(let me know if I messed up horribly on any of these... when you write as they talk ya don't always get stuff straight)
Happy Gilmore :)
"Hey! You no want breakfast?"
"How's that nice girlfriend of yours?"
"Oh, she got hit by a car, she's dead."
"You hit that guy!"
"He shouldn'ta been standing there."
"Why don't you just watch me, make sure I don't do anything stupid."
"He's gonna be on the tour? That's great. That's sweet."
"Uh, you know that mister mister lady? I think I just killed her."
"Hey, Public Relations lady, you seen Shooter MacGavin around? ... I just need to beat the piss out of him."
"5 iron huh? Well, you're fired."
"I know what you're doing and I don't like it. You better shut your trap before I put my foot in it."
"I don't date golfers."
"Oh, good, because I'm a hockey player."
"Damn you people. Go back to your shanties."
"Do you always carry a puck around?"
"yes"
"I hate that clown!"
"You suck you stupid clown!"
"Volkswagon."
"Find do whatever you like. What do I know? I'm just a doctor."
"Damn you people, this is golf not a rock concert."
"No, I'll just beat him now."
Gone in 60 Seconds :)
"Man, that's not a tool. That's a brick!"
"This ain't the Dukes of Hazard!"
"It's like a little boys' nursery school in here."
"Tommy, I don't know what that was but it wasn't driving."
"What do you pay your pit crews with? Oreos and gummi bears?"
"But this baseball, it's so bleeding boring."
"Am I an asshole? Do I look like an asshole?"
"yeah"
"What'd you put in it?"
"I don't know."
"Look I've got everything under control."
"Your kitchen's on fire."
"You guys said a lot."
"Hell, you can't drive, honey. I can't swim. I know I can't swim. So ya know what I do? I keep my black ass out the pool!"
"While You look like a bible salesman."
"You're healed."
"This is why I do not do business with family."
"Oh, noooo, noooo, whyyyyy?"
"There's to many self-indulgent weiners in this city with too much bloody money."
"What's a unicorn?"
"See you tomorrow night, Ellenore. With your fine ass."
"Why are people shooting at us?"
"Because I blew up their car."
"See that? Cop car. As long as I'm in here you're just gonna sit out there aren't you? A'ight."
"Man I will knock the shit outta y..."
"Kinda like a big reunion. You should stick around because later we're gonna make s'mores and sing kum-bah-yah."
"What is this?"
"They call it a Cadillac."
"I'll catch you later."
"For the next 24 hours all your decision making privilages are revoked."
"Look like a little ghetto smurf."
"Hello ladies. Always was a sucker for a redhead."
"You lazy, half-ass... Any asshole can pull a gun on somebody. You don't know the first thing about stealing a car. Boy! You need a role model!"
"We might as well roll down our windows and wave."
"My wife is having a baby... gotto get... I'm nerv... That's not even my car! I'm way over there!"
"Hey Sphinx, I don't look suspicious do I?"
"I told you everything I know. I know that because I said 'this is everything I know.'"
"Here's a little something I learned in the car thief retirement home."
"Poop, dog."
"Look at this look at this... she's a brick na na na house na na na"
"Remember the 70's?"
"Too young, thank God."
"Well, snake's gonna have to slither his ass all the way to the bus stop in the morning."
"The snake is crawling up my ass! The snake is up my ass!"
"Lost in suburbia hell. Where am I?"
"Move! Get the fuck... Move!"
"Man this guy can drive!"
"What! What!"
"It's probably mostly the car."
"No No No Don't do this to m... Don't start with me. N n n n n n Start! Start!"
"Are you all right? Are you sure? Cause you just went through a wall."
"You're late so sod off."
"I said 50 cars, not 49 and a half."
"If that's pain, you can shoot me anytime."
"Hey, man, I thought you were from Long Beach."
From Dusk til Dawn :)
"I said low profile, Richy. Do you know the meaning of low profile? Low profile is not taking girls hostage. Low profile is not killing cops. Low profile is not blowing up a liquor store."
"bitch bitch bitch"
"What the hell do you want?
"What do you think I want you mean old bastard? I want a fuckin room."
"They're gonna apprehend us in about 24 hours."
"Where're we going?"
"Mexico"
"What's in Mexico?"
"Mexicans."
"Now, is my shit together or is my shit together?"
"You know what everyone says about me huh... I suck."
"I'm not going to drain you completely. You'll be my slave. And because I don't think you're good enough for human blood, you'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my footstool and at my command you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. You'll be my dog and your new name will be Spot. Welcome to slavery."
"No thanks, I already had a wife."
"Fuck you everybody. Good night."
"I'm peachy, Kate, the world is my oyster. Except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake into my brother's chest because he turned into a vampire even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business everything's just hunky dory."
"And I don't wanna hear anything about 'I don't believe in vampires' because I don't fucking believe in vampires but I believe in my own two eyes and what I saw is fucking vampires. Now do we all agree that what we're dealing with is vampires?"
"Well, does anyone have any silver? Then who cares?"
"I'm a mean mmmm mmmm servant of God."
"I was in Nam."
"There was blood and chunks of yellow flesh clingin to my bayonet. To this day I can't remem..."
"Fucking vampires! I'm gonna kill everyone of you Godless peices of shit!"
"I won't be Jacob anymore. I'll be a lapdog of Satan."
"What were they? Psychos?"
"Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are."
"Want a cold beer? I've got some in the car. Come on they're cold. I've got Mexican and domestic."
Demon Knight :)
"God's doing some serious thinkin tonight. Probably thinkin 'maybe I shoulda given it all to the monkeys."
"Well Bob it's too late to give um a ticket but if it'll make you feel better you can shoot their ashes."
"Airbags, gotta love um..."
"It used to be a church but it ain't a church no more. Decomissioned it back in the 60's due to lack of interest."
"Oh, just what he needs. Someone else screwin him."
"God damn it, get that pussy off the table... I meant the cat."
"Turn it off turn it off... my nipples are smokin."
"Actually sheriff it was kinda like a tune up and a lube job."
"I don't think I wanna hear about it."
"Shut up Bob."
"Ya know when you get your car..."
"I said I don't wanna hear about it."
"Shut up Bob."
"Humans, you're not worth the flesh you're printed on. Fuck this cowboy shit. You fuckin hoedown poedown well then there mother fuckers."
"Well, who's gonna protect us? You? Deputy Bob? The headless horseman over there?"
"There any other ways in or out of this place?"
"Aside from the doors and windows?"
"Breaker please, my cat is not possessed by some demon from Hell."
"Breaker, don't worry, I"ll save ya."
"Hey handsome, age before beauty."
"Yeah, pro before swine, shithead."
"You know sumthin, Willie? You're so dried up the demons'll probably throw you back."
"S'OK, vodka kickin in."
"Do me a favor. Don't scream. Hear what I've got to say... and then scream."
"I bet he found you. Probably wanted to know what the smell is."
"Party poopin old bitch."
"A lovely poached appendage. I recommend a finger food for starters... Is that a yes?"
"No, that's me givin you the finger asshole."
"Listen, uh, on a personal note, be sure to kill Breaker. He's a bossy asshole."
"Well, you know this Hell on Earth business? Big fuckin deal, I've got hemeroids."
"Do do do do do Hi, anybody home? Come out avery body. Time to play. Hellooo... Or not."
"It's curtains for you baby, come one. I'm sure you're familiar with the relationship between cleanliness and godliness. Well, that's the first thing I'm gonna change!"
"By the time your race finds out what happened they'll look like last week's leftovers anyway. So cheer up."
"I'm gonna say something to you that I've never said to anyone. Geraline, I l..l..l..l..l you. I l..l..l..l..l you. Geraline, do you think you could possibly find it in your heart to l..l..l..l..l me?"
A Knight's Tale :)
"The spark of his life is covered in shite. His spirit is gone but his stench remains."
"What’s your name, William? I’m asking you, William Thatcher, to answer me with your name."
"I’ve waited my whole life for this moment."
"You’ve waited your whole life for Sir Ector to shite himself to death?"
"Were you robbed?"
"Interesting question, actually. Yes. And at the same time a huge, resounding no. It’s more sort of involuntary vow of poverty, really."
"Betray us and I will fong you until your insides are out your outsides are in and your entrails are your extrails. I will ring… all the… Pain. Lots of pain."
"You desecrate the house of God!"
"You manky git! Pain! Pain! Take the pain!"
"I’m an author. I give the truth scope!"
"Well, that was different."
"Well, it’s time we celebrated our differences."
"Just maybe not in public."
"She makes me feel like a poet."
"Well you may feel like a poet but you sound like an idiot."
"I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every last pimple, every last character flaw. I was naked for a day. You will be naked for eternity."
"And Wat doesn’t lead, he follows like a girl."
"You can hit me all day because you punch like a what?"
"A girl!"
"Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick."
"It’s called a lance. Hello."
"Well, it’s up to you really. It’s your funeral, I mean, letter."
"Why must everything for a woman be run on a man’s schedule?"
"Well, a man’s day is fuller, and well, you see, a man, he has more demands on his time."
"Is that so?"
"Yes… Maybe… No?"
"Shhh. Woman, shh!"
"Do not ‘shh’ me and spare him! Now be gone! Go!"
"There she is, the embodiment of love. Your Venus."
"And oh, how I hate her."
"How would you beat him?"
"With a stick while he slept."
"Go! Disperse! Or I will fong you! As Jesus Christ the Nazarene and his holy mother the Virgin Mary are my witnesses, I will fong you! I will rip you! Fist! Pain! I’ll stick my fist and break you! Pain! Lots of pain!"
"It’s a small target, Will, but aim for his heart."
"All human activity lies within the artist’s scope. Maybe not yours."
The 5th Element :)
"So when’s this snake act supposed to occur?"
"About every 5,000 years."
"So, I’ve got a little time."
"Evil begets evil, Mr. President."
"Hi, sweetie."
"I love you too, major. But you haven’t called me that since basic training."
"I was talking to the cat."
"Don’t watch it all day, sweetie, it’ll rot your brain."
"That’s a very nice hat."
"Ya like it?"
"You have 5 points left on your license."
"Thank you for reminding me."
"Is that what you call a survivor?"
"A few cells are still alive, that’s more than I need."
"Sounds like a freak of nature to me."
"Yeah, can’t wait to meet him."
"Mr. Perfect had better be polite otherwise I’ll turn him into cat food."
"I’d uh, like to take a few pictures… for the archives."
"OK, lady, stay calm. This is the police. There’s nowhere else to go. You’re gonna slowly turn around and put your hands on the floor. Do you understand me? … She doesn’t."
"You just had an accident."
"Yes, I know I just had an accident, you daffy bastard!"
"Unit 47 we’re on the way… as soon as we finish lunch."
"Look, lady, I only speak two languages: English and bad English. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for conversation but could you shut up for a minute?"
"You wanna play it soft I’ll play it soft. You wanna play it hard I’ll play it hard."
"If we make it to the fog we’ll be all right. If we make the fog."
"He’s a she."
"You noticed that huh?"
"Chicken. Good."
"Agnot, what an ugly face. Take it off."
"Tell you what I do like though. A killer, a dyed in the wool killer, Cold blooded, clean methodical and thorough. Now a real killer when he picked up the ZF1 would have immediately asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun."
"Where’s the robot to pat you on the back, or the engineer, or their children maybe? There you seen now how all your so-called power counts for absolutely nothing? How your entire empire of destruction comes crashing down all because of one little cherry."
"You got a message."
"Yeah."
"Not gonna open it? Could be important."
"Yeah, I thought the last two I got were important. First one was from my wife saying she was leaving. The second one was from my lawyer saying he was leaving with my wife."
"Ah, but grandfather say it never rains every day. This is good news guaranteed. I’ll bet you lunch."
"OK."
"You are fired! Oh, I’m sorry."
"Well, at least I won lunch."
"Good philosophy. Find good in bad. I like."
"Sir, are you classified as human?"
"Uh, no, I’m a meat popsicle."
"I don’t wanna go to Egypt."
"Can I talk to you for a second? I didn’t come here to play poomba on the radio so tomorrow from 5 to 7 you’re gonna give yourself a hand. You green?"
"Na na na, I never felt this way before… with a human."
"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You think he’s gonna be ok?"
"Is that your idea of a discrete operation?"
"Don’t worry, sir, I know my man. He’ll help calm things down."
"Anyone else wanna negotiate?"
"Where’d he learn to negotiate like that?"
"Lilu’s in trouble?"
"When is Lilu not in trouble?"
"My man, my man my man my man… what is this thing with all these numbers?"
"It’s a it’s a it’s a it’s a…."
"No no no no no no cuz if it was a bomb the alarms would be going off cuz all these hotels have bomb detectors, right?"
"Humans act so strange… Everything they create is used to destroy."
"Mr. President. Mr. President, any idea when you’re gonna get to the point?"
"What’s the use of saving life when you see what you do with it?"
"What’s wrong with you? What you screamin for? Every five minutes there’s a bomb or somethin! I’m leavin!"
"Oh, please that doesn’t even sound like him. The president is an idiot. You don’t sound like an idiot. If you don’t wanna talk to your mother than just ignore me like usual, huh. I’ll just throw myself in traffic. I’ll saran wrap myself to the bed…"
Grosse Pointe Blank :)
"We could be working together again for God’s sake. Ya know, making big money. Killing important people."
"Bing-bing-bing-bang. Popcorn."
"Whatever it is I’m doin that you don’t like, I’ll stop doin it."
"It’s not me."
"I’m getting a black cat, Friday the thirteenth kind of feeling about this one."
"Don’t forget your identity."
"I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork, how have you been."
"I said, ‘I don’t wanna work with you any more.’ and yet you come back every week at the same time."
"You don’t care about what stuff?"
"Morality, that stuff."
"Don’t kill anybody for a few days. See what it feels like."
"Hey, I know everyone’s coming back to take stock of their lives. You know what I say? Leave your livestock alone."
"Kick back and relax and ponder this. Where are all the good men dead? In the heart or in the head?"
"I’m, uh, standing where my living room was, and it’s not here because my house is gone and it’s an Ultimart. You can never go home again, Oatman, but I guess you can shop there."
"Find out where my mother is. I want my mom."
"So what’s your business?"
"Professional killer."
"You get dental with that?"
"And, dude, I’d make him wear that prom dress."
"If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s, well, broken."
"So if I just look suspicious on your customers’ property, under those, ya know, heightened circumstances you have the authority to shoot me?"
"Correct."
"Wow, wow, all right. How’d you get the gig?"
"Oh, you know, they were hiring. It was only a two week course."
"Yeah, that’s good. Well, that made it easy. You look good."
"Thank you for profiting on my childhood."
"Yeah. Kinda crept up on you didn’t it?"
"No, you drove us here."
"Ten years, man! Ten! Where’ve you been for ten years?"
"I freaked out, joined the army, went into business for myself. I’m a professional killer."
"Oh, do you have to do postgraduate work for that, or can you jump right in?"
"I freaked out! I joined the Army! I worked for the government. I went into business with myself. I’m a professional killer. That’s what I did!"
"Okay. Well, can I join up?"
"Yes!"
"How’s your mom, man? Is she still loopy?"
"She’s uncorked."
"All right, I’ll see you at the I’ve-peeked-and-I’m-kidding-myself party."
"I thought you’d been murdered or brainwashed or… at least that’s what I hoped had happened."
"Debi, I love your show. It’s so timeless."
"Yeah, it does run a little long sometimes."
"So, is there a Mrs. Mysterio."
"No, but I have a very nice cat."
"Not the same."
"Well, You don’t know my cat, it’s very demanding."
"It? You don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl?"
"I respect its privacy."
"You don’t wanna watch CNN, Crossfire, something romantic?"
"You’re a fucking psycho."
"Don’t rush to judgement on something like that until all the facts are in."
"Why don’t you become a cop or something? You can have coffee in the morning with friends."
"I’m a pet psychiatrist. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I sell couch insurance. And I… And I… And I test market positive thinking. And I lead a weekend men’s group. We specialize in ritual killings."
"Yeah, Martin Blank. Remember me? I’m not married. I don’t have kids. And I’d blow your fuckin head off if someone paid me enough."
"I’ll go put these in some rubbing alcohol."
"Six figures, doing business with lead-pipe cruelty, mercenary sensibility."
"You know me, Martin, same old sellout exploiting the oppressed."
"What have you been doing with your life?"
"Uh, professional killer."
"Ah. Good for you. It’s a growth industry."
"Should’ve brought my gun."
"I had the yearbook pictures put on so everyone knows who everyone was."
"Ah, special torture!"
"It was like I was sucked up into the cosmos. All the while surrounded by these yowling nebulous forms. And then, I got to the threshold Mozart, music, flowers and poetry."
"How’s the rest of the night been going for you?"
"Oh, it’s been going great. A festival of pain."
"God, it’s been so long I’ve forgotten who gets tied up."
"A thousand innocent people get killed every day but a millionaire’s pet gets detonated and you’re marked for life."
"You were joking. People joke about the horrible things that they don’t do. They don’t do them. That’s absurd."
"If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there."
"It’s not me! Why does everybody think it’s personal?"
"I was sitting there alone on prom night in that goddamned rented tuxedo, and the whole night flashed before my eyes, I realized finally that for the first time I wanted to kill somebody. So, I figured since I loved you so much, it’d be a good idea if I didn’t see you anymore."
"I’ll be coming around the mountain when I come, I’ll be blowin you’re fuckin head off, I’ll be blowin your fuckin head off, I’ll be wackin your fuckin mind out when I come. Popcorn!"
"Smells like a wedding. You’re breaking my heart down here, Blank. I can hardly aim through the tears."
"Why don’t you just join the union? We’ll go upstairs together and cap daddy."
"This union, is there gonna be meetings?"
"Of course."
"No meetings."
"So, what’re you gonna do? You gonna throw that gun at me?"
"No."
"How bout this. How bout I sell you a piece for a hundred G’s?"
Shawshank Redemption :)
"Since I am innocent of this crime, sir, I find it decidedly inconvenient that the gun was never found."
"I know how you feel. I’m up for rejection next week."
"Yeah, I got rejected last week."
"Any questions?"
"When do we eat?"
"I believe in two things discipline and the bible. Here you’ll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord, your ass belongs to me."
"I want my mother."
"I had your mother, she’s not that great."
"You don’t understand, I’m not supposed to be here."
"Me neither! They run this place like a fuckin prison!"
"Why’d ya do it?"
"I didn’t, since you ask."
"You gonna fit right in. Everybody in here’s innocent. Didn’t you know that? Heywood, what you in here for?"
"Didn’t do it. Lawyer fucked me."
"Anything you put in my mouth you’re gonna loose."
"No, you don’t understand. You do that and I’ll put all eight inches of this steal in your ear."
"All right, but you should know that sudden, serious brain injury causes the victim to bite down hard. In fact, I hear the bite reflex is so strong they have to pry the victim’s jaws open with a crowbar."
"Where do you get this shit?"
"I read it. Do you know how to read, you ignorant fuck?"
"Two things never happened again after that. The Sisters never laid a finger on Andy again. And Bogs never walked again."
"Heywood, that isn’t soapstone! And it ain’t alabaster either."
"What are you, a fucking geologist?"
"He’s right it ain’t."
"What the hell is it then?"
"It’s a horse apple."
"Any favorite passages?"
"’Watch ye, therefore, for ye know not when the master of the house cometh.’"
"Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Food-Way so they’d send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it. Sort of like a bonus."
"Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive you insane."
"A little parole rejection present."
"Count of Monte Crisco."
"That’s ‘Cristo,’ you dumn shit."
"By Alexandree Dum-ass. Dumb ass."
"Dumb ass? Dumas. Know what that’s about? You’d like it. It’s about a prison break."
"We ought to file that under 'Educational' too, oughtn’t we?"
"He’s a phantom, an apparition. Second cousin to Harvey the Rabbit. I conjured him. He doesn’t exist, except on paper."
"If they ever trace any of those accounts, they’ll wind up chasing a figment of my imagination."
"And the funny thing is, on the outside I was an honest man. I had to come to prison to become a crook."
"Man up and vanished like a fart in the wind."
"What say there, fuzzy britches? Feel like talkin?"
"Dear Warden, You were right. Salvation lay within. Andy Dufresne."
"I like to think the last thing that went through his head other than that bullet was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him."
"Andy Dufresne who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer :)
"Pike? Pike's not a name it's a fish."
"We remember you guys."
"Yeah, we hate you guys."
"I've got a news flash for ya buddy... one more drink of this and I'd sleep with you."
"Oh, sure, then you'd never call."
"I'm hungry!"
"You're floating! Get outta here!"
Not Some Quotes From Slayers
Not Some Quotes From The Frighteners
Not Some Quotes From Evolution