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The C-Chip: How It Works

The C-Chip is a small device that is built into a refrigerator. It consists of a laser scanner, a keypad, and an consumption-prevention device. When a food item is removed from the refrigerator, it is tracked and scanned by the laser scanner. The scanner determines whether the food item contains cheese by doing a chemical scan on the laser data. If the product contains cheese, the user is requested to enter the proper authorization code into the keypad. If this is not done within two seconds, the consumption-prevention device will emit a smell similar to that of a skunk, accompanied by loud noises and flashing lights. This will cause the unauthorized cheese user to drop his or her cheese and to retch over in disgust. Authorized authorities (parents, teachers, etc.) can then remove the unauthorized user from the area. The keypad code should only be known by authorized cheese consumers, who are capable of resisting the violent urges that accompany cheese consumption. If the C-Chip bill passes, a C-Chip device will be required in all new refrigerators sold by 2004. In addition, refrigerator manufacturors will need to make available cheap, easy to use C-Chip upgrade kits for all of their current refrigerator models.

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