Music Original Rugrats Fanfic By Kacie Boskey Misting By Darth KirbyEpisode #I009
* Legal Stuff * Rugrats belongs to Paramount or Nickelodeon or whoever else cares to have em'. Please, keep them away from me. MST3k, BBI, and several strange jokes are copyrighted to Best Brains, Inc. I miss MST3k, but, hey, I'd like some episodes! Anybody got "Warrior of the Lost World"? :-) MST4k belongs to Darth Kirby. He is weird. That is all. * Author's Notes * *random anecdotes* Remember- This is brought to you by the breast council. Buy breasts wherever they are sold! * Turn Down the Lights * (And enter the land of imagination...) In the not too distant future, 2001 AD, There was a guy named Joel, Sappy as he could be! He went to school at Normal West, Always working real hard to try his best But, in class, he used to snore! So his teachers put him up on the third floor! (Joel: Poopie...) "We'll send him crappy fanfics, "The worst we can find. (La la la) "He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind!" (La la la) Now keep in mind Joel can't control where the fanfics begin or end! He'll have to keep his sanity with the help of his robot friends! (Robot Roll Call) Cambot! (Sounds Sweedish) Angela! (I'll get you my pretty!) Jim Carrey! (I'm still not sensing danger!) Yiiiiiiiing! (Your weapons have no effect on me!!!) If you're wondering how he eats and pleads, And other science facts! Just repeat to yourself it's just a fic, And you should really just relax! For Mystery School Theater 4000! (twang) [The 3rd Floor: Jim and Joel are playing a game of four person speed chess. They run back and forth, moving pieces. Joel hardly acknowledges Cambot as he runs back and forth. ] Joel: Oh, hi everyone! Welcome to the 3rd Floor of Normal West High School- Jim! You can't move your bishop there! Jim: Got your queen! Joel: Crap! [They continue to run back and forth; Ying pops up in the foreground] Ying: Hi. Joel and Jim are kind of busy right now, so I guess I'll just introduce the show to ya. I'm Ying, the lovable sock puppet. Joel is our resident perverted human, and Jim is the local cardboard cutout of... well, Jim Carrey. We're all trapped up here on the 3rd Floor of Normal West High School against our will by the evil Mr. Nelson and his bumbling companion, Mr. Meyer. Recently, we were also given a girl, Angela, to clean up after us after our invisible friend Gypsy was killed by The Dominion. Angela is, needless to say, a snot who hates anything that isn't designer. [Angela enters] Angela: Amen to that. Perverts, all of you. Joel: At least we have common sense. Angela: Just because I'd rather be cool than a loser trapped reading bad fanfics doesn't mean that I don't have common sense. Joel: As opposed to being a snot, who *thought* this was an extracurricular activity, who is trapped with a guy reading bad fanfics? Angela: I just want to go to a good college! Joel: I just want to be myself! Angela: Perv! Joel: Jerk! Angela: Loser! Joel: Moron! Jim: Checkmate. Angela: Fool! Joel: Creep! Angela: Idiot! Joel: Molly-polly-prissy-pants! Angela: WHY YOU--! ARGH! [She runs off; the Mad lights begin to flash] Jim: I win. Ying: I think it's love. Joel: Shut up. Teegra and Lorn are calling. What do you want, sirs? [Room 209: Mr. Meyer is there, but there is no sign of Mr. Nelson: he's wearing a pink bunny suit] Mr. Meyer: Greetings Rocky, Bullwinkle, Boris. I was just watching "Jade" with David Caruso. It made me happy. I feel like a bunny. [3rd Floor: Jim is wearing a bunny suit, too] Joel: Look what stupid movies can do to stupid people. This just furthers my point that bad movies can warp you on a level that no other thing imaginable can touch. Jim: Like "Eighteen Year Reunion." I was just thinking about that again, and it made me happy. I feel like a bunny. Joel: Uh... yeah. Ying: Where do we have all these bunny suits at? Joel: *snort* Ask Angela. She's the only one here who should really have one- [Joel is hit by a brick from off screen. He hits the floor] Ying: We *really* need to learn when to shut up. Jim: Mr. Meyer! Where's Mr. Nelson? [Room 209] Mr. Meyer: He's off trying to find a copy of "Virtuosity". Something about "pushing me over the edge"... anyway, your fic this week is "Music" by Kacie Boskey, a cheery little Rugrats fic with a lot of badly transcribed music. Oh, the irony... Rugrats. Hm. I wonder how I'd look in diapers... [3rd Floor] Joel: So. . . do you guys like Rugrats? Jim: No. Ying: Uh. . . no. [Awkward pause] Jim: Do you? Joel: No. No, I don't. [They're all relieved] Ying: Thank goodness. Jim: No out-of-the-blue character changes this week! Joel: But I am a cross dresser. . . [Pause] Joel: Just kidding. [Fanfic sign begins to flash] Jim + Ying: JOEL! Joel: Ahhh! We've got fanfic sign! [Cambot and the gang enters the elevator and it goes up a floor.] * DING * {Fourth floor, bad fanfics galore!} Ying: You're such a jerk sometimes... > Music Joel [Condescending old person]: Oh, young kids these days with their "hip-hop" and their "boogie-woogie" and their "protected sex"... Jim: Hold it there, old man. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Contributed and compiled by Kacie Boskey. Ying: Cool! KB's, where the kids wanna be! [Jim + Joel shrink away] > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Jim: If it only were a knife, and if only I could plunge it into Susan Saunder's heart... Joel: What a dream... > > (Tommy and his friends listen to the radio.) Joel [Radio]: I want your sex pootie! Sex pootie! Sex pootie! Sex pootie! > > Lil: I really like it when your grandpa listens to his talky-music box. Jim: I don't like when he takes me to his bedroom-- Joel: Okay, *that's* crossing the line!!! Jim: Why? All old people's rooms smell funny! Ying: Stuff it, Heckle and Jeckle. Let's keep it clean for once. > > Phil: Yeah, 'cause then I get to sing. La,la,la,la,la! Joel: Phil's become Pee-Wee Herman! > > Lil: I like to dance on my toes. Ying: Better than dancing on Phil's toes... > > (Lil starts dancing, but falls down.) Jim: Must have the Black Plague. > > Tommy: I just like to rock like my mommy does Joel: But, Tommy, Mommy don't dance, and Daddy don't rock n' roll!! > when we were in > her rocking chair. What do you like to do, Chuckie? Jim [Chuckie]: Well, one time, at band camp, I took a flute and stuck it in my--- Ying: I thought we agreed to no sick stuff! Jim: It was too good to pass up! > > Chuckie: (Stammers) Well, sometimes I like to close my eyes, Joel [Chuckie]: And imagine myself at a Barbara Streisand concert... > then I listen to the words and 'magine a whole story. Ying [Chuckie]: A story about a man... a man named Brady... > > (Chuckie giggles.) Jim [Chuckie]: Sorry. Just remembered a line from _Dr. Strangelove_. > > Phil: Hey! I do that, too. > Joel: Giggle??? I hope so! > Chuckie: You do? > > Lil: Yeah, like a picture book. Ying: Yeah, like _Curious George and the Zombie Nightmare_. > > Phil: Exactly! Well, excepts it's got no pages a-a-and it's not > really there. Jim [Phil]: Just like the sequel of _To Kill a Mockingbird_!! > > Tommy: I guess we all do that. Joel [Tommy]: It must be something in the bong. > (looks at Dil) Do you think Dil > Imagines a story when he listens to the words? Ying: Probably involves a lot of clean diapers and Tiffany Amber-Theissen. > > Chuckie: I don't think so Tommy. I-I mean Dil's nice and > everything, but Jim: He's not my type. > when we were teaching him how to color, all he > did was eat the crayons. Ying [Chuckie]: And while we were eating the lead paint chips, all he did was nap and make baby gasses. > > (Phil gasps and hides a crayon he was about to eat.) Joel: He shouldn't have hidden it up his nose. > > Tommy: Yeah, but maybe he could still 'magine a story. Ying: Maybe he could be UNDER PARENTAL SUPERVISION. How old *is* he, anyway? Two months? Three? And they're leaving him with these bozos?? > Right, > Dilly? You can 'magine stuff when you listen to the music, can't > you? Music? Jim: You know? Music? This fic? Hint hint? > > (Tommy point to the radio. Dil mimics him.) Jim: Tommy point? Shouldn't it be 'Tommy points'? Joel: No, she means 'Tommy point' as in 'Tommy. Poit!'. Ying: But then that makes no sense. Joel: So? Ying: Point taken. Joel: You mean 'Poit! Taken!'. Ying: Shaddup... > > Dil: Diapee! Jim [Dil w/ British accent]: Actually, old chaps, I do often imagine various ways to travel beyond time and space while listening to this music stuff, old chap. > > (Dil points to grandpa and mimics his snoring.) > Joel: Wow, what a coincidence. That's what *we're* doing, too! Jim + Ying: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... > Phil: Well, I don't know about the music, but I guess he likes your > grandpa singing. > Ying: If they think snoring is 'music', no wonder Britney Spears is so successful. > (Previous song on radio ends.) Jim: Wouldn't it sound better if she said "Song on radio ends"? > > Disc Jockey: (on radio) That was Come Home, Tom Bailey, and I'm sure he will. Ying: Before that was 'Stay Where You Are, Tom Bailey' and 'Don't You Dare Come Back, I Have a Restraining Order, Tom Bailey'. Jim: Fun. > And > now here's a ditty some of our listeners danced to from the turn > of the century -- Jim [Jockey]: "All-Star" by Smash Mouth. Ha ha! > Bicycle Built For Two. > > Lil: Hey, this is my favoritest song! > > Phil: Nah uh! It's my favoritest song. Joel [Lil]: Brave words. I've heard them before. From thousands of species from thousands of worlds... > > Lil: Is not, Phillip! > > Phil: Is so, Lillian! Ying [Joel Robinson]: Sirs, don't you know that when you kill each other, the only people you're hurting are yourselves? > > Lil: Well, I'm gonna show Dil what the song's about 'cause it's > my favoritest song! > Jim [Lil]: I'm gonna do it like they do it on the discovery channel! > Phil: No! I am 'cause it's my favoritest song! > > (A scene appears: Phil and Lil's house. Phil snatches a trike from > Howard.) Jim [to Joel]: Howard? Joel: You know. The duck. Jim: Ugh. > > (Phil & Lil sing to tune of Bicycle Built For Two:) Ying: Wow. This certainly conveys the imagery I'm sure she's trying to demonstrate. > > Phil: Lillian, Lillian. What are you trying to do? Joel: Lillian, Lillian, Lillian Jigs, it looks like your rooms been lived in by pigs! Jim + Ying: Ole! > > You're so dumb if you think that this trike's for you. > > (Phil stops the trike) Ying: The trike stops here! > > Lil: I told you it's mine already. But you can have our teddy. Joel [Phil]: I dunno Lil, I think you'd look better in it-- Ying: Okay, Joel. No Ranma for a week. Joel: You don't have that authority! Ying: That's what they all say, but they'll pay! Oh yes, they will! > > (Lil hands Phil the teddy. He throws it aside.) Joel: That saves us a brief examination of his sexuality. Ying: JOEL! Joel: What?!? That didn't imply anything! Ying: I'll bet... > > Both: We'll look neat upon the seat of a trike that is not for > you! > Ying: Phil and Lil played by Adam Sandler and Chris Rock, everybody! > Phil: Hey! > > (Both start to fight over the trike.) Jim: *cough* Adjectives!! *cough* *hack* > > Lil: Phillip, Phillip! What are we going to do? Ying [singing]: I suppose I could let you be mauled by Winnie the Pooh! > > I don't wanna go on this trike with you. Jim: Must be Jesse Ventura. > > Phil: We could just try to share it. > > Both: Nah! Joel: This is so tantalizing... what with the imagery and repetitive fighting and all. > > Phil: Or maybe our mom can tear it. Jim [Lil]: Or maybe you're just full of it... > > (Start to ride two trikes around their mom (Betty, in a welder's > outfit with a blow torch Ying: So *Veronica* got Archie... > ) and the yard.) > > Both: We will look neat upon the seat of a trikes that are not for > you! Jim: Yes, kids, don't share! Just have your parents buy you another one! It's the American way! > > Phil: I said ...... Joel: Yes, that *is* my final answer! > > Both: Not.....for....you! Jim [Anchorman]: The bodies of two young identical twins were found today mangled under a tricycle built for two... according to one Tommy Pickles, 'They just couldn't share.' > > (Song ends. Grandpa comes in and looks at his watch.) Jim: But I thought he was snoring right across the room! Joel [Grandpa]: Let's see, what time is it... *beep* D'oh! > > Grandpa: 2:00? I'm missin' my favorite medical show. Ying [Grandpa]: Another episode of "Old People Die Theater." > And just when > they're about to cover insomnia. Joel: Oh, the irony. I hope Grandpa learns a valuable life lesson from this. Hopefully from death. > > (Unplugs the radio and carries it to his room.) Ying [Grandpa]: Time to dump this in the bathtub! Come on, kids! Joel: Ouch. Dark. > > Lil: Ahh, your grandpa's taking the talky-music box away. Jim [Lil]: At least he left the .45 Caliber in an easily accessible place! Bang! Bang! Ying: Oh, and *I'm* dark... Jim: And the NRA will say it's the baby's fault for being so young... > > Tommy: Well, Dil's not paying attention to music, anyway. Joel [Tommy]: Ever since Grandpa put in the unrated version of _American Pie_... > > Chuckie: Maybe he just needs a song that's about something he > knows. Ying: Yeah, Jim. How many songs you know about bodily excretions? Jim: A couple-- Hey! > > Phil: Like what, Chuckie? Joel [Phil]: What are you doing, Chuckie? Chuckie, put down the scissors! AHHHHH!! Jim: That's 'Chucky', not 'Chuckie'. Ying: What kind of parent would name their kid Chuckie anyway? > > (Chuckie pulls out a birthday card.) Joel: Eww... I wonder where that was hidden... > > Chuckie: Like this. > > Tommy: Ahh, Chuckie, that's just a birthday card. > > Chuckie: It's not a regular birthday card. Joel [Chuckie]: It can do magic things! > This is the specialest > birthday card I ever got. My daddy gave it to me and it plays our > favoritest song. Ying: So they have birthday cards that play Boy George, huh? > > (Chuckie opens the card; the card starts playing the music of Pack > Up Tour Troubles. All: [Chuckle] Jim: What? No "Happy Birthday"? > Chuckie hands it to Dil.) > > Chuckie: He'll understand this song. It's about putting away your > troubles so you can be happy. > > Tommy: Mmm, I'm not sure if he knows what troubles are. Ying: Nobody knows the troubles Dil's seen... > > Chuckie: Sure, he does. Every kid's got troubles. Joel: Every kid's got troubles... [puts on plastic gloves] If not, I'll make some... Jim: Perfect. > > (Dil starts chewing on Chuckie's card. Lil notices this.) Ying: And everyone else is...? > > Lil: I think he likes it, Chuckie. Joel: He likes it! He really likes it! > > (Lil points at Dil.) Jim [Lil]: Admit it! Admit you're a Commie! > > Chuckie: (gasps) It's not for eating, Dil.(Chuckie grabs the card > from Dil.) Ying: What's this? Tickets for an airplane? Ain't you got time to take a fast train? > I guess he needs me to sing the words. > > (Chuckie's room appears. Most things appear larger or smaller than > real life. Joel [Chuckie]: Did that have to shrink more than everything else? Ying: Shove it, Gentes. > Chuckie puts away a giant teddy bear and closes drawers.) Ying [Mary Poppins]: Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down... > > (Chuckie sings Pack Up Your Troubles:) > > Chuckie: Pack up your troubles in your old kid bag and > smile,smile,smile! Ying: Cuz you'd have to be high,high,high, to enjoy,enjoy,enjoy this crap,crap,crap! Joel: Calm down. We've read worse. > > (Grandpa's teeth, a frog, and a spider appear.) Jim: Quackerjack, Frogman, and John Goodman are attacking Chuckie! > > Eww! Yuck! Blah! Ahh! Ying: Exactly the audience's reaction to Wild Wild West 2. > > Scoop up the scary things that make you sad and put 'em in a pile. Jim: Ugh... I don't want to think about Rush Limbaugh, Jerry Fallwell, and Tim Reed in a pile together... > > (Drops them in a kit bag. A scary dog pops out. Ying: Brain! No! > Chuckie lifts his > shovel. The dogs whimpers and pops back in. Jim: Threatening violence towards animals *is* fun, isn't it? > Aunt Miriam appears out > of the closet.) Joel: Watch out Chuckie, she's coming out of the closet! > > (spoken) Hi, Aunt Miriam! Ying [Aunt Miriam]: Chuckie, I'd like you to consider the church of Scientology! > > (Aunt Miriam hugs & kisses Chuckie; Chuckie tosses Aunt Miriam > into the bag.) Joel: *I'm* in the bag, Ross... > > Oh, no! Ahh! This stuff's never gonna fit! > Jim: Well then, maybe you shouldn't be so greedy and try to learn a lesson about friendship and giving... > (Mr. Friend walks out of the closet.) Joel: And he's off the ramp... > > (Chuckie screams and throws Mr. Friend into the bag.) Ying: Wow. Mr. Friend doesn't sound very friendly. > > (back to singing) Everybody gets "ascared" sometimes, Joel: Everybody gets a little homicidal sometimes... now, where do they make this show, again? > > (Chuckie puts his potty and a dust bunny into the bag.) Joel: Okay, this fic is just daring us to read on... Jim: But I thought the bag was full... > > only at a while. > > (Chazz enters with another kit bag.) Ying: Chazz? Like the stuff you put on pizzas? Joel: That's cheese. Ying: So his name is Cheese? Joel: No- oh, stop it. > > (spoken) Come on, dad! Jim [Chuckie]: Dad! Stop nailing that intern! Ying: Stop it, or I'll take all your Renee Zelwigger pictures! Jim: You wouldn't! Ying: I would. Jim: Fine... > > (Chuckie giggles; he throws his kit bag into a garbage truck.) Jim [Chazz]: Chuckie, no! Those are your pleasures! Joel [Chuckie]: Oops. > > (sings) So, pack up your troubles in your old kid bag and > smile,smile,smile, oh yeah! Smile, smile.... Ying: What's a 'kid' bag, anyway? Joel [Chuckie]: Smile,smile,smile cuz' I'm senile,senile,senile! > > (Scene breaks like glass when Angelica barges in) Ying: Ohh.. good cut. Like "Frame of Mind." > > Angelica: What are you yelling about, Finster?! Jim: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? > > Chuckie: Uh, I was singing to Dil. Joel: I was singing him a love sonnet. . . > > Tommy: We're trying to show Dil about music, Angelica. Jim: The audience is trying to maintain conciousness, Angelica. > > Lil: Yeah, we wanna see if he can make up pictures in his head > and make-believe it. Joel [Lil]: And we wanna see if we can make him Hitler's clone! > > Angelica: Well, how do you 'spect him to do that if he has to > listen to Finster's dumb song?You gotta sing a song about > stuff he likes like candy or cookies or toys. Joel: Hey! I like candy! > > Chuckie: I don't think I know a song like that. Jim: That just means you aren't the devil, Chuckie. Ying: So that narrows it down to Tommy, Phil, Lil, or Dil, right? Joel: My money's on Tommy. > > Angelica: That's why you babies are lucky to have me around. Joel: Ah, Angelica is the Joe Estevez of her time. > > (Angelica displays a tape player) Jim [Angelica]: I'm putting this in the Smithsonian. > > Angelica: Babies and gentlemen, interducing the 'mazin' Angelica > Pickles! Ying: Babies and gentlemen, introducing intentionally bad spelling errors! > > (Angelica turns on the tape player.) Joel: And, due to faulty wiring, is blown to several hundred pieces. > > (A palace with toys appears.) Ying: Hm. The kids section at Cornerstore Video. > > (Angelica sings her version of Toyland:) > > Angelica: Toyland! Toyland! Get out of my way in Toyland. > > (Angelica snatches a teddy bear from a girl.) > > While you're in my toyland, keep your fingers off, it's mine. Joel: Ugh. Angelica is yet another sign of the devil's domination of the world. Jim: Matt will be most pleased. > > Toyland! Toyland! I'm never bored of Toyland. All: We are! > > While you're in my toyland, you gotta give me all your toys! Joel: SO... uh. Anybody got any games to play? > > (Angelica grabs more toys away.) Joel: Racko? Uh... poker? "Hard Battle"? Ying: Joel, we're trying to ignore the little bitch on the screen right now. Please shut up and close your eyes. > > Toyland! Toyland! I'm in charge of Toyland. > > It's not little girl or boy land. I'm the princess of the place! Jim: Angelica is the equivalent of an eviler Lwaxana Troi! Joel: The horror, the horror... > > (Phil and Lil give presents to Angelica.) Ying: Come on, explosive boxes... > > Toyland! Toyland! Dumb babies can't go to Toyland. Joel: Dumb broads oughta be shot in Toyland... > > (Angelica grabs toys away from Tommy and Chuckie.) > > It's only for the mostest beautiful girl in the world. Joel: I don't see Natalie Portman anywhere. [Jim + Ying shrink away] > (Sighing) > Ah, yes! > > (Song ends. Angelica is seen with a bunch of toys.) Jim: This song has been brought to you by the Kingdom of Darkness. Buy evil wherever it is sold. > > Tommy: Do you like that song, Dilly? Joel: Well, do ya, punk? > > (Dil looks at his rattle.) > > Phil: Hey! He's thinkin' about it! > > Angelica: Told ya! Jim [Angelica]: Evil can open a world of possibilities! > > (Walks toward Dil. Dil throws his rattle at her, smacking her on > the head.) Joel: Excellent, Dil. Get the rest of them so the fic can end! > > Angelica: Ow! > > Dil: Yucky! > > (Dil giggles.) Jim: Dil just needs a killer toy monkey with cymbals and it'll be a fun filled family romp. > > Lil: I don't think he liked your song very much, Angelica. > > Angelica: Well, you can't except a dumb,dinky baby that just > burps and drools to know anything about music. Jim [Angelica]: Me and my homies are gonna go kill whitey. See ya, babies! > > Tommy: That's not true, Angelica! He may be kinda yucky and he > does sorta drool a lot. But, he can do lots of neat stuff,too. Ying [Tommy]: He writes for Star Trek: Voyager. > Well, I'll bet he didn't like those songs 'cause, (stammers) > 'cause they're not about him. And I got the perfect song to prove > it. Jim [Tommy]: It's called 'Deep Frying Dil'. > > (Tommy grabs a music box, sets it down in front of Dil, and opens > it. It starts playing music.) Joel [Music box]: I did it all for the nookie! [Yeah!] The nookie! [Yeah!] Ying: That's pretty sad, Joel. > > (A stage at a lounge appears with "Ruggettes" banner. Tommy and > his friends appear on the stage.) Ying: Oh, it hurts! It hurts! Jim: We... must survive! > > (Tommy, Chuckie, Phil & Lil sing. Tommy is lead; Chuckie, Phil & > Lil are backup.) Jim: Joel, was this fic created with the sole purpose to hurt us? Joel: Just close your eyes and whimper. It'll go faster. > > Tommy: You make me like you if you knew I was gonna... I was gonna. > > You make me hug you even and I didn't really wanna cause you ate > a nanna. > Joel: Ying? Ying: Go ahead. I don't think there's anyway to hurt this fic as much as it's hurt us. Joel: I bet I know what Angelica was gonna do with that bananna... > Sometimes you make me happy, sometimes you make me sad. Joel: Sometimes you give me crabs... > > And sometimes, Dilly, you make me really mad! Jim: Sometimes you make me wanna castrate you... > > (Dil drops a bowl of baby food on Tommy's head.) > > But even when you gots a stinky diapee, Ying [Singing to the tune of "I Love You"]: Because I want to kill you! Because I... want... to kill you! 'ou! Boop boop-e do! > > (The backup appear in back of Dil, plugging their noses as if > something stinks.) Jim: Oh ho ho... what vibrant imagery! > > you're still a little brother that I care for. Joel: This is an unabashed overcharacterized pointless exercise in idiocy! Jim: Uh... so? Joel: Just noticing.... > > I guess you make me love you! Ooh-hoo! > > (Dil and Tommy hug; song ends.) Ying: All it needed was Robin Williams and we would be horrified beyond belief. Jim [singing]: Blame Canada! Blame Canada! > > (All babies gasp and look at Angelica, who was yawning. Tommy's > angry. Dil starts moving around.) Joel: Accounts were sketchy from that point on, but the sounds of gunshots were heard. The Boulder Police were called in, but Angelica's murder remains unsolved. > > Chuckie: Tommy, look. I think he's doin' it. I think he's imaginin' > something. Joel [Dil w/ English accent]: Oh... Kathy Ireland... > > (Dil grunts and sighs afterwards and giggles.) > > Tommy: Oh, I think he's doin' something else. Jim [Tommy]: I thought he was special. I thought he should know. But I've run out of comments. I've run out of patience. I'm tired of the violence. I couldn't care less. > > Phil: (Catching Dil's stench) Whoa! Tommy's right. > Jim: This fic captures the essence and hilarity of the TV show perfectly, I'm afraid to say. > Angelica: Told ya that little blob'll never 'preciate music. Ying: He'll only try to destroy New York. > (Shouts) Aunt Didi! We gotta stinky baby in here! All: We've got stinky baby sign! AHHHH! > > (Didi comes into the room) > > Didi: Whoa! I guess someone does need a diaper change. Come on, > sweetie. > Ying: He's not sweet, he's dill. Jim: Low, Ying, really low. Ying: What?? > (Didi picks up Dil.) > Jim [Didi]: Kick the baby! > Now how did you babies get this? > Joel [Tommy]: In the LA Riots, where else? > (Picks up the music box and puts it back up. Didi goes to Tommy > and Dil's room to change Dil's diaper.) > > Angelica: Yep. Just another dumb baby hoggin' up the air from us > smart kids. Joel: Smart kids? There are smart kids in this fic? > Ha! And they thought he could 'magine stuff in that > little jelly-bean shaped head of his. Ying [Angelica]: That round... chewy... jelly-bean head... mm... Jim [Tommy]: Angelica's eating Dil! > > (Angelica leaves.) Jim: Thank God for small favors... > > Tommy: I guess Angelica's right. Dil just can't 'magine music > stories like we do. Joel: Tommy, embarrassed and defeated was forced out of his house and is now wandering the downtown LA area, begging for quarters from Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny. > > (Tommy & Dil's room appears. Ying: Presto chango, out of thin air! > Didi has just finished changing Dil's > diaper.) > > Didi: There. Isn't that better? > > (She touches his nose. Dil giggles.) Ying [Dil]: Ha ha! Wait till you see what's on your finger NOW! > > Would you like to rock with mommy for a little while? Joel [Didi]: Just plug in your guitar and we'll take it home... > > (Didi starts to rock in rocking chair and sings Beautiful Dreamer; Jim: Jack Nicholson *is* Didi Pickles in "Bat Music"! > this is sung "a capella" (without music):) Joel: Hm. Reminds me of "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" Ying: Oh. An educational show! How thoughtful! > > Didi: Beautiful Dreamer, wake onto me. > > Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee. Jim: Weighing the tops of green trees... falling down and breaking your knees... > > (Close-up of Dil & Didi; the background changes color.) All: The 'shrooms! 'Shrooms!!! > > Sounds of the roodwore are heard in the day. Joel: Road-whore??? > > Love by the moonlight have all passed away. Jim: I knew Sarena and Darien weren't meant to be. > > (Dil grows sleepy; we see Didi from Dil's point of view.) > > Gone are the cares of life's busy throng. Joel: Beats life's busy thong. Ying: Ew. > > (Dil closes his eyes and starts to imagine bands of color.) Jim [Dil]: Look, there's the Jackson 5.... and Kid n' Play... > > Beautiful Dreamer, wake onto me; > Joel: Ewww... not 'on top' of me! > (Bands of color combine to form a squiggly picture of Tommy's head.) Jim: Aww... hallucinogenic dreams are so cute... Joel: Good thing he hates his mother and his father. Now he can go straight for the main character. > > Beautiful Dreamer, wake onto me. Ying: And yet another good song defiled. Jim: Another? Ying: Well... one song. Jim: That's better. > > The End Joel: Thank heavens! Jim: Okay-- better or worse than "18 Year Reunion"? Ying: Better, I'm afraid. "18 Year Reunion" defiled a great franchise... this is exactly like every single Rugrats episode. Bland, stupid, and immoral. Joel: I agree. Jim: I still hope we don't ever have to read one of these again... > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Compilation ©1999 Kacie Boskey. Jim: Available now from Columbia Records. > Quotes ©1999 Viacom. Ying: Hm. So I guess the SONGS don't belong to anyone? Jim: Hey! These were copyrighted years ago. I guess they're free. > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Back To Main Transcript Page Back to Main Rugrats Page Joel: Back to the beach. Jim: Back to school. Ying: Back to back. > > ------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Let's go. Ying: I'm disgusted. Jim: Geez. How annoying can you get??? [Exit] * DING! * {Third floor, it smells!} [Joel, Jim, and Ying are all standing there, slightly shaking their heads] Jim: Let me get this straight... Rugrats: The Movie is the *only* non- Disney movie to ever make above $100 million dollars in the United States. And it had these exact same characters? Joel: Yes. Ying: These characters? Are you sure there wasn't a cast change at some point? Joel: Nope. These lovable little tykes blasted the records all by themselves. [Pause] Jim: How? WHY? Joel: I don't know! Ying: Don't these people how many good non-Disney animated films there are? Jim: Hundreds! Thousands! Joel: I know! I know! Just because the American public is populated by a bunch of ten year olds who somehow identify with this filth doesn't mean there aren't more deserving films. Jim: Yeah! Like "The Last Unicorn"! Ying: That never did get a fair shake. Jim: What about "The Iron Giant"? Ying: One of the best movies of '99. Jim: And... and "Fire and Ice"! Joel: Lotta action in that. Jim: And need we forget "Pokémon: The First Movie"! [Pause] Joel: Yes, I think we do need to forget that. . . Jim: But, still, why does America shy away from commercially sound movies that aren't full of musical numbers or cute little animals? Ying: I mean, if you look at other popular routes, Japan has one of the world's largest adult animation markets, producing blockbusters every year that fail here due to... what? Joel: I wish I knew. I suppose it could be America's large conservative base that refuses to let either cultural influence or new ideas have impact on what they perceive as "Walt's Grande Tradition." [Ying + Jim look at him, surprised] Joel: Or they could all just be idiots. [Ying + Jim are relieved] Ying: Yeah. Phew. Jim: Uh-huh. Worried us Joel. [Mad lights flash] Ying: They'll pay for this one. Joel: There, there. It's almost over. Until next week, sirs? [Room 209: Mr. Meyer is wearing a large diaper and Mr. Nelson is in a yellow Pikachu suit: they're fighting] Mr. Meyer: Waahhhh! Mr. Nelson: Pika! Mr. Meyer: Waahhhh! Mr. Nelson: Pika! [3rd Floor] Jim: Uh. . . Joel: Wow. I'll have to put a picture of this into my yearbook. Ying: Mr. Meyer's a chubby baby. [Room 209] Mr. Meyer: Waahhhh! Mr. Nelson: Pika! Mr. Meyer: Waahhhh! Mr. Nelson: Pika... CHU! Press the button, Tod. Mr. Meyer: Wahhh-- oh. Okay. BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPCredits Chronology: MYSTERY SCHOOL THEATER 4K: SEASON ZERO (2001-2002) I001: "Anime Biology" by Vejitto (Anime, prose) I002: "Deserted" by RJ (Ranma 1/2) I003: "Between Sleep and Awareness" by Noriko Hirano (Ranma 1/2) I004: "Know Your Enemy" by Anonymous (Rant) I005: "18 Year Reunion" by Chris Vegvary (Ranma 1/2) I006: "The New Age Conspiracy: Discoveries in Prophecy Lecture #7" by Mark Finley (Rant) I007: "Chat with Bryan Fuller! Part I." a chat transcript (Voyager, DS9) I008: "Chat with Bryan Fuller! Part II." a chat transcript (Voyager, DS9) I009: "Music" by Kacie Boskey (Rugrats) Coming Soon: I010: "25% Off Pooh Keyboard!" and "It's Never to Late for 'Breakfast'" by XOOM.com and Whitney Matheson (Add, Prose) I011: "The Closet" by David B. Swanton (Ranma 1/2) I020: "Hard to Handle" by Chris Vegvary (Ranma 1/2) I021: "Sanctuary" Story by Gabe Essoe & Kelley Miles, teleplay by Frederick Rappaport (DS9) > You make me hug you even and I didn't really wanna cause you ate > a nanna. b> Darth Kirby 3.2 "There are rules! Don't talk with your mouth full--don't open an airlock when there's somebody inside--and don't lie about your genetic status!" -Jack, "Statistical Probabilities" Original dialogue (story was revised post Misting): > Disc Jockey: (on radio) That was (???), and I'm sure he will. Ying: I'm not gonna ask. Joel: Remember, kids, don't let your characters ad lib lines in fanfics. It's the readers who pay.Music
Original Story by Kacie Boskey MiSTing by Danny Available at http://www.angelfire.com/ak/captainoftheexplorer/mst4k.html Visual Effects by ILM Ranma jokes courtesy Acme Comics Pokémon/Sailor Moon info courtesy Kurt Joel Gentes... Joel Ying... Patrick Jim Carrey... Danny Mr. Nelson ... TV's Bob Mr. Meyer... Fran Angela Hevrin... Angela Mystery School Theater Love Theme By Danny and PatrickThanks to anyone who enjoyed this. Keep posting the fics!