The Cyber Sex Virus was discovered by a leading Anti-virus protection program in January. The Center for Computer Disease Control (CCDC) has now released the Etiology, symptoms, and diagnosis of this new virus.
Signs and Symptoms:
Finger cramps bilaterally, redness to finger tips and genitalia, progressive curvature of the spine, failing vision, semen noted on keyboard
Diagnosis:
Excessive time in private chats, multiple emails, locked doors to computer room, hypervigilance (looking over the shoulder), vague responses when asked who they are chatting with, private encrypted folders, severe irritability
Male Cyber Wankers:
CCDC approved condom for CSV
CCDC approved Latex gloves (also have hypo-allergenic gloves)
Female Cyber Wankers:
CCDC approved Keyboard covers (Males may also use)
CCDC approved Latex gloves (also have hypo-allergenic gloves)
In a press release a CCDC spokesman stated, "The only sure way to keep from contracting this disease is absolute abstinance from Cyber Wanking. This disease can be devastating. Cyber Wankers usually end up divorced, estranged from their children, loss of self-respect and respect of others, isolated from real-time society, and loss of friends and family."
