them an undefeatable football team who will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!" God replied, "Wait until you see the loud-mouth losers I'm putting next to them in Wisconsin."
*Did you hear about the tragic death of two ice-fishing Packer fans?
They got run over by the Zamboni!
*Why do people from Green Bay go to Lambeau when there is a Tornado Warning?
Because there are no touchdowns there!
*What do you call a row of packer fans lined up ear to ear?
A wind tunnel!
*Did you hear that the Packers named a street after Ray Rhodes?
It's an exit ramp!
*What does the LA Police Department and the Packers have in common?
Neither can catch a Bronco!
*Did you hear that Brett Favre can't get into his own driveway?
Someone painted an end zone on it!
*What do you call Randy Moss with no arms or legs?
A Packer Star Receiver!
*Why are the Packers all buying microscopes?
It's the only way they can still see their Superbowl chances.
*What's the difference between Cheerios and the Green Bay Packers?
Cheerios belong in a Bowl.
*Did you hear about the fire at the Packers' library facilities?
Both books were burned, and one of them had not even been colored in yet.
*Two Green Bay Packers are in a car, who's driving?
*How did the Packer fan break his arm raking the leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
*Why did Brett Favre get so excited after he finished his jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
A Viking fan in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a joke about Packer fans?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke you should know something. I'm 6' tall and 220 pounds and I'm a Packer fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 240 pounds and he's a Packer fan, and the guy sitting next ot him is 6'5" 280 pounds and he's a packer fan too. Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?" The Viking fan says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That's wonderful!!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have so much to discuss!" Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the woman answers, "144." "That is great!!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!" Albert goes to yet another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "46." Albert responds, "How about those Packers?".
Coach Holmgren, clearly upset about the Packers' play, decides to find out from Dennis Green what his secret is. So, Holmgren travels down to a Vikings practice and asks Green, "Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?" Green responds by calling Daunte Culpepper over. "Daunte, who's your father's brother's nephew?" He answers, "Why coach, that's easy. It's me." Green turns to Holmgren and says, "That's the secret Mike. A smart quarterback. You've got to have a smart quarterback." Thinking he's finally got all the tools he needs, Holmgren returns to Wisconsin and the Packers workout. He promptly calls over Brett Favre. "Favre! Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Brett looks perplexed, thinks a minute and says, "Coach, can I get back to you after practice on that one?" Holmgren (disgusted) says, "OK." During practice, Favre calls over Antonio Freeman. "Freeman, coach just asked me the weirdest question. Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Freeman: "Duh! That's easy. It's me!" After practice, Favre catches up with Holmgren: "Coach, I think I've got it. My father's brother's nephew is Antonio Freeman." Holmgren (angry): "No, No, NO! You idiot!! It's Daunte Culpepper!!!"
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Cheeseheads too. No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Cheesehead." "Then", asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why, I'm a proud Vikings Fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Vikings Fans, so I'm a Vikings Fan too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Cheesehead."
Three construction workers were on the 20th floor of a open building. During there lunch break they sat together to eat lunch. The first man was from Minnesota and he looks in his lunchbox and said ahh lutefisk, if I get lutefisk again I swear that I am jumping. The second man was from Chicago and gets pizza for lunch and he says that if he gets pizza one more day that he will jump also. The third guy was from GBay and he has brats for lunch. He said that if there is brats in his lunch tomorrow that he too will jump. Well, the next day all three get the same thing for lunch and all three jump to their deaths. At the funeral for the three men the wives thought that they would all say something about their husbands. The MN wife stands up and said that if she only would have known about the lutefisk she never would have sent it. The wife from chicago stands and said that her husband never talked about how much he hated pizza. So every person at the funeral turns to the GBay wife and she said -don't look at me, he packs his own lunch.
A packer fan and his dog walk into a bar and they each take a seat at the bar to watch the packer game. The packers march down the field but are stopped and have to settle for a field goal. As the ball splits the uprights, the dog jumps up, does a perfect back flip and lands on the stool just as if he hadn't moved. Again the packers march down the field, get stopped and kick a field goal. Again the dog jumps up and does the back flip and perfect landing. This time the bartender says, "Hey, that's pretty amazing, what does the dog do if the packers score a touchdown?" The packer fan sighed and said, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years!"
Mike Holmgren was talking to his wife about redecorating their home. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. Mike wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told Mike she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" Mike's wife was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. Mike wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" Mike's wife then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have some of the players laying sod across the street.
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