Rugrats in Paris Preview and The Trial Rugrats Preview and Episode Summary By Mark Wroniak Misting By Darth KirbyEpisode #I016
* Legal Stuff * Rugrats belongs to Paramount, along with their preview and whatnot. MST4k belongs to Darth Kirby, MST3k belongs to BBI. Ferret Man belongs to me, too. Any riffs/refs to other series are just a tip of the hat and aren't meant to be offensive. That's about it. * Author's Notes * This one also took forever, but take heart in the fact that when faced with mental blocks, I worked ahead. :-) Oh, and if the segments seem a little weird, they were originally about five times longer than you see. But I'm sure they'll pop up later. . . As always, enjoy! Remember- I'm a slut, you're a slut, who wants coffee? * Turn Down the Lights * (And enter the land of imagination...) In the not too distant future, 2002 AD, There was a guy named Joel, Sappy as he could be! He went to school at Normal West, Always working real hard to try his best But, in class, he used to snore! So his teachers put him on the third floor! (Joel: I'd rather watch Chris Farley!) "We'll send him crappy fanfics, "The worst we can find. (La la la) "He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind!" (La la la) Now keep in mind Joel can't control where the fanfics begin or end! He'll have to keep his sanity with the help of his robot friends! (Robot Roll Call) Cambot! (Popples pop!) Angela! (Mwa ha ha ha!) Jim Carrey! (I STILL CAN'T LIE!) Yiiiiiiiing! (Why does my name have so many 'i's?) If you're wondering how he eats and cries, And other science facts! Just repeat to yourself it's just a fic, And you should really just relax! For Mystery School Theater 4000! (twang) [3rd Floor; Jim is holding a stick over a small fire; he's singing to himself.] Jim: Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way-- [Joel walks by in the background] Joel: Hey, Jim. [Notices the fire] Hey! What are you doing? Jim: Me? Oh, I'm singing songs around the campfire. Joel: Jim! Didn't you notice the 'No Smoking' signs? Jim: No. Joel: Hm. I guess I should put them up then. What are you burning? Jim: Oh, I found this letter in the elevator. I figured I'd use it to roast some marshmallows. Joel: But we don't have any marshmallows. Angela force fed me them last time I insulted her. Jim [Grins]: Ah, yes. You called her the Stay Puff Marshmallow Breasts-- Joel [Glares]: Thanks, Jim. I was barfing those up all night long. Hey, but at least we had the ingredients for Tofu when it was all done. Jim [Shudders]: Ugh. [Recovers] So that's why I'm stuck roasting paper. Joel [Curious]: What is the letter about? Jim [Flipping reading]: Hey, it's fan mail! [Joel throws some water on it; Jim begins to read] Jim: "Dear Joel, Ying, Jim, Angela, and all else,--" Joel: All else? Who? Adcock? Vinny? Jim: That's what it says! May I continue? Joel: Go on. Jim: "--and all else, My name is Martin, and I pick up transmissions of your situation from my underground lair in Chicago." Joel: He knows what we're doing here? Why doesn't he help??? Jim: Oh, come on, Joel. He's from Chicago. He probably thinks we need more sex and blood, and probably has an insane crush on Whitney Matheson. Joel: Yuck. Jim: It goes on. "I love Jim and Ying so much. They're just too funny. The thing that irks me most about your experiments is Joel's constant harassment of Angela and varying remarks towards her breasts. Would you please explain to me what he thinks he's doing?" Joel: Well, Martin, while I must admit your fascination with the sex life of a teenage boy is slightly disturbing, I digress. You see, Marty old boy, my sexual harassment of Angela and suggestive commentary regarding breastitulicar region is really a satirical attack on the many shows that employ sexual harassment and sexual references as jokes, like _Friends_ or _Seinfeld II: The Wrath of George_. You must understand, Marty, that we on the cutting edge of satire here. [Pause; Jim cracks up] Joel [Trying to keep a straight face]: Cutting edge! Jim: Nice try, Joel. Joel [Cracks up]: Yeah, well... I'm a teenager. Perversion is the name of the game. If I wasn't perverted, I'd have to be POPULAR! Angela [Off screen]: I heard that! Joel: Good, you small breasted brick house! [Angela comes on screen] Angela: You bastard! Why? Why do you always need to make fun of me??? Joel: Uh. . . it's not me. It's my doppelganger. Angela [Really mad]: THAT'S IT! We settle this today, Gentes! TODAY! [She storms off; Joel looks kinda worried as the Mad Light flashes] Jim: I'd say that that's a pretty poor sense of foreboding. Joel: I hope she doesn't hurt me. [Jim gives him a look] Joel: I mean more than usual. [Joel slaps the light] [Room 209; fires are burning from the test tubes and general chaos sounds from the background; Mr. Nelson is alone, looking distraught] Mr. Nelson: Bad news, Gentes. Tod accidentally tried the new formula I was working on-- [Mr. Meyer, or at least a skinner happier version that looks like Tom Cruise from _Risky Business_, comes sliding in in a dress shirt and some boxers] Mr. Meyer: YOW! I feel good! Mr. Nelson: Erm, it seems that Tod-- Mr. Meyer: Call me "Boom-Boom." Mr. Nelson: --uh, "Boom-Boom" has ingested my new creation, the Eddie Murphy Formula. [3rd Floor] Joel: The Eddie Murphy Formula? Does that mean he's gonna dress up as Gumby? [Room 209; Mr. Meyer is now surrounded by groupies] Mr. Nelson: No, no, the formula is ripped off his _Nutty Professor_ flick. [3rd Floor] Joel: Then why don't you call it the Jerry Lewis Formula? Aren't you being a bit biased? [Room 209] Mr. Nelson: First off, prole, I won't promote anyone who insults Lucille Ball, nor will I do anything that helps the lineage of Ferret Man**. Secondly, this is actually a ripoff of the formula from the second movie, but it seems my plan to take over the world with giant butt raping hamsters has misfired. [3rd Floor; Ying pops in] Joel: Much like Alec Baldwin's career. Ying: Or John Travolta's after _Look Who's Talking Now_. [Room 209] Mr. Nelson: Exactly. Speaking of evil, your fanfic this week is another Rugrats transcript, plus a little preview of the debacle known as Rugrats In Paris. Now, send them the fic, Tod-- er, Boom-Boom. Mr. Meyer: Yeah, baby! [3rd Floor; Fanfic Sign is flashing; Ying enters] Ying: What's up? Jim: Foreboding. Lots of foreboding. Ying: Sorry to miss that! Joel: Oh, we've got Fanfic Sign!!! [Panic as they enter the elevator and it goes up a floor] * DING * {Fourth floor, bad fanfics galore!} Jim: So what were *you* doing, Ying? Ying: Making myself some lunch. Have you guys seen the marshmallows? Joel: Uh, Ying, you remember that tofu we had last week. . . > (Caption: "The following PREVIEW has been approved for ALL AUDIENCES Jim: --especially YOUNG and IMPRESSIONABLE TEENAGERS with GOBS of DOUGH-- > by > the Motion Picture Association of America.") Joel: Oh, GREAT credentials there. Jim: So, I'm to assume this will be filled with violence, sex, and obscenities? Ying: Hey, Jim, just stick all your criticisms of the MPAA in Cameron Diaz's slot. > > (Paramount Pictures logo) Ying: Oh no! We're watching Star Trek V! Joel + Jim: AHHHHHHH!! [Joel and Jim begin to panic] Ying: I was joking! Joking! [They calm down] Joel: Don't DO that! Jim: Hey, at least it didn't have Jar Jar. > > (Nickelodeon Movies "Footprint" logo) Joel: This movie was given a footprint of aproval. Jim: Actually, that footprint is the creator's feelings about this movie. > > (Fade to black for a second) Ying: You know, usually they save the best part for the end... > > (Cut to a gigantic Reptar robot, Jim: Reptar robot? Doesn't that have a scuba diver's mask and an monster outfit? Joel: To be like the hu-man, to live like the hu-man... > as it roams around the streets of Paris, Joel: --and a little boy chases after it, as it bobs in the wind... > destroying everything in his path. Ying [Reptar]: Hasn't France surrendered yet? I've been doing this for a good thirty seconds! Jim [Announcer]: And remember, kids, if you don't like destroying buildings and hating French people, then you're a geek! > The Rugrats are inside, driving the robot.) Joel: The Rugrats have been framed for a crime they didn't commit. If you're in trouble, if you have the money, and if you can find them, call upon the Rugrats. Jim: Yep, it's the Rugrats IN "Ma-crap 2013". Joel: They're the Neon Genesis Evanga-losers. Ying: The Gundam Wusses. > > Tommy: Are you alright? Ying [Rose]: I'm going to jump! Jim [Tommy]: If you do, I'm going to have to jump too. I've become a participant. Joel: Excellent. Two birds with one stone. > > Chuckie: I got a wedgie! Joel: But Chuckie's wedgie was much deeper than Tommy and his fellow Rugrats had anticipated. Unable to help, the Rugrats were hunted down, one by one, each meeting their own grusome fates. > > (Zoom out to reveal "Rugrats In Paris" logo.) Jim: Zoom out to see me wretch! > > Announcer: Rugrats In Paris: The Movie. Ying: Come early to get free letter opener, with which you can rip your eyeballs out of your skull! Joel: Sheesh. Feeling a bit dark, are we? Ying: I prefer 'EVIL'. > > Tommy: Here we go! Ying: Okay, he just ripped that off Mario. Jim [Mario]: Welcome to-a Super Mario 64! > > (Shot of Reptar looking at the Eiffel Tower from a distance.) Joel: --and he breaks into song! Jim [Reptar]: Oh what a beautiful morning! Time to destroy everything! > > Announcer: The Rugrats are going to Paris... Ying [Announcer]: Whether you like it or not. Jim: Maybe they'll find Monica and Chandler in the bathroom. > > (Zoom in on the Rugrats inside the robot; they scream.) Ying [Rugrats]: Ahh! Watch out! We make French animation look good! > > (Cut to Spike peeing at a corner of what seems to be a building, > then zoom away to reveal Eiffel Tower.) Jim [Tommy]: Momma-mia! Joel: Hey! Now they're ripping stuff off of "The Critic" > > Announcer: ...and Paris will never be the same. Joel [Announcer]: But it's still better off after _An American Werewolf in Paris_. > > (Zoom out to reveal "Rugrats In Paris" logo.) Ying: Yipee. I mean, we were so thrilled the LAST time... > > Announcer: Rugrats In Paris: The Movie. Jim [Announcer]: I said that already, didn't I? Shit! > > (Angelica is in a French dress, talking to the Rugrats.) Jim [French Angelica]: I aim my body fluids in your general direction! Joel: Really, what differentiates a French dress from an American one? Ying: One sits in a cafe all day drinking wine while the other watches football? Joel: That'll work. > > Angelica: You're just as dumb overseas as you are at home! Ying: Like Jerry Lewis or "Friends". > > (Angelica trips on the steps. Jim: Then she falls down like a slinky. > Cut to Rugrats, then to Phil.) > > Phil: Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bread. Joel: Yes, it turns out that Angelica is a direct descendant of Judas, and therefore is eternally damned. Jim [Lil]: Yeah, she didn't get enough breast! > > (Caption: "Coming to Theaters, Thanksgiving 2000", along with logos > for Nick Movies, Klasky-Csupo and Paramount, and copyright) > Jim [Tommy]: Thank you for a-watching Super Rugrat-io Preview! Joel [Mario]: Let's-a go! * DING! * {Third floor, it smells!} [3rd Floor; Joel is creeping around, looking pale and nervous. He swings about madly.] Joel: Come on out, Angela... I know you want to settle this... Come get a piece of me! I'm not a wuss! [Mads Light flashes.] Joel: YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! [He runs off screen; Ying enters throwing an unopened bag of marshmallows on the table.] Ying: Heh. Found a bag of marshmallows hidden behind the sink. Oh! Mr. N is calling. [He slaps the light] [Room 209; Mr. Nelson is reading a book, hurriedly.] Mr. Nelson: The Ernest Goes to School Formula? No, no... the Hollow Man Formula? [Shudder] No, no... No! NO! NO! There are no formula's to bring Tod back to normal. [He throws the book off screen where a thud and an 'Ow!' are heard] Mr. Nelson: I've got to get Tod back to normal before he runs off and becomes a playboy! It's just too evil to imagine... a math teacher with a harem! [Shudder] [Mr. Nelson paces for a moment before giving up. He throws up his hands and begins to hit the chalkboard repeatedly with his head] [3rd Floor] Ying: Geez, Mr. N. Why not just hit him over the head with a clown hammer? That seems to fix most common psychosis. [Room 209; Mr. Nelson stops hitting the board and looks to the camera] Mr. Nelson: What would you know, sock? Huh? Besides, this is Chemistry! I may be a Physics teacher, but I do know that physics can't remedy chemistry or vise versa! [3rd Floor] Ying: Uh, what about-- [Room 209] Mr. Nelson: NEVER! And what does it matter. Tod was a Geometry teacher. He's been studying spheres all his life. Perhaps he deserves this break. Who am I to take away his dream of playing with them all the time? [3rd Floor] Ying: You'd have to be mad to do it. [Room 209] Mr. Nelson: Exactly. Wait... I AM mad! I will bring Tod back! I need an evil assistant! I NEED Tod! [3rd Floor] Ying: Uh, not really-- [Room 209] Mr. Nelson: I will get him back! And I think I know just the way! [He walks over as Cambot follows him to see Tod surrounded by women attending to his every need; Tod is totally absorbed in being attended to] Mr. Nelson: Well, Tod-- Mr. Meyer: Boom-Boom. Mr. Nelson: Well, Tod, it seems that we have reached an apex. I understand that you want to leave... Mr. Meyer: Yeah, I'm going to Mongolia to set up a huge harem. It's gonna be great. Mr. Nelson: Well, before you go, I thought you'd like a few things. Like this-- [For the first time, Mr. Meyer breaks his concentration to stare at the object in Mr. Nelson's hand] Mr. Meyer: My compass! Mr. Nelson: Or, say, this... Mr. Meyer: My... my protractor! It's all coming back to me. Crashing on that desert island, dragging Akane to shore... Mr. Nelson: Wrong flashback, idiot. Mr. Meyer: Oh! OH! I mean the potion. That terrible potion... Oh, Dave! [Mr. Meyer's gut pops back out and some of his hair falls out. The women run away, screaming] Mr. Nelson [Trying to sound mean but is obviously happy]: Don't call me Dave. Mr. Meyer: Aw, you nut! I couldn't ever leave you! Mr. Nelson: You mean that, Tod? Mr. Meyer: Yeah, bud. I mean, if we aren't going to take over the world, who is? Mr. Nelson: Aw. [They hug for a second; Mr. Meyer grabs a fire extinguisher and begins to put out the fires. Mr. Nelson turns to Cambot.] Mr. Nelson [To Cambot; still a bit teary]: What are you people lounging around for? Go-- go watch something! [3rd Floor; Ying is a little choked up, but the desk is now clear. One of the shelves on the back wall is also empty.] Ying: Awww... [Fanfic sign begins to flash] Ying: Hey! Where'd my marshmallows go? Oh, we've got Fanfic Sign! * DING! * {Fourth floor, bad fanfics galore!} [Joel, Jim, and Ying enter the theater. Joel is still a bit jumpy.] Ying: Where were you guys? Joel: Uh, nowhere. Jim: I was trying to get Joel to get out from under his bed. Joel: Shut up! [Jim and Ying chuckle] > [9111B] Ying [Shatner]: Tonight ON Rescue 9... 1... 1... 1... B. 2B. 3B. Destruct! Joel [Producer]: Bill, you're doing _Search for Spock_ again. Ying [Shatner]: SPOCK!!!!!! > The Trial Jim: Guest starring OJ Simpson and the Menendez brothers! > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Contributed and compiled by Mark Wroniak. Ying [Mark]: No, I don't know how to pronounce my last name, either. Joel: You see, Mark both contributed *and* compiled it, so he gets twice the blame! > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: I guess you gotta read between the lines. Jim: But there's nothing between the lines! Joel: Exactly. > > The Trial Joel: Just in case you've forgotten in the last five lines. Jim: Now with 20% more jurors dressed up like Trekkies! > Written by Steve Viksten Ying: He vants to vuck your vlood! Joel: Ew. Jim: Joel, the 'v's are equivalent to 's', not 'f'. Joel: Oh. My bad. > Music by Mark Mothersbaugh Ying: I guess I should ask, "Who's your Daddy-sbaugh?" Jim: A lot of German people worked on this... > Directed by Jim Duffy Joel: Brother of Patrick. Jim: Ew! Don't remind me of 'Step by Step'! Joel: Sorry. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > Production code: 9111B Ying: For all you Rugrats historians out there. > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Voice credits Joel: With Bill Gates as Chuckie and Dennis Hopper as Tommy. > > Christine Cavanaugh............Chuckie Jim: Tonight: Chuckie gets lucky. Joel: Yuck. > Melainie Chartoff..................Didi Ying: I think 'Chartoff' would lend itself to some good perverted jokes. Joel: Like? Ying: She likes to Chartoff in the bathroom? Jim: Ugh. That's not perverted, that's just plain wrong. > Cheryl Chase....................... Angelica Ying: Good to see someone in the Chase family getting work. Joel: Yeah, and at least she wasn't in Snow Day. > E.G. Daily..............................Tommy Jim: Yes, Chris Farley's ghost stars in this special episode of Rugrats. > Kath Soucie.......................... Phil, Lil, Betty Joel: Does she play male-type Betty, too? > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Quotes and Scene Summary Jim: Yeah, if only. Ying: "There was a trial. Tommy made a dirty joke. The end." > Opens with Tommy's lamp "Mr Fluffles" shining around a room. Jim: [Foghorn sounds] Joel: Nobody really appreciates the time it takes to name lamps nowadays. > Then > moves to the kitchen where Didi is with Betty and Tommy is being > fed. Ying [Booming voice]: Bring me the gravy of the gods! > Didi: Open up Tommy. Jim [Betty]: Okay, hand me the scalpel. > A loud crash is heard and Didi grabs Tommy and runs with Betty to > where they find the broken lamp. Jim: No! Not Mr. Fluffles! The humanity!!! Ying: Yeah. He really brought light into the world. > Didi: Oh Betty, that was Mr Fluffles, Tommy's favorite lamp. > Tommy starts crying Ying [Tommy]: Wahhh! I'm the main character! And something bad happened to me! Wahhh! That's not fair! > Didi: There, there sweetie. Jim: Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird. > > Betty picks up Chuckie, Phil and Lil and places them in the playpen, Ying: It's time for an EXTREME HARDCORE PLAYPEN MATCH! Jim: And Phil gets Lil with the folding chair! > then Angelica enters dragging a blanket. Joel: Any inoffensive jokes we can make here? Jim: Not one. > Angelica: [sounding tired] What happened ? I was taking my nap and > I heard a loud sound. Ying: And... it becomes a Bon Jovi video! Go! > Didi: Oh honey, one of the babies broke the lamp Uncle Stu made for > Tommy. Jim [Angelica]: Uncle Soup and Uncle Bread will just have to make him another one then. > Angelica: Awww, Mr. Fluffleuffles? Joel: Mr. Fluffleuffles? You mean there's another inappropriately named lamp in this story? Jim: Actually, Mr. Fluffleuffles is a cyborg from the future sent eliminate Dil since he will be the savior of mankind from the robotic wars. Ying: Really... > Didi: I'm afraid so honey. > Bettty : You know, I saw a lamp just like that one at "Baby World" Joel + Jim: o/~ Baby World! Baby World! Party time! Excellent! WOO WOO! o/~ > last week; lets call 'em and see if they still got any. > Didi: Great idea, Betty. Jim + Ying: [Betty and Wilma type giggles] > > The parents leave the room. Ying: And the party really gets off the ground. > Tommy: I love my clown lamp like a brother, and now he's gone. Ying [Tommy]: And I love my brother like a clown lamp. > Why > my lamp? Why? He never hurt anybody, he just shined his light on > stuff and smiled. Joel [Tommy]: He smiled that smile... that smile that has encouraged me on my quest for blood... > Angelica: Oh quit bellyaching. Forget about your dumb old > clown lamp; Ying: You're living in the past Tommy! Get over it, drool boy! > your mom's in the other room buying you a > new one anyway. Jim: No, she's actually buying some delicious Ukyo Okonomyaki[TM]! > Tommy: I don't want a new one; I want my old one. Joel: Tommy, ya can't turn back the hands of time. Jim: Only the Masked Rider and Stephanie can do that. [Joel and Ying stare at him] Jim: What? Since when have _Grease 2_ riffs been revoked? Joel: Just watch yourself. > Chuckie: Tommy, it's goned. Jim: Goned? Like gonad? Ying [Chuckie]: Tommy, it's groin. > Tommy: Then I want to know who did it. [pointing] Ying [Tommy]: I demand the truth! Joel [Nicholson]: You can't handle the truth! > Which one of you broke my lamp? Jim [Chuckie]: It was the one armed man! > Angelica: Well, Tommy, there's one way to find out. We > could have a trial. Joel: What? Why? Jim: Well, Tommy can get Johnny Cochrane to play the Baby Card, and Angelica can be the biased detective! Ying: Sounds familiar... > Tommy: What's a trial? Ying: Ever seen a Will Smith movie, Tommy? > Angelica: Here I'll show ya... [Setting up a mock court > room] Joel: *sigh* These fics never go the way we want. Jim: And for that, I propose we add in needless swearing for the hell of it! Ying: Damn straight! Joel: Fuck no! Come on, this is a kids show! Jim: Well, crap on a stick. > Tommy you sit in this chair; since it was your clown > lamp, you get to be the judge. Ying [Tommy]: Okay! I declare that radio stations need more music and less talk! > Phil & Lil: The Fudge ? Ying: Yes, Tommy's the fudge. Watch out or Chuckie's dad will try to pack him! Joel: Bad Ying. No biscuit. > Angelica: NO! JUDGE! Ying [Angelica]: Come on, it's time to judge Amy! > Can't you babies talk right? Jim [Lil]: Hey! Our first language is Korean, you know! > [gives > Tommy his toy hammer] And here's your gravel. Just hit it Jim: Nike? Joel: No, no, it's the new Brittany Spears song. > on the table and say "Order, Order!" Ying [Giggles]: She sounds like Ginger when she does that. > Tommy: Order, Order! Ying: Are you guys ready for Judge Tommy justice? [Pause] Joel + Jim: Not really, no. > Angelica: NOT YET! [picking up some toys] See these > teddy bears ? They're the jerky. Joel: They're for lunch. > Phil & Lil: The Jury ? > Angelica: Not the Jury; the Jerky! All: D'oh! Joel: Geesh. Jim: Not geesh; goose! > At the end of the trail the > jerky guys whisper to each other, Ying: Then they let the murderer go since he's rich! > then one of the story- > tellers goes to jail. Now since I'm the smartest person here, Jim: If she was really the smartest person here, don't you think she would have left by now? > I'm gonna be the persecutor. Joel: The future Marsha Clark, ladies and gentlemen. > Phil: Why can't we be the persecutor ? Jim: [Evil laugh] Riddle me this, Batman! > Angelica: Watch it or I'll make you the jerky! Ying: This fic is starting to sound more and more like _The Jungle_! > > The trial now begins. Joel: And yet it began so long ago for us... > Angelica: For my first witless I call.... Jim: Jerry Warren! Joel: Klasky and Csupo! Ying: Madalyn Murray-O'Hair! > PHIL and LIL! > Phil & Lil: [Gulp] Us? Joel: --After This? > Angelica: Just stand up.... O.K. now raise your hands. Do you swear to tell Ruth > all Ruth and nothing but Ruth so help you Bob? Ying: So the great deity is called Bob? Jim: God has three letters. Bob has three letters. It's not a coincidence. Joel: Guys, you missed a perfect SubGenius joke! Jim: What the hell is that? Joel: Got me. > [Phil & Lil look at each other > confused] Just say you do. > Phil & Lil: You do. Joel: *sigh* You know, I'd say that they're making a mockery of the American legal system, but this is pretty much verbatim. > Angelica: Now say your names. > Phil: But Angelica you know our names. > Angelica: Say them for the jerky! Ying [Phil]: But then Gilgamesh will use 'em against us! > Phil: Phil. > Lil: Lil. > Angelica: Where were you on the night of June 5th? Jim [Lil]: I was sitting in a boat, waiting for the final word on Operation: Sledgehammer. > Phil & Lil: Huh? > Angelica: Just answer the question, Yes or No ? Ying: Blue Tone Groove! Jim: Orange marmalade! Joel: Zesty banana pudding! > Phil: Yes. > Lil: No. > Angelica: Ah-ha! So you DID break Tommy's lamp! > Phil: No. Jim [Lil]: Maybe. Joel [Phil]: I don't know. I'm a man, not a sponge! > Lil: Honest. > Phil: We would never break Tommy's lamp. Joel [Phil]: Well, we can't because it's already broken, but we think you get the picture. > Angelica: Ah ha ha ha! A likely story. > Phil: But we didn't do it. > Angelica: Then why don't you tell us, in your "own words", [Angelica makes "quotes" with > her fingers] just what happened? Jim: Might I say, that that is a really stupid thing to relate. Joel: You're supposed to say that with the little "quote symbols." Jim: I don't have any arms, Joel. Joel: Oh "yeah." > Phil: We were playing "you're it". > Ying: This one line interruption has been brought to you by George Bobolink. Thank him, won't you? > Scene moves to a flashback as Phil and Lil describe what happened. > Lil: Phil was it. > Phil: Naw. Lil was it . > Lil: Nuh-Ah. Phil was it. > Phil: You were it, Lillian. > Lil: No, you were it Philip. > Phil: You! > Lil: You! > Phil: You! > Lil: You! Ying: Ladies and gentlemen, the legal stylings of Judge Judy. Jim: That's IT! We've gotta end this, Joel. Joel: How? We're only halfway done! Jim: Where's that "Famous Anime Techniques" book? Joel: Hm, I think it's under my chair. > Flashback ends as Tommy interrupts . Jim: Would you like fries with that? Joel [Digging under his chair]: Hmm... here's my copy of the Geneva Convention... > Tommy: Order, Order! Maybe you guys should talk about the clown lamp instead of who was it. Ying [Tommy]: Or maybe we should all just poop in our diapers! Jim [Chuckie]: I was thinkin' ahead in that respect, Tommy! Joel [Digging under his chair]: My crude drawings of Angela from that Matheson tour de force... > Phil: Sorry. > Lil: Yeah, Sorry. Jim: But are they really sorry? Ying: I'll make em' sorry! This fic is an insult to repetitiveness! Jim: Yeah! This fanfic is an insult to repetitiveness! Joel [Digging under his chair]: Hm, I found Adcock's Seven of Nine doll... it's a bit moist... > Flashback resumes. Jim: Tuvok dodges another explosion as Captain Janeway looks on. Joel [Digging under his chair]: Hey! I found a copy of Mickey's Speedway USA! I thought it was just a myth! > Phil: Anyway, we ran over to the lamp and started playing "ring round the rosie". Ying: AHH! They've got the back plague! [Jim and Ying scream and run behind their chairs] Joel [Digging under his chair and totally oblivious]: Found my toothbrush! > Lil: We went round and round. > Phil: And round. > Lil: And then we let go. > Phil: We ran and we ran. Jim: 0_o I don't feel so good... Ying: You mustn't be if you resorted to an emoticon. Jim: I think I'm gonna hurl! [Barfs Styrofoam chips all over Joel] Joel [Getting pelted from above]: Yuck! Jim! Not again! > Lil: And we ran some more. Joel: And we ran. We ran so far away. Jim: I want to get away. I want to fly away. Ying: Guys, they're ain't no way. Jim + Joel [Sigh]: We know. Joel: Anyway... [Jim and Ying sit back down] > Phil: 'Til suddenly we heard it [The lamp crashes]. Ying: Ah, but have we not all heard the lamps crash at midnight? Joel [Resumes digging under his chair]: Hm... "The Slime People"? No... > > Flashback ends. Jim: Well, it was the only good Voyager episode anyway... Joel [Digging under his chair]: Gum, gum, lost episodes of the Honey Mooners... > Lil: And that's all we saw. Ying: That's when Uma Thurman noticed us staring in her window. Joel [Digging under his chair]: The Urusei Yatsura Laserdisc Collection? The hell? Jim [Annoyed]: Found it yet? Joel: Hold your horses, cable guy. > Angelica: A very good story, but it isn't the whole story, IS IT!? Ying: Isn't it true that after Sleeping Beauty runs off with the prince, he *then* falls for Cinderella? Joel [Digging under his chair]: Hm... well, I found Jimmy Hoffa... Jim: Really? Joel: Wait. Sorry, that's just a Jimmy Hoffa action figure. Ying: Oh! Let me have it! > Phil: What do you mean? Ying: I mean that you need to wear pants, sir. Joel [Digging under his chair]: Weird red umbrella, a hermaphrodite cat-- Cat: Meow! [Joel throws it away, and it bounces off the wall] Cat: OW! Oh, you'll pay for that one, Joel... [No one notices the cat stalk off] > Angelica: You know EXACTLY what I mean don't you Phil? Jim [Angelica]: I'm so confident, I decided to use A LOT of CAPITAL LETTERS! Joel [Still digging under his chair]: Here's that blasted Darth Kirby plush doll. . . > Phil: Well...... Ying: Is that where little Timmy is? Jim: No, we don't know where Timmy is after he left Deep 13. Joel [Digging under his chair]: Maybe he moved into Deep 12? Oh! Here's my deodorant! Jim: Big surprise there. Joel: What was that? Ying: Nothing. > Angelica: Isn't there another story you'd like to tell us Lil? Jim: A story of a lovely lady? Joel [Digging under his chair]: Here's my Shampoo wig! [Joel puts it on so that his silhouette makes it look as if Shampoo is in the theater.] Joel [Shampoo]: Shampoo no like Rugrats transcript! Jim: Shampoo had better find that damn book soon or Shampoo is going to get a bottle of Shampoo right up her hairy butt! Joel [Shampoo]: Shampoo no have hairy butt! Ying: Time out! Five yard penalty for overuse of the word Shampoo! > Lil: Ummm.. Ying: Cherry and mayonnaise on rye! Jim: Orange and mango in chocolate milk! Joel: Starbursts and Skittles mixed in M&Ms! > Angelica: Like what really happened....[Flashback of Angelica's story begins ] Jim [Angelica]: It was a dark and stormy night. I was perfect, as usual. . . Joel [Still digging; as Shampoo]: Shampoo no like multiple pointless flashbacks! > You did start by playing a nice game of "ring round the rosie", but soon the > game stopped being so nice. Ying: It became _The Most Dangerous Game_. Joel [Digging]: La de da... oh! _Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk_! > Faster and faster you spin and even faster until you > really got dizzy and then you let go, Jim: You let go of your responsibilities and worries and knocked over that bank, didn't ya? DIDN'T YA? Joel [Digging]: Hm. I think I found a member on Menudo! Ying: Really? How can you tell? Joel: Wait. Sorry, that's just Dr. Heimer. > but when you did something you didn't > expect happened. Ying: Objection! 'When' should be 'then'! Or a comma! Or something! ANYTHING! Jim: Sustained! Rugrats must always have correct grammar and spelling from now on. Forever and ever. And ever. Joel [Digging under his chair]: Hm, here's that Mickey Rooney baseball card... > YOU KNOCKED THE LAMP!!! All [Jumps]: YAHHH! [Pause] Joel: So they knocked *over* the lamp, they knocked *up* the lamp, what? > So you ran away, and you > didn't stop running until you heard a crash, and that's how YOU > broke the lamp! [Flashback ends ]. Jim [Angelica]: I know you did it, Maniac Magee! > Phil: Nooooo! Ying: KHAN!!!! Joel [Digging]: Oh! I found my Sailor Moon pencil case! > Lil: We did knock the lamp when we ran by, but, but we didn't break it! Joel: We didn't break the lamp. It's been always breaking since the world's been turning. Jim: Knock it off. > Phil: Honest! Jim: Diaper rash's honor! Joel [Digging]: Here's a dirty brown sock. Hm. . . > Angelica: No, maybe you didn't, and besides, there was someone else > in the room when the lamp broke wasn't there? Ying: I don't know, maybe there was, and besides, would you please stop talking in complex sentences? Joel [Digging]: AHH! A Jar Jar Binks action figure! Jim: Yikes! Burn it! > Phil & Lil: Who? Ying: They prefer 'The Who,' actually. Joel [Digging]: Huh, Jennifer Lopez's dress. Ying: That's what I did with it. . . > Angelica: Yes who? Who could have knocked over the lamp and then > left you to get in trouble....could it have been CHUCKIE?! Jim: . . . .could it have been SATAN?! Ying: Close enough. Jim: True. Joel [Shampoo]: Shampoo no like Prince of Darkness. > Chuckie: NO, NO ! Jim: Well, maybe... Joel [Digging]: Wow, I found a Hootie and the Blowfish album. Ying: Really? They still make those? > Angelica: There's the poopertrator, I call Chuckie to the > stand...... Ying: But we can't stand Chuckie! > Do you swear to tell Ruth and all that stuff? Jim: Just don't tell Dr. Ruth about the incident at the monkey house, Chuckie. Joel [Gypsy]: Just call me Ruth, Mike! > Chuckie: Do I have ta? Ying: Ta? Ta for two, and two for ta? Jim: Well, let me just say 'ta da'! > Angelica: You can tell he did it. Jim: Isn't she using Moronic Profiling? Joel [Digging]: It's gotta be here somewhere! > Chuckie: I didn't break it.[Tommy hits his hammer ] huh? > Tommy: Just tell your story Chuckie. Jim: Tell us those sad, sad stories of the kings of old. Joel [Sits up]: Wait a minute. No it doesn't. It's in my room. I was reading up on becoming a Card Captor. Ying: Joel. . . Joel: Oh well. > Chuckie: I was just watching Phil and Lil play when it > happened.[Flashback of Chuckie's story starts] Jim: We believe him! Quit it with the friggin' flashbacks!! Ying: Well, Lil, Phil, Chuckie, and Tommy are innocent. Jim: *sigh* Looks like Angelica did it. Ying: Yep, the prosecutor is the perpetrator. GREAT. > They were playing > "ring round the rosie" Joel: I think it would take more than two people to make a ring around Rosie, but that's just me. > and it looked kinda dangerous so I just sat > on the floor and watch 'em. Ying [Chuckie]: I began to drool. . . Jim: Disillusionment is what little heroes are made of. > Then they ran away, that's what I do I > was all alone. Jim: I think Chuckie's beginning to break under the intense questioning. > Then I heard a noise from behind me, I turned around > and there it was....a MONSTER! Ying [Chuckie]: I found Betty's Todd Macfarlane collection! > I ran and ran and ran and ran, but > I could here it thumping right behind me so I hid under the couch. Ying [Chuckie]: And I ran, so far away. Jim [Snorts]: Must be a big couch. > Angelica: But that isn't really the whole story, is it, Chuckie? Jim [Angelica]: You missed the part about the man named Jeb. > Chuckie: W-wwhat do you mean? Ying [Chang]: You see, a long time ago this Chuckie was an Admiral Chuckie, an Admiral who took the law into his own hands! > Angelica: When you were sitting there watching Phil and Lil play, > you started thinking about... bad ideas, didn't you, Chuckie? Joel [Chuckie]: Naw, that was Tommy's grandpa. He was watching _The Bare Wench Project_. [Pause] Joel: Not that I've ever-- Jim: Quiet. > Chuckie: I don't know what you're talking about. Jim [Angelica]: I demand the truth! Ying [Chuckie]: I didn't do it! Jim [Angelica]: Fine, then lie! Ying [Chuckie]: Why should I-- Jim: Wait! Let me say it! Ying: What? Jim [Chuckie]: I CAN'T LIE! Joel [Rolls his eyes]: Jim... > Angelica: I think you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about Chuckie! Ying [Chuckie]: Soup? > That lamp! You wanted to push it more much more, didn't you Chuckie? Jim: You wanted to take it to the danger zone, didn't you, Chuckie? Ying [Kaffee]: Thank you for playing, "Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid." > Chuckie: NO! > Angelica: Yes! You wanted to push it till it fell over! You wanted > to break the clown lamp! Ying: Objection! She's badgering the witness! Jim: Yeah, and boring the audience. Joel: Chuckie! Get Marty Vail, quick! > Chuckie: [Cracks under pressure] It's true! It's true! I wanted to > break that lamp! I wanted to break it 'cause it was scary! I'm bad > Tommy, real bad! Joel [Chuckie]: I've been a bad boy! Naughty naughty naughty... > Angelica: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jerky, Chuckie broke the lamp. > Chuckie: NO! I thought about breaking the lamp; I even wanted to, > but I didn't do it. Joel: You see, Chuckie's got a problem. When he gets near women, he starts to feel an aching in his loins. [Pause] Joel: He does. Ying: Quiet, you. > Angelica: LIAR! Jim [Exaggerated]: I CAN'T LIE!! > Tommy: Order, order! If Chuckie says he didn't broke the lamp, then > he didn't broke the lamp. Joel: Call me weird, but I think the media's influence has really corrupted the flow of this trial. Jim: Yeah, I see that. > Chuckie: But Tommy, if I didn't do it, who did? Ying: Gruntilda! Jim: Bowser! Joel: Tom Stewart! Ying: Pat Buchanan! Jim: Gloria Steinem! Joel: Justice Ginsburg! All: Just pick someone and get it over with! > Tommy: Well, we don't know who broke the lamp, but we do know who > did not the broke the lamp. Jim: Hey! Maybe if we sing "Marseillaise" really loud, we can drown out the fic? Joel: It's worth a shot. [Pause] Jim: Does anyone know "Marseillaise"? Joel: Nope. Ying: Not a clue. > Phil and Lil could not broke the lamp > on account of they were playing on the other side of the room. You > couldn't have done it 'cause your head was hiding under a pillow. Jim: Ah ha! The rest of Chuckie's body did it! Joel: Hush. > Angelica couldn't have broke the lamp 'cause she was taking her > afternoon nap, and I couldn't have broke it 'cause I was..... HEY! Jim [Tommy]: Where's Jack Ruby? > Wait a minute! Angelica, didn't you already take a nap this morning > before you came over? > Angelica: Umm, I took two naps today. Ying: Angelica is reaching middle age rather quickly. > Phil: But Angelica, if you were taking a nap, how did ya know how > fast we "ring around the rosied"? Jim: And so the Warren commission quickly disposed of the two nap theory. > Angelica: Well.... > Lil: And how did you know we hit the lamp when we ran away? > Angelica: Umm...... > Chuckie: And, and how do you know all the other stuff you knowed? > Angelica: I, I... Joel: Angelica is a cheater, and cheaters never prosper. > Tommy: Angelica did it? You mean you broke my lamp? Jim [Angelica]: Nuh huh! No way! I broke the Batman! > Angelica: Oh brother! Do I have to tell you babies everything? All > right, I admit; I'm the one who broke the lamp and I don't care! > Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ying [Angelica]: I killed that fat barkeep! Jim: It's one of those open and shut things. They proved it ten different ways. > Tommy: But why Angelica? Why did you do such a bad thing? Jim: Why not? Joel: Well, if it wasn't her, then one of the other characters would have to be portrayed in a bad manner, which would just be *wrong*. > Angelica: Why? I'll tell you why. Jim [Ryoga]: Akane, I loved you. > It all started in the hallway, I > was looking for a crayon so I could draw on the wall, and blame it > on you Tommy, ha ha ha. Jim: That must be another one of those jokes that really don't translate well to a text format. > And then I saw him, Chuckie sitting there > by the closet watching Phil and Lil play some stupid little game, Joel: Ah. Star Wars Monopoly. > the kind of game babies play but don't invite the bigger better > kids to play which really makes me mad. Ying: Not that she needed any help. > So, I found your Halloween > mask lying on the ground, Tommy. Jim: Actually, it's a William Shatner mask painted white. > I picked it up and put it on and > then I attacked him. Chuckie yelled like a fraidy-cat and ran away. Joel: Chuckie oughta join A Flock of Seagulls. > That's when I saw it, that stupid clown lamp with it's stupid face, > and it's goofy nose, and that STUPID smile. Ying: Okay, everyone, "A Day at the Circus" flashbacks! All: AHHHH! > I wanted to make sure > he never smiled again. That's right, I did it, and I'd break it > again if I had the chance! But you know what? There's nothing you > babies can do about it 'cause you can't talk, Joel: They can't? Then how the hell have they been annoying us this whole time? Jim: Maybe they're Talosians. > ha ha ha! I did it! I > did it! I DID IT! Ying: I don't think she's building a strong defense, but that's just me. > Didi: ANGELICA! > Angelica: Oops. I didn't do it! I didn't do it! Jim: Gah. That is *so* Bart Simpson... > Betty: We heard the whole thing Angelica. Ying [Betty]: Trying to force Big C to take the fall, eh Angie? Big C don't like that behavior. > Didi: So YOU broke the lamp young lady! Jim [Angelica]: I blame poor parenting! > Well, you can > just sit in the kitchen with us until your father gets back. > Phil: What do you think they'll do to her? Joel: Heh heh... you thinking what I'm thinking? Jim: Heh heh, yeah. That's not Angelica! That's a chicken in disguise!!!! [Pause] Joel: That's not what I was thinking. Jim: Sue me. > Lil: Do you think she'll go to jail? Jim [Rolls his eyes]: Sure. Then she'll be stuck in a cell with Jennifer Lopez and a man who claims to have strangled Oakland... > Tommy: I don't know. Ying [Tommy]: All I know is that we won't see her again until the next episode, and then it will be like nothing happened. > Angelica: [screaming from the kitchen] Noo! Not the > chair! not the chair! Ying: But how are they going to kill a woman who never sleeps? > [Angelica is strapped into a high > chair] Humph. > Chuckie: Does this mean the persecutor did it? Joel [Sarcastic]: No, this means that OJ did it. Ying: Figures. > Tommy: Yep, I guess the persecutor's the poopertrator > this time. Joel: [Rim shot] Jim: I must admit, Ying, this does call to question several ideals of the Rugrats legacy. Ying: Rugrats legacy? > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: I see that the line *was* drawn here. Jim: Yeah, you know, the Rugrats legacy. Star Wars, Iran-Contra, and George Bush. Ying: That's the Ronald Regan legacy. Jim: Oh, right. > > Executive Producers.....................Gabor Csupo, Arlene > Klasky Joel: I wonder what they produce... Jim [To Ying]: Okay, but this fic really did make me question just how the Rugrats stopped being large super dogs. Ying: Jim, that's the Road Rovers legacy. > Executive Producer for Nickelodeon..................... > Vanessa Coffey Joel: This isn't a radar! Ying: That's why we call her Ms. Coffey! Jim [To Ying]: Road Rovers? But still, the Rugrats shouldn't have named themselves Zap and joined a cult. Ying: That was the Rowsdauer legacy. > Creative Producer...................Paul Germain Joel: He's gonna creatively invade France, if you get my drift. Jim [To Ying]: Okay, how about the Rugrats' Native American Casino heist at Christmas time? Ying: That's the Reindeer Games legacy. > Supervising Producer.......................Sherry Gunther Joel: Think she obsesses over Rachel? Jim [To Ying]: But what about the continual roles in the Lethal Weapon movies. Ying: I think you're talking about the Rene Russo legacy. > Producer....................................... .David Blum Joel [Brittish]: I think I've been hit on the Blum! Jim: Man, what about when they change forms when splashed with cold water? Ying: Ranma legacy. > Co-Producer.......................Bee Beckman Joel: The Deadly Bee. Jim [To Ying]: How about where they first think they're Christian then turn out to be Jewish? Ying: That's the Rex Reed legacy. > Story Editors...................Craig Bartlett, Joe > Ansolabehere, Steve Viksten Joel: An so la be here? Mexican, right? Jim [To Ying]: So I suppose the Rugrats don't get any respect. Ying: Not from us, at least. But you might be thinking of the Rodney Dangerfield legacy. > Creative Consultant........................Chuck Swenson Joel: Creatively consulting them in the wrong way, I'd bet. Jim: I give up. What is the Rugrats legacy? Ying: Uh... poop jokes, I guess. Jim: Well, then the legacy had been upheld. > Production Consultant...............Geraldine Clarke Joel: But Jim does make a good point. Ying: He does? Jim: I do? Joel: Yeah. I mean, how good for the series is it if they send one of their characters to the "chair" for a minor infraction? > Characters Designed by.....................Gabor Csupo, > Arlene Klasky, Peter Chung, John Holmquist Joel: I mean, is showing children that people will be killed for breaking a clown lamp okay? Jim: Well, the clown lamp had feelings too, Joel. Ying: Yeah. Tommy demands vengeance for his loss. > Production Manager.............................Tami Sloan Tsark Ying: The Hunting of the Tsark. Joel: Never mind. We don't need to get into the sentiency of inanimate objects. Jim: I am sentient, you know. Joel: What makes you say that? > Production Assistants......................Andy Houts, Samuel > Williams Jim: They proved it in the court of law. Robots are sentient beings and can't be taken apart to be tested by Starfleet. Joel: I don't think that "Measure of a Man" sets a very good legal precedent, Jim. Jim: What do you mean? > Storyboard..........Kelly James, Dexter Reed, Norton > Virgien Joel: It was a TV show. That meant nothing. Jim: So you mean that you could take me apart and destroy me without any legal repercussions? > Storyboard Clean Up...........Antoine Guilbaud Joel: Well, no. If I destroyed you, then it would just be me and Ying and we'd be lonely. Jim: Really? You mean it? Ying: You forgot Angela. Joel: That was on purpose. > Character Layout..........Mark Ervin, Ross De La > Vega ,Dave Gonzales, Mel Polina, Jon Aoanan III, > Rey Bohol, Dulce Errazo, Alex Acayen, Moises > Macasinag Jim: Wow, Joel. So I really do matter to you? Joel: Yes, and so does Ying. Without you guys, I would be stuck here. With Angela. And probably dead. Ying: Thanks Joel. Jim: You really are the greatest sometimes. > Background Supervisor..................Maija Aperans Joel: Just one thing, tho. Ying: What? Jim: What is it? > Background Design..............David Allen Joel: Aren't we supposed to be watching this? Ying: Huh? Oh! Jim: Oh! David Allen, uh, brother to Steve. > Background Layout...............Sean Edberg Ying: Or Ed Seanburg, your choice. > Color Concept.....................Gyorgyl Peluce Jim: So that's the guy who invented colors. > Color Supervisor............................Li Rene' Harmon Joel [Li Rene']: Okay, Red! Get over to that side of the room! Blue, do fifty pushups, stat! > Color Assistant........................Bert King Ying: Bert King is the weird little hunchbacked fellow who fetches dead bodies for Peluce. > Painter....................Squid Kato Ying: Squid? What kinda a parent would name their kid 'Squid'? Jim: A bold one. And a smart one. Joel: Yeah, you never have to worry about the other kids having the same name at school. > Supervising Checker...............................Merle Welton Joel [Merle]: King me! > Assistant Checkers.................... Becca Ramos, Susan > Zsuzsa Lamv Ying: And that's that. Joel: A helicopter, a diversion, and a gas mask, that's all I ask for... > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > > This episode summary is Copyright 1996 by Mark Wroniak. Joel: And he means it, Mr. Meanyburgers! > Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. Jim: It can, however, be redistributed in public through secret carriers and shady mobsters. > (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of > and (c) 1991 by Viacom, Ying: If Viacom needs to know what to do with the quotes, we can certainly recommend a vulgar course of action. > and the reproduced articles > remain the property of the original authors. Joel: Benjamin Franklin and Bob Dole. > I'm (Mark > Wroniak) Joel: And I'm Mike Wallace. All this and more, tonight on 60 Minutes. > just taking credit for the compilation:) Jim: Yeah, but you won't be seeing Mark take credit for Big Hair Bands of July 1983 Volume 5. Ying: Yeah. Our Time Life Operator Linda would have his head. > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > Back To Main Transcript Page Back to Main Rugrats Page [Everyone gets up to leave] All: o/~ You wear a disguise, you look like human guys, but you're not a man, you're Angelica boo! o/~ Joel [Shampoo]: Kill Rugrats! * DING! * {Third floor, it smells!} [3rd Floor; Joel is out cold and laying on the desk. Standing above him is Angela, grinning evilly. Joel is apparently on top of a huge graham cracker and under another one. He is drenched in sticky marshmallows. He begins to come to...] Joel: Huh? Wah? Mom? Mom, is that you? Angela: Wrong-oh, fuck face! This is it! You're going down! [Joel notices that he's stuck] Joel: AH! AHH! I'm-- I'm--!!! Angela: A smore?!? Joel [Calm]: What? I'm hungry. Mmm... a me sandwich. Angela [Grossed out]: Oh, like, yuck. [Regains focus] Oh! Well, Joel, I've put you in this situation to teach you a lesson! Joel: Never cross the street without looking both ways? Angela: No. Joel: Never cook nude when working with hot grease? Angela: No! Joel: A penny saved is a penny-- Angela: WOULD YOU SHUT UP??? Joel: Sure. Angela: THANK YOU. No, I'm teaching you a lesson about why you should no longer harass me. Joel: Okay. And the lesson is? Angela: If you insult me, I'll feed you to one of the most rabid creatures on Earth. [Jim enters] Jim: Howdy do! Joel: No! Not Jim Carrey! ANYONE BUT HIM!! Jim: Uh, so I guess you *haven't* seen my Newsweek. Never mind. [He leaves; Angela shakes her head] Angela: Not Jim! HIM! [She pulls the Banjo-Kazooie doll that is normally situated on the wall from behind the desk.] Angela: Don't harass Angela or you'll be eaten by a bear! Joel [Dumbfounded]: That's a doll of a videogame character. Angela: Play along! Joel: No way! Come on, Angela, give it up. I'm not going to stop being a perverted asshole on your account. Angela [Sobbing a bit]: Oh, Joel. Just because I'm popular, witty, and loved by hundreds doesn't mean that I can take your meanness every day. Joel [Exasperated]: Angela, you're not popular! Get it through your head! Angela [Angry]: Oh, what do you know? You're such a klutzy moron! [Sobbing some more] Oh, why me? Joel: *sigh* Fine, Angela. I won't insult your breast size anymore. Angela: Really? Joel: Scout's honor. Angela: YIPEE! [Runs off] Joel: Well, I suppose it's worth it to see her happy. [Pause] Joel: Uh, a little help for the smore, please? Somebody? Ying? Jim? [Mad Lights flash] Joel: Oh, perfect. Whaddya think, sirs? [Room 209] Mr. Nelson [Still kind of misty]: That's good, Gentes, good. Mr. Meyer: Well, until next week Joel? [3rd Floor; Joel is trying like crazy to get out of the smore; Ying enters] Ying: Oh, my marshmallows! Joel: Ying! Help me out! Ying [Heading to the smore]: Mmmm... marshmallows... Joel: Ah.. AHHHHH! [Jim enters to see Ying eating around Joel, who has passed out again.] Jim [Sarcastic]: Oh, the horrors, oh the smores... Ying: Yummy! [Room 209] Mr. Nelson: Right. Well, until next week, boobies! We'll be S.I.ing you! Mr. Meyer + Mr. Nelson: MWA HA HA HA HA HA! BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP [Voice over] Mr. Meyer: I think we really bonded today, Dave! Mr. Nelson: DON'T CALL ME DAVE!Credits Chronology: MYSTERY SCHOOL THEATER 4K: SEASON ZERO (2001-2002) I001: "Anime Biology" by Vejitto (Anime, prose) I002: "Deserted" by RJ (Ranma 1/2) I003: "Between Sleep and Awareness" by Noriko Hirano (Ranma 1/2) I004: "Know Your Enemy" by Anonymous (Rant) I005: "18 Year Reunion" by Chris Vegvary (Ranma 1/2) I006: "The New Age Conspiracy: Discoveries in Prophecy Lecture #7" by Mark Finley (Rant) I007: "Chat with Bryan Fuller! Part I." a chat transcript (Voyager, DS9) I008: "Chat with Bryan Fuller! Part II." a chat transcript (Voyager, DS9) I009: "Music" by Kacie Boskey (Rugrats) I010: "25% Off Pooh Keyboard!" and "It's Never to Late for 'Breakfast'" by XOOM.com and Whitney Matheson (Add, Prose) I011: "The Closet" by David B. Swanton (Ranma 1/2) I012: "Vincent Shepard: On an Expedition to Egypt" by Tibor (Indiana Jones) I013: "Your own website in minutes!" and "Please, make the flashing lights stop" by XOOM.com and Whitney Matheson (Spam, Prose) I014: "Queen for a day dream" by Bob Herguth (Prose) I015: "Ranma: Lullaby" and "It's got to be real - or sorta real, anyway" by Richard Marshall and Whitney Matheson (Ranma 1/2, Prose) I016: "Rugrats in Paris Preview" and "The Trial" by Mark Wroniak (Add, Rugrats) Coming Soon: I017: "Ranma 1/2: Hot Limit: Chapter 1" by Kain (SI, Ranma 1/2) I018: "Ranma 1/2: Hot Limit: Chapter 2" by Kain (SI, Ranma 1/2) I019: "Ranma 1/2: Hot Limit: Chapter 3" by Kain (SI, Ranma 1/2) I020: "Hard to Handle" by Chris Vegvary (Ranma 1/2) I021: "Sanctuary" story by Gabe Essoe & Kelley Miles, teleplay by Frederick Rappaport (DS9) > I did it! I > did it! I DID IT! > Didi: ANGELICA! > Angelica: Oops. I didn't do it! I didn't do it! **- Ferret Man is a super hero created by me, Darth Kirby. He has a long and faithful lineage tracing back to Jerry Lewis, and then jumping to Michael Richards, and a couple of Canadian bureaucrats along the way. The current Ferret Man is Sam Malcolm, who has a faithful sidekick in Captain Obvious, also known as Mark Williams, who has no power other than the ability to point out the obvious. They regularly face off against such nemesis as The Speller, The Curly Terror, The Curly Horror, Mole Man, and Team Antimole. It's really weird; I suggest you send me hundreds of dollars in order to learn more. Darth Kirby Hero of Time * Obsessed Pervert "I tried reading The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but I couldn't get through it. It's so melodramatic, and his heroines are so two-dimensional." -Dax, "For the Uniform"Rugrats in Paris Preview and The Trial
Original Story by Mark Wroniak MiSTing by Danny Available at http://www.angelfire.com/ak/captainoftheexplorer/mst4k.html Send me feedback at 'dannystar@switchboardmail.com' Visual Effects by ILM, Ranma jokes courtesy Acme Comics, and Pokémon/Sailor Moon info courtesy Kurt Joel Gentes... Joel Ying... Patrick Jim Carrey... Danny Mr. Nelson ... TV's Bob Mr. Meyer... Fran Angela Hevrin... Angela Mystery School Theater Love Theme By Danny and PatrickThanks to anyone who enjoyed this. Keep posting the fics!