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Cheese: The Hidden Killer

Yet another piece of evidence supporting the link between cheese and violence has been discovered. It is commonly known within the cheese industry that all cheese products contain large amounts of the chemical dihydrogen monoxide. Dihydrogen monoxide is also known as DHMO or hydric acid and has been linked to violence in schools. In addition to its violence-causing effects, DHMO is composed of two highly explosive elements and forms a major component of many home-made bombs. Yet, despite these obvious links, DHMO is freely available in school hallways, and its distribution is welcomed by school officials. As seen on the DHMO Facts page of the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division:

"What is the link between Dihydrogen Monoxide and school violence?

A recent stunning revelation is that in every single instance of violence in our country's schools, including infamous shootings in high schools in Denver and Arkansas, Dihydrogen Monoxide was involved. In fact, DHMO is often very available to students of all ages within the assumed safe confines of school buildings. None of the school administrators with which we spoke could say for certain how much of the substance is in use within their very hallways."

Clearly this shows a conspiracy between the cheese industry and DHMO producers to keep the harms of their products secret. I encourage all concerned readers to research more about the many harms of DHMO at the webpage of the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division at

High schoolers in Colorado, Pennsylvania, California: all victims of school shooting tragedies. All caused by cheese. Could your kids be under the harmful influence of cheese? We as concerned parents have vowed to get to the bottom of the cheese controversy.

As a parent you have a duty to be knowledgeable about threats to your kids' safety. To help you to that end, we have prepared some documents outlining the threat that cheese poses to the well-being of our kids. Feel free to browse by clicking the links below.

  • Cheese Industry Weekly report on the cheese threat, reprinted in numerous newspapers.
  • The C-Chip: How It Works: a guide to the use and functions of the C-Chip.
  • How To Tell If Your Kid Will Become Violent: a guide to youth violence symptoms in this cheese-crazed age.

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