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Favorite/Funny Quotes

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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I need someone real bad...
Are you real bad?
.
Hard work has a future payoff.
Laziness pays off now.

Hang up and drive.

God must love stupid people...
He made SO many.

Your kid may be an Honor Student,
but YOU'RE still an idiot.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
(whatever the first one may be??)

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

I wasn't born a bitch.
Men like you made me this way.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

If you drink, don't park.
Accidents cause people.

If we are what we eat,
I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

"Lady Lemonade down on 'ol Moulin and Rouge, selling her stuff on the street....

The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door your on

One minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted

Some mistakes are just too much fun to make once

Adam's are BAD news

Thats right lady, you've got two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes

When life gives you lemons, Make Lemonade

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't be...

Just because a person grows older, it doesn't mean he necessarily grows up

What you hear never seems as exciting as what you overhear.

Don't worry about what people think of you, they seldom do.

The most welcome person is the one who knows when to leave.

No one has more ups and downs than the person in the end seat at the theater

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

Life is a tradegy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.

You'll never know all the answers because you will never be asked all the questions.